Update on my mom

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1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 12/1/2007 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
  Hi everyone. My mom was admitted to hospice on the 8th of November. She was extremely confused by then and unable to take care of herself at all. She deteriorated very quickly which was very difficult for my 85 year old father. He was by then spoon feeding her and she would forget to chew her food. I called hospice as they had been involved in her case for 2 1/2 weeks. They admitted her for hospice care in Suncity Fl. She had been in so much pain that she would scream and cry almost constantly. They medicated her with morphine and also gave her haldol to sedate her. By then she was removing her clothes and unable to stay in bed for more than a few minutes. She would get up, cry, and wonder around. She was completely unaware of her surroundings while at home and at hospice. After 2 days of heavy sedation she fell into a coma. She passed away quietly on the 13th. In my 25 years as an RN I have always believed that even in a coma the person hears everything you say. I stayed with her every night and even slept in the bed with her so I could hold her. I spoke to her in normal tones and reassured her as much as one can. It was important for me that she knew how much we (my family-siblings- and my dad) loved her and would miss her. At the same time I knew that I had to let her go so I told her it was OK to leave us. If anyone is reading this and you are confused by my willingness to let her go I believe that quality of life is more important than quantity. I could not let my selfish motives keep her on this earth when she finally begged us to let her go. She no longer had quality of life-only misery and pain. The blessing in all this is she will no longer suffer the ravages of her disease. My sadness will eventually go away but I must confess the loss is devastaing. She was not just my mom but my best friend.
I would encourage you all to keep the faith, do everything you possibly can do to overcome liver disease, have no regrets, and lastly remember that you are  loved. My thoughts and prayers will be with you all. I will try to keep up with this site as I think it is wonderful and informative. If I can be a source of comfort or information I will do my best to be available.
                                         Shelly 

Butterflythree
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Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 954
   Posted 12/1/2007 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelly, I understand your willingness to let your mother go. Know one wants to see someone suffer especially a loved one. Now she is resting peacefully in God's hands, and you will be with her again when your time comes. I lost my mother 14 years ago, and I still miss her terribly. I still think of things I need to ask her.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Butterflythree
 
There is always hope!


Pink Grandma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 2445
   Posted 12/1/2007 7:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Shelley, you have my deepest sympathy on the loss of your precious mom. There are no magic words to make you feel better but please know that you will be in our thoughts and prayers. And please do come back and share when you are able. It's this forum that has helped me more than anything after the loss of my husband.
And I like you know that comatose people can hear. I know that my husband did. And I am sure that your mom did and please know and take comfort in how much easier you made her journey. Your are a special daughter to be able to do what you did for your mom. I pray that when it's my time to take that final journey that my kids are with me like you were there for your mom.

BIG (((Hugs)))
Pink Grandma
Forum moderator-Hepatitis

When the going gets tough....the tough get going! Don't always know where I going but I get there anyways.


exhaused
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 445
   Posted 12/1/2007 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelly  Thank you so much for returning my e-mail.  And to think you were going through the greif of loosing your mother.  I lost my mother when I was 10  and to this day think of so many questions I still have for her.  Just remember all the good moments she gave you it will help you through this dark time.    Exhausted

myfather
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 12/2/2007 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   

eyes  i exhaused, my thoughts and prayers are with you. i agree with you if they have no quality of life you have to let them go. i lost my father to liver disease on december 18 2006, he was 88 but it was still horrible, i read tthe posts to help me understand more about the disease, wish i knew this much about it when he was very ill but didnt have time to research it as much. he had this disease for a very long time but we didnt find out untill july of 2006. some times the drs miss to much and think its just old age. take care and my prayers are with you. she is not in pain anymore. miss my father to. yeah annette


1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 12/2/2007 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   

  Thank you all for your words of comfort. It really does help. It is so wierd for me to be on the other side of this. Usually I am trying to comfort and console others and now I am relying on others to comfort me. Sureal I guess. Anyway, as I said I will continue to read the posts as often as I can and I will add my own comments too. I have been uplifted by your words and my heart still breaks for those of you who either are going thru this or have already gone thru it. When I feel my saddest I remember my moms words, "Look at life as a big adventure." Part of every adventure we embark on ends at some point.  I have discovered that her outlook on life as well as death was quite profound. At least for me. Since her life as we knew it is over, if you are a believer in God then the adventure just continues rather than ends. She was pretty smart I think. Thank you again.

                                 Shelly


mom's "will" to live
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 111
   Posted 12/2/2007 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Shelly, I'm truely sorry to here about your mom! I'm sure that you are so glad she's not suffering and she's in peace now. I'm not looking forward to that part of this journey with my son.I just wanted to say on Bible's post I corrected you as my son has cirrhosis from chronic Hep B. Pink Grandma sent her to a forum which actually say's it all. I like you believe in getting knowledgable, as the Dr's are not much help. It is RN'S like you that have been most helpful and educational thank you! I also noticed you said your mom was in hospice in SunRay City? We are in Sebring about 15 miles away! What a small world! Thoughts and prayers are with you All!
Toni

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 12/2/2007 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
  Toni, she was in SUNCITY Fl. Where is SunRay? I really do appreciate all the kind words. As I said in my post to you I apologize for giving incorrect info. I feel really stupid right now. My head is just screwed on backwards at the moment. I am glad you saw my error.
I have thought about your son since I joined this forum. My heart aches for you as a mother. I have 3 kids and I just can't imagine what you are going thru. I wish I was a millionare because I would have sent you the money to care for your son a long time ago. I hurt for you so much. I realize that  he is 21 now but I have to confess that I decided long ago I could never work with kids or young adults. I am too soft hearted and whimpy when it comes to them. It takes a very special person to do it. You are a wonderful loving mother and I respect you for all the terror you must be going thru. We will continue to pray for him. NEVER EVER give up hope.
 
