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Dog's Friend
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/9/2009 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Howdy, I've been lurking around here for a bit and finally decided to come out and introduce myself.

I found this forum when I was looking for information on end stage liver disease, and I like what I see. There seems to be a real nice community of caring individuals here.

My wife of 34 years is an alcoholic with esld. She has been drinking for over twenty years and it's a wonder she's still alive. It was determined during her most recent hospital stay, of which there have been many, that her MELD score is 32. This does not bode well for the future. She is not a good candidate for a liver transplant because she will not stop drinking alcohol for the six month minimum that she needs to be sober just to get on the transplant list. The doctors are also dubious that she would last that long even if she stopped drinking today.

Well, that's my story, and I'm glad to be here.

Thanks for listening.

-Dog's Friend

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 9/9/2009 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Dog's friend, thanks so much for posting and telling us about your situation.  I am really sorry that your wife has chosen to continue drinking.  Alcoholism is such a nasty disease and takes a sincere desire to quit drinking to be able to do it.  She is effectively signing her own death warrant.  I am so sorry.  If you need some support, you might try Al-Anon meetings, if you haven't already.

You are no longer "the new guy" or a stranger here.  You are among friends who are all in the same pickle, one way or another.

A big WELCOME to you!

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/10/2009 4:34 AM (GMT -7)   
i just want you to know i completely know what you are going through. i dont know my moms meld score but i will when i go to her doctors next but she has hep c and cirrhosis of the liver. on top of that she is an alcoholic and drug addict. at this point in time she is either hiding it really good or clean. i have told my mom if i catch her drinking i am done with her as i will not watch her die if she is gonna contribute to it. alcoholism even though i have dealt with it all my life from my mom is something i do not understand at all. why would you allow yourself to become so addicted that your kids and family are on the backburner. i, myself, dont think i have an addictive personality except to soda which i need to stop drinking lol but i guess that why i dont understand it. just wanted you to know that you have someone who understands you and if you need to talk i am here for you.
Dog's Friend said...
Howdy, I've been lurking around here for a bit and finally decided to come out and introduce myself.

I found this forum when I was looking for information on end stage liver disease, and I like what I see. There seems to be a real nice community of caring individuals here.

My wife of 34 years is an alcoholic with esld. She has been drinking for over twenty years and it's a wonder she's still alive. It was determined during her most recent hospital stay, of which there have been many, that her MELD score is 32. This does not bode well for the future. She is not a good candidate for a liver transplant because she will not stop drinking alcohol for the six month minimum that she needs to be sober just to get on the transplant list. The doctors are also dubious that she would last that long even if she stopped drinking today.

Well, that's my story, and I'm glad to be here.

Thanks for listening.

-Dog's Friend

The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 9/10/2009 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   

The Big Book says alcoholism is "cunning, baffling, and powerful."  It is all those things.  By its very nature, alcoholism and drug addiction completely gain control of the addict and are the only things that matter.  For that reason, quitting for good--breaking the addiction--requires a sincere desire and lots of help.  It usually doesn't happen until it becomes a life or death matter...and often not even then, as you know.  The negative aspects have to outweigh the positive in order for an addict to want to quit.  As long as something is being gained from it, they see no reason to quit.  With me, it stopped working to get me drunk or allow me to pass out.  I would drink and drink and get a terrible hangover, but could not get drunk or pass out.  That's when I decided it wasn't worth it.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/10/2009 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks hep93. im sorry if i offended anyone with my comment, that wasnt my intention at all. i just didnt understand it. i know just because they are a alcoholic doesnt mean they are a bad person, but i have always thought that if a person loved someone enough they wouldnt do what hurt the others. i have always felt that my mom doesnt love me the way that she should because she knows how much her drinking and drugs hurt me. i guess i am kind of messed up in my thinking. to me my grandpa quit cold turkey because he loved my grandma so much and the doctor  said if he didnt quit my grandma would die(she was a diabetic and the stress was killing her) and i always thought if he could do it then why couldnt she do it for me that he loved my gma enough but my mom doesnt love me enough. does that make sense.
hep93 said...

The Big Book says alcoholism is "cunning, baffling, and powerful."  It is all those things.  By its very nature, alcoholism and drug addiction completely gain control of the addict and are the only things that matter.  For that reason, quitting for good--breaking the addiction--requires a sincere desire and lots of help.  It usually doesn't happen until it becomes a life or death matter...and often not even then, as you know.  The negative aspects have to outweigh the positive in order for an addict to want to quit.  As long as something is being gained from it, they see no reason to quit.  With me, it stopped working to get me drunk or allow me to pass out.  I would drink and drink and get a terrible hangover, but could not get drunk or pass out.  That's when I decided it wasn't worth it.

Hugs,

Connie



The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


DGinSD
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 839
   Posted 9/10/2009 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Worriedgirl,

I am a closet insecure person (I don't let on to most people of the insecurities I have) so I can understand your reasoning.  I am not an alcoholic or addicted to anything (except chocolate cool   but not to the point where it controls me).  I'm on this group as I have Autoimmune Hepatitis.  I don't come from a family of addicts so on the personal level, I may not be qualified to say much...however, I used to work with substance abuse in the research setting and there is nothing you can do.  The addiction has nothing to do with you.  The addict is the one who is out of control.   It has absolutely nothing to do with how she feels about you.   She may have a deep desire to stop but she can't, she can't make it past the pain of withdrawal, the fear of what's on the other side not being addicted, I can only assume what goes through someone's head when they've had this one very big, very satisfying constant to even think of letting it go.  I do hope you can move away from a place where you see it as personal.  And that she can move to a place where she finally realizes that it will kill her...in, from what I have learned from this site, an unpleasant and scary way.

Hugs to you and Dog's Friend (I hope your wife comes to realize what she needs to do),


Dany
 
Diagnosed with AIH January 2007,
CMV (cytomegalovirus) June 2008
meds: Azathioprine 100mg
 
 


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 9/10/2009 6:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Dog's Friend and welcome to HealingWell. I am glad that you decided to post. This forum has been a life saver for me and a lot of others. There's nothing like communicating with people that truly understand what you are going through.

I am sorry that your wife is so sick. With her meld score so high, you're right it doesn't look good. Life is tough sometimes. You just have to keep on trucking to get to the next rest area. Sometimes they are few and far between but they are there.........You just have to recognize them and enjoy them while they last.

Take care.......thoughts and prayers........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 9/10/2009 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   

worriedgirl, you certainly didn't offend me.  It's only natural to think that if your mom loved you enough she wouldn't cause you pain.  As Dany said, it really has nothing to do with you.  It's simply that the addiction is the stronger pull.  And alcoholics/addicts are generally very selfish.  She was also correct in saying there is a lot of fear with an addict--fear of who they will be and what they will face without alcohol.  Even though her life may be miserable, your mom finds it familiar and is comfortable in that rut.  Alcohol is her dearest friend.  I know I was afraid of being able to face life and my emotions without a "buffer."  And truthfully, it took a lot of AA meetings for me to start gaining some confidence.  It wasn't until the 6-month mark without alcohol that I believed I might actually be able to live sober.

All you can do is take care of yourself and distance yourself from her when it becomes too much.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

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