Dad passed on the 24th

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4uiamhere
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 3/28/2010 12:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I just wanted to thank everyone for your support during the last couple of months. I am glad that these message boards exist, they have helped me so much. Dad passed on the 24th of March after an 18 month battle with liver cancer, cirrosis among many other things.  I,  as many of you, live in a diffrent state than my (sick loved one) dad so I have been traveling back and forth to be with him. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. He was an amazing man. He fought till the end. For the last month and a half dad was confined to a hospital bed in his home, not able to get up, to go to the bathroom or even walk. (although he tried many times) For the last couple of weeks dad did not eat much, he drank very little and thanks to message boards like this I knew that was ok. He slept most of the time, and just as he had probably done with me as an infant, I just sat by his side and held his hand, talked, played his favorite music and was just "there". A couple of times over the past two months I have gotten the call "its time" I would fill my car up with gas and haul ass to be with him. It was ok that it was not "the time" as it gave me more time to spend with him, time I can never have again. We had some great talks, laughs and learned alot about each other, maybe more than we had our whole lives in some respects. On Saturday the 19th dad was saying his goodbyes and was "ready". On Sunday he was a little angry that he was still here. Your darn right Im angry he said I was ready to check out yesterday, his hospice worker explained it does not work that way you may be ready but they are not ready for you yet. On Sunday the 20th my dad told me that besides being his daughter I was also his friend and how important that was to him. I was honored to hear those words from him and I relayed them in his eulogy yesterday at his funeral. I traveled back home on the 20th after having the feeling he was not going anywhere yet... I have a family 2.5 hours away and was torn between the two. I recieved a call on my way to work about 8am on wed the 24th. His wife had told me she thought it was time again, she would understand if I did not want to come but wanted me to know. I filled my car up with gas again and hauled ass one more time. She had asked me to call her back and let her know if I was comming but i didnt. I just went. about 15 minutes away from there house, I hit major traffic so i decided to call her and let her know I was very close but may be stuck in traffic for a while. Boy am I glad I made that call!! I arrived about 10:30am he was laying in his usal spot but was flatter with a fixed stare at the ceiling. I kneeled by his side and rubbed his head, letting him know I was there, he could not speak, but acknowledged me in other ways i cannot explain. I told him I loved him and  my brothers and I would take care of each other, I told him I would take care of his wife, I told him my sister (who passed in 2005) would take care of him when he was ready to be with her. It took alot courage I was scared sh** but I held his hand and watched as his breaths grew diffrent. Not knowing if this was really going to be the time my mind wanderd a bit, Then a tear came from his eye, I wiped it with a tissue and he was gone. It was 10:45 am, He waited for me, Ive read about it, Ive heard about it but I did not believe it, Now I do. I am so honored that he let me be part of it, because he knew I wanted to be, Im sure it was not easy having his youngest child watch him he was a proud man, a stubborn greek as he called himself.  My brothers could not handle the situation and chose not to be there. Thats ok too. My point of relaying this story is I have read so many others and they truly helped me soooo much. Everyone is diffrent, everyone dies diffrent but if this story helps 1 person its well worth it.   Thank you all for listening,
Sue

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 3/28/2010 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   

Sue, I am so sorry for your loss, but very glad that you posted.  Others here also will appreciate what you said about the process of dying.  I am glad that you were there for your dad.  I feel sure he waited for you.

Warm hugs and many blessings,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 3/28/2010 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Sue I am sorry for your loss. And I second it, sometimes they wait for their loved one. My husband waited for his daughter. 12 hours he waited. And as soon as she held his hand and said "Dad it's me Christina." He took his last breath. It was heart breaking on one hand but on the other it was beautiful. So glad that you could be with your dad.

And as members stories he helped you.......yours will help others.......thank you for posting.

Take care.....thoughts and prayers........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 3/29/2010 6:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry for your loss. I do believe that your dad waited for you, when my gran passed away in Sept, i felt she waited for me. I see it as an honour for being there when she had her last breath. I will never forget it and neither will do. My thoughts are with you

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 3/29/2010 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
hi sue i am terribly sorry about your loss. i know what you are feeling and i know it is tough but know he is no longer in pain. i have this saying and it helped me. it is in my signature but im gonna type it again. People never die because they loved and because they loved their memory lives on in the hearts of the people they have touched.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.


nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 3/29/2010 10:18 AM (GMT -7)   
i am sorry for your loss. and will continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

4uiamhere
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 3/29/2010 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks all for the kind words, he did wait, and Im so glad he did. I feel it is important though that for the people that dont make it in time that sometimes they maybe just cant wait. I dont want anyone to ever feel bad if perhaps they are not "there". Our loved ones sometimes wait for people to leave. Everyone is diffrent (I believe). I have learned alot in my life but I think the death of my sister and father have taught me alot more about life than I can possibly ever know. Guilt is a horrible feeling I have experienced throughout my life but I believe that somethings are just simply out of our control. I feel the need to post on this board in the future to help others as they have helped me (now thats corny worriedgirl) in honor of my dad you guys are all my friends, and angels that walk on earth (really corny but so true) I feel closer to my dad when Im on here learning.
Sue

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 3/29/2010 3:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Sue, you are welcome to post here anytime.  Your experiences can benefit others.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


DTM
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 4/2/2010 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sue,  My name is Donna and my father passed away on Palm Sunday due to Cirrhosis.  Your story was so similar to mine.  I was lucky and only lived a few miles from my parents.  There were many occasions that we thought this is it and took a big sigh that it wasn't.  He also one day (the Thursday before he passed) became non-respondent but I know he could hear our words of love, feel us hold his hand and stroke his cheek and forehead.   He passed early Sunday with just my Mom present which is a blessing.  They were married 55 years and it is right they were alone at the end.    I have spent my life trying to control events, feeling guilty for things that were totally out of my control and this experience has helped me step back and let go.  I still love and care but I can let go of the responsiblity and the guilty feelings.

It is so hard to lose a parent.  I will be speaking at his funeral next Saturday so any words of wisdom that you have would be appreciated.   I hope I can speak without crying.

 

Take care,

 

Donna


harpazomeup
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 4/2/2010 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Sue, I am sorry for your loss.  My grandpa waited for my mom to fly across the United States to be with him and he passed shortly after her arriving.  I am so happy you were able to be there with him, it must have been a great comfort to him.  Many blessings and peace and strength to you and your family.    Harp.

Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 4/2/2010 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Donna, I spoke at both my husband's funeral and 2 my brother's. Just speak from the heart.
My husband's was unplanned. I tried planning what to say at my both my brothers but failed to remember what it was that I was supposed to say. But I actually think I did better just speaking from my heart. And if the tears come don't worry about it. Those are from the heart also.

Know that a lot of your friends here will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Take care.......thoughts and prayers........
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


4uiamhere
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/2/2010 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Donna, So sorry for your loss. Glad to hear your able to let go of the guilt, it will eat a person alive. Its hard enough for us to control our own lives let alone someone else's. It is sooo comforting to share these experiences with each other on this board. I have friends to talk to but unless you have dealt with liver disease it really is hard to understand what its like.

I wrote a nice eulogy for my dad and practiced and practiced reading it aloud. I walked up to the (i forgot what its called) and backed out at the last minute. My brother read it for me. So my advice would be to have a back up. I was hell bent on reading that and honoring my dad like no other but I froze, and I could not even speak. The words were read and thats the important thing. I admire any one who can and I hope you can, but its also ok if someone elese speaks your words. I just am not a good public speaker. I will be thinking of you tommorow, its not going to be an easy day but I believe its important for closure. Hugs to u and your family. Keep me posted.
Thanks Sue
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