I just want to give each one of you and HUGE hug!! You guys are so kind and such good friends to me. It's strange to feel so close to someone that you have never met. I've had the fortunate experience of running accrossed some of you that call me on the phone to see how I'm doing. My family doesn't even do that! .
Yesterday morning was really bad for me but last night was a lot better. I'm sure in no small part to all of your prayers and possitive thoughts and your kind words to me. I must admit I do feel really guilty when I don't come here every day and try to be of some help. It leaves me feeling kind of empty.
Patty (not your brother) lol. sorry but I had to laugh. I am beginning to think that the provigil is causing me some problems. It does say side effects can cause suicidal thoughts or actions. I know a lot of meds say that. they have never bothered me but ya never know. Between the holidys and health and everything else those meds just might have tipped the scales. I took a half of one this morning I'm gonna try that for a week or so and see if I notice a difference.
Bigbry, hey we have never met even online have we? my brain doesn't retain alot but I just wanted to say welcome to the group and thank you so much for your suppport. I look forward to getting to know you.
Ginny I sent you and email back a little while ago. Thank you so much for the email I really appreciate the offer. God loves ya and so do I.
Redrose, thank you so much for responding. You are so sweet. The feeling is mutual. After all not everyone will let you go through their pregnancy with them! Do you realize how many adopted aunts and uncle that son of yours has? Give him a hug for me!
Judy, I love you too. You do have a way with words. If God has plan I sure wish he'd let me in on it. I'm sure most of us wish we knew what the future held.
((((((Donna)))), you're such a sweet heart. But I have to say that one of the 5 dogs bit the kitten this morning and I wacked him one. I don't think he felt the love lol. I'm climbing out of the hole with all the support you guys are giving me. Your post had me in tears. Some times tears are a good thing.
Thanks again everyone. I love you all. No matter what happens or when it happens you are all a gift to me.
In His Grip
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"
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UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)
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Late get this to you Carol. I tend to think like one other has done. When I went to the cancer center for radiation treatments, one of the first things that the did was to assign me to a social worker, in the building where I got the radiation treatment.
Okie. sometimes i forget your name;) I cannot think anyone can be in better than you are when you respond to this forum, and to those who are better for hearing your words.
Hope this day will be for you than it was yesterday.
Your post helped me too Marji. Yesterday was such a good day. cleaned three of the rooms in my house. felt so good physically and mentally. wanted to keep cleaning as much as I could because what might show up. and sure enough diarrhea paid me a visit again. first thing this morning. So cannot go pay the bills, get gas in the car, etc. At least I bought groceries yesterday.
I do not know if I need to push it, or take many breaks as I worked yesterday. And I did take breaks, but apparently not enough. For here it is again this day of explosive diarrhea. and found myself depressed at bedtime last night. Like someone pushed a button and the good day was gone. there was nothing that caused me to be depressed. It is more like a physical response. and still I wonder if Lupus has more physical effect than may not be known. I wonder if the depression is not because or our reponse to Lupus. Rather Lupus causes us to be physically and mental depressed.
Lesions on the brain, is a physical response to the body, and what kind of response does the body make to these lesions? don't know. do they know?
But here it is. One really good day yesterday, and today depression determines what my life will be today any many tomorrows maybe. But at least I had this day. the house is clean, mostly. and will go back to my rest 15 minutes, and work 5 minutes. and get the laundry done at least. can't drive anywhere. Have to stay close to the bathroom.
Thank you Carol for sending your message to us, and thank you for Marji for responding to Carol.
Your prayers must have worked Marji. Woke up today with a better thinking mind. Lupus fog brain less intrusive. more capable to think. So many of you have fog brain. Why I didn't or couldn't have associated this with Lupus. I have a mental disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder, and always the doctors believe that the depression I experience is normal for DID. Having bad mental days is associated with the disorder, and I am not so sure now. Sadness, or some other thing affecting me caused depression some times. and that part I understand, but not the depression and mental cycles that I experience with Lupus. This depression that I associate now with Lupus does not respond to antidepression meds. and the depression that I accompany with the mental incapacity doesn't make sense. I am confusing my own self.
But even in the midst of this brain fog due to Lupus, I can understand. and as you said, I do not have the control over Lupus, and what it does to me, but I can control my response to it.
Just had that one day of diarrhea yesterday. It seems to be gone today, and motivation is returning.
I need to tell my youngest daughter to drink more gatorade. she drinks bottled water all day, and she walks regularly for miles at a time. she needs the electrolytes as I do. I found quarts of gatorade the other day at the grocery store for a dollar each. I do feel better too for drinking all of them. can't afford them all the time, but sometimes.
Each day that I visit this forum, and read the problems that other people have had, each day is an education for me. Each day I am helped here. and helping other people also does a good thing. When I speak to people about resting and letting things go, it also gives me permission to allow myself to let things go.
This Lupus forum is a win, win situation.
many thanks Marji. Many many thanks.
I will have to get some of the canister of Gatorade to fix like koolaid I am guessing. I am also going to get some homemade remedy for heart burn. Baking Soda, called sodie power by us southern ladies;)
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