abandoned by spouse after bad news about my lupus

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long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/16/2010 8:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I'm new to the forum and appreciate any help you can give me.  I have had lupus for 22 years.  My husband and I have been married for 17 years.  My last labs showed I have Lupus Anticoagulant.  I also have a problem with my aorta, liver, and diaphragm (these are the latest problems).  This morning my husband told me that he can't handle seeing me get worse and is no longer interested in me or attracted to me.  We are both born again Christians and went through intensive marriage counseling 3 years ago.  He has someone he is interested in and apparently all the feelings he had for me now go to her.  I am completed devastated and bewildered.  Has anyone else gone through this?  I would greatly appreciate any help.  I feel so alone and abandoned.  I have loved him with all my heart for so many years and feel like I have lost my life.  I am tempted to just quit treatment.  Thanks in advance for any of your views.

Bsime
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1299
   Posted 6/17/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
LTL,
 
Life is so unfair and lupus....well, it just sucks sometimes.  So sorry about your husband.  I would have been devastated if my wife had left me because I had awful diseases which are incurable.  I have lupus, scleroderma and polymyositis and almost died in 2005 and was hospitalized for many months as a quadriplegic and also could not swallow.  It was terrible on my wife but she got through it and today our marriage is stronger than ever.  And I can walk and swallow again.
 
Lupus or any serious, chronic disease can take a terrible toll on a marriage.  I would question if your husband really has the values he has professed.  You can rebuild your life.  One of my best friends had a really bad case of guillan-barre and is still very crippled with many problems.  He lost his wife shortly after getting sick and was devastated.  In the last year he met someone else at church and they just got married.  She accepted his problems and married a great person who just happens to have a disability.  They are both in their mid 60s.
 
It seems that chronic disease can either strengthen or weaken a marriage.  I am sure you will find a way to rebuild your life although it will not be easy. 
 
I wish I had magic words and sage advice to make things better but I don't.  Sometimes life is ugly but out of that beautiful things can grow.  One of my favorite inspirational quotes is from Helen Keller.  
 

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.

 

Bill


MCTD (lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis).  Diagnosed 2005.  Kidney, liver, GI tract, dysphagia, raynauds, Barretts esophagus, quadriplegic in 2005.  Recovered and now active in skiing, tai, chi, hiking, golf.  Meds: prednisone 2.5mg, imuran 25mg, amlodipine, benazapril, omeprazole, potassium, folic acid, vitamins, maxide and various supplements and vitamins.
 
Remain optimistic and you can overcome the odds.


PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 6/17/2010 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Beautiful words Bill. You have a way of telling it like it is.

Long time lupie, I can't say it any better than Bill did, but I offer you my sincerest condolences. So many people claim to have values that fly out the window when times get hard. You can do this, and we'll be here to help you. I think you might find many friends on this forum, and though their experiences may differ from yours, they will totally understand what you're going through.

Hang in there.

Pat
SLE, fibro, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision, migraines, costocondritis.

plaquenil, neurontin, synthroid, triamterene, actonel, niaspan, lunesta, cymbalta, vitamin D, Calcium, Multi Vit.


long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/17/2010 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Bill and Pat for your encouraging words. My husband claims to be a godly man so this has really thrown me for a loop. Bill, thank you for pointing out that my life can get better. I am so tired of hearing that I am sick and going to die and don't measure up. You made me realize I need to start thinking of myself in different terms.

God bless you for all your help.

