liver disease/failure

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nc born and bred
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/12/2010 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah I wanted to see if anyone could give me info about my moms condition. My mom is 67 years old, She has been a heavy drinker my whole life. Pretty much hard core liquor.. In the past year she has lost so much weight,down to 90 poundsHer skin is a pasty white color. . Can not remember things that happened yesterday or even an hour ago, She has swelling in stomach. not a lot,but some.. she refuses to eat much,will not go to the doctor......she has got to where she has trouble walking. walks with a gait... but the thing that hurts the most is the fact that my mom has just got so mean and hateful......is the signs of liver failure? Thanks

**David**
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   Posted 2/12/2010 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I was born in NC and lived there 'til I was 20. Much of my family is still there. You need to take your mother to see a hepatologist (liver specialist) ASAP. Or, at least have a doctor test her blood to see what's going on. Good luck, from your post, I think you're going to need it. As for being "mean and hateful," that could be physical, but my guess is it's the liquor speaking. **David**

nc born and bred
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Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/12/2010 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. My mom refuses to go the dr. I guess this is a wait and see situation. I live beside her and take the brunt of her anger. She has never been nice but is now unbearable... I shall just continue topray for her.

allie2631
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 2/12/2010 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
i know you will feel totally helpless right now as you watch your mum go downhill. The thing is I doubt very much that you will be able to do something for her unless she wants to herself.#my guess she is not happy with herself, her life and the way it has worked out for her. she lashes out at you, probably does not want you to be that close to her cause then you will truelly see what she is going through. my mum went on like this for years until one day she collapsed and started to bring up pints of blood from the varices that had burst. that was just the beginning of her being hospitilased. Unfortunately unless you can make her see sense the only thing that will make your mum see a doctor is when her liver starts to fail in one way that lands her in the hospital. if she is lucky that might be her wake up call. right now you have to look after yourself, she has chosen her path, you must live your life and try and not react to her when she is nasty, dont fall into the donward spiral thinking you can win by arguing the point that is where i made the mistake. take a mental note of what you will take from her and walk away when she starts. Hopefully she will see sense but until then try not to worry because if she keeps that up you will have plenty to worry about in the future. its not easy to watch someone you love put themselves through this, i have made many mistakes throughout the years which causes me a lot of pain and misery try and avoid if possible. i dont mean to sound too negative....

hep93
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   Posted 2/12/2010 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   

nc born, welcome to the forum.  I agree with what has already been posted.  There is not much you can do if your mom refuses to see a doctor and continues to drink.  At some point, she will have a medical emergency and you will need to call an ambulance.  When she lands in the hospital with a liver-related condition, it could be her wake-up call.  Or she could continue to drink when she is discharged and further deteriorate until her death.  This could take a very long time, or could happen quickly.  Meanwhile, you need to take care of yourself and your life.  That is really the only thing you have control over.

Most alcoholics are malnourished and that sounds like it is the case with your mom.  Since she won't see a doctor, it's impossible to know how many of her symptoms are liver related or alcohol related.  She doesn't want to see a doctor because she doesn't want to be told that she has to stop drinking, and about the damage it is doing to her body.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


worriedgirl
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Date Joined Apr 2009
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   Posted 2/12/2010 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
honestly i believe it is the sign of liver failure as my mom had that with her liver. she may have cirrhosis of the liver and s hould see a doctor
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


nc born and bred
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/13/2010 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
well today has been a pretty good day for my mom. she is even cooking supper. still doesnt look good. and i know she doesnt feel good. but shes not so angry today...should i count this as a blessing or be worried. i get so frustrated with her during the day when shes so angry and lay awake at night afraid she wont wake up..thanks for allowing me to vent.

hep93
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 2/13/2010 2:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Just be glad for a good day, but don't expect it to last.
 
Is lying awake worrying if she is going to wake up going to make a difference in whether she does or not?  Obviously not.  And it's not likely to happen that way.  She will get a lot sicker first.  Read the info in the folder at the top of the forum page, entitled Hepatitis Resources.
 
