what to do now

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allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 10/26/2009 2:11 AM (GMT -7)   
its a week today since my grans funeral. my mum made it to the funeral. i set out her clothes for her,did her make up asto hide the black eye and we got through it. the next day she was drunk again.
lastnight got a call from her partner saying she had fallen again. what should he do? again myself and my husband went through,leaving my daughter. when we got there she was lying on the floor her face covered in blood and she was cut allover her head and face. her partner gave me a number which i phoned about getting her put to home because he cannot cope. when i phoned they told that she would need an assessment and soonbut it would not be easy esp if she was notwilling. again he says he can cope, my husband did not want to take her in the car because she was still bleeding badly and suggested an ambulance (which had been called many timesbefore) we alsodid not want to leave my daughter too long. then the arguements started and he went for my husband,said allthe neighbours knew i did not look after her right, i was only interested in money. he threw us out.
now i feel really bad. i know all these feelings havebeen builtup through frustration but thing were said that cant be taken back. my mum will wake thismorning and he will fill her head with lies.she hardly has any recent memory i think she might have korsakoffs and needs help. i know her health cant take much more of her drinking. i do love her but cannot take any more.
deep down he thinks he is doing the best thing for my mum by being with her, but is it the best thing.
i need some advise please
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 10/26/2009 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Allie, I'm so sorry that this is still going on and seems to be escalating.  If your mom's partner truly loved her, he would get help for her or allow you to do so.  I think you need to tell him not to call you when she has fallen or has another catastrophe, as he will not allow you to get her the help she needs 
 
I had not heard of Korsakoff's before and had to look it up.  I see that it's from vitamin B deficiency, attributed to chronic alcoholism and poor nutrition.  However, her symptoms of memory loss, etc., could be just from the alcohol.  She clearly could be court-ordered to treatment.  Does she have a primary care physician or does she just go to the ER?
 
Big hugs,
Connie
hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 10/26/2009 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks Connie
she has been hospitalised many times through the last three years. a few times i nearly lost her. her main problem aprt from her drinking is that she keeps falling and hurting her self. she fell twice when i was on holiday, splitting her head open and cutting her nose. she fell again last saturday ended up having to go to hospital for stitches at her eye. then last night, i think she burst her head open, burst her eye again, looks like she fractured a cheekbone as it was swollen and has damaged her hand that was affected by the stroke. her hand is black, that is all i could see. i phoned round the hospitals and she was admitted last night, think she is getting out tomorrow.
i am going to write each of them a letter explaining how i feel.
 
i have been told several times i should have my mother sectioned as clearly he cannot keep her safe.
 
she will only know what he told her, so god knows what she is thinking. i cannot play these games any more. he is venting his anger at me..
 
she has loads of return appointments stroke clinic, epilepsy clinic, osteoporosis, eye clinic, heptologist etc she never attends any of them, so we do not knowknow the real extent of her damage.
 
i truly believe that her partner has proved he cannot cope. but my hands are tied.
my husband is standing by any decision i make with regards to my mum, my head is fuzzy i cannot think straight or concentrate on anything. so maybe i should stay clear for a while
all i keep thinking is i went there to help there and ended up not doing anything for her.

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 10/26/2009 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   

The falling is probably a combination of imbalance from the stroke and also being drunk.  It's inevitable.  I know that you care, Allie, and want to help, but you cannot help someone who doesn't want it.  Even the ER doctors get very frustrated with revolving door patients.  You probably do need to distance yourself for awhile to get a more objective look at the situation.  As her daughter, I think you could have her court-ordered to treatment.  Consult with a lawyer.  Initial consultations usually cost nothing.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

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