just to update and vent

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wheredidigo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 7/17/2007 9:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all, I am so sorry I have been neglecting the forum so much, life has sure been crazy lately,literally. I have filed for a restraining order against my husband, he flipped out and um, very much made a scene,,,and had NO alcohol involved.  I think that all these medical problems have just pushed him over the edge, but I can NOT help him,,,,I have tried to be a good wife and have made so many sacrifices,,,,,,,but I can't take anymore.  The last thing I wanted to do was put more stress on a sick man, and probably he will spend his last days, weeks or months of his life alone, which is very sad and makes me feel terrible,,,,,but enough is enough.  The one thing I have learned is, that I know I do not want to have my last part of my life lived the way he is,,,,,angry, bitter and resentful. I do hope to have some more time after this week , one of my classes is over on thurs, then I will be down to only my psychology class online.  I am leaving a week from Thurs w/ my 3 yr old grandson to fly to TX for a long weekend with my mom, maybe it will be good therapy for me? I really need some pressure taken off, I feel like a pressure cooker about to blow the lid off,,lol Sorry this is a long post, but I wanted you all to get an idea of why I do not post too much anymore.  Please know that I think of you all daily. Take care of yourselves,,,,,,,,,and hold onto the good moments of life,,,,:hugs:
Trish 
Moderator for Hepatitis Forum  
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other,body used up ,totally worn out and screaming"WOOOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!!!"
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance:)


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 7/17/2007 11:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Trish, I'm sorry to hear about this, but I totally understand your position. I am glad that you have a chance to get away for a few days. It will probably do you a world of good.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Connie

Marg57
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 446
   Posted 7/20/2007 12:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Trish,
I have not been around for several weeks. Sorry things have got so out of hand. Despite "feeling sorry" for Rick you have donr the right thing. You've done all you can and more. Don't feel guilty. It's all his fault, or the fault of his illness, and he needs to be more considerate of others.

Enjoy the break with your mother.

Hope I'll be a more regular poster now.

Marg
 


wheredidigo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 7/20/2007 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Nice to see ya posting Marg:) made me smile first thing this morning!
Trish 
Moderator for Hepatitis Forum  
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other,body used up ,totally worn out and screaming"WOOOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!!!"
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance:)


Marg57
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 446
   Posted 7/26/2007 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Trish. Hope you are enjoying your much deserved break. Chat again soon

Marg.
 


PatiLee
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 8/10/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Trish,

So Sorry to hear of the termoil in your life.  You and I have alot in common when it comes to the actions/reactions to our sick patients.  I never in a million years thought it would be so hard to take care of someone you loved.  I feel like a prisioner in my own life.  I hope you get the relief you need to be beneficial to yourself, and your other family. 

Best wishes!!!

Pati


wheredidigo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/11/2007 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Pati, things are getting alot better for me. The peace of mind I am feeling now is so refreshing. I finally can think clearly again. Rick is now incarcerated about 5 counties away from me(dui,driving under suspension, fictitious tags, peeling and squeeling, wreckless op,,,and a few more things) Now that he cant call me(blocked from collect calls) I really am noticing how much better I feel about myself and more secure with my decision to kick him out.
Trish 
Moderator for Hepatitis Forum  
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other,body used up ,totally worn out and screaming"WOOOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!!!"
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance:)


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 8/11/2007 7:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Good for you, Trish! I hope he isn't set free anytime soon. Enjoy your new-found peace of mind.

Hugs,
Connie

PatiLee
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 8/13/2007 5:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Trish,
Jeeze what is he doing to himself? I can clearly see why you would feel a HUGE weight lifted off your shoulders!

My big problem is he accuses me of wanting to sleep with every man that is out there. We were driving to the store the other day and there was a guy on a motorcycle in front of us...he said to me "you would rather be with him then me". I just stopped responding to his nonsense. Here I am doing nothing but working and taking care of him and he has the nerve to accuse me of sleeping with anyone of my male friends who want to help us...I'm at my end, i can't go to the store, coffee, dinner with girlfriends w/o alot of consquence. The Dr.'s have spoken to him about this with no positive results.

I hope you continue to do well Trish...perhaps it is time for you to dance!!!

wheredidigo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/13/2007 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Rick did the exact same thing Pati, it was horrible. I play pool one night a week, and have for 10 years(actually used to play 6 nights a week!) and he constantly accused me of cheating on him, which I had never done. His own insecurities got a hold on him and he made me miserable! BTW,,,,,,i do dance now:)
Trish 
Moderator for Hepatitis Forum  
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other,body used up ,totally worn out and screaming"WOOOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!!!"
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance:)


PatiLee
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 8/14/2007 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Trish, I took a motorcycle class to get my license and he showed up there, making an ass out of himself and embarrassing the heck out of me. When I was riding with the class he'd sit in the bushes and take pictures. He did all this and he the dr's took his license because of the encepholopy (spelling). He disappeared for 3 days, took 1700.00 out of the checking account to try and kill himself w/ coke. He called crying, begging, wanting help. I put him in detox, he signed himself out. He expects me to "forget" all he's done. I wish someone would just kidnap me and never bring me back. How can I live my life and not feel guilty. This is getting harder and harder!!

Pati

wheredidigo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/20/2007 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
ya gotta take care of yourself pati,,,,,,,,,
Trish 
Moderator for Hepatitis Forum  
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other,body used up ,totally worn out and screaming"WOOOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!!!"
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance:)


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 8/20/2007 10:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Pati, I'm with Trish. You have to make yourself your first priority. It's getting harder to deal with him because his behaviors are getting worse. You have nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about. Have you considered leaving him? If he does not sincerely recognize that he has a huge problem, and want to do whatever is necessary to get well--then it's only going to get worse.

