feeling very low today

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allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 4/25/2010 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Today I am having one of those reallly bad days.update on my mum she was in hospital fell the usual had another bad bleed in her brain. She was desperate to get out, they managed to keep her in for almost two weeks. She got out Friday late afternoon, a couple of hours later she got drunk, fell cut her head again her face was a mess. she had a seizuire again today fell out her bed more cuts, ambulance came. her partner is not sick, he wants out, refuses to take anymore responsibility so the hospital are going to keep her in a few days. I feel sick in my stomach. My wee grans ashes are getting interred tomorrow, my daughter is playing up really badly again she reuses to talk to me. I just feel so upset about everything. when i read about poor Mike i cried, when i read their lovely poems that got me started again. when i think of the chances my mum has had this is a slow living hell with no good ending, no good moments and that hurts me. I feel like i cling on to my mum looking for a glimmer of hope, but I do not get it. remorse yes she is always full of it. worried girl when you ask what we have learned I do not really know. I have learned to share my feelings to help others. I am distancing myself more and more from my mum, I wish i had the strength to walk away but i think it would haunt me.I just feel so upset tonight so thanks for listening.

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 4/25/2010 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Allie, I'm sorry you are feeling so badly.  You do need to distance yourself more emotionally.  Try to look at the situation as if you were a stranger viewing it.  Your mom has disappointed you time after time, and that is not likely to change.  There is not one thing you can do to change her.  I think accepting that will go a long way towards helping you distance yourself from her emotionally.  You have to do this for your own physical and mental health.  Believe me, I feel for you.  I've been there.  But there's a point where your involvement becomes masochistic, allowing yourself to be hurt over and over.  You deserve better.  You may also need to get in touch with your anger about the whole thing and really let it out in a safe way, such as using a plastic bat to beat up a pillow, or going to a secluded place and yelling as loud as you can.  If anger isn't expressed (in a healthy way), it will turn into resentment and depression.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


**David**
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3708
   Posted 4/25/2010 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
What she said. **David**

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 4/26/2010 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   
allie i am so sorry for what you are going through. i wish i could make you feel better. no one should feel the way you do and be put through this but sadly we do feel that. i understand completely. take a break and do something for you and you will be amazed at how much better you feel.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.


allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 4/26/2010 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel a little better today, thank you for listening to my moans. I got my wee grans ashes interred today with a new headstone.That should have been doen a while ago but its done.
I know Connie you think why do I put myself through this again and again. I have came to terms with my mum not stopping, I know it is very unlikely sometimes I can cope better than others. I am trying to take your advice and I do appreciate it. I do not drop everything now when she is in hospital, so that has changed. This time I might stay away completely. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, she is my mum I know I cannot make her change.
it is very sad for those of us who are watching or caring after someone who has liver disease. It is also very admirable those like Connie and Rick who have fought this and are helping others do the same. your advice and knowledge is priceless

allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 4/26/2010 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   
foundout today that she is getting out tomorrow. I left my number with the nurse but told her that I would not be up. They wanted me to come and get her take her home i refused. They also wanted me to confirm who lived at home and if she would have someone there. I gave them her partners number, he will have to decide if he is going to stay, I am not getting in the middle, if he cant cope let him tell them, my guess is they will tell him if he cannot cope he has to be the one who moves out. This will be the second time i did not see her at all, so I am really trying to leave her to get on with it. so we will see what happens...
 
me i went to two fitness classes today had to have some me time.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 4/26/2010 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
how did it feel to have me time? did you feel better? allie i am sorry and i know how you feel. you have my email address, if you email me again i will email you my phone number and we can talk if you like. ive been in your shoes and im sure i can help you.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 4/26/2010 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
i actually emailed you allie
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 4/26/2010 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Allie, I am proud of you.  I absolutely think you are doing what is best for you and your family.  I know it isn't easy.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


nc born and bred
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 4/26/2010 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
allie i had one of those days not long ago. we stand here and watch the abuse they keep piling on themselves,helpless to do anything about it but unable to walk away. i know that you like me if you  could make it all better,make them quit drinking,make them be good and kind,but they dont want it so why do we keep trying? its hard watching my mom just waste away day by day, yet still occasionally want that booze, want that cigarette. why was she so stupid, to be trapped in that horrible life of an alcoholic. do as everyone says, distance yourself somewhat, i know you cant go completely away. just hold onto the thought that she made this choice... and now she is paying the price.. you have already sacraficed so much.. be strong. i shall continue to pray for you and your mom. Donna

arneeb
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2350
   Posted 4/26/2010 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Exactly.... well said....Sandi

arneeb
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2350
   Posted 4/26/2010 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Allie... I was out of steam two months ago... and I don't know how I hung on... I was praying for this to end... and feeling guilty for wanting it to end... oh, I'm sure it's all there in the posts... and I had it easy... Mike actually quit drinking when I put my foot down... though too late... but I didn't deal with any of this... but still it was like being in perpetual hell... and yes we did distance ourselves... and then one day in Feb... I walked into his room... after we went into such a depression.. and I told him it was time to live until he died... so we did regain some peace... only by the Grace of God but I was where your mom's partner is... I was feeling I could not handle one day more... but then it was like God said to me... almost like you said... what if I give up today... and he dies tomorrow alone... and I could not bear that... so I bore the lonely path... with him... and he died the way he wanted to... peaceful... went to sleep... we were lucky... and lucky to have all of you wonderful wonderful people... Sandi

allie2631
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 313
   Posted 4/27/2010 12:26 AM (GMT -7)   
although I haved disagreed with many choices and my mums way of life, i know her partner truly loves her. He has been there with her for over 30 years, but he is now 78 an old man really she 62, he is not physically able to lift her up when she falls he is not able to follow her up the stairs or be a nursemaid whilst she sleeps. He has I know tried his bestand i do so admire hime for that. But in a bad way they are so not good for each other, she regrets the life she has had with him and is bitter when drinking, he is rude, bad mannered, says horrible things to her all the time sometimes i think that is why she drinks. He was always like that even before she had a problem, now he is more bitter, its like a vicious circle she will not leave him now and their lives struggle on. He is the caregiver not me, like i have said before i am just her daughter who has no involvement in her life apart from when my mum decides to let me in which is getting less and less.
i am lucky in so many ways i have a healthy family, a great husband life should be good but in my heart there is sadness like you Donna sadness for what I lost, my whole relationship with my mum. she is trapped in her life, her choice or maybe she does not have a choice.
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