Feeling embarrassed about handicapped parking

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mamamuse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/15/2007 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
So at my last appointment, my rheumy filled out the paperwork so I could get a handicapped parking placard to carry with me. Though I know that on bad days, I will really appreciate saving some steps, there was something awfully depressing about seeing that box checked that says "This disability is permanent"...or however it's worded.
 
I haven't gotten it yet. I'm due to go later this week to get the car tag renewed, but frankly...I'm embarrassed about requesting the handicapped parking permit. I'm 38, quite overweight, and don't look handicapped. I remember reading somewhere (maybe here? or youdon'tlooksick.com) about lupies being harrassed by people in parking lots, in response to some news story asking people to help crack down on handicapped parking fraud. Since I'm heavy, I'm sure people will just think I'm taking advantage of the system. People always seem to assume that overweight people are lazy.
 
Has anyone here encountered what I fear? I can't imagine having to defend myself, particularly in front of my kids. I only plan to use the placard when I really need to, but still...
 
I know in my mind that it's no one's business but my own. I just don't like conflict, and don't know how I'd handle such a confrontation.
 
Input, anyone? Thanks!
 
 
Kari
Wife, writer, artist, homeschooling mom to 2 wonderful boys
Lupus, arthritis, PCOS, being tested for vasculitis and Behcet's
Now taking: plaquenil, limbrel, metformin XR, ibuprofen and the occasional percoset for pain


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7019
   Posted 7/15/2007 2:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you are having to get a handicapped parking permit, I know that the 'permanent' part can really be a huge emotional blow. But I must tell you, when my hips, legs, feet and exhaustion symptoms were flaring, I had many a day when I didn't bother with the grocery store (or eating) because, while I could've handled the inside part, the walk to/from parking just made everything so much more difficult. So I applaud you; however difficult it is, you are taking the right steps to take care of yourself!

I have never seen (or heard of) anyone being personally confronted about using a handicapped parking placard. I sometimes have wanted to bat people over the head when they park in handicapped *without* a placard and show their health by literally running into a store -- but I've never thought twice when a placard is present...the majority of the diseases in the world don't show on the outside!!

From both sides, I see it as a privacy issue -- it's none of my business what someones handicap might be, and it's none of their business what mine might be. If on the off chance someone were to confront me (and I really think the chance of someone doing that is very, very low); I'd just smile, tell them my handicap is between me and my doctor, and ignore them and go on my way.

Or smile, ask them how they feel about constant unrelenting pain (the kind you are about inflict on them!!!)...

Or say you have rabies and are willing to bite....I've found that usually shocks people so much they shut up quickly!

I don't mean to make fun of your fear about it; I hope you take this in the spirit it is meant.

I really don't think you'll be confronted anywhere,

Lynnwood, Co-Moderator: Lupus Forum
SLE(’00), Sjogren's Syndrome, Raynaud's Syndrome, SAD, Depression, Herpes Simplex 1
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MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 7/15/2007 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I have had people harrass me (strangers at walmart), but my best friend who was with me chewed them out. One of her best quotes was "do you think she would be this heavy if she didn't have major health issues and chronic diseases?" She went on again because I am also a veteran and very graphic give them what for because the injuries the ignited the autoimmune malfuctions were due to service related injuries.

But she said something that I very much believe that people who are overweight are overweight for some mental and/or physical health reason. Because you do not choose to be unhealthly heavy without some serious issues going on.
 
While it is a bummer to have this...I don't use it on good day, but I am glad to have it when I feel so bad that I cannot walk even 50 feet.

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 7/15/2007 9:15:03 PM (GMT-6)


Bsime
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1299
   Posted 7/15/2007 7:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't be embarrassed or reluctant to use your sticker.  Many of us do not look handicapped but are.
 
I got a permanent one and have improved substantially since then.  However, I still use it in crowded situations to save my finite energy. 
 
Anybody who has "friends" who make jokes about that are ignornant and not really friends.
 
Bill


Mixed connective tissue disease (systemic lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis), Raynauds phenomena, Hypertension, Barrett's esophagus.
 