redrose77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 2573
   Posted 6/17/2010 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry your hubby is a jerk like many males out there. I am lucky, my hubby has AI issues too and refuses to give me up no matter how bad I get. I wish that everyone had someone who loved them unconditionally and supported them through good times and bad. Just remember it is his loss because you are obviously a magnificent person if you have lupus. I think lupus hits only the cream of the crop as far as its' victims go. How else could we get such a great community of people? Lupus is like the fire that burns away bad relationships and wishy washy people just can't stand up to the test it presents. Know that many here have some kind of experience in losing their significant other to lupus. Just wish lupus always provided a replacement significant other. Sorry if I am rambling I am flaring pretty bad lately so I may make no sense at all. Just know we are here and we care even when jerks are being jerks.
Dx:fibromyalgia 2002, systematic lupus 2005- definate CNS involvement dxed late 2005, psoriasis 2006, rheumatoid arthritis 2006, PTSD 2007, multiple allergies 2005, migraine, compression fractures T11 & T12, Sjögren's, damaged periphrial nerves 2007, exema
Tx: plaquenil, Enbrel, Tramadol, Singulair, Skelaxin, Baby Asprin, Imuran, Prilosec, lasix, Evoxac, Celebrex, Darvocet when things get too bad, prednisone again, various vitamin/mineral supplements, cozar
"Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible." T. E. Lawrence


long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/17/2010 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
You aren't rambling. Everything you said is true. After losing many friends (or so called friends), it shouldn't surprise me that my husband is being such a coward too. I've had enough people dump me when my lupus flares to think that the only people in the world who understand us are people who are sick like us. Thank goodness for this community and for the support. I really appreciate the response to my post. You are a jewel!

jhmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2244
   Posted 6/17/2010 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry to hear your husband abandoned you after so many years of marriage, I couldn't imagine what you're going through. You sound like a very strong person and I pray you will get through this just fine. Remember everything happens for a reason, God will make something good out of something bad! Hang in there and remember we are here for you. Take care and God Bless
Stacie
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding ~ Proverbs 3:5 ~

DX: Lupus, Sjogrens, Raynaud's, Hashimoto's and Celiac Disease
RX: Imuran, Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Flexeril, Piroxicam, Levoxyl, Folic Acid and Tramadol (as needed) and magic mouthwash ( as needed for mouth sores)


Bsime
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1299
   Posted 6/17/2010 7:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Redrose,
 
Your remarks about males are stereotypical and out of order.  There are plenty of BOTH male and female caregivers who run away from their marriages or relationships.  Not every male is "a jerk like many males out there."
 
The problems caused by chronic or serious illness are not unique to male caregivers.  I assumed the caregiver role last fall and winter and did not abandon my wife.  The only thing I abandoned was everything else until my wife got through her crisis.
 
Bill


MCTD (lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis).  Diagnosed 2005.  Kidney, liver, GI tract, dysphagia, raynauds, Barretts esophagus, quadriplegic in 2005.  Recovered and now active in skiing, tai, chi, hiking, golf.  Meds: prednisone 2.5mg, imuran 25mg, amlodipine, benazapril, omeprazole, potassium, folic acid, vitamins, maxide and various supplements and vitamins.
 
Remain optimistic and you can overcome the odds.

Post Edited (Bsime) : 6/18/2010 6:35:51 AM (GMT-6)


long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/18/2010 4:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Stacie,

Thank you for your prayers and understanding. I know God will bring me through this. I know that I will come out better in the long run. Even though he doesn't want me anymore, I feel guilty about causing him to worry and for the anxiety my illness put him through. I pray for him too that he can come to terms with what he has done. It's hard to even get up everyday. I know this will pass...just wish it would hurry!

Long Time Lupie

long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/18/2010 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Bill,

I feel like I participated in the man bashing. You are correct that men are not the only ones who walk out. All the friends I lost were women. Even my own mother tells me that I take too many pills and sleep too much and should pull myself up by the bootstraps. I also know a woman who abandoned her husband after he was diagnosed with cancer. The worst part of the broken marriage vows isn't the in sickness and health part. It is that the love, honor, and cherish vows disappear. You have an extraordinary spouse who obviously loves you very much. You are a blessed man! Both of you must be very devoted to each other to have survived the hardships that illness brings. My spouse viewed me as someone who's broken and can't be fixed. I am so happy for all of you who have loving, supportive spouses. After all, that is what real love is all about.

