Stepdaughter brings granddaughters over when they have sore throats, coughs, etc. Help!

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PattyLatty
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 7/14/2007 11:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I have a great relationship with my stepdaughter and she's starting her final semester of nursing school so she comprehends something about prednisone, my lupus, and that I am immunosuppressed. She is committed to AA first, and then her kids, school, and job. I've never had an addition but have known a lot of addicts, but in her case, she's been sober for 9 years and tells me that she has never gone a day without wanting a drink. So I do know how important AA is to her.

We watch her 6 & 9 year old daughters whenever we can, and she knows not to bring them over when they are sick. Last week I learned through the grapevine that the older girl had fever so I had to call and tell her they would not be able to come over. Then today I picked up the girls and got home, and although her fever has broken, she's coughing (her mom forgot to pack her cough syrup) and blowing her nose a lot. She was seen by a doctor earlier in the week and he said she had a virus and it would run it's course, but that it wasn't contagious. I'm still a little peeved that she didn't talk to me first, because I would have made other arrangements for them.

Am I being a little paranoid here? I've read all the Precautions I could find about Prednisone and CellCept. I'm on 7.5mg of Prednisone and 1000 CellCept. They all talk about how dangerous it can be for us to get a virus, bacterial infection, etc. while on prednisone. One of the problems is that if we do get something, the prednisone masks it so it's hard to figure out where the infection is.

My instincts tell me to just tell her in a nice but matter of fact way that I'm not able to have the children come over when they have any signs of sore throat, colds, flu, etc.. I think I can just leave it at that. I'm not a germaphobic, but I do get uncomfortable when sick people cough on me, use my cuptowels, handle evertying in my house, et.

But I need some of your feedback here.

Thanks,

Pat
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision.

cellcept 1,000mg, neurontin 1,200 mg, prednisone 5mg, plaquenil 400mg, synthroid .15mg, triamterene 37.5mg, tramadol prn, lunesta 3 mg, actonel, tri-est (compounded estrogen) 7.5 mg, cymbalta 30mg, multivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


PattyLatty
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 7/14/2007 11:52 PM (GMT -7)   
P.S. I wasn't clear about the AA meetings. My SD goes to meetings several nights a week and we keep the girls whenever we can while she's out at night.
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision.

cellcept 1,000mg, neurontin 1,200 mg, prednisone 5mg, plaquenil 400mg, synthroid .15mg, triamterene 37.5mg, tramadol prn, lunesta 3 mg, actonel, tri-est (compounded estrogen) 7.5 mg, cymbalta 30mg, multivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


petuniablue
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 7/15/2007 12:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Pat,

How nice of you to help when you can and no I don't think you are being a germaphobic you must take care of yourself....I am new to this Lupus thing and have had a positive ANA and have my 1st appt with a rheumy is July 25th..I have a lot of symptoms and have been preparing a journal for the Dr. I was diagnosed 3 yrs ago with diabetic peripheral neuropathy and the pain and symptoms just keep growing and confused I used to be so active I worked in the medical field for over 30 years but now there are days I can barely move and I think my husband is growing tired just as I am....Well enough whinnying for me. I hope you will be able to find a solution that works with you and your stepdaughter it is wonderful that she is in AA and sticking with it I am active in al-anon as I grew up in an alcoholic home and my husband is an alcoholic and a heart patient and just went through 45 days of no drinking I was soproud of him but had a skip this week and I 'm not sure how to handle it the stress just makes my symptoms and pain increase.....

Well thats all for now hope you are doing well.....

Love from Texas,

Sheryl
Bi-polar Depressive, PTSD, SAD, Sleep Apnea ,Diabetes, Diabetic Neuropathy, possible Lupus or something


Meds:

Tegretal 200mg ( 4 tabs a day ), Wellbutrin XL 300mg, Clonazepam 2.5mg, Lyrica 50mg ( 2 3 times a day), , Simvastin 20mg, Metformin 1000mg( 2 times a day) Tramadol 50mg ( 2-3 every 6 hours for pain) Hydrocodone/Apap 7.5 /325 mg( 1 every 6 hours ), Ibupofren 800mg every 6 hrs, Lantus Insulin 80 units at bedtime


okie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 7/15/2007 2:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Patty if your SD has been in AA for that long and actually practicing watch they teach than you should be able to just be honest with her. We won't nessesarily get sick everytime someone sneezes or coughs in our direction. But it would be nice to be given the option as if you are comfortable with it or not. I think it's wonderful she's been clean and sober for 9 years. I come from a long line of drunks and druggies. alot of AA and NA in my family too. Anyway I'm sorry that wasn't your question . My mind is wondering right now. The answer is yes you should tell her. It isn't even a matter of if you have this crommie disease or not. If you don't want to be exposed to their illness you should have a choice to say no.
love ya
carol
God Bless
Carol
Lupus, possible Crest, COPD, Cervical Cancer survivor. Osteoporosis
Prednisone 5mg, Plaquanil 800mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg, HCTZ25/Triamterene37.5mg,Xanax.5mg
 
When things are really dark look up. You can see the stars.
 