Meds: prednisone (7mg & tapering), 100mg imuran, lisinopril 40mg, maxide 37.5/25mg, norvasc 5 mg, folic acid, potassium, aciphex 20mg, multi vitamins.
 
Maintain your optimism and you can beat the odds.
 
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."  Helen Keller
 
 

Post Edited (Bsime) : 7/16/2007 7:36:37 AM (GMT-6)


hippimom2
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Date Joined Jul 2005
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   Posted 7/16/2007 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Kari, I agree with the others that you need to do what is best for you and try not to worry too much about what other people are thinking; however, I know that is easier said than done. There were several times when I was shopping that I felt like I really needed a wheelchair, but didn't get one because I was too embarassed. I am also self conscious about what other people think about my weight and I wish so badly that there was some outward sign that would explain to people how much this disease affects us and how much pain and fatigue we experience some days.

I hope you don't encounter people who are judgemental about this and if you do, just know that they are ignorant and obviously have never met anyone with a chronic, debilitating illness.
Diagnosis:  UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; CFS 1991; Mono 1985
Meds:  Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Amitriptyline 25mg; Neurontin 200mg; Prevacid; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Restasis eye drops

 

Clickable:  LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES.

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

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bhkhhh
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 245
   Posted 7/16/2007 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Kari, Do yourself a favor & don't worry what others think! If it will help you, GO for it! I am the opposite of you ( scrawney ) But I have had to walk out & leave my shopping cart before ( just couldn't stand no longer ) At one point, I turned the shopping over to my 15 yr old, I couldn't even make it in the door without having to turn around & sit down. When I first became ill anyone who knew me was Shocked to see me, I looked so bad, peoples reaction to me really had me upset. I am doing much better now & I do my own shopping again. I am trying to stay active but I always know that it could turn & bite me in the butt again! You know your body & we have to do what feels right for us. I have always figured someone who judges others for their weight are very shallow people.I was always told by my mother Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes & is only skin deep! That is so true! I do understand about the conflict. I actually had some old man get out of his truck, walk up to my window & started beating on it because I was in front of him & pulled into a parking spot.Just a plain parking spot! he was jumping up & down cussing me, He was NUTS! Thank goodness the manager caught him on camera & came out to rescue me. They sent him on his way! This usually only happens in big places or in the city.

mamamuse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/16/2007 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for the support, guys. It means a lot to have this forum, where people understand so well what I'm going through!

I'll have to remember that rabies comment...heheheh!

Thanks again!
Kari
Wife, writer, artist, homeschooling mom to 2 wonderful boys
Lupus (dx May '04), arthritis, PCOS, being tested for vasculitis and Behcet's
Now taking: plaquenil, limbrel, metformin XR, ibuprofen and the occasional percoset for pain


hippimom2
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 5403
   Posted 7/16/2007 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, I loved the rabies one too. If all else fails when someone looks at you strangely, just foam at the mouth and growl, lol.
Diagnosis:  UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; CFS 1991; Mono 1985
Meds:  Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Amitriptyline 25mg; Neurontin 200mg; Prevacid; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Restasis eye drops

 

Clickable:  LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES.

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

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peacesoul
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 7/16/2007 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I would like to bring another perspective to this thread.
My 14 yr old niece who has SMA (spinal muscular atrophy) and is in a wheelchair has very limted mobility. Her wheelchair is so large it takes a large handicap spot for her to get out of the van. It also takes her about 10 mins to get out of the van to be set up to go into the mall or wherever she's going.

I have lupus and personally I don't think lupus or being overweight is a reason to use a handicap parking.
I work with a man who is 500lbs with severe diabetes and does not have a handicap pass.
Being overweight is an addiction like any other addiction whether it be booze or drugs. Should we issue handicap passes to drug or booze addicts?!