Long Time Lupie

jeanneac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 1812
   Posted 6/18/2010 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know what else to say except I am sorry for what is happening to you right now. Sometimes though, there is a silver lining in the cloud. You never know what is around the corner. I love the story Bill put up here and think it is a perfect example of what can happen. I've been through a nasty divorce and low and behold when I least expected it, was ready to give up, the greatest man came into my life. I was ready to give up, believe me. I waited soooooo long and so it was a real blessing. He accepts my health issues. He is not a "Christian" either but did accept me in sickness and health. I hope for you that you will find peace and happiness. Do get counseling, a good attorney and that will help you out considerably. God Bless.
d 1/09 with colitis sigmoid colon with some diverticular disease as well
IBS, asthma/allergies, high BP, fibromyalgia, Mixed Connective Tissue Disease
claritin, singulair, diovan, progesterone, VSL#3 probiotic, Vit. D, colazal, plaquenil back on cymbalta for pain, nexium for reflux, wellbutrin
Blood test positive for Crohn's via prometheus ibd serology panel ASCA
Positive ANA
Collitis doing OK for now, it's fatigue and joint pain that are plagueing me right now!!!


long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/18/2010 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Jean,

Thank you for sharing your story with me. It gives me hope for the future. I will take your advice about the counseling too because my self image is just about destroyed. Thank you for your encouragement. God bless you too!

LTL

PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 6/18/2010 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Bill, I agree with you. My dad stood by my mother during the past ten years of her life when she was wheelchair bound. He gave up his own life to care for her. He died 7 months after she did. I sometimes think he willed himself to live until she died because he wanted to be there for her. It was real hard on him and I always told him that he was a saint. Towards the end, he developed early alzeimers, but still put her first.

My husband is the same way. We were in our late 40's when we married and had a few wonderful healthy years. Since I've been sick, he has waited on me hand and foot. I encourage him to get out with friends when I'm not up to it, and he does. He needs to have some sort of life outside this house. We made a commitment to each other when we married and we're both going to fulfill that commitment, no matter what.

I too had friends slowly pull away. I'm not trying to get into their heads, but I think some people just don't want to deal with illness. On a positive note, having an illness like we do sorts out our true friends from those who we thought we could count on but can't. I like knowing who my good friends are.

Yes, LTL, you can have a good life with lupus. Different but good. Just keep smiling and remember, some people recover and go into remission, so don't ever give up.

Again, I'm so glad you have joined us.

Pat
SLE, fibro, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision, migraines, costocondritis.

plaquenil, neurontin, synthroid, triamterene, actonel, niaspan, lunesta, cymbalta, vitamin D, Calcium, Multi Vit.


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7020
   Posted 6/18/2010 9:42 AM (GMT -7)   
My mother was ill with cancer when I was a child, and passed away when I was 29. I was talking her pastor shortly after she died and lamenting that my father wasn't a very good caregiver for her. The man looked me directly in the eye and quietly said, "He stayed."

He stayed. He kept earning money and coming home every night. He had a woman or two on the side, but he came home & didn't bring it home. He wasn't all that great at emotional support or making sure she had something to eat when she was too weak to get it herself, but he stayed. She had a safe home, and no insurance. He stayed and paid all the bills without complaint. He didn't often take her to doctor appointments or to the hospital, but he stayed, and made sure her friends went with her. He made sure we children had food, clothing, and trips with friends even when she was gone. One year I had 3 birthday cakes...one from church, one I made (at 12yo), and one Dad arranged for a neighbor to make.

And on reflecting on my fathers childhood, and who he was, and what the pastor said, I came to understand that he did the very best he could do. We all do the very best we can, and sometimes we just don't have what it takes to sacrifice all. We are all human, with human limitations.

Some people stay, some people can't. It isn't a reflection on us who are ill, it's just that some people don't have what it takes. Disappointing and very sad, but not about us.

I am so sorry your husband is choosing to wander away from you, there is nothing worse than feeling abandoned and betrayed by people as well as by our own bodies. I have learned to trust that when something leaves it creates a space where something else (better) can come along and fill that space. And usually nothing we imagined is anywhere near what we get -- even if it's learning we can carry on without the missing person/thing.

