I'm so scared this is my life

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jt80
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 333
   Posted 8/7/2009 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey everyone I had the worst day experienced the worst bout of D I still have not learned my lesson yet.I do not know why I keep doing this at times I was craving a cheese burger thought I'd order it from a mainstream restaurant.The other place I usually order it from last time upset my stomach cause thiers is really greasy.So I ordered it from that mainstream restaurant but I was also craving one of thier dessert items.A chocolate cake I have not had chocolate cake in forever it was one of my favorite foods before IBS.So I ate the cheeseburger it was great everything settled had the fries which last time agreeded with me.I scarffed it down I was so happy cause after eating my burger I was not feeling any gurgiling cramping sensations I was thanking God I was able to enjoy it.Then I was ready for the chocolate cake hot molten with chocolate sauce and some vanilla icecream I sort of knew what I may have been getting myself into since I know what dairy does to me.For some reason eating it was just so satisfiying it was just so dam good it was like being in heaven.After eating it I was waiting for the cramping to come on and gassy feeling to start up but nothing that made me even happier.I was good for the rest of the night until when I was in bed I was feeling hungry so I got up and had a peach I did not want to eat anything heavy that stopped the hunger pains.It was the next day today when I had a feeling I was going to pay for what I ate the day earlier.I got up feeling gassy and bloated with a sour stomach feeling I just felt like I needed to just have a few bms and I would be good.I did thought that would be the end of it but I was not happy with the bms still felt like that was not enough.It was enough to get out and walk around I went to my mom's to get my dinner got home ate a little bit of it things were feeling a little funny but nothing happened.I was feeling a little hungry again had the rest of the food finished eating started walking over to the couch then that oh so familar feeling came over me I was like oh crap here it comes straight to the bathroom I went three trips I was paying for the other day alright lol.I hate this when will this end I cant go through this and it had to happen right when my neighbors upstairs came home.I'm so over experiencing the D it will visist me eventually I just want to ****ing enjoy eating foods again this is to much for me.Really this makes me feel dirty always questioning and worrying about what I eat,the only foods that do not bother me is my foods I'm supposed to be eating for my IBS.Those foods can get boring and bland I want variety in the foods I eat and I used to have that before IBS.I'm hungry right now and not sure what to eat I dont feel like going to supermarket even though it's right across the street from me.My anxiety is really bad and that supermarket is always so crowded this sucked but anyways I hope your days were better then mine take care all. :-)

Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 8/8/2009 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Aw jt80, I firmly believe you are not there yet.

You had one sentence that jumped out at me - "I'm supposed to be eating for my IBS." Very important word in that sentence - FOR!

IMHO, mind you I am not an expert but had to face some harsh realities as you have had to, I think that once you let go of the past - eating whatever you wanted, having normal bowel activity - and face the present and future, doing whatever you can to make it more normal, will you see lasting improvements.

I'm not saying I do not have weak moments - oh I have them. And I indulge but usually in very small amounts. The other night our vegetarian daughter came home after an 8 week summer internship and she offered to make dinner. We hardly ever eat out (budget reasons) so I took her up on this kind gesture. She made us grilled portabella mushroom burgers. After eating 1/3 of my burger I stopped. I just knew I shouldn't eat the entire sandwich. My husband finished my burger, saying - ah, okay, you like the mushroom burger, it just doesn't like you? I laughed and said - something like that!

I know that eating is a vicious cycle. Bland foods probably really bum some people out. I am grateful I like them. Because they are my life! LOL But boy if I had once enjoyed very spicy food, etc. I'd be hurting right now. Missing out, like you are.

And who knows, if you do cut out the foods that mess you up, maybe someday and possibly soon (a year or two), you could enjoy them again, in moderation. It might not be forever that you have to give up these foods. But for now, I really think that if you pay close attention to what your GI tract needs to feel well, in the long run your bouts with D might be fewer.

Wishing you my very best, as always.

Mary/Marsky
- Rectal Cancer 4/29/99, Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, temporary colostomy, reversed 8 weeks later)
- Chronic IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's, on low residue diet
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening


jt80
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 333
   Posted 8/9/2009 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I will try to stick to the foods that agree with me I know when I go off them it spells trouble lol.I'm just dealing with so much IBS is just controling my life and I hate that when I try for it to not to things go bad.I just feel like I'm to young I do not deserve dealing with this after other bad things I've gone through in my life.IBS just has taken everything I used to be away the out going fun person is gone I live everyday in fear worry and anxiety feeling like the world knows what embarrassing things I go through.I hate feeling this way always living in fear and worry that people are whispering and laughing and talking about me in disgust.I just want to dissapear or just snap my fingers and get back the health I used to have,I know I'm not the only one going through this but it's hard to feel like your the only one when your alone going through it.My faith in God is slowly slipping away and I hate that sometimes I just want to give up on life cause it's been so long suffering with this.I dont know how much more I can take of this really I'm surprised I have not had a nervous break down I'm just going through the motions of my lonely life but I'm still here for what?!!!!!!

Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 8/9/2009 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
jt - you're not alone. Please know that. We're here for you. I also know you feel as though IBS has taken over your life. I'm so sorry you feel that way. IBS is like a runaway train sometimes or a vicious cycle. Try to gain control over the aspects of this disease as best you can (diet, anxiety, etc.). As for worrying that people are whispering about what you're going thru, it's been my experience that most people I know (even close family members) don't even realize when I'm having a bad day. I'm not dismissing your concerns but want to gently point out they are probably not whispering about you. When you begin to think these thoughts, channel them elsewhere. I wish I could give you more concrete answers. This has to be so hard to deal with when you're young. One of the reasons I've probably accepted my situation and dealt with it, with fewer problems, is because I feel as though I have lived my life, I am enjoying living a quiet, more planned out lifestyle now. But if I were younger and wanted to get out there and really enjoy life, it would hinder those plans. So I do understand your frustrations. You're just one of those younger members with IBS I always say a prayer for and wish so much for you that you begin to feel better and find what works for you, to manage IBS so it doesn't impact your life to this extent.

Hopefully you'll receive more replies than just mine. We are here for you jt - can't say that enough. Don't give up!

Mary/Marsky
- Rectal Cancer 4/29/99, Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, temporary colostomy, reversed 8 weeks later)
- Chronic IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's, on low residue diet
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening


jt80
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 333
   Posted 8/10/2009 9:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for your prayers I'm trying my best to stay strong.

melb23
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/11/2009 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah i totally understand what you are going through. i havent been "diagnosed" with ibs, but with all of my symptoms i am sure it is...i am only 23 years old. i had minor symptoms that started around 7th or 8th grade, so around 12 or 13. they really got a lot worse when i was 17 and 18. now that i am 23 i am in udder pain and embarrassment. i am glad there are other people around and that i dont have to go through this alone. i have two young children as well, and i hate it when i say "oh lets go play outside" and then as we are getting ready to go out the door, "hey, mommys gotta go to the bathroom" and then i have to hear them cry, its heartbreaking. my father in law said that Reliv helps with some of these problems, so i am willing to try it. and right now i am taking Probiotic Eleven by nature's sunshine, which is basically accidopholis and other healthy bacteria and that has helped a little bit. so yeah...
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