And this comment is to those who mentioned being overweight as a mental illness. It's an addiction, not a mental illness. There is a difference.
And yes some overweight ppl are large b/c of a physical condition, but others are large b/c of how much food they cosume and lack of exercise.
I'm sorry if my post offends anyone, but this is a very personal issue for me and I had to be honest
Jen

dbab
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure I agree Jen. People do not want to be overweight. Except for the people that are trying to put on weight, nobody takes a bite of something wanting to add a few extra pounds. People that drink booze and drugs are wanting to feel the effects. I just read an article today on MSN that food addiction is very much a mental thing and that most overweight people are taught at a very early age to associate food with emotions. Rewarding, bribing, punishing with food is what a lot of people went through growing up. To me that says its a very emotional and mental thing, not something that you can just talk yourself out of. Much different than drug or booze addiction.

Many with Lupus take Prednisone to manage their illness. It is a fact that prednisone causes weight gain even in those who don't eat more. Lupus also impairs people's abilities to be as active as healthy people which also can lead to weight gain (or even unintentional weight loss). Some with Lupus have mild symptoms which in that case don't require handicap parking but not all. It's best not to put all Lupus sufferers in the same box. This disease affects so many people so differently and even my doc says that not one of his Lupus patients is the same. I'm very happy to hear for you that your Lupus hasn't affected your abilities.
"Des"
Co-Moderator ~ IBS Forum
Co-Moderator ~ Lupus Forum 
Dx: IBS 1989, Diverticulosis 2004, Idiopathic Acute Colitis 2006, UCTD 2007
Meds: Plaquenil 400mg, Chlorzoxazone 500mg, Lyrica 50mg, Protonix 40mg, Naproxen 1000mg, Klonopin 2mg/day (tapering to PRN), Miralax 17g, Supplements


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hippimom2
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Date Joined Jul 2005
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   Posted 7/16/2007 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Jen, I don't think that Kari was saying she got the handicap sticker because she is overweight - it's due to what lupus has done to her and how severly it has attacked her body - she was just worried that people would assume she got the sticker because she is overweight and they would not know or understand about her lupus. Lupus affects people to all degrees, crippling some people, or attacking the lungs or the heart so it wouldn't be possible to walk a long distance. All of these effects of lupus are invisible.  These terribly crippling and debilitating things can happen whether the person is overweight, normal weight or underweight.

What I got out of the thread was that many of us with these illnesses end up overweight due to both medications and inactivity and that being overweight wasn't a reason to get a sticker, rather the crippling affects that some people experience with lupus. Before lupus entered my life a was an athlete who regulary ran 5-15 miles a day , 6 days a week and lifted weights 3 days a week and had very little body fat. Now due to what lupus has done to me, as well as the lupus meds, I am considered obese and it devistates me some days, but I try very hard to keep my spirits up. There was a point where I was almost crippled and now finally, I am at the point where I can do just a tiny amount of exercise. I didn't get overweight by choice. I have tried as hard as I could to control the extreme hunger that prednisone brings on as well as the carb cravings you get with it. Until you have experienced it, you have no idea what it is like. Also pre-lupus I was able to eat extremely healthy - vegetarian and all whole and fresh foods. Now my stomach won't tollerate a lot of those healthy food and they make me physically sick (I'm not sure why).

I'm sorry - I got way off topic. I just wanted to say that I think there were some misunderstandings here. I guess this was a personal issue for me too. I don't want to offend anyone either.


Diagnosis:  UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; CFS 1991; Mono 1985
Meds:  Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Amitriptyline 25mg; Neurontin 200mg; Prevacid; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Restasis eye drops

 

Clickable:  LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES.

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

Co-Moderator: Lupus and CFS Forums


Post Edited (hippimom2) : 7/16/2007 8:15:38 PM (GMT-6)


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7019
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
When I have the fatigue of lupus hitting me I *NEED* all the help I can get and if handicap parking can save me a couple hundred feet it can mean the difference between eating a decent food from the grocery store or not. Other symptoms such as flares in muscle pain or joint and bone pain also contribute greatly to an individuals need for the assistance that handicap parking can provide.

While perhaps *some* lupus patients can remain mobile for the majority of the time, not everyone can. I think a blanket "no one with lupus needs handicap parking" statement is rather shortsighted, judgmental, and totally untrue.


PS. It need have nothing at all to due with weight.