 You are right this forum is absolutely wonderful. Resources for info are put out there by people who truly care.
                                                                                        Shelly 

mom's "will" to live
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 111
   Posted 12/2/2007 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Shelly, we must be online same time as I reply to you well tag your it. Okay, SunRay city is in the heartland area of the State. Where's SunCity? We are in Sebring Fl. right below Polk County.I have 4 children in all and everyone of them are special and unique in their own way's. Like you were saying about your mom and her outlook on life, my Will is the same, I've always told him to live each day as it were going to be his last. I think of my kids as my best friends and it's funny the older I get the closer we all become! I'm very blessed! I will never give up this fight and nor will he this is just another curve ball. This Friday 7th we will know if were back up to bat! Wish us luck!

Toni


1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 12/2/2007 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
 Toni, SunCity is outside of Ruskin (small town) about 20 miles or so south of Tampa. I will and do wish you the best for Will. I feel like I sometimes want a miracle but I am satisfied with a blessing if that makes sense. I consider myself pretty rational most of the time but I have been in the "Why" mode lately. Then I have to chastize myself and accept the fact that "Why" is the most ridiculous question I could be thinking of. There is never an answer to that. For me I have to rely on my faith to get me by. I find a great deal of comfort when I trust in God. It is my own selfishness that keeps me so sad. So the blessing is that I had the worlds greatest mother and I can remember all the wonderful memories she has created for me. It has only been three weeks since she died so time will heal all wounds. This I am sure of. This whole issue of her illness and death has brought me even closer to my own kids. (They are all grown now) I noticed they are calling me more now too. We have always been close but now we are even closer.
                     Hugs, Shelly

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 12/4/2007 12:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Shelly, I'd like to offer my condolences, too. I totally agree about "quality of life," and it's a blessing that your mom was sedated and passed peacefully. I remember a P.A. urging me to try treatment again, saying that "death from liver disease is not a pretty picture." Now I understand what she was saying. You were truly blessed to have such a close relationship with your mother. That is something I never knew, due to my mom's alcoholism and being mostly raised by my grandparents.

I certainly hope that you will continue to be an active part of this forum, as there are others who can benefit from your experience and wisdom.  BTW, I also live in FL, but in the NE corner of the state.

Hugs,
Connie

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 12/4/2007 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   

  Connie, thanks for your kind words. I hope I can get myself together soon. I feel like I am in a fog sometimes and unable to get my thoughts together. You and I agree that quality of life is the primary goal. I am so thankful that my mom was medicated so heavily. Some Dr's are afraid to do that as you probably already know. We were very fortunate to have recieved the care she did in Hospice. Suffering until the end is horrible.....in my experience I can tell you that nurses are the patients best advocates. Since most of us work 12 hour shifts we get to know our patients pretty well. It is usually we who call the Dr and get meds increased so the patient is not in so much distress and pain. In hospice I can say that the Dr's are very active in the patient care. (Although I have to admit I was like a hawk- evaluating every move on their part.) Her passing was a blessing but my own selfishness didn't want to let her go. I know that "This too shall pass" but it is hard.  I have been blessed with a lot of support from you and others from this site. Thanks again and I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers.

                                         Shelly

PS

I will try to keep up with the site, being informed so that people can make intelligent decisions has been one of my primary goals. Smart people make smart choices!


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 12/4/2007 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Shelly, from posts here and from personal experience with a friend, I know that hospice care is wonderful.  The nurses are very attuned to what is happening with the patient and can recognize the signs of impending death.  Hospice also believes in keeping the patient as pain free as possible through appropriate medication, and easing the patient into their passage to "the other side."

It was unselfish of you to give your mom permission to let go.  Many times, as I'm sure you know, patients will not let go if they feel a child or spouse doesn't want them to, which only causes additional suffering for terminal patients.

Connie


Friend in Need
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/4/2007 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelley,
My prayers and thoughts are with you. So very sorry to hear of your loss. I do not know you but my prayers are for you. hang in there.

God Bless

Old tackle

1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 12/4/2007 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Old Tackle, thank you. It is hard but I will fare OK. This forum has helped me alot. Thanks for the prayers, I need all the help I can get.
                     Shelly

tld
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted Yesterday 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Shelley
My daughter is in school for her RN. I believe you are in such an incredible field for allowing god to work thru you to touch others. Even w/ all your knowledge & knowing this was coming for your mom, i know it is never easy. I don't think we ever really stop missing our parents or loved ones, sometimes it just sneaks up on us! I do think god "wraps & buffers" us in his love & that is my prayer for you!
sympathies & prayers,
tld

Butterflythree
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 954
   Posted Yesterday 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelly, I want to thank you for being here and sharing your knowledge with all of us, even after all that you are going through. The pain will get better, but I don't think it really ever goes away. The anniversary of my mom's death was in November. This time of the year every year I almost re-live that day and the days that followed. The fog has lifted but the sadness has a way of creeping up on you. You will remain in my prayers.
Butterflythree
 
There is always hope!


1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted Yesterday 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
   Butterflythree, thanks for giving me some hope for this fog to lift. I feel a little better in the last few days. I know I will have my ups and downs but because of all of you I will do OK. Thanks again
                       Shelly
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