It breaks my heart that you are so sad. Life is way too short and there is so much to live for to be so sad all the time. Are you taking any antidepressants? These might help you get through this difficult time until you find a dr who is able to help you and you will; always know that there is a dr somewhere that will be able to help you.
I too have had a crappy life and many medical issues. I married at 18 because my ex-husband (who was 5 years older) was living 5 hours away & I wanted to go live where he was. This was the early 80's and my parents didn't believe in living together so they said I would have to marry him or I couldn't go, I guess they didn't think we would get married, well we did. Anyway, after a year away we moved back and my husband who was a partier, jumped on a train with a buddy & lost one leg above the knee & one leg straight down, with just his ankle left. I was now just 20 yrs old with a husband without legs and having to learn to walk again. After seven weeks in the hospital & 10 surgeries, he was fitted with new legs & eventually learn to drive a standard dump truck as a new job. But he continued to drink and later started using many different drugs. I was determined that I could change him & even thought having children would help so we had 2 girls after 6 & 8 years into our marriage but he continued to party while I continued to support the family. Needless to say we eventually lost everything we had, our home, our car, our credit-due to his lack of resposibility and lack of growing up. After 13yrs I left him & moved in with my parents, the girls were 4 & 6. I started college full-time the next week and changed the shift at my job from days to nights so I would see the girls when they were home from school. I finished my bachelor's degree in 4 years!!! got a job teaching & started my master's degree. I started dating a wonderful man a couple of years after I started college. We married almost 7 yrs later, from the following yr on, I have been sick, gall-bladder,pancreatitis, severe abdominal pain that ended up being severe adhesions where my stomach was in a ball adhered to my chest, my liver all adhered to my ribs and my sigmoid colon to my pelvis. I was diagnosed with severe IBS-C after a prep for a colonoscopy stayed in my system for 10 days. I took all kinds of meds for C. I saw 5 different GI drs and was taking 17 different meds at one time. I had 2 knee surgeries & need a replacement but a car accident tore my rotator cuff & I had to have that fixed first & then I needed a colectomy for my constipation. I had had kidney stones removed every year for the past 4 years & this past year have had 6 kidney surgeries. I've also had 6 kiney drs. One almost killed me in May because he failed to realize I had a severe intestion infection. I ended up with a tube draining urine from my kidney for 8 weeks and a 12 inch stent aftward for 6 weeks. I have missed over 180 teaching days since 2003, that's a whole school year!!!!! This was supposed to be the first year I was healthy because I had the colectomy last year & then I had the kidney issue and missed school from May on. My school want me to pay back 29 days to them; but through ALL of this, I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS had a positive attitude. It's the ONLY thing that has gotten me through all of this. I haven't taken any antidepressants but am not against using them, I feel they are very helpful. I know that it is extremely difficult and is sooooooo hard to keep going through things every day, day after day; but you have to keep going and you can never give up. I always said I would find someone to help me and I didn't take any crap from drs. I traveled 6 hrs away to one GI dr & he sent me 3 hrs away so it would be closer & that is where all of my drs are now except my primary dr who is very supportive of me going out of town. It's hard to feel positive when you hurt but try to find your inner soul and fight each and every day to get some one to help you; it's what has helped me and it's what has gooten me through all of this.
You are so worthy of having a good life and to feel healthy. Fight the fight and know that I will be here to support you.
spleen/appendix/gall bladder-removed/endometriosis/complete hysterectomy at 29/sinus surgery/numerous allergies & asthma/chronic kidney stones/ pancreatitis 3x's/2 knee surgeries-now need replacement/bunion & 2 neuroma surgeries/shoulder surgery w/ pins-which also froze following surgery/severe adhesions & scar tissue-stomach to chest-liver to ribs-colon to pelvis/severe IBS w/ constipation/subtotal colectomy 7/08/ c difficile
Am now down from 17 meds a day to 8 and VERY healthy:)
There's always hope and things will get better :)