Lynnwood, Co-Moderator: Lupus Forum
SLE(’00), Sjogren's Syndrome, Raynaud's Syndrome, SAD, Depression, Herpes Simplex 1
Piroxicam, Plaquenil, Cellcept, Prednisone, Xanax, Trazodone, Fosamax, Wellbrutrin SR, Valtrex
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mamamuse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Jen, for me anyway, the lupus and the weight are two unrelated disorders. I have been fairly close to the same weight for over a decade, and would've never ever considered it to be a disability before lupus.
 
Now, it's like one of the above posters said. There are days where I have to run errands, and I only have enough energy to go in, get what I have to get, and go. Many times I have left a store in tears, with half of what I needed to get, because I was just too exhausted to keep shopping. That was not "I am so fat I can't get around" exhaustion. It was "my bones are suddenly full of lead" feeling that comes from lupus. That never happened before...I could keep up with any of my skinny friends before I got sick.
 
I live in a very busy suburban area, and if the pass can help me save a hundred or more steps before I get in the store, then I'm grateful for it. As I said, I would not use it on a "good day". I know there are always people worse off than me.
 
And as far as the embarrassment/pride issue...my DH, sisters, friends, parents...everyone who has to go places with me has asked repeatedly for me to apply for one, because they've seen how a simple errand or two can wipe me out on a bad day. I resisted for a year, and then finally decided to take the plunge. Their reasoning was that most of the time (unless we're at Wal Mart...not sure what it is about Wal Mart!) the handicapped spots sit empty. At places like parks, the zoo, etc. you can walk the length of a couple of football fields to even get to the gate if you don't have a handicapped parking permit. I still have little kids. I still need to be able to take them places without being afraid that the walk to the gate will wear me out before we even get inside.
 
I have PCOS, which is definitely a "chicken and egg" issue, in that no one knows whether it causes weight gain, or if the weight gain causes it. Regardless, it is difficult to treat and manage. Add to that reduced activity because of lupus, and having to take prednisone for a while, and yes, it's harder than ever to lose even a pound.
 
And it is also a mental/emotional/spiritual issue. Just about anyone with a serious weight problem uses food in ways it shouldn't be used. But unlike alcohol or drugs, one cannot just avoid food altogether. I was actually thin as a teen and young adult...but that was because of bulimia and compulsive exercise that followed a date rape. Thankfully, I've healed enough that I no longer binge or purge. But now age (and yes, again, lupus!) are working against me as I struggle daily to lose this weight.
 
Of course there will always be people who don't care about any of that. And that's fine...we all have a right to our opinion.
Kari
Wife, writer, artist, homeschooling mom to 2 wonderful boys
Lupus (dx May '04), arthritis, PCOS, being tested for vasculitis and Behcet's
Now taking: plaquenil, limbrel, metformin XR, ibuprofen and the occasional percoset for pain


PattyLatty
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 7/16/2007 8:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Jen, I believe this is a very personal issue for all of us. It certainly is for me. And if I may be frank, your feelings mirror what I feel I go up against when I get out in the public, although I have been fortunate because the public is always very friendly with me. I don't believe I am alone. As you know, there are many kinds of lupus and there are many levels of illness in this one disease. So while your lupus might not require additional help, the conditions of others might, and it saddens me to see someone on this forum, which is usually so non-judgmental, attack someone else whose condition might be worse than yours.

Two years ago I had my drivers license renewed. The photo on the front shows a very slim, flat-bellied and halfway attractive 56 year old woman. Soon after the photo was taken I started taking prednisone and eventually very high levels. I developed a large moon face, thick neck, lump on my back, and the stomach of a pregnant woman. Because of the high levels of prednisone and because I was so sick that I spent three months without getting out of bed except to shower. Since then I've been up and down, but more down than up and still am far from being back to my old pre-prednisone exercise plan. Nor do I have the energy to go to the grocery store and purchase all that I would need to make healthy meals, and even if I did I wouldn't have the ability to stand in my kitchen and prepare three healthy meals a day. I'm almost resentful of having to explain this to someone of this forum. I don't mind sharing my experience, however, with a new member, and you'll find me doing that all the time.

