Wow. I am presently in a similar situation. So many of us understand much of what you are going through. I had to give up my ICU and nursing supervisor position and cut my teaching hours way down. This past school year I have been sicker than ever. And no, this disease doesn't go away, doesn't ever get much better. I gave up house cleaning a year ago, cause I had to take the prednisone just to get to and from my classroom. My computer monitor is framed in sticky notes, and I have just had to cry "UNCLE", and now I'm in the process of applying for permanent disability and ending my career. I love my job, and I am grieving. Life is really all about balance. Lupus is all about balance. If we do this, we can't do that. If only we could order more spoons off the internet. None of us has any to spare. (Ongoing gratitude to the person who wrote "The Spoon Theory"). It has taken me over a year to come to these decisions. I made a list of what I do and what I don't. And then I looked at what is more important. It boiled down to these few things: My family or my job. My health in 20 yrs down the road, (I am 54 and have been a nurse for 34 yrs. My husband and I have been married for almost 37 yrs), or doing my job in a deteriorating way for a few more years.......Now I see it as a no brainer, but each of us has to look at our life from our direction. And make decisions for ourselves that are the best ones we can make at the time we need to make them. Hugs and encouragement your way,
I am always glad when I read a promise to keep you posted post Hey, JoAnn, does partial disability mean you get to throw a used VW bug into space instead of a Tahoe? It sounds like your employers really value you. I went to my first SSA informational appt. today, and they couldn't have been nicer. I found out I can't keep working once I apply, apparently per Congress, there is a salary amount that I exceeded. I am under contract until the end of June, and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try to finish out the year. I have been sick with a respiratory infection since the 1st of Feb. and I am back on neb txs in the morning and at bedtime. I started getting sick again as soon as I weaned down from my emergency dose of prednisone, (45mgs for 7 days, 35 for 5, 25 for 5, 15 for 5) and now I am back on my daily 5mg, and wheezing and coughing and falling sideways again. I should be used to it by now. I am looking into a NY State retirement when I turn 55 in May. God will work this out, too. I like okie's positive point about new beginnings. And we all know some days are easier than others.
Post Edited (okie) : 3/24/2010 10:50:23 PM (GMT-6)
You know, JoAnn, thanks extra much. We think a lot alike around here I am going to talk to my principal this week, in order to give him as much notice as I can that I am not coming back in Sept. Weekends usually give me energy to get through Monday and Tues. and this whole week I am able to sit and grade papers, and put grades into the computer for report cards. Then off Friday, because it is Easter recess, thank the Lord. My next respiratory bug will be my last one gainfully employed. I have personal time for one more week of illness, and when it happens, I will apply for permanent disability, and find out what the rules are for temporary disability in NY. We also have a sick day bank to 'borrow' from. I went back to work Mar. 8th two weeks before I should have, simply because I foolishly felt I had to, the proverbial s$&* had hit the fan and I have finally realized my health and family must come first. I think it's funny how other people can judge our level of illness and function for us. Why, I look quite healthy with my steroid round face and pink blush of erythema over my nose and cheeks! and funnily enough, (do I sound whiney and bitter??) I don't look that sick!!!!!! I am more grateful than you guys know for our forum and each other to vent and complain to. I have been struggling with this decision for a year, and I am finally comfortable with knowing that this is the best decision for me now.