i had a sudden urge to write to you guys, the ones who have parents of alcoholics, or brothers or sisters, or any relative. i dont know why i had this urge but i hope doing it helps this feeling.
i know what it is like to be the child of a alcoholic as my mom was for the longest time. it is heartbreaking and the worst feeling in the world. we carry the burden on our shoulders as if it is ours alone to carry. we feel the guilt in our hearts that our family is addicted to the alcohol. we feel as if they love the alcohol more than they love us or life. then they get this horrible disease(besides alcoholism) either hep c or cirrhosis of the liver and either they quit drinking and fight or keep drinking and deteroriate with no chance. then it is our hearts that get saddened as they get sicker and sicker. we feel the heartache and the stress and sometimes, yes sometimes the burden. they yell at us that they are like that, they wallow in self pity yet it seems they never take the blame for their actions but why.
for the ones who stopped drinking and chose life good for you. i am proud of you as i know that wasnt an easy thing to do cause the addiction takes control of you and it is hard to fight but you fought it. for the caretakers i am proud to say that you are strong and you deserve all the praise that im sure you dont get.
i want everyone to stop and know that it is not your fault that your loved ones are alcoholics and that they do love you even though they have a hard time showing it. yes they may want to quit drinking but may not know how and some just dont see the purpose in it. know that they do care but they cant fight it. know that they want you to succeed and be different from what they have done with their life. why do they drink? i dont know. some may drink because they couldnt handle the things life gave them. they cant cope with reality so they choose to drink it away. some may drink because it is all they know and some drink because they love to. caretakers please keep in mind that even though you wear yourself thin, and you put everything on the back burner to take care of loved ones you have to take care of yourself.
please dont feel guilty for your parents or loved ones actions, it is not your fault. stop carrying that monkey on your back and know you couldnt do anything but what you can do. you are not superman or superwomen, you are human. its not that they love the alcohol or drugs more, its that they are addicted and cant help it. alcohol and drug addiction is a disease in itself. they are sick but unable to get clean. let this disease teach you what it taught me.
what did hep c and cirrhosis teach me? it taught me to live life to the fullest and live life for today not tomorrow. life is to short to throw away. it taught me not everyone is infallable, in fact no one is. everyone has a time to die but we need to live first and foremost. it taught me how to be a better daughter and friend. it taught me that i need to tell my loved ones that i love them and not to take for granted that they would always be here. it taught me that i cant always be in control and i cant always have things the way i want them to be, that sometimes i just cant do anything about anything. it taught me that it is ok to cry and ok to be scared but it is not ok for me to sit and feel sorry for myself or anyone else. did i have this disease? no my mom did but it affected me just as much as it affected her. i had to watch her get worse and watch her die even though she wanted to live.
even though she was once a alcoholic she decided she wanted to live and fought to live everyday and she did. she lived six extra months than what they gave her. so keep your head held high and love yourself otherwise you will miss out on everyday life.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.