pains in liver

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worriedgirl
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/22/2009 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
hi,
i have a question for you guys. as you know my mom has hepatitis c anc cirrhosis of the liver. it was a long bumpy road but i finally helped get her blood work levels where they are. i helped her get on a low red meat diet with low sodium and went to most of her doctor appointments(i couldnt go in during the summer cause my kid and she has no idea what her meema has) which made the doctor start caring more. well last night my mom told me that she has been getting pains in her liver and it is happening more frequently now. i am wondering if that means anything or if it is normal. we should get the results of her ct scan this week to see if her liver is getting worse or staying put or making sure there is no cancer(cross my fingers)
 
another question is she has been having weird dreams of people that have died, like a old family friend that died from cirrhosis and my uncle who died from hep. c and i told her it might be her subconscous dealing with her mortality but could it mean something. she says she feels like she has gotten worse but cant explain it and she says if she cant get treatment her doctor told her a year ago that she may not live but a year and half ago.
 
i freaked out yesterday cause i didnt hear from my mom in two days and i just realized that im afraid that one day she is gonna die and die alone. i ask myself why should i really care anyways she never was really there for me but i know deep down it is because i dont want her to die without knowing i love her. i want to tell her i forgive her for the drugs and alcohol that she did and not always being there for me growing up but im not sure if i really do yet(im getting there) and i am afraid of starting an argument. but do i tell her sometime so when she dies she goes with a clean slate or do i keep quiet and avoid the possible confrontation. (she is also bipolar which i think contributed to the alcohol and drugs cause she doesnt get medicated and hasnt been properly diagnosed but by a community service counselor.)
 
i feel so much for everyone here and i know you are going through so much more than i am since i am not the one who is sick but the family also goes through hell with this disease. i hate looking at my mom sometimes cause she looks like a 80 year old woman but she is 52. 

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/22/2009 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
and she has worked with a friend and now for no reason has at least five or six bruises each on her arms and legs.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/22/2009 11:11 PM (GMT -7)   
no it is been awhile since her draining, she hasnt needed one recently. is it right to want to let my mom die with a clean slate? does she deserve it with all that she has done to me? i suppose so if she is really trying. im really scared because she is dying and she is suffering and there is nothing i can do. i wouldnt wish this disease on anyone. in some ways i really feel like when one person has this disease the other family member has it to without the side effects. it is rough seeing someone you love go through this. sad thing is she cant get insurance, social security keeps turning her down and if she dont get a liver she is gonna die. the doctor told her a year and a half if the meds didnt work and she dont get a new liver. well the shot messed her whole body up and they had to discontinue and without insurance a liver is out of the question. i just want to take the pain away from her and i cant and that kills me. she used to walk miles and ride bikes all the time and now riding a bike takes all her energy away and it takes days to recover. i know my worries are small compared to hers and you guys since i am not inflicted with this disease

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/23/2009 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Your right. I don't want her to die and not let her know I love her. I did tell her I love her and that I didn't want her to die not knowing that I live her. She says she knows I do. So I am gonna work on the forgiveness and let her know that I forgive her for the drugs and alcohol. Thanks for replying. She has done a ton of stuff to hurt me, too much to put here but she has cleaned up alot, so I am gonna tell her that all is forgiven even if I haven't fully gotten there

drift
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/23/2009 10:37 PM (GMT -7)   
 i am stage two...hep c...37 years old.....pains on right side....lower back pain....can someone tell me what i can do or take to feel better....already took 42 weeks of treatment...over six months ago....it didn't take...see the liver dr again on the 27th  this month (august)...my geno type is 1a...started eating right....going to try liver flushing ....please give advice....i feel alone on this matter.... confused

