TOTALLY JUST OFF THE SUBJECT OF LUPUS.. A GUY ISSUE HELP

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Kookla
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 401
   Posted 7/6/2007 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
My girlfriend at work is dating this guy.... kinda got a little seriouse so she says... anyway... this is sooo dumb and I dont know why I am posting but I thought I would ask an opinion from people I didnt really know just to see if it was me or her being the nutball here... well I guess she spends alot of time at his house... so he told her that she should leave a change of clothes to be comfortable in while she is there.. ya know like a comfy pair of pants to lounge in right?? well she did that.. I dont know how long. I think like a month or two they were there at his place.. I guess he brought them back to her. He said to her... "You always say you wish you could put these on so I thought I would give them back to you." She said that she always says that when she is leaving his house instead of putting her work clothes or dressy clothes back on. So while changing she told me she says "Ohhh I wish I could leave these on and laughs"  But she simply means that they are more comfortable and  doesnt want the dress clothes back on. She left the loungy pants there at his house for a reason and then he just gave them back to her... I told her that I thought that was a HUGE sighn.. meaning he is NOT interested in her and she SHOULD NOT waste her preciouse time with him anymore! What do you guys think? Do you agree with me? I think she is being dumb if she continues to date him... what a dork.. so glad I dont have to deal with this stuff... blaaaa

Lynnwood
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Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7018
   Posted 7/6/2007 7:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I think he was trying to be thoughtful and letting her have them to wear at her house. (I've often been told I think like a guy, so maybe...)

In any case, rather than trying the mind reading stuff, she should just talk to him about it. I've found that when I play the guessing game things never turn out the way I think they will...direct, honest communication works much better. And if their communication isn't working, then *that* is the big signal!

Lynnwood, Co-Moderator: Lupus Forum
SLE(’00), Sjogren's Syndrome, Raynaud's Syndrome, SAD, Depression, Herpes Simplex 1
Piroxicam, Plaquenil, Cellcept, Prednisone, Xanax, Trazodone, Fosamax, Wellbrutrin SR, Valtrex
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peacesoul
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 7/6/2007 8:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm 40 and still have not figured out men. That could be either one. Most men are not that thoughtful, but maybe like Lynn said, maybe he was being thoughtful. Hard to tell.
How old is this guy?

Kookla
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 401
   Posted 7/6/2007 8:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks ladies

Bsime
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Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1298
   Posted 7/6/2007 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Some of us are thoughtful...and women will always remain a mystery to men.  Guys are usually not that hard to figure out.
 
Bill


Mixed connective tissue disease (systemic lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis), Raynauds phenomena, Hypertension, Barrett's esophagus.
 
Meds: prednisone (7mg & tapering), 100mg imuran, lisinopril 40mg, maxide 37.5/25mg, norvasc 5 mg, folic acid, potassium, aciphex 20mg, multi vitamins.
 
Maintain your optimism and you can beat the odds.
 
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."  Helen Keller
 
 


PattyLatty
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 7/6/2007 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Bill, you are right, there are thoughtful men out there. I should know, I'm lucky enough to have found and married one. I'll bet you're a good husband. And Lynnwood, I agree with you. Playing games is great if you want to develop a relationship based on everything except honesty. She just needs to be open with him and find out what he really thinks and what he really wants. Then Kookla, you'll find out whether or not she's a nutball.
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision.

cellcept 1,000mg, neurontin 1,200 mg, prednisone 5mg, plaquenil 400mg, synthroid .15mg, triamterene 37.5mg, tramadol prn, lunesta 6 mg, actonel, tri-est (compounded estrogen) 7.5 mg 2xmultivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


misscali
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 154
   Posted 7/6/2007 11:34 PM (GMT -7)   
lol i totally agree with you kookla...i mean im only 19 years old....but im old for my age i guess lol. i would think the saime thing as you if one of my friends was in this situation...it seems like shes trying to get her stuff out of his house....

okie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 7/7/2007 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Well I would think she would know him well enough to know what he was doing by giving them to her. Who knows maybe he was just hinting that she needs to wash them???????

hugs

carol


God Bless
Carol
Lupus, possible Crest, COPD, Cervical Cancer survivor. Osteoporosis
Prednisone 5mg, Plaquanil 800mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg, HCTZ25/Triamterene37.5mg,Xanax.5mg
 
When things are really dark look up. You can see the stars.
 
 
 


PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 7/7/2007 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Carol, you are always so refreshingly funny. How's this weather treating you?
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision.

cellcept 1,000mg, neurontin 1,200 mg, prednisone 5mg, plaquenil 400mg, synthroid .15mg, triamterene 37.5mg, tramadol prn, lunesta 6 mg, actonel, tri-est (compounded estrogen) 7.5 mg 2xmultivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


okie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 7/7/2007 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   

Patty the weather has been wonderful the past couple of days. Not a cloud in the sky! I had almost forgotten what the sun looked like.

I hope it's sunny where you are too.

love ya

carol


God Bless
Carol
Lupus, possible Crest, COPD, Cervical Cancer survivor. Osteoporosis
Prednisone 5mg, Plaquanil 800mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg, HCTZ25/Triamterene37.5mg,Xanax.5mg
 
When things are really dark look up. You can see the stars.
 
 
 


mom46
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 8198
   Posted 7/7/2007 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with the communication part. If there's lack of communication between them, the relationship will suffer. Just my 2 cents... :-) .
                                                                Babs
 
 Lupus,RLS,RA,Asthma,Fibro,Sjogren's,Raynaud's,Divertic, Stroke,Atherosclerosis,Seizures,Sensory Polyneuropathy
Meds:Arava,plavix,aspirin,protonix,gabitril,zanaflex,xanax,
mirapex,advair,foxamax,donnatal,folic acid.
 
JOB 5:18 For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.


dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 7/9/2007 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry I'm just getting to see this. I kind of see both sides and agree with the majority here.

We as women think too much into things that men's minds aren't wired to do. I catch myself analyzing things my husband says instead of taking it for face value which 9 out of 10 times is the case. Don't get me wrong, men can play games but they are more likely to just say how it is rather than dancing around the issue which us women seem to do a lot. I would suggest that you tell your friend to openly ask about the pants but not in a threatening type of manner to maybe get a better feel for what he meant.
"Des"
Co-Moderator ~ IBS Forum
Co-Moderator ~ Lupus Forum 
Dx: IBS 1989, Diverticulosis 2004, Idiopathic Acute Colitis 2006, UCTD 2007
Meds: Plaquenil 400mg, Chlorzoxazone 500mg, Lyrica 50mg, Protonix 40mg, Naproxen 1000mg, Klonopin 2mg/day (tapering to PRN), Miralax 17g, Supplements


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CaptSue
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 7/10/2007 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi All,

I just saw this one too as I've been overwhelmingly busy so I got to read the thread start to finish and chuckle along the way. I'm with the "just ask" folks as in having her start by saying something like "I'm confused by what you did" and then an invitation for him to explain.

I am in a, now 8 year, relationship with my boyfriend. We both own houses, have jobs, etc. and it is an interesting juggle. I tend to think it is worth it but it has its silly moments (as in where did I leave that particular pair of pants?). Communication (agreeing here with Babs and Lynnwood) is the key.

Good luck to everyone with their inter-personal dynamics! (since we can't all be married to the too few thoughtful ones).

Sue
Diagnosis: Mixed connective tissue disease (systemic lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis), Raynauds phenomena (both diagnosed in 2006)

Meds: prednisone (5.0 mg wish I could taper), Imuran (2X50mg), Prilosec (20mg), Paxil (10 mg, replaces Prozac), AmbeingCR (12.5mg)

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