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7Lil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3269
   Posted 11/10/2005 8:52 PM (GMT -7)   
My grandparents had been visiting from Brazil and today they left.  It was heart breaking for me for 2 reasons: 1) Despite them living so far away we are actually VERY close and I love them more than anything.  And since they are nearing 80 this was probably their last visit here.... ever.  2) They both said something to me when they hugged me good-bye that tugged (ripped out and stomped) at my heart.
My grandma, when she hugged me, whispered into my ear "Next time I see you I pray to God you will have put on some weight and resolved your stomach issues."
Let the crying begin....
My grandpa was next, when he hugged me he whispered into my ear "Next time I see you, you better be happy and your stomach all better."
They see me thin, with bowel problems and so unhappy.  How depressing.  I know it hurts them to see me like this but I don't know what to do.  I can't change my IBS and I know all my issues stem from that.
Thanks for listening.
 
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dbab
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 11/10/2005 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
(((Lil))) I'm sorry... that must have been really hard as I can see that there is so much love between them and you and they sound really concerned for you. They want you to be happy and not hurting. I know you haven't been very yourself lately and now I sense its probably because you were anticipating them leaving. Everytime my parents visit me, I get really depressed from the time they walk in the door because I know they will be leaving out the door in a few days.
You need to please them and yourself by finding that happiness. I hope that the feelings you are having just stem from the season changing but I know that it comes from your IBS too. Have you looked into some stress reducing like yoga? I haven't been in a while but I have really been thinking about going back to it. It has helped me so much and was actually recommended by my doctor for my anxiety issues but it has made me such a calmer person now. My IBS has been turning for the worse and the season is changing so I think that I will be going back to it.

I know that what I said doesn't make you feel a whole lot better and I know there is probably nothing I can say to make you feel better at a time like that. Just remember that you have a friend here for you. Email me anytime okay?


Hugs, Des
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7Lil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3269
   Posted 11/10/2005 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Des, thanks for your reply.
You're right, I haven't been myself lately but I think it is because I'm stressing (and my IBS gets worse). Last month I got a promotion and it is a lot more work, more hours, and only a little more money. Not really worth it with the price of gas, my longer commute time and the crazy long days. On top of which I have to eat healthy, but who can eat healthy when they get home late? No time to cook or do anything. Which brings me to Yoga.... I just don't have the time. I get up at 6am and I don't get home until 7pm. I should be happy I now have something better to add to my resume, but really it is killing me slowly.
The 1st day I met my GI she said "You have to get a new job." I wish it was that easy....
Anyway, I'm just tired of having IBS because it runs my life.
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spengler
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 11/10/2005 10:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry lil. I've been going through a much mor eminor version of the same thing, if that helps at all , because out of my whole family, my father has developed a drinking problem, my sister has chronic pain and neurological lyme disease, and my mother looks to me and my brother to be the rock-solid happy-go-lucky guys. I know it's been extra hard for her to take my frantic, tearful phonecalls.

but i think it's better to be honest than to lie for the sake of someone's feelings usually, especially where family is concerned.


Brazil? You sure you don't just have giardia?

If that was a weak attempt at humor, sorry, I tried, and no offense was intended.

7Lil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3269
   Posted 11/10/2005 10:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Spengler, thank you! Any humor, weak or ortherwise, is greatly appreciated. :-)
I'm sure many of you, if not all, know what I'm feeling. IBS is rough on us and our families.
And I agree, spengler, it is usually better to be honest.
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bunnybabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 11/11/2005 6:42 AM (GMT -7)   
i am so sorry lil. great big freakin hugs to you!!!

i have a small stupid suggestion, since i have been gluten free, i have found "amy's organic" they make frozen foods and such, but they are really healthy and tasty. i get them on sale with some coupons. they have less sugar and sodium then other 'healthy' frozen meals. could save some time...
or i could cook up some meals and freeze them and send them.... (i totally would too, that is what is funny!!!)

you could get a 'yoga meditation' tape/cd and listen to it in the car. they have ones that won't make you fall asleep--your commute could be you 'me time'.

many yoga companies offer office yoga stuff, pricey, but your health is important. ( i like Gaiam.com)

or maybe you need to sing louder during your commute...

could you take a mini vacation?

i am a believer in yoga, and the best part is, you really only need a few minutes--honestly take five or ten minutes a day for a week and see if it helps any...

take care, i wish there was something more comforting i could offer...
hugs!!! --bunny
what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?


7Lil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3269
   Posted 11/11/2005 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Bunny, thank you for the organic frozen food suggestion (it's not a stupid idea).  I think I will have to eat something like that at least a couple nights a week.  It's too bad though because I love to cook.   Hmmm... I think I'll just cook a lot on the weekends and make sure it lasts me through the week.