Hugs,
Connie
hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


**David**
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   Posted 2/13/2010 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Maybe you could get her to sign a consent form (medical proxy, power of attorney) should she be unable to make her own decisions. Then you could do something if she slides further downhill. Explain it would only kick in if she's unable to speak to doctors or medical personnel. I realize this could be impossible, as it doesn't sound as if she's going to help herself, by letting you help her. It is worth a try. **David**

nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/13/2010 8:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I am going to just keep trying to get her to get help. I love her and hate to see her go downhill. She told me earlier she would live forever to spite me.. he has so much anger.... But today was a better day.

allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 2/14/2010 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
venting ive done it loads of times and it cerainly helps ...the people here are great. yes,make the most of your mum when she has a good day. worrying does not change that..iknow..i do it to. its just some days your mum is more able to cope than others. try and not react to her anger cause it will upset you more and it willnot even register with her, you will have the memories of the bad times and feel resentful whereas if she is anything like my own mum she will too wrapped up in her own feelings to consider yours.she wants to be in control and hates it when she is not. i know how you feel its not easy..if only i could take my own advice

nc born and bred
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/14/2010 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   
allie, i know just how you feel.... today has started out to be one of those not so good days..i shall pray for you to get through this and for God to give us both the strength not to get angry and just deal with it day by day...

nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/14/2010 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   
well today was a horrible day... my brother and i tried to talk to mom about her drinking, and she got angry and told us to leave and never come back.... of course i cant do that. shes my mom.... just needed to vent again, thanks to all of you.

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 2/14/2010 8:14 PM (GMT -7)   

nc born, I can only suggest that you try to find an Al-Anon meeting you can go to (or an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting, which is an offshoot of Al-Anon and which I found to be really valuable) on a regular basis.  Allie, I know you said you couldn't find the time, but you only have to go an hour a week and it's a gift you give yourself--a way to cope better.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/15/2010 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
i took time for me today.....i feel selfish. i did go over to moms this afternoon. she is very weak. and her tummy is swelling more....will not even consider going to dr. i cant force her. my 10 year oldniece lives with her and i think that keeps her going.in 2006 my mom had a colonoscopy. the dr that did it ruptured her spleen. we did not know this til several hours later. she had procedure that morning,came home, walked around yard, sit out in swing and was fine. that night around 10 she called me to come over. said she didnt feel right. got there and she was complaining of left arm feeling funny. took her to er. after being there for 6 hours they determined she was just sore from procedure. my brother who was with us went to get car because they were dismissing her. as the nurse was getting her up out of bed my mom passed out hit her head and fell to the floor. at that point they decided maybe something else was wrong...they did a cat scan and by then she had lost 2 pints of blood.... her spleen had been ruptured.they immediately called in a surgeon who did surgery. he said i cant guarantee your mom will live but i will do my best. she survived surgery but while giving her blood back to replace what she lost they gave too much. she ende up in intensive care where she was on what seemed like a million machines.she stayed there 3 weeks.  when she came home she was off the liquor and cigarettes. stayed off 3 months. completely off........then went right back. that was her chance at a healthy life and she gave it up for booze and cigarettes. just wanted to give a few details bout my mom and why i get so frustrated. thanks for listening.

hep93
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 2/15/2010 7:32 PM (GMT -7)   

Ncborn, never feel selfish for taking time for yourself.  You have to, in order to reenergize and be any good to others.

Given your mom's story, no wonder she doesn't want to see a doctor!  She probably has very bad memories of all that went wrong.  If something happens this time, can you take her to a different ER?  Does your niece know to call 911 and then you if something happens?

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/15/2010 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
oh yes my niece knows exactly what to do. very smart and thinks my mom is the best..... she keeps my mom going.  the closest other er is 25 miles away. i just ask god that when my moms time comes God takes her quickly... and i will just deal with the bad days and be thankful for the good days... thank you

nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   
well my mom agreed to go to dr. we made an appt for friday...it has truly been a rough 2 days for her. she is swelling more in feet. her eyes have a sunken look and  she has ran a fever for the last 2 days....i hope there is hope. her face has a gray tinge to it.. she has not been nearly as angry but she refuses to eat......please keeep us in your prayers. i shall hold you all in mine.