During the time I was on the highest levels of prednisone I was also taking care of my father, who could not drive or shop and was driving him to the grocery store. We used his handicapped sticker and I was always so exhausted when we would get out to the car that I don't know how I could have made it if we had had to walk far out under the hot sun in a large parking lot. That said, my father had heart disease, which is also not obvious to someone passing by. He also had two artificial knees, also not noticeable. He also had an overweight daughter with lupus who was taking care of him rather than having someone take care of her, and who was always sweating profusely. Well, he died a year ago this Saturday. Never did anyone make fun of either of us nor try to boo us away for using a handicapped parking spot.

I understand that your nephew might be in a more serious predicament than my father or I (who by the way do not have a sticker yet) but if that suggests that my father didn't deserve to have one, or that I won't deserve to have one when my rheumy and I decide that I need one, then I suggest you are highly mistaken.

I know lupus patients who suffer from heart problems, have seizures, and other serious consequences to the disease. They too deserve to use handicapped parking.

I agree with Lynnwood who said, "I think a blanket 'no one with lupus needs handicap parking' statement is rather shortsighted, judgmental, and totally untrue." As far as weight is concerned, I hardly need to address what you said, Jen. People with Down Syndrome are typically overweight. Do they have an addiction to food? How about people which hormone problems?

You said you were sorry if you have offended anyone. I don't think I'm offended, but just shocked to find these sentiments aired in this forum. I believe there is a diffrerence between being frank and being offensive.

Kari, I'll bet you have a tougher skin than you think. Anyone who would rudely criticize a stranger for a situation they know nothing about is ignorant. You are smart enough to take care of yourself, and I'm proud of you for that.

I hate to see these controversial and disruptive threads on our wonderful forum, so will drop out of this thread and move on to helping my other friends who need help. Kari, if you want to talk about this some more, please feel free to. It's something that's on a lot of people's minds.

Take Care, and (((hug)))) yourself for me.

Love,

Pat
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision.

cellcept 1,000mg, neurontin 1,200 mg, prednisone 5mg, plaquenil 400mg, synthroid .15mg, triamterene 37.5mg, tramadol prn, lunesta 3 mg, actonel, tri-est (compounded estrogen) 7.5 mg, cymbalta 30mg, multivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


emmi
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 7/16/2007 8:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope the air has been thouroughly cleared so to speak.

Kari, I think you can take care of yourself. We all support your right to use your handicap placard as you deem necessary. Take good care of yourself.

Evidently I read the following on another forum regarding the interchange between an ignorant member of the public and someone with an "invisible disease":

member of the public: What are you doing parking in that spot? You aren't handicapped?

Person with placard: My disease is invisible. Obviously yours isn't. Your stupidity is showing.

xoxo emmie
</FONT>

SLE, limited scleroderma, Sjogrens, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, seizure disorder, Raynauds, Hashimoto's (or Autoimmune) Enchephalopathy


Bsime
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Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1299
   Posted 7/16/2007 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I totally disagree with the idea that lupus is an "excuse" to get a handicap sticker.
 
In my case, I was climbing 5000' mountains and skied at 60 mph just 3 years ago and was the one who helped everyone.  18 months ago I was a quadriplegic and could not even raise my arms.  I had more than lupus (mctd) but I have talked to many who only had lupus and were or are severely disabled. 
 
Today, I am still disabled but not completely so.  Having a handicap sticker has allowed me to conserve my limited energy for better uses than walking a long distance to my car.
 
As for the coworker who is 500 lbs and does not have a sticker...what does that have to do with anything?  A good friend of mine was 600 lbs and did not have one either.  He died of a heart attack....young.  Entirely different subject matter.
 
This has to be decided on an individual basis and if you have a mild case of lupus or whatever then a sticker may not be justified.  But for many of us it is.  I was given a permanent sticker but I have used it less and less as I have improved.  Hopefully, I will not need it in the near future.
 
If you chose to not have one that is fine.  I chose to have one and use my limited energy for other, more productive activities.
 
By the way, I am not overweight (weigh the same at 64 as 16 and I was lean at 16)and do not have an addiction of any kind.  I also do not look sick but I am still partially disabled.  A little empathy is in order.
 