Sending you healing energy,
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde


long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/18/2010 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Lynn,

Your post brought me to tears. I must admit that my husband has always taken me to dr. appts and for tests. He searched endlessly for doctors for me since we have no insurance. I guess he did what he could for as long as he could. I am trying very hard not to judge him. I have loved him for so long, and I can't make my love for him go away. Your statement that spaces are left for better things to replace them is so true. Thank you for reminding me that there is life outside my little corner. I know time will heal the emotional pain. I just wish I didn't feel so physically lousy right now. I have packing to do and things to get in order. It's so hard to even crawl out of my bed. Thanks to all of you for being so supportive.

redrose77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 2573
   Posted 6/18/2010 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Bill, I didn't mean to man bash it has just been my experience that men walk away an awful lot when things get hard. My husband is the first man in my life who didn't. So I know there are good men out there. I think the problem is society doesn't give men many ways to let out their feelings when things get hard at least not acceptable ways. Men aren't supposed to cry or be weak in any way and are supposed to fix things according to society and I believe that can be overwhelming when a man buys totally into the masculine image society projects.
Dx:fibromyalgia 2002, systematic lupus 2005- definate CNS involvement dxed late 2005, psoriasis 2006, rheumatoid arthritis 2006, PTSD 2007, multiple allergies 2005, migraine, compression fractures T11 & T12, Sjögren's, damaged periphrial nerves 2007, exema
Tx: plaquenil, Enbrel, Tramadol, Singulair, Skelaxin, Baby Asprin, Imuran, Prilosec, lasix, Evoxac, Celebrex, Darvocet when things get too bad, prednisone again, various vitamin/mineral supplements, cozar
"Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible." T. E. Lawrence


Bsime
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1299
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, I have met a lot of really lousy women but I don't bring that into our discussions.  The truth is that there are a lot of people who just "get going" when the going gets rough.  But to single out men....not realistic.  If I had sterotyped women I am sure many would have jumped on me for such nonsense.  And I would have deserved it.
 
Bill
MCTD (lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis).  Diagnosed 2005.  Kidney, liver, GI tract, dysphagia, raynauds, Barretts esophagus, quadriplegic in 2005.  Recovered and now active in skiing, tai, chi, hiking, golf.  Meds: prednisone 2.5mg, imuran 25mg, amlodipine, benazapril, omeprazole, potassium, folic acid, vitamins, maxide and various supplements and vitamins.
 
Remain optimistic and you can overcome the odds.


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so very truly sorry your going through this, I did have a friend that went through this
after she finally got her dx for muscular dystrophy, and he treated her very badly all thru
to the divorse...You don't deserve this and did nothing so please don't blame yourself...
Your still you and you deserve better...
wish i could help better...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 6/18/2010 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm horrified that this could have happened, and so, so sorry.

There's nothing I can say, Long Time, except offer you hugs.

This is a huge kick in the teeth for you, but I hope you will be able to find the strength to keep going.

*hug*

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7020
   Posted 6/18/2010 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Some people are less-than-great, some people are amazing. Let's leave gender at the door.
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde


okie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 6/18/2010 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi LTL, I'm sorry any of the bashing came in to this. truth is there always seems to be someone in our lives man woman brother sister mom dad boyfriend girlfriend. There is always someone that we need in our life when we are hurt and tired and afraid and for whatever reason they aren't able or willing to be there. God knows I've been hurt so many times since I got sick. I have family that live down the street and I can go for 2 months without seeing them. and if I didn't call them we would hardly speak. As for your husband I can't speak to that diretly. My husband died when I was 42. I started getting really sick when I was 48. I don't know how he would have handled it. I beleive God took him home first because he wouldn't have been able to cope with my disease. Not that he didn't love me enough but because he has severe problems from his times in vietnam. I have never met anyone since him and if you hang around here long you  will notice I'm always trying to get someone to send me a warm body. It is good to have someone to hold your hand. you have to have that. Come here for all the support you need and and reach out to friends who are strong enough to handle your illness. They say if you need something done find the busiest person you can and ask them for help. It usually tends to be true. I'm not saying run out and find a boyfrineds because that isn't what you need right now. you'll just wind up disappointed cuz they didn't turn out to be what you thought. Like Pat said people go into remission all the time. DON"T even think about giving up. Frankly the best thing you can do for yourself is work as hard as you  can and lead as good of a life if you can. Also if your husband is moved out which if that is how he feels I would hope he did. You can get help with someone coming in to help around the house or help you with physical thearpy and give you someone to talk to.  There are good aides and bad ones just find one that clicks for you. You are not alone. You will never be alone. When you get to know somepeople here share your email if you feel comfortable. I have made friends here that have saved my life. Look for a link on here called the spoon theory and those people that you are close to need to read it to understand what is going on with you. You need to worry about working on you and let your husband work on him. It is not your fault you are sick. Don't do that to yourself. Don't make excuses for him.
welcome to the family
God bless
carol