Where do you live, Bunny?  I would love to come see your new place, have an Imodium party and then take home a barrel of food.   tongue   Everytime I have people over for dinner I always serve tea instead of coffee (unless someone insists on that too).

As for my choice of listening material on my long commute.... I have opted for soothing sounds.  Currently I have in Robert Miles but I may just get one of those self-help books on CD (or Yoga, whatever, anything, please).

Thanks for all the support and suggestions.  You are amazing people.  Too bad we can't all get together face to face for dinner (or maybe just tea). 


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Keriamon
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 11/11/2005 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
God bless the grandparents who feed us whatever we want when we visit, even if they have to go out and buy it special just for us, who let us lay around and be lazy when we go visit and never demand anything of us, and only sometimes ask for some help in the most pleasant way imaginable, who send us money when they hear we don't have any, even if they are on a limited budget, who look at our cars and help us fix them, even if they don't feel good or have arthritis, who give us something of theirs just because we said it looked pretty, who let us do things our parents won't let us do, who send us a letter every week through 4 years of college and 3 1/2 months in another country, who occasionally curse and laugh about it and let us do it too--occasionally....

I know how you feel, Lil. My grandmother is 81 now and not in great health. Luckily I only live 1.5 hours away from her, so I can see her more often than you can see your grandparents, but I worry about her pretty often. What will I do without my Nanny? I always ran to her when my mother was being overbearing. Nanny's house was like a place of meditation. I could work on my craft projects, eat jars of salsa and chips, have pizza for lunch AND supper, and get a trip to the convenience store to load up on some plain junk food. I didn't have to cook or clean or do anything but put my crap back in my room (yes, I had my own room at my grandmother's house) at the end of the weekend so it wouldn't be a trip hazard for her. Oh, and make up my bed most of the time. But not everyday, mind you, just when I got ready to leave.

Given that it's Vetran's Day, I propose everyone try and contact a grandparent or even an eldery aunt or uncle that you are close to, today or this weekend, and just talk to them for a while. Learn something from them about your family history or a recipe or something like that. Most all of our grandparents are the WWII generation; I read today that WWII veterans are passing away at the rate of 1,000 a day. If you figure in their wives and the men who didn't go to war, then we are losing two-three times that number of grandparents every day in America. So enjoy them and learn from them while you can.

bunnybabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 11/11/2005 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
right on keriamon!!
i only have one grandma left, and she has alzheimers--it has been about 10 years of it now, it is a VERY long goodbye. she and my grandpa were from poland, and lived through all the bad stuff, and when she came here she was a real riverter!! like Rosie the Riveter!!! my grandpa came over later, he was sent to russia to a work camp, then found his way to the US and met my grandma. they eloped and didn't tell anyone until they had enough money for their own apartment. unfortunately i found out most of this after he passed away (about 10 years ago). he used to make stuff, very resourceful and inventive. after he died i found two rings that he had made, i kept them. when my husband and i eloped (we were flat broke and i am one of ten children) we decided to use the rings he made. we thought about getting them engraved, but when i showed a jeweler he said, 'i can't find the seam, whoever made this was extrodinary'. so they have not been touched. it is amazing how people live on if you make room for them....

lil, i am moving from DC to MD. this is our shortest move ever!! it will be strange though, i have never NOT lived in the heart of the city before, right now we are close to DC's biggest park so there is a feeling of a suburb, but we are moving to an actual apartment complex...strange to us... i think it will be very much like campus life, without the partys in the parking lot with big red cups...
when my husband was on tour i used to make two huge pots of soup or stew or jambalya on sundays and have that for lunches/dinners for the week. i remember how hard it was to be all by myself-making a full meal felt dumb... then i read that that was not good for your stomach, to eat lots of left-overs--but it was cheap!!! maybe that is why i am so screwed up now!!!!

take it easy everyone, thinking of you all--- now i gotta pack up my crap!!
--bunny
what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?


7Lil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3269
   Posted 11/11/2005 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Keri, you are right on about grandparents... Absolute and unconditional love. Once, my grandma was cleaning my room (without my permission) and she found something VERY embarassing of mine. She never brought it up and never seemed to judge me about it. She also makes me whatever goodies I want, and grandpa always fixes all my stuff, paints, gardens, etc. I really don't know what I'm going to do when they are gone (even though I only see them once a year, it will be hard to know they are not there for me anymore).
Bunny, I have to admit I HATE MOVING. I have moved 3 times in my adult life and I wish I will never have to do it again. What a hassle. I hope this new place is fabulous and treats you well.... and you stay there a while.
Take care!


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Sarita
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2486
   Posted 11/11/2005 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   
What a poignant story, Lil - hang in there, girly.  You have the love of some pretty amazing people, it sounds like.  Hold on tight to it!  And they live in Brazil - take a vacation one of these days and get down there! 
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