Sue, welcome to the forum. It's really remarkable that your dad has done so well and lived so long with liver disease.
You are in a difficult situation. Are there any inpatient hospices in his town or nearby? That might be an answer for him and an alternative to a NH. I don't see how his wife would have the power to take him off meds if he is in a NH. That is a doctor/nursing decision. However, with you living out of the area, you do not have much control over the situation. You might consider calling the Area Council on Aging in your dad's area and ask to speak to a social worker. See what they recommend.
4u, unfortunately, money and insurance does play a big part in the care one receives--or not. I hope that your dad can spend his last days in an environment that is more comfortable.
The prescribing/attending physician makes the medication decisions, unless the patient has a Living Will that states he does not want to continue taking them, or if he is coherent he can voice that choice himself. Since he does seem to know what is going on and is fighting to stay alive, it's his choice to continue taking them as prescribed.
How about getting Hospice involved? They would send a nurse to the home at least twice a week. It does not cost anything.
I don't know what codes you are talking about. Perhaps it wasn't on this forum. I do know that Medicare pays 100% for 30 days at a NH or rehab facility. Has he used that up already for the year?
Thanks for clarifying the hospice situation, NC. Medicare will pay for durable medical equipment, if they get an Rx from a doctor. It might help if he has a walker, a bedside commode, and a bath chair. He is obviously having trouble moving about and this equipment would be helpful and is really necessary.