**David**
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Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3708
   Posted 2/17/2010 9:04 PM (GMT -7)   
nc b&b, Make sure your mom doesn't skip out on her appointment on Friday. Toward the end, when my liver began to crash, everyone told me (after the transplant) that I looked grey. I had swollen legs, ankles and feet. She needs to get to a doctor ASAP. Stay with it. **David**

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 2/17/2010 9:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad she finally agreed to see a doctor.  Please let us know how that goes.
 
If she won't eat, be sure that she drinks juice, water, smoothies, Ensure...anything you can get her to take to stay hydrated and get a little nourishment.
 
Hugs,
Connie
hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 2/22/2010 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
 hello everyone. just wanted to give an update.. my mom would not go to dr after making appt. this weekend she acted the way she used too. laughing and happy and she didnt keep repeating things over and over. . today she is laying on couch, not doing as well. her skin is very gray. she is starting to swell in her face and doesnt tie shoes anymore because of the swelling in feet. she never mentions these things. i have just observed this. still drinking heavily.. doe not eat hardly anything. what does alll this mean? she has gray hair but it is starting to get a yellow tint to it, is the liquor helping with the pain? my mom is a very tough woman. she wont tell you if something hurts. i was just hoping someone might know these answers because i really have no one to talk too. thanks so much.

worriedgirl
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 2/22/2010 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
the yellow could be jaundice and it means her liver isnt working properly. the grey cant be good either. if she is continuing to drink then she is sending herself to an early grave and there is nothing you can do. i know how it feels as i watched my mom do this to herself for years. she quit drinking but by then it was too late. a year after i found out about the hep and cirrhosis she died. the swelling is ascites and she really should go see a doctor but if she dont then that is gonna push on her organs and they will fail. my mom also only ate a little bit and that caused her to be malnutritioned. the only difference with my mom is she fought to live. i wish you well and hope she finally sees the light
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


hep93
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 2/22/2010 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   

nc, I'm very sorry that your mom didn't keep her appointment.  I had a feeling that she wouldn't, though, because she is still drinking.  It really does not sound good for her from what you are describing.  Short of going to court and having her court-ordered to treatment, or getting a Medical Power of Attorney so that you have some control over the situation, there's nothing you can do.  There will come a point where an ambulance will have to be called.  There is also the possibility of her going into a coma, which would at least make it easier to get her to a hospital.  I'm very sorry.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


**David**
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Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3708
   Posted 2/22/2010 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   
nc, You need to listen to Connie, although I'm going to be more blunt. Your mother is killing herself, a drink at a time. If you aren't able to get her to go see a doctor, much less quit drinking, this is going to be an unhappy ending for all concerned. Liquor is not helping her pain, most likely it's the cause of it. How is she getting more alcohol if she's unable to tie her shoes? Who's helping her buy her poison? If this sounds tough, it's meant to be. I had a friend that drank himself to death and I never was able to help him. I suggest finding a way to get legal control of her life and take her to a doctor as well as cut off her addiction, before it's too late. Sorry to see you going through this. "Child is father to the man." **David**

worriedgirl
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 2/22/2010 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
if she wants the alcohol bad enough she will find a way to get it no matter what but i do agree get a power of attorney. i know from talking to a lawyer it will be very difficult to get control of her life but even if he does it wont mean she will go or quit drinking
**David** said...
nc, You need to listen to Connie, although I'm going to be more blunt. Your mother is killing herself, a drink at a time. If you aren't able to get her to go see a doctor, much less quit drinking, this is going to be an unhappy ending for all concerned. Liquor is not helping her pain, most likely it's the cause of it. How is she getting more alcohol if she's unable to tie her shoes? Who's helping her buy her poison? If this sounds tough, it's meant to be. I had a friend that drank himself to death and I never was able to help him. I suggest finding a way to get legal control of her life and take her to a doctor as well as cut off her addiction, before it's too late. Sorry to see you going through this. "Child is father to the man." **David**

The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are

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