furosemide,spironel,lisinopril,lortab,azithromyazin,detrol
nexium,temazepam,predisone,plaquenil,propanalol,citracal,pottasium, vitB12 ,iron,xopenex,advair,spirivia,soma,Vitamin D, cybalta
 
Dx lupus, scleroderma, pos. fibro, high blood pressure. COPD, need left lung transplant. cervical cancer survivor, osteoporsis.
 
"Consider it a pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." - James 1:2&3
 

Post Edited (okie) : 6/19/2010 5:38:35 AM (GMT-6)


long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/19/2010 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the hugs Chartreaux and Ivy. They really do help. Carol, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I am going to live with my sister and her husband. They both love me very much. My sister is an extraordinary woman. I feel better knowing that I will be with people who love me rather than trying to make it on my own right now. Fri., June 25 is my court date for social security disability benefits. I am praying that I am not denied again. I have no income of my own. For those of you out there who believe in the power of prayer, please pray for me. I am trying to keep my heart free of anger and bitterness. I am the one who will have to live with those negative emotions if I harbor them. I am trying to look at my spouse wanting a divorce as something that will benefit me in the long run. All of you have helped me see that. I have viewed myself through his eyes for so long, that I will finally be able to view myself in a more positive light. Thanks to all of you for your support, hugs, and being friends to me. God Bless.

LTL

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 6/19/2010 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad you have somewhere to live, Long Time.

For what it's worth, I think it's important to allow yourself to feel the anger, for a while, anyway. We can develop severe health problems if we deny these feelings. The anger may help you, for a while, to move away from him, emotionally, and build a new life for yourself.

Keep hanging in there.

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


long time lupie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/19/2010 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Ivy,

I have to admit that I am very skilled at stuffing my emotions. I suffer from depression and I know I shouldn't hold things inside. It only makes things worse. Thanks for reminding me that I am not a bad person for having human emotions. He is making things very difficult, and I do feel a lot of anger over that. I will be glad when next week is over and I will be away from him. I think I will allow myself to FEEL more when I don't have to put on a brave face.

LTL

nasalady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1176
   Posted 6/20/2010 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
LTL,

I'm so so sorry that you're going through such a painful time.....I do understand the pain. My first husband left me penniless and unemployed with four children. I was so hurt.....beyond devastated. And we were both Christians too.

But now that I look back on that time from the vantage point of several years I'm so glad he left! I never would have gone back to school, earned my degrees, gotten my great job or married the wonderful Christian man I'm married to now if my ex hadn't left me.

I know it's even worse for you because he's abandoning you when you are sick...but as Bill points out, it is possible to get better! I'm glad to hear that you have a safe place to live with people who love you! I will definitely pray for strength and healing (emotional and physical) and that your SSDI benefits come through for you!

((((((hugs)))))))
JoAnn
Lyme Disease, Babesiosis, Ehrlichiosis, AIH, Hashimoto's, lupus, fibro, RA, celiac disease, asthma, psoriasis, Raynaud's, hypertension, osteopenia, sleep apnea, RLS, GERD, DDD, L3-4 and L4-5 radiculopathy -> severe lower back pain, cubital tunnel, tarsal tunnel, Doxycycline, Zithromax, Prednisone, Imuran, Plaquenil, Lyrica, Cymbalta, Levothyroxine, Atenolol, Cozaar, Zyrtec, Fosamax, Albuterol, Prilosec, CPAP

autoimmunediseasesgfliving.blogspot.com

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