confused and angry at my mother

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Rainbow Dash
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/19/2010 9:45 PM (GMT -7)   
confused   I am so confused and angry! My brother got his wish to be paroled so he wouldn't have to cell in a cold, no window hospice room in prison. He was supposed to come home tomorrow. But my MOTHER cancelled the whole thing because he is not doing well and they were afraid he would die in transit.  Instead of talking to him and cheering him on telling him he would come home, she did'nt even give him a chance to try. She said she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could. She doesn't care about all of our kids who did'nt get a chance to say goodbye because they won't let anyone in under 17 years of age. I think she is afraid of him to come home. She was worried she would'nt be able to care for him. He is in a COMA! We had hospice coming and everything and she  just cancelled it without consulting any of the family. She said it was her son and that is what she wanted. Why would want your son to die there? She said he was comfortable and she did'nt want to put him through traveling. I think she did'nt want to deal with the mess and his incontinence. He has me and two other sisters. We told her we would hire a nurse during the day and we would take turns at night. She would not have to clean a thing. We told her would do everything. He only has maybe a day or two left. He could have spent them with all his family. At the prison hospice you have to leave at five o clock. So chances are he will die alone when he could be home on Thursday at noon on 5-20-2010. We worked so hard to get him released. I call tons of people, we had everyone write letters, I cried and begged to people I did'nt know to get him home. And for nothing. She my mom won't let him come home! I am supposed to go see him tomorrow and I don't know if I can. My mom will be able to tell I'm pissed at her decision. I have a hard time hiding my emotions. And I will also be upset knowing he could die after we are forced to leave at 5 pm.  I think I have made my peace with him. I went and saw him when he was doing good. I even made him laugh. We hugged and expressed our love for each other. We are only a year and four months apart. We were so close when we were kids. The alcoholism destroyed all that. What a horrible disease. Thanks for letting me vent.  Someone please help me to understand this.

shadowsghost
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 5/19/2010 9:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Rainbow, I wish I could help you with understanding all this. Maybe ur mom is just afraid, no mother can deal with losing a child no matter how old they are it is a horrible thought. At a time like this she can only see what she is feeling, not that she doesnt care about your feelings but as a mom it is very tougher. I wish you the strength to get through all this and hold your family dear to you.
Sue
Adapt yourself to the life you have been given; and truly love the people with whom destiny has surrounded you.


Rainbow Dash
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/19/2010 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I know that. I have two kids of my own. But if they were dying and I had the chance to spend time with them where they and I would be more comfortable I would chose that. I mean he is officially paroled and can't even leave. Even if he dies in transit he got his final wish. And that was that he did not want to die in PRISON!

Rainbow Dash
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/19/2010 10:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry my spelling is bad. I'm tired and upset and can't go to sleep when I am feeling this way.

Rainbow Dash
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/19/2010 10:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I have a feeling my mom might second guess herself after he passes. I hope not, because regret is such a horrrible feeling

arneeb
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2350
   Posted 5/20/2010 1:20 AM (GMT -7)   
OH.. oh.. oh.. Rainbow Dash... my heart is so with you... and I understand him not wanting to die in prison... I just saw this post... I don't know what your mother is thinking... and she is dealing with this.. as she can.. maybe she can't deal with having to see him like that.... and so did this thing.. and this is why people should have people in their family who are on the same page be their power of attorney when they are this ill just for reasons like this... because clearly his wishes are not being followed... horrible situation... my prayers will be with you today.. the 22nd will be a month for me since I went through this although Mike did not die as this... so sorry to hear this... but I did have his family trying to impose things Mike did not want.. but we had a power of attorney and medical directive in place and that helped...my heart aches for you Rainbox... just aches... Sandi
There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still... Corrie Ten Boom


arneeb
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2350
   Posted 5/20/2010 1:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Go see him Rainbow.. and if ur lucky God will take him while ur there... see him.. if u can.. it will help u..
There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still... Corrie Ten Boom


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/20/2010 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Rainbow, that really is a shame that your mom went against his wishes.  I do think she might've been afraid of having him at home in that condition.  I understand your anger and frustration.  I do think you should try to see him one more time if you can.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 5/21/2010 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   
((((Rainbow))))
 
Have you talked to the warden?  Tell him/her that you don't want your brother to die alone.  If you are up to it...and can do it.....ask him if you can stay with your brother.  Sometimes people will bend the rules sometimes.
When my brother was dying in a convelscent hospital the charge nurse said that I couldn't stay with him.  I went above her head and asked the administrator if I could stay.  I was very professional and nice about it and I got to stay.   The charge nurse was mad but too bad....I didnt care about her.....I was concerned about my brother not dying alone.  
Only your mom knows her reasoning for her decision....... quilt  will surely rear it's ugly head  if he does die alone.   When my husband was dying I made decisions that were tough on me personally, but it was what my husband had wanted that were more important.  I have no regrets on his last couple of days even though it was the hardest thing that I have every been through.  But I don't know I would have had the strenghth to do it if had it been one of my kids. 
 
Take care.....lot's of thoughts and prayers....... 

Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


Rainbow Dash
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/21/2010 10:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for all your posts. Here is an update. They are working on getting him in a nursing home. Everything has been approved. Just waiting on the state to finish paper work. They say it may be Monday. I was praying for today and the day is not over yet. The prison does not provide transportation on the weekend. All of you are right. I am going to see him this weekend. Please pray he makes it out of that place. The parole board said we would have able to care for him at home anyway so maybe this is best. Thank you for all your support.

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/21/2010 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Rainbow, a NH sounds like a good solution.  I hope he makes it there.  Please keep us updated.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


Rainbow Dash
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/21/2010 4:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Guess what Connie? God has answered our prayers! He is on his way to a nursing home 15 minutes from our homes. We will be able to stay around the clock. And spend some quality time with him if god is willing. He should arrive at 9:oo pm. Isn't it awesome. He has gotten his wish. He recognized my mother today but he told her he thought he was dreaming. When she told him he was leaving that place and going home he got nervous because he still thinks he is dreaming. I hope he can get out of that fog again to know he got out of that place alive. And that his family bewill be with him. I will keep you posted.

Rainbow

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 5/21/2010 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   

That is great news, Rainbow!  Hopefully, he will be discharged with some medications such as Lactulose.

Hugs,

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


arneeb
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2350
   Posted 5/21/2010 7:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Praise the Lord!!! I am so thankful for this... so thankful.. yes.. even if he's not aware his spirit will know... so wonderful wonderful news.. and it's 9:20 p.m. so he's been there 20 minutes ... oh, my heart feels so good... so nice to hear this news... thoughts and prayers are with you.. Sandi
There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still... Corrie Ten Boom

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