I quit! Im done! (until tomorrow)

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SSDore9240
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 1/22/2009 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   

I want to yell at the top of my lungs I QUIT! I'M DONE! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! Why can't I quit? When is enough enough?

I feel as though I have all the responsibility on me...and I can't keep on keepin on! Sure, I'm full of quotes and sayings that keep me going. I'm usually quite motivated to never quit. Why can't I quit? Even if only for a little while. I want to quit dealing with lawyers and SSA. I want to quit taking pills. I want to quit wondering how the bills will be paid. I want to quit wondering if there is anything else I can do, any other dr to see.

I know this is just a tough day. I'm emotional, I'm in alot of pain which is just about to drive me litterally insaine, I'm stressed, my hair is falling out again, my face is numb again.....

I know...just go to bed! I can't lay down and sleep when I hurt this bad and my mind is racing, reminding me that the pain is real.

Oh and lets not forget that I forget EVERYTHING!

Any insight on how to get through one more night without going crazy?

Thanks for listening!


31 year old mom of 1:SLE,UCTD,FM, Arthritis, Reynolds, Migraines, Alopecia, Periphreal Neuropothy, Int. Bells Palsey, Costrocondritis(?), Degenerative Disks, Bulging Disk/Cervical, a bunch of other stuff I don't remember right now and even more labwork I dont understand! Patient at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD. Plaquinil, Trazodone, Lidoderm, Neurontin, Flexeril 


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7022
   Posted 1/22/2009 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I dunno' if it helps any, but I know EXACTLY how you feel!

And even if we manage to find a drug that lets us sleep and quit for one day, it all seems to be back again all too soon.

Hang in there, it eventually changes again --

Lynnwood, Co-Moderator: Lupus Forum
SLE(’00), Sjogren's Syndrome, Raynaud's Syndrome, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Depression, Herpes Simplex 1
Plaquenil, Prednisone(15 6mg), Piroxicam, Xanax, Trazodone, Boniva, Wellbutrin, Valtrex

Links: DIAGNOSING LUPUS (4 of 11), LUPUS INFORMATION, LUPUS RESOURCES, Donate to HealingWell, Drug Interactions

"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." –Oscar Wilde, 1982

 


puccini914
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 1/22/2009 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I can totally relate. I don't think I've left the house in over a week. Too cold and hurt too much. It makes me want to scream when I take 4-5 Lortabs (5mg) a day and still I ache all day and get sharp pains. One little outing to the grocery stre and I just want to go to sleep, but I have a 6 year old and 19 month old, both boys. I feel like I just want to quit, everytime I try to lay down, just put my feet up for a while, the baby is getting into the dog water, garbage, linen drawer, etc. He's always getting into things. I spend so much time chasing him around that my little 6 year old sometimes feels neglected. It breaks my heart because he is such a sweet boy. I keep telling myself that things will be easier when the kids are older and in school for most of the day, but sometimes it's just so hard when I'm so tired I just want to cry. DH is trying to help, but he works all day and the kids get used to Mommy doing it all that when Daddy tries, it's just not what they want. The baby has major sleeping issues. I have to hold him for an hour just to get him to sleep and then gently move him to the bed next to me. Yes, he sleeps in my bed. If I try to put him in the crib, he immediately wakes up and starts screaming. I'm way to exhausted to try to get him to sleep anywhere else even though I know I need to get him sleeping on his own. My husband and I have virtually no relationship left. When the kids are finally asleep, I'm off to bed myself. I've just had to accept that things are really hard right now, especially with the financial difficulties. Things will get better for you and for me. You and I have a lot of the same symptoms and meds. Don't take out your frustrations by rebelling against your meds. I know that I keep thinking maybe I don't need all this stuff, miss a day or two and really end up paying for it. When my kids are driving me crazing and I feel like I'm going to lose it, I try to stop and think how Blessed I am to have them in the first place. When I'm so tired I just want to cry, I move bedtime up a little. When I really feel stressed and stir crazy, I tell DH I need a break and leave him the kids and go thrift store shopping. It may wear me out a bit, but finding a great deal always makes me feel good. The biggest reason I have to keep going is that my kids need their mom. Know one can love them the way I do. Every morning I get up because my kids me need me. If it wasn't for them I think I'd lay in bed all day and probably feel even worse about myself. On really bad days I try to get them to curl up with me on the bed and watch a movie, although the baby never sits still for long, it's great cuddle time that gives me a bit of a break. I know I've rambled and vented a bit here, but I just wanted to let you know I hear you and really relate. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jennifer

PCP pretty convinced- Lupus , Taking plaquenil,Propranolol,  Flexeril,Claritin, Zantac,Ambien,vitamin B-12, multi- vitamin, Lortab.   Mom of 2 boys 1 and 6.  Symptoms: Fatigue, joint pain, heat/sun sensitivity, mouth and nose sores, malar rash, migranes, awful hives, positive ANA, and RF.

 

 


FW
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 477
   Posted 1/22/2009 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
((((HUGS))))

You sound exactly like I did a few days ago! It did get better and my thoughts and prayers are with you that you find some relief, quickly.
Take care,
Fran

Dx: Lupus, sjogren's, celiac, severe allergies.
Daily Meds: Plaquenil, Zyrtec. Aciphex, Nasacort, Prozac, Ambien CR.
Daily Supplements: Calcium, B-100 Complex.
As Needed Meds: Epinephrine, Benadryl, Proventil, Xopenex, Tylenal, Darvocet, Prednisone.


okie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 1/22/2009 10:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dore, bless your heart! I wishI had some wonderful words of wisdom to share with you. Unfortunately I don't. I do know that things do change all the time. But sometimes 1 day feels like 2 or 3. They drag and we get tired. very tired. Sometimes we just want to sleep. because if we are asleep we aren't hurting or thinking about anything. I know nothing I am saying is helping. I just wanted you to know we do understand and I am praying you get through this night without too much pain.
gentle hugs prayers for rest
carol
 CAROL
Possible scleroderma.  stage 4 COPD, sleep apnea, Osteoporosis,osteoarthritis
Prednisone,plaquanil400mg,azythromyacin,vicodin 4x5mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg,Xanax 1.0 x3,Singular,nitro spray, provigil 200mg spirivia,aciphex,lasix ,pot.chlor.,B12 ,iNDEROL
 
Bear ye one another's burdens
Galatians 6:2 KJV

 
 


kpeachy75
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 250
   Posted 1/23/2009 6:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I've been at my wits end the past few weeks too. Maybe its a full moon??
Take care, peachy
 
Diagnosed with lupus in May 2005. Daily Medications: Prednisone, 5 mg; Imuran, 50mg 2x a day; Warfarin, 5 mg / day; Zoloft, 100 mg / day; Plaquanil, 200 mg 2x a day; Nexium, 20 mg / day; Tramadol, 50 mg 2x a day (as needed) and Tylenol. Supplements: 1500mg calcium; 2000 IU of Vitamin D; 400mg magnesium; Centrum Silver (and I am 30!)


Butterflake
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1551
   Posted 1/23/2009 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dore. You and Jennifer are having such a rough time. (((Hugs))) Jennifer, don't beat yourself up about letting your baby sleep with you. Lots of people do that. You may consider letting your 6 y/o join you too. Eventually when my daughter was old enough for her own bed, I would read her a story every night and lie with her until she fell asleep. She's 23 now and sleeps alone smilewinkgrin   Dore, starting in 2003 my life was a terrible struggle and docs didn't believe I was sick. I attempted suicide and the psych hospital sucked unbelievably. I had to invoke the family medical leave act, didn't work for 3 months, and filed for bankruptcy. Even after diagnosis I was working full time, taking the revolving medication trial, going to sleep at 6:00PM nightly so I could make it to work, and spending weekends in bed. Finally I became so sick that I couldn't drive, couldn't walk without a walker, and was so weak my BF had to bathe me. Naturally I had to quit work and apply for disability retirement. I eventually was diagnosed with infected parotid glands. It took me months to recover. Now, here's advice that our member Babs gave me a few years ago: Look at this time as if you're crossing a bridge. Some bridges will be longer than others. Sometimes it seems the bridge will never end. You can't even see the end of the bridge, but it is there. Eventually you will cross the bridge and get relief for a while. I've crossed many bridges the past 5 years. You will find strength you never knew you had and you will cross them too. I'm sending both of you lots of positive energy to help you during your crossing. Love, Butterflake
Systemic Lupus ('05), depression, diabetes, fibro, gerd, hypertension, IBS, sleep apnea  Rx: Cellcept, plaquenil, prednisone, celebrex, lisinopril, actos, lipitor, nexeum, prozac, seroquel, wellbutrin, actonel, tylenol arthritis, neurontin, phenegren, flexeril, vit C, multi vit, flaxseed oil.  Acupuncture  "Welcome to lupus, where the strange is ordinary and nothing is normal." Donna 
 


jhmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2244
   Posted 1/23/2009 9:04 AM (GMT -7)   
There are a lot of us going through this very same thing, thank goodness for this board! I am sorry you all are going through this, I really like what Babs/Donna said about the bridges and it is so true, we will get through this and pass over this bridge and feel a little better if only for a brief moment.

It's important for us to have "me" time. So when hubby gets home take a long hot bath, go to the thrift store, go somewhere for a nice cup of coffee, tea or ice cream sundae. Do this at least a couple times a week, maybe it will help.

I can't help but think there may be many of us that our illness is not properly controlled with our meds, we may not have the right cocktail of meds. Please bring to your doctor's attention the way you are feeling and any new or worse symptoms you may be having (increased joint pain / fatigue, etc). It may be time for a new med or changing the dose, etc.

(((( everyone ))))))
Stacie
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding ~ Proverbs 3:5 ~

DX: Lupus, Sjogrens, Raynaud's, Hashimoto's and Celiac Disease
RX: Imuran, Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Flexeril, Piroxicam, Levoxyl, Folic Acid, Folgard OS (B12), Vitamin D-50,000 IU, Darvocet (as needed) and magic mouthwash (for mouth sores)


hippimom2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 5403
   Posted 1/23/2009 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh boy, I can sure relate and it seems like a lot of us are going through this. Ive been having lots of "poor me" days and days that my lupus jut hits me full force both emotionally and physically. I'm not sure what's going on with me but just wanted to let you know that I can relate. I often feel like I am just existing. Even though I'm not flaring as bad as I was a few weeks ago, I'm just so tired and foggy so much of the time.

Even though I haven't been on the forum a lot this week, you have all been in my thoughts.
Diagnosis:  UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; UC 2008; CFS 1991; Mono 1985
Meds:  Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Doxepin 25-50mg; Prevacid; Evoxac; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Artificial tears

 

Clickable:  LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES.

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Co-Moderator: Lupus and CFS Forums



SSDore9240
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 1/23/2009 8:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm very tired but wanted to let each of you know I appreciate your thoughts and encouragement. Until tomorrow...THANK YOU!
31 year old mom of 1:SLE,UCTD,FM, Arthritis, Reynolds, Migraines, Alopecia, Periphreal Neuropothy, Int. Bells Palsey, Costrocondritis(?), Degenerative Disks, Bulging Disk/Cervical, a bunch of other stuff I don't remember right now and even more labwork I dont understand! Patient at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD. Plaquinil, Trazodone, Lidoderm, Neurontin, Flexeril 


BigBry
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 1/24/2009 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hang in there. I know the feeling of throwing in the towel. It shall pass, though it might feel like your passing a kidney stone “ouch”. Once it’s through you’ll feel much better. Losing your hair has to be traumatic I know for myself from lifting hundreds of pounds at work to having a hard time lifting a jug of milk has been for me. Like the old saying Brains over Braun. There has to be an upside to this.

Best wishes
DX: IBS 00, +ANA 05, Depression 06, MCTD & Sjogren's 07, GER 08  
Meds: Plaquenil 400mg, Prednisone 10mg, Celebrex 200mg, Effexor 150mg, Nexium 40mg, Metoclop 10mg and numerous other supplements 
Life is what you make of it.  Just something I try to remind myself every day.


SSDore9240
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 1/25/2009 8:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone!  The fatigue is getting the best of me but my spirit is returning.  It's crazy just how much your mental attitude can make you physically feel!  I have agreed with myself to take it easy even when I'm rested...I am fearful that I will over do it and be right back in the bed!  Take care, until next time!

31 year old mom of 1:SLE,UCTD,FM, Arthritis, Reynolds, Migraines, Alopecia, Periphreal Neuropothy, Int. Bells Palsey, Costrocondritis(?), Degenerative Disks, Bulging Disk/Cervical, a bunch of other stuff I don't remember right now and even more labwork I dont understand! Patient at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD. Plaquinil, Trazodone, Lidoderm, Neurontin, Flexeril 

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