Bill
 
 
Mixed connective tissue disease (systemic lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis), Raynauds phenomena, Hypertension, Barrett's esophagus.
 
Meds: prednisone (7mg & tapering), 100mg imuran, lisinopril 40mg, maxide 37.5/25mg, norvasc 5 mg, folic acid, potassium, aciphex 20mg, multi vitamins.
 
Maintain your optimism and you can beat the odds.
 
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."  Helen Keller
 
 


peacesoul
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 7/17/2007 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Many of you just accused me of being very judgmental, yet many of your replies to me have been very judgmental. I am entitled to my opinion.

Pat, I was not being rude or offensive, nor was I trying to be.
Yes there are varying degrees of illness. I'm very well aware of this and am no idiot.
And to make a comment that "some ppl's condition might be worse than mine" How do you know what my condition is? With all due respect, you have no idea how I struggle on a daily basis. My lupus has not disabled me (nor will I allow it to diable me) but functioning daily has become a huge challenge for me.
I hurt, I cry, I feel sick. My body aches. There are days I cannot get out of bed due to severe pain.
Just a note: this is a forum for all. Others, like myself, are entitled to their opinions, whether you agree with them or not. You can disagree with mine as I have disagreed with others.

Des: I worked with drug addiction and have a long history with codependency counseling and yes, all addictions are classified the same. True, we need food to live so it's tougher to break that addiction. But all addictions have a premise of void filling.
Many obese people make a ton of excuses as to why they are overweight and some just take ownership and responsibility for why they are large.
My sister was obese and still struggles daily with her weight. She knows her food addiction is something she will struggle with for life. But she certainly never made excuses for being that way. She made herself that way, the same as a drug addict sticks a needle in his veins.
Some of you are going to blow me out of the water for this, but acknowledging your issue will most certainly help deal with the issue.
Certainly some weight issues stem from physical conditions and or meds, but that is not a large #. The majority of obesity is caused from too many calories and not enough exercise. It's an epidemic in the US.


Lynn, you're right, my statement was a blanket statement about "no one with lupus needs a handicap parking". My bad. It was too general.
I just feel, if you can get to the store to shop (as I do in total pain all the time), then you can walk the extra distance and leave the spots for people who have zero mobility. Judgmental, perhaps, but I can tell you, on a daily basis, I see more "non disabled people" using those spots than ppl who actually look like they are struggling.
I followed a woman once who pakred in a handicap spot. She went into the store, lifted an 18lt of water into her basket. And looked totally fine to me. Was I too assume she was diasbled and not able to park an extra 20 ft?! Should she not have left the spot for someone who really needed it?! I've taken my niece shopping and have had to park futher way b/c all handicap spots where taken and I can assure you, some of the ppl that took those spots were very ABLED bodied!
Maybe I have a bias because of my niece, but it does make me angry when I see people taking advantage.

And in NO WAY was I saying Kari was taking advantage of the situation.
Kari, in no way do you need to defend yourself to me or others. And you did say you would use it only when necessary. Well you are of the few, because I am sure many others would take total advantage of the handicap spot if given the chance.
There are days (like today actually) where my dizziness and joint pain almost kept me in bed. I had to come to work and my parking spot is quite far. Sure, it would be great to park closer, but I'm also grateful I can use my legs to walk. Like I said, prob a bias from watching my niece living a nightmare.

Kari, I do wish you all the best. I know Lupus is tough. I know obesity is hard (My sister struggle with it) and I hope you find your way. I'm sorry if you felt I was making a personal attack. That was not my intention and prob should have made my post when I felt less passionate about this.

Love Jen

Post Edited (peacesoul) : 7/17/2007 6:55:18 AM (GMT-6)


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 7/17/2007 5:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hippi, thanks for responding in a less attacking manner.
I very much sympathize with your situation.
I'm sorry you feel devastated by your weight. My sister was 190lbs by the time she was 15 yrs old.
Watching her being taunted by others and hearing comments other kids were making about her killed me.
My heart is very much with you on that.
 
Not being able to tolerate foods sounds like many another issue. Have you looked into maybe celiac disease or having Candida (yeast overgrowth)? Or even common food allergies?
I too cannot tolerate many foods either, but I keep trying to find the right balance. Also, 9 yrs ago (I'm 41 now), I was overweight (not obese) but I was just eating all the wrong things.
 
Wishing you lots of energy and less carb cravings ;-)
 
Jen
 
 

 

mamamuse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/17/2007 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I guess this is a sensitive issue for many of us. I didn't mean to make any attacks or cause disruption by my response...I love this board and wouldn't want to cause any problems by my posts.

I appreciate the feedback, and the different viewpoints. It's easy for me to write what I'm thinking, but I'm one of those people who thinks of a good comeback about three days after a conflict in person! LOL But thanks for the votes of confidence that I can handle myself. I hope you're right!

Hugs all around...
Kari
Wife, writer, artist, homeschooling mom to 2 wonderful boys
Lupus (dx May '04), arthritis, PCOS, being tested for vasculitis and Behcet's
Now taking: plaquenil, limbrel, metformin XR, ibuprofen and the occasional percoset for pain


hippimom2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 5403
   Posted 7/17/2007 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Kari, your response is wonderful and a great way to put a peaceful end to this thread. I think we are truly blessed to have such an amazingly supportive atmosphere here in our forum.
Diagnosis:  UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; CFS 1991; Mono 1985
Meds:  Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Amitriptyline 25mg; Neurontin 200mg; Prevacid; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Restasis eye drops

 

Clickable:  LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES.

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

Co-Moderator: Lupus and CFS Forums



MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 7/17/2007 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Jen,
First substance abuse (addiction) is in the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders-text revision-four if you want to look it up), so it is a mental disorder. However, it is a disorder of choice, so I agree in part. It is a "mental and physical issue" and that is what I said. Please do not misconstrue. Because if one are volunteering to be overweight (and therefore sick) by eating too much and not exercising then I would said that one has a mental health issue because they lack affect for themselves, like people who cut themselves and seek escape by addiction. Obviously these people need intensive therapy/rehab.

However, sometimes weight is not a choice and please do not stand in judgment of other people. (Especially between orthro reconstructions <therefore no exercise premitted> , TPN (when I can tolerate it a very limitted diet), and pred wise. I challenge anyone who has been on 80 mg (no that is not a mistype) of pred for years to not gain weight <no you cannot exercise due to ortho and you have a very limitted diet due to crohns>.) Perhaps what would have been the effective response the person who had harassed me was to show him the 83 inches of surgical reconstruction that I have before the age of 29. But pulling off my pants and taking off my shirt is socially unacceptable. To show him my egd, colonoscopy, blood work for my crohns (or perhaps the 40 blood transfusion that finally motivated me to get the handicap parking permit because I passed out from blood loss due to physical exertion which at the time that happened I could have lifted a huge bottle of water and no one could have seen the bleed because it takes a couple of minutes to reach the outside of the body). The cascade of lupus and MS into that mix…frankly that is too much for me to stuff in my purse.

What did concern me is your lack of compassion for other human beings, because you do not know what is going on with other people. I know you said, “I have lupus and personally I don't think lupus or being overweight is a reason to use a handicap parking.” You do know your experience of lupus, and I am glad that your experience of lupus has been one of resilience, grit, and that it sounds like you are combating you lupus well.  I can certainly empathize (and be thankful that my time in a wheelchair was not permanent) with your niece. However, I would never say that I know what she was going thru, nor would I stand in judgment of her based upon my time in a wheelchair. It is my concern that you are this transferring of your individual experience to everyone else, and this is what I am picking up on... but I could be wrong.

I do not mean this in a harsh or judgment way, but what I hope is that you grow in awareness that you really do not know what is going on with other people so you perhaps some consideration and compassion to others might be called for in this matter.
 
sorry hippi I had worked on this prior to your posting ...my apologizes

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 7/17/2007 9:11:44 PM (GMT-6)


Bsime
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1299
   Posted 7/17/2007 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Nobody has to apologize for being disabled and using a handicap sticker.  Period.
 
Those who abuse the privilege or use someone elses should apologize.
 