 
 


hippimom2
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 5403
   Posted 7/15/2007 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Pat, I don't think you are being paranoid - you are on two meds that make you succeptible to getting sick, which can cause all kind so problems for us lupies. I don't blame you for being a little irritated with your SD and I agree that it would be a good idea to talk to her. With her nurses training, she should be able to understand why the kids shouldn't be around you even if they just have a common cold, because of the meds you are on. I think mostl people don't understand that it could be dangerous for us to get sick either because of our meds or because of our immune systems.

Hopefully you won't get sick from being around your granddaughter. I'm hoping your talk with your SD goes well. Take care
Diagnosis:  UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; CFS 1991; Mono 1985
Meds:  Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Amitriptyline 25mg; Neurontin 200mg; Prevacid; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Restasis eye drops

 

Clickable:  LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES.

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

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mom46
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 8198
   Posted 7/15/2007 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Pat,
  I agree with the others about talking to your SD. She should understand with your immune system being suppressed that you are susceptable to all germs. Hopefully, you won't catch what your granddaughter has. Good luck with this and take care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
                                                         ((Hugs)) Babs 
 
 Lupus,RLS,RA,Asthma,Fibro,Sjogren's,Raynaud's,Divertic, Stroke,Atherosclerosis,Seizures,Sensory Polyneuropathy
Meds:Arava,plavix,aspirin,protonix,gabitril,zanaflex,xanax,
mirapex,advair,foxamax,donnatal,folic acid.
 
JOB 5:18 For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.


mamamuse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/15/2007 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with the others: you're going to have to tell her that you won't watch them if they're sick. Granted, they say that people are most contagious before they show symptoms...so there really isn't a way to eliminate ALL risk of infection.
 
But to me it's logical: If there's fever, diarrhea, vomiting, or the first day or two of sniffles, coughs, etc...you cannot risk your health by babysitting!
 
My heart goes out to you, though, about not wanting to seem germ-phobic. Lots of people today are that way, without a good reason to be.
 
One of my dear friends, Pam, is dear to me in every way except that she just doesn't "get" the whole germ thing. She's really pressing me to do a child-care swap with her when she goes back to school in the fall. I'd love to help her out, and before my diagnosis, I would have. But her little one is three, all three of her older kids are in elementary/middle school, and the little one stays sick. My two boys are homeschooled, and though they get together with other h.s'd kids a couple of times a week, they aren't in big groups of other children, exposed to things all day long. It's very rare that either of them get sick anymore. But I fear that if I watch her little boy we'll be back to catching everything he and his brothers bring home.
 
I was very laid-back about the germ issue the first year or so after my diagnosis. Then, a simple respiratory infection ended up causing myositis (muscle inflammation). It took months of physical therapy to get over the pain and to regain full use of my shoulder and hip joints. In addition to homeschooling my young sons, I'm a freelance writer, and I just can't take the chance of adding more infection risk to my life. I have too much to do.
 
Ordinary people get a cold and they're down for a maybe a day, then sniffle for a week. We get a cold, and we could be the same...OR, we could be in bed for weeks and have it turn into all sorts of complications. It's just not worth it.
 
I think it's admirable of you to take care of these girls. But you have to look out for yourself, too. What'll she do if you catch something from them, and then you aren't capable of watching them at all for weeks or months until you're better?
 
Sorry that got long, but I have strong feelings on the subject! :-)
Kari
Wife, writer, artist, mom to 2 wonderful boys
Lupus, arthritis, PCOS, mild depression
Now taking: plaquenil, limbrel, metformin XR, Zoloft, and the occasional percoset