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 8/24/2009 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Drift and welcome to HealingWell. Why don't you pose your question in the new topic area so everyone can see and read your post? You'll get more responses that way.
 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 8/24/2009 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi worriedgirl, I read your posts and I feel so bad for you in so many ways. But first, I think that the issue of forgiveness is uppermost in my mind right now. Rick is right....once your mom passes there isn't any opportunity to talk and work some issues out. Holding on to anger and resentment is more harmful for you then for anyone else. You know that what happened in the past is past. You can't change events and memories from your childhood and you certainly can't change someone elses behavior. What you can change is YOUR attitude. You sound like a very loving person with some very admirable traits. The enrgy you are using to hold all the resentment in is wasted energy. You have too much going for you to throw away any possible resolutions. If you and your mom can talk honestly with each other and you can tell her how hurt you have been it may surprise you with what can come of it. I know it is hard to do but I believe that you have the strength to discuss it with her. She may not say all the things you want to hear but at least you will be talking about it. In reality I don't think anyone has a child then decides they want to destroy their childs life as well as their own. It happens because of bad choices that grow and grow into an uncontrollable situation. I would be willing to bet that if she could go back in time knowing what she knows now she wouldn't make the same choices. Hind sight is always 20/20. You love her very much or you wouldn't do all that you do right? Let your love guide you not your resentment. Love is a very powerful emotion and truly can get us through some very difficult times. Unfortunately, it sounds like you and her will be faced with alot worse in the coming months. You have to let go of all those bad feelings in order to be there for her and to fully recover yourself. When she passes you will be able to look at yourself and know that you did all you could for her emotionally and physically. Love yourself first.....then and only then can you truly love someone else.
 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/24/2009 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   
yes i did have a lot of resentment towards her for a long time, but now i dont have the resentment nor the anger just the sadness. unfortunately i cant have that sort of relationship that yearned for with her but i am helping her all i can and paying for her meds and fighting for her soical security. yes i do love her very much. i have decided that i am gonna forgive her and i want her to die with a clean slate. that is a big step towards forgiveness. i plan on talking to my mom maybe on wednesday if i get to see her. thanks for all you guys have helped me with. it is a struggle seeing her suffer but in some ways this disease has brought us closer together, so i believe that maybe God has stepped in with this for me and her to see what we have been missing. now will i ever trust her like i should, no i wont. history has proven that if i put to much trust in her i get hurt but i do love her and i do cherish my memories with her.

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 8/24/2009 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   
worriedgirl, I can honestly say that I wouldn't trust her either if she were my mother. You are a good daughter and I can see that even though you endured alot of adversity you have overcome it all. Your heart is full of love for a woman who probably doesn't deserve it. But....those experiences have made you the wonderful person you are. You should be proud of yourself. It seems so odd sometimes that something good can come of something bad. Your strength and goodness will see you through.
 Shelly
 

“Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

 


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 8/25/2009 3:31 AM (GMT -7)   
it is odd isnt it. although this disease is horrible and i wish she didnt have it, the disease finally woke my mom up and she straightened up. i know in my heart if she wasnt sick she would still be out drinking and partying and i would be on a back burner. for years my hubby has told me that i should cut her off because of all the pain she has put me through, and believe me there is alot of pain and someday when i have more time i may post about it if you want to know, but i didnt i stuck by her just cutting back my visits. everyone tells me i am being a standup daughter but that they dont understand why i am doing what i am doing for a woman that wasnt there for me growing up. i do it because it is right. i do it because i know it could have been alot worse for me, cause even though she was a crack addict she wasnt as bad as some of the moms addicted to crack. i did it because i seen potential where no one else did and finally i did it because i know in my heart that if i was addicted to something i wouldnt want my kid to cut me off and give me up for lost.
 
yes i was angry at her for years for how she was but she was sick even before. she is bipolar but not properly diagnosed but a counselor did tell her she was bipolar. i know if bipolar is not treated then it can turn to drugs and alcohol. my grandpa was a alcoholic when my mom was growing up(he quit cold turkey when the doctor told him that either he had to quit drinking or my grandma was gonna have to leave him or she would die) and my grandma was sick while she was growing up so she didnt have alot of supervision so that played into it. My relationship with my mom is weird, instead of me being the kid and her the parent i feel like i am the parent and she is the kid. But the hep. c brought us closer together and in some ways i am thankful for that. i hate the disease but i am thankful for the positive it had brought. maybe i am just looking at the bright side of things and i dont know if that is right or wrong but thats who i am.
 
thanks again for everyone's support.
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