New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

applesk82
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 3/20/2008 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
 
Ok so I went to my local nephrologist on Tuesday ( I don't see my Transplant Nephrologist until April), and when I asked her opinion (again) on getting pregnant this time she said that it would be 100% risky to both me and the baby if I were to get pregnant.  When she told me this it was very hard to keep a calm demeanor.  Inside I was so absolutely upset.  It had always been my hope that I would be able to get pregnant and give birth to my own baby.  And up until now most of my doctors have been very optimistic that I could get pregnant, carry and give birth, but now more and more of the doctors are telling me that it's too risky for me to get pregnant let alone carry a baby.  Even two of my docs before (neurologist and PCP) were telling me that it was not a good idea, as long as my nephrologists said that it was still ok then I would have at least still tried, but now I know that I cannot get pregnant without endangering my health.  And with an disease like ours we are less likely if not told out right that we can not adopt.  So now if my hubby and I want a baby of our own, the only thing we can do is surrogacy. And unfortunately our insurance just like all insurance companies will not pay for IVF or provide medical coverage for the surrogate woman.
 
When I found all of this out, my mom happened to call and with me being so upset I just started crying into the phone (I never tell my mom this kind of stuff because I don't want her to worry because we are so far away from each other) and I explained to her what was going on and she insisted that she will be our surrogate and if we need to she and my dad would take out a loan against their house to pay for the IVF.  God bless her wonderful heart, and unfortunately she WILL NOT take no for an answer and neither will my dad ( he is just as adament, that we do this as she is).  So they are going to talk to the docs to make sure that she is healthy enough to do it.  I think its crazy and in my heart it would be wonderful, but I don't want anything to happen to my mom, I would die if something happened to her.  but she said she wants me and my hubby to have our family, and my dad said if this is what we have to do to have kids, then they are in it 110%. Now don't get me wrong my mom is 43 and in absolutely perfect health.  The only thing she had a problem with was allergies this summer/fall.
 
Sorry this is so long but I really needed to get it out and I need advice from people who are not so emtionally envolved, basically people outside of my immediate family circle.  So I turn to my lupie family.  Any advice would be so wonderful.
Hugs and prayers,                      If it was easy being a lupie, 
   ~Suzanne~                                      the whole world would be one     
                                                             
diagnosed in May '95 with lupus nephritis, hypertension, hypothyroidism, avascular necrosis (knee) '98, kidney transplant April '06, pseudo-cerebral tumor '07, AVN ankles and hips '07
prednisone, cellcept, prograf, lopressor, allopurinol, synthroid, diamox, OsCal +D, lunesta, celexa, percocet for pain


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7019
   Posted 3/20/2008 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I would suggest waiting at least some months before deciding on such a drastic surrogate. Time enough to let emotions take the back seat so you can make an informed, calm & logical decision.

Lynnwood, Co-Moderator: Lupus Forum

Dx Lupus since '00, new Dr wants to Dx Fibro instead....
SLE(’00), Sjogren's Syndrome, Raynaud's Syndrome, SAD, Depression, Herpes Simplex 1
Piroxicam, Plaquenil, Prednisone, Xanax, Trazodone, Boniva(3mth shot), Wellbrutrin SR, Valtrex
Links: DIAGNOSING LUPUS (4 of 11), LUPUS INFORMATION, LUPUS RESOURCES, Donate to HealingWell, Drug Interactions



applesk82
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 3/20/2008 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
oh dont worry, even if we did decide to do this, it would be many months before anything would actually happen. We still need to talk to doctors, do research, and I really dont want the finanical burden to fall on my parents so we would have to figure out a way to pay for everything also.  This like most of my decisions will definitely not be rushed into.
Hugs and prayers,                      If it was easy being a lupie, 
   ~Suzanne~                                      the whole world would be one     
                                                             
diagnosed in May '95 with lupus nephritis, hypertension, hypothyroidism, avascular necrosis (knee) '98, kidney transplant April '06, pseudo-cerebral tumor '07, AVN ankles and hips '07
prednisone, cellcept, prograf, lopressor, allopurinol, synthroid, diamox, OsCal +D, lunesta, celexa, percocet for pain


redrose77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 2573
   Posted 3/20/2008 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
It will take a few months to do research into the legalities anyway. Have your mom go ahead with the doctor visit and such (btw women of here age have babies and are just fine all the time nowadays), but you need to do some looking into the legal issues. If she is in a different state you need to find out if her state laws are different and if so which are more favorable for the surogacy. If your mom is cleared to do this and if you and your husband still want to try after doing the legal research then I say take your parents up on the offer. Believe me it would be hard to find a better surrogate unless you had a sister who could do it. I am speaking from the genetic standpoint, you and your mom share genetics which will make her body less likely to attack the baby. Unfortunately, that is a problem but not as common as one would think in surogacy. It would be very expensive to pay someone to do this for you. Your parents sound wonderful, and their willingness to help you is awesome.

But, you need a clear head and an honest idea of what will be involved. I suggest legal research be your first step, then look into the medical aspect. You need to verify your body can handle the hormone treatment required to induce ovulation for IVF to happen. Just something to consider. I really hope that once you have all the facts you, your husband, and your parents can make an informed decision.

I wish someone would offer to carry a baby for me, I would really like to have another so this baby doesn't grow up alone but am unsure if that would ever be possible since for me this was a now or never thing that we had actually never expected to happen (remission was viewed as highly unlikely for me until suddenly it happened).

I would also consult a therapist and have a few sessions before committing to going forward. Believe me you need to be absolutely sure.
Dx:fibromyalgia 2002, systematic lupus 2005- definate CNS involvement dxed late 2005, psoriasis 2006, rheumatoid arthritis 2006, PTSD 2007, multiple allergies 2005, migraine, compression fractures T11 & T12, Sjögren's, damaged periphrial nerves 2007, pregnant due May 2008
Tx: plaquenil, Enbrel, Darvocet, Singulair, Flexeril, Baby Asprin, Imuran, Procardia, Prilosec


applesk82
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 3/20/2008 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
yea, my mom is already doing the medical part for her and i already started the research both legal and medical the hormone treatments i will talk to my docs about when i see them. And my hubby is actually waiting to go to recruiting school, and we are hoping to get an assignment in chicago so that we could go back home for 3 years and that is when we would do the IVF and surrogacy. so i can be with her and we can be there during the birth, and i can spend some time with my family for a while and so could the baby if we go thru with it.
Hugs and prayers,                      If it was easy being a lupie, 
   ~Suzanne~                                      the whole world would be one     
                                                             
diagnosed in May '95 with lupus nephritis, hypertension, hypothyroidism, avascular necrosis (knee) '98, kidney transplant April '06, pseudo-cerebral tumor '07, AVN ankles and hips '07
prednisone, cellcept, prograf, lopressor, allopurinol, synthroid, diamox, OsCal +D, lunesta, celexa, percocet for pain


MJLD
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1048
   Posted 3/20/2008 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((Suzanne)))))))) I know how heartbroken you must feel. This is a tough call. You and your family will be in my prayers. Love ya Judy
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, December 05, 2016 11:07 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,365 posts in 301,110 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151249 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, John's Mom.
208 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Ridgeruner, Mews2much, bluelyme, msOuchie, roisin86, ChickNorris, John's Mom, julymorning


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer