aggervated.. I need to vent.

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 10/14/2009 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Good morning.. I need to vent.. I'm sick to my stomach...if you don't know.. My mother had lupus along with 12 other chronic diseases.. She passed away in Feb. because the hospital never sent her home with oxygen .. my dad found her respiratory aressting.. after she passed away my dad had gotten a lawyer.. they have their own doctors investigate.. so my dad got a letter from them saying.. that yes there was negligence and also she had fluid on her lung when she was discharged .. meaning they really shouldn't of sent her home. so they said the hospital is at fault but due to my mom's illness they didn't want to fight it. since my mom passed away I have been going crazy because I knew they were wrong. Since we have heard from the lawyer I feel somewhat better because suing them wouldn't have made it better for me.. money won't bring my mom back.. that's what I would want rather than anything. But I just don't understand how they can say well "yeah they were wrong but your mom was really sick so we aren't going to pursue it"... I don't get it..

Sorry I ramble

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 10/14/2009 10:54 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Lori, sending you hugs. I'm sorry for your loss. I don't get here much so I don't know what all is going on with you but I recognize the anger and frustration of losing someone. I lost my husbnd who was in the hospital and died of no known reason by autosy. I lost my father this march so right after you lost your mom. I was in the hospital when my dad died and I was there for a month and couldn't get to the funeral. Frankly I think I had a break down because I don't really remember a lot about the 30 days in the hospital.

But losing my husband I was so angry. I prayed every night that I would wake up in the morning and it would have just been a nightmare. That didn't help. I tried the lawyers. I don't have a lot of faith in some lawyers. It took about 3 years to stop being angry. I had to tell my husband I was sorry and I did everything I could but I had to move on.

I guess I'm just trying to say everything you are going through is normal and it takes time. You will never get over losing your mom and the hardest part will be the (if only this or that) Mine was If I had taken him to a different hospital. Since then I have seen a lot of death and everyone has an If only they could tell you about. It's part of dealing with loss.

Iknow what I say if not helping I just want you to know I am praying for you to just talk to your mom I believe she can hear you and she wants to see you with a smile on your face and doing well. I know if I was the mom that's what I would want for my son. I would be saddened to see him suffer.

Hang in there one day you will actually think of somthing really funny that you remember about you and your mom and you will be surprised to know the laugh you hear is coming from your mouth.

God bless



systemic sclerosis sine scleroderma,sleep apnea,Megaloblastic anemia
what ever that is.

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 10/14/2009 11:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Carol.. Thanks so much... I always thought to my self.. people says it gets better in time... it doesn't you just learn how to deal with it.. I have had so many good memories with my mom and think about them constantly really I have nothing but good memories of her. I know she is ok .. I believe when it is your time it's your time.. she suffered everyday dealing with lupus plus a million others.. at her funeral alot of people came to me and said.. " i didn't even know she was sick" because of how strong she was.. she didn't let her pain show. and about the lawyer.. after they talked to my dad and told them u kno there was negligence but she had lupus. In my heart I was ok with that because all my anger for months thinkin the hospital was at fault I finally had someone say "you're right" that put me at ease. Bc in my heart i knew they were wrong.. suing the hospital wouldn't do me any justice.. wouldn't bring my mom back.. and I still feel numb .. like a dream .. like i'm living everyday .. sometimes I stop and think.. did it really happen..
when she was in the hospital she coded .. I ran back in the ccu and I seen them doing cpr they were doing it for like 11 min .. I seen my moms body like 10 feet off the bed.. like i have really bad flash backs/dreams...I dunno how to stop them..Thanks for listening
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