i have a question for you guys. as you know my mom has hepatitis c anc cirrhosis of the liver. it was a long bumpy road but i finally helped get her blood work levels where they are. i helped her get on a low red meat diet with low sodium and went to most of her doctor appointments(i couldnt go in during the summer cause my kid and she has no idea what her meema has) which made the doctor start caring more. well last night my mom told me that she has been getting pains in her liver and it is happening more frequently now. i am wondering if that means anything or if it is normal. we should get the results of her ct scan this week to see if her liver is getting worse or staying put or making sure there is no cancer(cross my fingers)
another question is she has been having weird dreams of people that have died, like a old family friend that died from cirrhosis and my uncle who died from hep. c and i told her it might be her subconscous dealing with her mortality but could it mean something. she says she feels like she has gotten worse but cant explain it and she says if she cant get treatment her doctor told her a year ago that she may not live but a year and half ago.
i freaked out yesterday cause i didnt hear from my mom in two days and i just realized that im afraid that one day she is gonna die and die alone. i ask myself why should i really care anyways she never was really there for me but i know deep down it is because i dont want her to die without knowing i love her. i want to tell her i forgive her for the drugs and alcohol that she did and not always being there for me growing up but im not sure if i really do yet(im getting there) and i am afraid of starting an argument. but do i tell her sometime so when she dies she goes with a clean slate or do i keep quiet and avoid the possible confrontation. (she is also bipolar which i think contributed to the alcohol and drugs cause she doesnt get medicated and hasnt been properly diagnosed but by a community service counselor.)
i feel so much for everyone here and i know you are going through so much more than i am since i am not the one who is sick but the family also goes through hell with this disease. i hate looking at my mom sometimes cause she looks like a 80 year old woman but she is 52.