I feel like giving up

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 333
   Posted 9/4/2008 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone hope you all are well just wanted to share with you all how I've been feeling lately I feel like giving up really I do.Meaning my life what's the point of living when I'm daily dealing with stomach problems I cant accept.It's been so lonely for me day to day being by myself with no kind of human contact like interacting with others and spending leisure and fun times with friends.I would never take my life but those thoughts enter my mind constantly like what kind of life do I have if I can not enjoy it and live it to the fullest.I'm limited to what I'm able to do things like enjoying a nice meal and not getting an upset stomach everyday is hard.Really it is difficult to deal with these symptoms with not end six years now I always ask why me.I miss really being able to eat whatever I want and enjoying food I do not enjoy the foods I eat sometimes.Sometimes it's like I need to eat enough of the right foods so that I can have healthy bms like what the **** is that before being diagnosed with IBS and afflicted with my stomach problems.I enjoyed foods I was a good eater loved foods especially the foods I can not have anymore.I now eat like a bird at times afraid to eat if I need to go out somewhere cause of fears of of the food not settling or having to use the restroom right away or dealing with gas.I'm tired and fed up I feel like crying sometimes but he tears do not come this is where I feel God has a hand in this issue.He knows crying with make matters worse and not solve anything but I just feel like crying to let out all the frustration that I feel.Why God? this is effecting me mentally I wont even fart in the comforts of my own home thinking someone might smell something and think it's me.That's how much it's effected me I always go into the bathroom to let it rip cause I feel that is where it belongs in the bathroom.IBS makes me feel gross but I know I am not it's taken away a part of me that was happy and go lucky and loved life.I'm scared that IBS will never get under control for me and I'll live a lonely and pathetic life.I pray to God everyday to take this away from me I just cant accept that this is my life and is going to be my life from now on.I want to travel be in a relationship eat out go to a party be in the company of friends live and love my life.I know that God keeps me strong but I do not know how long I can stay strong how many more years I can deal with these symptoms.I need RELIEVE this is so draining because of IBS I do not hang out with my sister we used to be so close I miss spending time with her I've let IBS change are relationship as brother and sister.I get jealous and envious when I hear my sister telling me about a trip she going on or just went on a party she went to a restaurant she ate at.It hurts me cause I think to myself that used to be me just loving and living life.Anyways I've blabbed on long enough I just needed to vent and I know I can come on here and feel free to do that cause I know I'm not alone in this wishing you good digestive health all my love jtaurus. :-) mad

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/5/2008 2:21 AM (GMT -6)   
i know exactly how you feel!! i have been in the same situation. i used to love to eat too, i wish so much i could travel, or go out and do anything for that matter. i even blame my IBS for ruining all my friendships and relationships because i'd always flake out on plans, or never be there for people, and it caused too many problems. i stayed home a whole semester from college hoping id get it under control but i didnt'!! now i am back and suffering and dealing with the embarrassment of it all on a daily basis cry your not alone and we need to keep trying and hope one day we will get better and be able to live normals lives

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 9/5/2008 6:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I know how you feel too!

One day I was "normal", and the next, diagnosed with rectal cancer (Stage 1, no treatment necessary). Prior to that I had rectal bleeding so technically that wasn't normal. But by normal, I mean I had one bm a day, could eat anything I wanted, I wasn't tied to a toilet, as I am now. I ended up having a 5 hour colon resection (90% of my sigmoid removed, 15 inches of my colon, gall bladder removed too because they found "hundreds" of gallstones on a CT scan, a temp ostomy, reversed 8 weeks later).....all of this 9+ years ago.

And I've never been the same since.

My surgeon said this would turn my world upside down.

He was right, it has. It has changed my life, forever.

My oldest daughter who is 21, in college and very active with clubs, socializing with friends, etc. (ie, burning the midnight oil, the candle at both ends and loving it at the same time!).........are you ready, thinks I stay home far too much. That I've just retreated from the world.

Well, in a sense she is correct.

I have said no to certain social invites. If I have had several very busy days and accepting an invite (dinner with in-laws for example) would be over the top for me, I say I have other plans or previous commitments. Even if that means sitting on my couch watching TV.

I have discovered what I need to make my situation work - a loving, understanding family (and even then, they don't always get what I'm going thru), plain food, 4 to 6 very small meals a day, a calm, quiet social calendar, etc.

My hope is that people give me the space to manage all of this the best way I know how to.

Like you, it does isolate us. I have totaled the time I'm in the bathroom, it's probably 3 hours a day on my bad days. That's like a part time job! We have paisley wallpaper in our powder room (my favorite bathroom in this house) and I have spent so much time in there, I sometimes find another "face" in the print. I know that sounds wacky. Some of the faces are obvious, people will say - does that look like a monkey's face to you? LOL I agree, yes it does but I have sat on that toilet for so many days now, I have found at least 10 faces. Once during an enema and lying almost upside down on the floor waiting for it to "cook", I found another, in an upside down position.

These are times I know I am changed. I know where all the bathrooms are located, in every store, mall or on vacation (hotels, I'm quite good at finding an off the beaten path bathroom, near an unused area of the hotel). LOL My family asks me where a good bathroom to use is found.

In my case, the flip side would be I could have had Stage IV cancer and might not have survived to see my girls graduate from HS and college. Grow up, get married, have children.

But is any of this easy - OH NO! It is a constant struggle to maintain a normal existence. In a normal colon or body world. I do envy people who can eat anything they want and then not need a bathroom for hours after eating!

I once had it so good and didn't even know it!

Vent with us anytime.....I do think the comaraderie/support we find here is very beneficial. It does help us accept our situations with patience, diligence, acceptance, and grace.

jtaurus - I wish you my very best!


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 333
   Posted 9/5/2008 9:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you guys your words are so comforting reading them reminds me I'm not alone in this I wish I was able to meet you guys then this would be so much easier to deal with.I have not really met anyone I could really relate to besides this one guy but his problems been resolved so he does not really understand.This forum is such a stress reliever and a place to share and be reminded that I'm not the only one thank you guys again love ya'll. :-)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 9/5/2008 1:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Not sure where you live jtaurus, but I'm in Ohio. Cincinnati to be exact.

I wish there was an IBS related support group in my city. I've only been able to find Cronn's and/or Colitis ones. Or cancer (but I usually find breast cancer groups). It is nice to find a group as nice as this one, isn't it? A God-send really....

But you're certainly welcome. Right after my trouble started (after my colostomy was reversed) I didn't tell many people what I went thru. Then I felt compelled to get people to the doctor for colonoscopies, so I shared my story with them. But so much time has gone now that they all think I am back to normal. They've even said so - surely, you're fine now, right? Yeah right.......so I don't even go into great detail with normal colon people. They will never understand. I am polite about it. If they ever ask why I don't do this or that, I just say I don't always feel well. And that I once had had cancer. I leave it at that.

It truly is a comfort to find understanding folks on this forum. This is the first place I've found support. I tried a few colon cancer boards but even they weren't as understanding as the people who struggle with IBS, day in, day out.

Don't give up hope and definitely vent with us! Okay? Nod your head now......

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