Thank you all for your words of encouragement. As difficult as it is right now for me I have to count my blessings. My dad once told me a little saying when I was 9 years old before I wnt in for a surgical proceedure. It goes like this, "I cried because I had no shoes until I saw the man that had no feet." I know it's a little silly but it is true. I can not feel sorry for myself because so many others have it much worse. I guess it has helped to focus on other things than on my own loss. I baked several kinds of cookies and candies and put them in pretty containers, tied a bow around them and took them to my neighbors houses. It made them smile so I felt better for it. Love you all.
For those of you who have suffered a loss and are still grieving, I send big hugs--but be glad that you had what you did, especially in terms of parents. I never knew my father, except through letters and occasional phone calls after I turned 21. Then, while in my late 20s, he killed himself. I think I am still grieving that loss some, 40 years later. My mother was a bitter alcoholic who never had a good word to say about anyone, including me. Needless to say, we were never close. In fact, for my own sanity, I had to cut her out of my life when I was in my late 30s. I found out last year that she had died the previous year, at age 82. I felt sad for what we never had, but that's it.
Having risen above a childhood of loneliness and despair, I now find myself grieving for a relationship that endured 13 years, but recently ended. He told me less than 2 weeks ago that he had "met someone." He comes from a large family and the holidays were always so much fun for me with them. I was finally able to fill that empty place where family love and laughter should dwell. Now, due to surgery, I have not been able to do much--sent gift cards to my daughter and teen granddaughter (who live in another county, don't drive, and with whom I'm usually at odds), and I have a little 2-ft. artificial tree instead of a 7-ft. live one. I'm not up to baking cookies or doing much of a physical nature. I don't expect to go anywhere or see anyone on Christmas Eve or Day. I am trying to be grateful for the friend who will bring me a plate of food on Christmas Eve, from her family get-together; for an elderly aunt who is more of a mother to me than mine ever was, though she lives in another city; for having beat liver cancer this year--and gratitude for basic needs fulfilled: A roof over my head and food in the fridge and cupboards. So many do not have these basics. And though the loss of the relationship hurts (it couldn't survive my illnesses and surgeries), I am grateful for all the good times we had. And I'm looking forward to TV performances by two of my favorite singers on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!
Hugs to all,
Post Edited (hep93) : 12/22/2007 5:52:28 PM (GMT-7)
Connie, After reading what you wrote I wanted to cry. I wish you lived near me as I would come and get you and bring you here for the day. Please know that you are loved and that my thoughts are with you. As I said before we can all be grateful for some of the advantages we have rather than feel bad for our losses and what we don't have. The most important things in life are easily attained. The most basic and important is love. That my friend I give to you. Christmas is supposed to be a time of cheer so I will do everything I can to spread a little to those I care about and that includes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am happy that you are recovering. Before you know it you will be getting some energy back and actually feeling better.
Thanks to those who wished they could come get me. Well, I couldn't go, anyhow--nothing to wear, literally. This drain is cumbersome and I only have one thing suitable to wear outside with it...a loose denim dress. I'm wearing some knit, lounger-style outfits at home and clipping the drain collection cup to the bodice. Otherwise, it's pulling on the tubing when it hangs loose. I've had drains before, but never one like this. Hopefully, it will soon be history. It's better than a spica (body) cast, which I had one Christmas.
Annette, I remember the valiant efforts you made to get help for your dad, and how difficult the holidays were for you last year. The pain does ease, bit by bit. Big hugs to you.
To all of you, I re-read the posts today (I try to keep up with all of you as much as I can). As I read your messages today it really occured to me how wonderfully loving you all are. The kindness, empathy, sympathy, and courage that is displayed here is a gift. There is so much sadness and heartache in the world that one could become extremely dispondent and just not care anymore. However; this site provides each of us an opportunity to encourage other posters. Isn't it great that even tho we all live apart from each other we are actually quite close emotionally? I for one am so thankful for all of you I just don't know how to express it. Speaking for myself I can say that you are all a blessing to every person who crosses your path. May God Bless you all and bring miracles into your life this holiday season.
Did you know that it takes fewer muscles to smile and laugh than it does to frown and cry?