Hugs,
Connie

PatiLee
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 8/21/2007 4:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Trish & Connie,

Yes, the thought is in the back of my head to leave.  But the caring part of me says...where will he go, what will he do.  He has no family or friends.  (this should have been a huge clue)  The one friend he has stopped calling or coming around, he can't stand to hear Lee talk about all the doom and gloom and doesn't like what he see's of the illness.  Lee keeps telling me that if I leave "what a horrible person you would be to leave a dying man".  Get this...the doc called in another kind of pain med for him yesterday, the insurance co denied it, they said it was because it was perscribed for cancer patients.  So, now I have to fight to get that straight, but in the mean time Lee made it so horrible for me that I had to go pick up this script and pay for it out of my pocket.  $399.00.  In my head I know that is just inabling him, but again the caring side said, he is in pain.  I'm so torn.

Pati


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 8/21/2007 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Pati, so sorry that you are going through such a touch time with your husband. I have walked a 100 miles in your shoes. Bottom line Pati is that you have to do what you believe is best for you. Whether you stay or not it's your decision. I chose to stick it out.....knowing that the person he had become wasn't the person that I fell in love with. But it was the disease that changed him. It wasn't a concious choice. I also knew that the chances of him surviving longer than me were pretty slim. I don't think that I myself could have lived with myself, had I not stayed. If he had run around on me or something like that, it would have been a different story. I married him in sickness and in health. It was also my second marriage so I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park. You need to really think about how you feel now, and how you think you'd feel if you left and he past away. But even if you stay you don't have to be a door mat because he's sick. At some point it's going to be you making all the decisions. Because he will not be in his right mind. When I started making all the decisions it was a hard thing for my husband to swallow. I just had to stick to my guns. It wasn't just his life that his illness was affecting.
Right now, even with everything that I went through I would give anything to have him back again.... warts and all. And I have no regrets at all for staying. But like I said you have to decide what is best for you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you........Pink Grandma

PatiLee
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 8/22/2007 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Pink Grandma,
Thank you for your thoughts. You are right this is not the man I married, and I know it's not him that is doing all this stuff. The one thing keeping me around is the guilt, what if I leave and he hurts himself because of it, what if I leave and he gets sicker who will take care of him. One question I have is how does someone get the feeling of loving a man as a husband and not a patient or child. Of course I care and love him, but not as a husband more like a child. This is as hard as losing my daughter, if not worse because its being drug out over years. Sometimes I wish someone would kidnap me and never return me....

pati

wheredidigo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/22/2007 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   
pati, the guilt had gotten to me too,,,,rick had said the exact same thing to me, about leaving a dying man,,,,,,,and that held me here for a while,,,,but i could no longer deal with him making me sick,,,,,,,,what he did to me emotionally was making me physically ill,and that is not something i am willing to continue to let happen. of course, you have to make your own decisions,and they are NOT at all easy to make. i think that if it was just the illness doing things to rick, i wouldve stuck it out, but the anger and bitterness towards me was him not being able to deal with the life he has been dealt,,and that i could not let affect me anymore. rick blames everyone who is not sick,,,,hates them for NOT being ill,,,,,,,,,and whatever happens to him at this point will be on his head, not mine. I actually got a letter from him from jail yesterday, asking me to please come and get him friday when he is released, I already have someone going to get him and I will NOT be there when he gets out,,,,the strings are cut. i have already made up my mind that he may call me if he needs something ,such as paperwork, that i have,,,but if he bothers me in any way,,i will have my number changed,,,,this part of my life is over,,,,i do feel bad that he is sick,but i have watched many people with illnesses who do not blame others ,,and appreciate the help that they get from those who care for them,,,,,,one thing that i keep thinking in my head is ,,:though rick more than likely will pass away before i do, NO one knows that for sure,and in the meantime, my life is slipping away too,,,,,,,,i could be killed today and had i let rick continue to mentally abuse me,,,,,,,i would die miserable,,,,,,,,,,NOT a chance i am going to take,,,,,,pati, want me to kidnap ya? lol im joking,sorry, thats how i deal with alot of things,,,,,,humor,,,,,,,it heals and heals and heals,,,,,keep your head up and do some serious soul searching,,,,take care of yourself and remember,,,,,,,,if you dont take care of yourself, you will be no good to him or ANYONE,,,,,,,especially to yourself,,,,,,,,,:huge hugs:
Trish 
Moderator for Hepatitis Forum  
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other,body used up ,totally worn out and screaming"WOOOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!!!"
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance:)


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 8/22/2007 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Pati, If you are staying because of quilt don't do it. That's not a reason to stay. If your love has changed as he has changed then don't stay. If it's a matter of your health then don't stay. If you still love him like the man he use to be then think it over. Will your life be better with or without him. God never promised us that life was going to be easy. There's an old saying "When the going gets tough.... the tough gets going." Being a caregiver is the hardest job (paid or unpaid) that there is. It defines the word tough. Did I every wish that God had given me a Royal Flush instead of the pair of dueces ...You betcha. But what I didn't realize at the time was, I did have a Royal Flush and was just too stupid to know it. Life isn't always about (me). Life to me is doing for others. Mothers willingly sacrifice for the children all the time. My husband did become like my child near the end. May that's I why I wouldn't give up. I would keep reminding myself of all the good times that we had, and how much we really did love each other inspite of his illness. And just because I stayed doesn't mean I think you should. I just don't want you to leave and then realize that you made a huge mistake. Weigh the pros and cons and make your decision accordingly. .....Thoughts and prayers..........Pink Grandma
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