cured4real?
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1944
   Posted 7/16/2007 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pat--
I think it's very very kind to take the kids as much as you do. AA can be helpful, it can be a crutch, an escape, an addiction, or a social circle that can be very unhealthy in many ways. I find it very sad that your step daughter cannot go a day without wanting a drink though it has been years and she has children and a family that should be a healthy distraction. I'm probably not very popular with my opinion but I've been there done that and got the t-shirt more than once and know that the only way you quit anything is just to quit, and if you aren't constantly picking at that wound, you will rewire your brain to not think of reaching for a drink as a solution to every problem. For some people, AA is a constant reminder that they have a problem, and some really feel like they need to belong, and this is a place where they can belong and not get into trouble, though I've met some groups that used to stop at the bar afterward. It sounds like she's leaning a lot on you, and AA in perhaps a not so healthy way. Unless you're really involved in the organization, after years many people can forego daily meetings, usually because they are busy with their families. At some point you need to shed the addiction mindset and realize that you can't put your life and kids on hold forever and quite frankly, get over some of it. Addicts who are incarcerated do this all the time. I think she may need some counselling to supplement the AA by someone who can help her to overcome her addiction to AA. Looking at my kids and wanting to be there for them is enough to keep me where I need to be and most other successful quitters usually find the same things to be true. As for bringing the kids when they are sick, she is very focused on herself and her problems first, before her kids and you, and this is the mindset AA encourages because in the beginning this is what you need, but I really question this in the long run. After years, you should be able to achieve a balance and have cut yourself off from temptation and have some fortitude and consideration for others. The AA mindset can be a very selfish, self-absorbed mindset, but the idea is that once you learn how to quit and to keep yourself out of bad situations, you can become a more giving and considerate person. I know you are probably not in the position to suggest counselling, but maybe you could plant a seed somehow. And I wouldn't feel at all guilty about refusing to take them if they arrive with a cold or sick, or even if you just plain don't feel well. It might make her realize that yes, she is an addict, but she also is a mother with responsibilities and she needs to stop feeling sorry for herself and take care of her family. Boy I know I sound cold, but I've seen AA work only in people who really want to be better and once they stop, the enjoy the benefits of not being an addict, like spending time with their family and doing things they couldn't do because of their illness. If the kids are there or have been there, you may want to get some lysol and soak down the pillows and sofa and chairs and all, wash everything, and see about getting an air purifier. Maybe,. if they are sick, you can put their toys and stuff in a bedroom with a tv and make it safe so that they are just in one room of the house. And as a nurse, your stepdaughter should know that colds are generally contagious for two weeks after the symptoms have left the child. I also question her choice of job with her very active addiction--addiction does go into remission in many people--and being around drugs, its like being a bartender and going to AA. Not a good combination. Well, I really feel for you as I'm sick now with a cold my family brought home, just unavoidable, and I wish you strength not to get sick and I hope your stepdaughter comes to her senses soon or gets some help to move her on to the next stage and get her addiction into remission. It should be well into remission by now and she should be able to attend fewer AA meetings. Also, you might suggest she get involved in some of the online AA meetings. With a webcam, from your home, you can chat live during them and she might find that less of a toll on her family. AA does need an overhaul in their methodology, which is crisis based. There is little help for moving on to a more moderate less time consuming focus on addiction, which is necessary for you to get better in the long haul. Take care and I feel for you and you are an angel for helping her with the kids. Don't be afraid to take a week off or something. Eventually she has to stand on her own two feet. And if she drinks, that's her fault, not yours, after all, after years of AA she should be past this point if it is really working and she really wants to quit.
Love, Marji
--Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.--Voltaire (1694-1778)
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus-like AI Disease, Hashis, Vitiligo, spinal stenosis/fusion with plate, salivary/lymphectomies, Diabetes, NAFLD, COPD, RLS, neuropathy, trigonitis, hystero, diffuse brain atrophy
Meds--Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, Estradiol patch, Prosed, Klonopin, Soma, Ultram, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol,steroid injections, Protopic & Triamcinolone Acetonide ointments


PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 7/16/2007 10:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much to all of you for your thoughts and concerns. I had a real nice talk with my stepdaughter this evening and she was very understanding and supportive. She and her kids and her brothers were all over here for a barbeque yesterday and I was in bed nursing my migraine, and she was the only one who came up and quietly asked how I was and wanted to know if I needed anything and if she could bring me up a plate of food. She is a wonderful person, but was severely abused by a mentally ill mother when she was growing up. Alcohol was her way out. She's now the top person in AA in this part of the State, but is going to step down and play a less active roll when her term is up so that she can spend more time with her girls. I struggled with this issue for years until I realized that her daughters are so much better off with her going to AA meetings than if she were drunk. The girls come over here a lot to help her, but they would anyway because we love them and love to have them around.

Marji, I appreciate your suggestions and it sounds as though you know quite a bit about the program. My stepdaughter is 31 and I've always made it a point never to tell any of my adult kids what to do. I might ask them about a choice they've made, but they are adults and as hard as it is sometimes, I try to treat them like adults.

Carol and Sheryl, I'm sorry you've both had to battle with alcoholic family members. My first experience was 9 1/2 years ago when I married my hubby and all three of his kids were addicts. And he was raised by alcoholics. His kids are all sober now, but I know it has been a real struggle for them.

Kari, I'm with you on having strong feelings on the subjects of germs when we're immunosuppressed. We have to take care of ourselves and that includes educating the people we're around.
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision.

cellcept 1,000mg, neurontin 1,200 mg, prednisone 5mg, plaquenil 400mg, synthroid .15mg, triamterene 37.5mg, tramadol prn, lunesta 3 mg, actonel, tri-est (compounded estrogen) 7.5 mg, cymbalta 30mg, multivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


hippimom2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 5403
   Posted 7/17/2007 7:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Pat, your stepdaughter does indeed sound like a wonderful person. It sounds like she has done a wonderful job overcoming the obstacles in her life. How sweet of her to come up and check on you when you weren't feeling well. I'm so glad that your talk with her went well and that she was understanding.
Diagnosis:  UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; CFS 1991; Mono 1985
Meds:  Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Amitriptyline 25mg; Neurontin 200mg; Prevacid; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Restasis eye drops

 

Clickable:  LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES.

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

Co-Moderator: Lupus and CFS Forums



peacesoul
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 7/17/2007 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't think you're being paranoid.
When the ppl I work with get sick, I asked them to call me or leave stuff outside my office as opposed to having them come into my office.
When family/boyfriend or friends are sick, I will also ask them to keep their distance.
I get sick enough. Mind you, getting a cold once and while is not awful, it's the flu I worry about.
At least your SD was understanding, most people would be insulted at such honesty

Jen
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