Those who have not been disabled should not stand in judgement of those of us who are or have been.  You just do not know.
 
I suggest that a new thread be started if the subject of weight is to be discussed.  I have been on prednisone for over 2 years and have not gained weight by watching what I eat and how much and exercising a lot.  However, this is a complex subject and to label everyone who is overweight as lacking in will, having no discipline, and being an addict is ignorant. 
 
I will continue to encourage everyone to eat healthy and in moderation and exercise any way they can.  But I will not attack those who have a weight problem.  We should also not compare most overweight problems as though they are the same as chemical addictions like alcoholism and other drug addictions.  Not a fair comparison and another subject entirely.
 
Bill
 
 
Mixed connective tissue disease (systemic lupus, scleroderma, polymyositis), Raynauds phenomena, Hypertension, Barrett's esophagus.
 
Meds: prednisone (7mg & tapering), 100mg imuran, lisinopril 40mg, maxide 37.5/25mg, norvasc 5 mg, folic acid, potassium, aciphex 20mg, multi vitamins.
 
Maintain your optimism and you can beat the odds.
 
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."  Helen Keller
 
 


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 7/18/2007 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Bsime said...
Nobody has to apologize for being disabled and using a handicap sticker.  Period.
 
Those who abuse the privilege or use someone elses should apologize.
 
Those who have not been disabled should not stand in judgement of those of us who are or have been.  You just do not know.
 
I suggest that a new thread be started if the subject of weight is to be discussed.  I have been on prednisone for over 2 years and have not gained weight by watching what I eat and how much and exercising a lot.  However, this is a complex subject and to label everyone who is overweight as lacking in will, having no discipline, and being an addict is ignorant. 
 
I will continue to encourage everyone to eat healthy and in moderation and exercise any way they can.  But I will not attack those who have a weight problem.  We should also not compare most overweight problems as though they are the same as chemical addictions like alcoholism and other drug addictions.  Not a fair comparison and another subject entirely.
 
Bill
 
 

Bill, please show me where I labeled EVERYONE who is overweight as lacking in will. having no discipline and being an addict.
 
I guess you missed the part where I said I had an obese (she is still overweight) sister and that my heart goes out to ppl who struggle with weight.
 
The only part you got right was the fact that I said obesity (not caused my medical reasons) is exactly the same as any other addiction.
If you can tell me why an addiction to food, booze, drugs, sex or any other self destructive pattern is different, then by all means.
Like I said (and I am sure you missed this also), I worked in the field of addiction and have a background in it.  
Your post here is irresponsible and INCORRECT to everything I said.

 

peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 7/18/2007 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
MMMNAVY said...
MMMNAVY said...
Jen,
First substance abuse (addiction) is in the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders-text revision-four if you want to look it up), so it is a mental disorder. However, it is a disorder of choice, so I agree in part. It is a "mental and physical issue" and that is what I said. Please do not misconstrue. Because if one are volunteering to be overweight (and therefore sick) by eating too much and not exercising then I would said that one has a mental health issue because they lack affect for themselves, like people who cut themselves and seek escape by addiction. Obviously these people need intensive therapy/rehab.
 
Any disorder where one abuses their well being and body is a mental disorder, but calling an addiction a mental disorder takes the responsibilty away from the abuser to say"Well I have a mental disorder so I'm not responsible"
Training or participating in any addiction counseling, this is what is taught.
We can label chewing our nails, driving too fast, swearing too much as a mental disorder.
We need to be cautious as to what we call a mental disorder as to not take the onus off the abuser and put in on the action.

However, sometimes weight is not a choice and please do not stand in judgment of other people.

We all stand in judgment of others for one thing or another. Have you never judged another person? It's a human condition.
I am the most kind hearted person you will ever meet and yes I judge others who fault as others have judged me when I have faulted. 
K
udos to me for at last being able to admit what I have said here and spoke the truth.
Yes I judge others who are obviously abusing the privilege of a handicap spot. Again, did not accuse anyone here of that, but I have seen with my own eyes on a daily basis ppl abusing these spots. 
And I agree and have said in my posts "yes sometimes weight is not a choice, but most of the time it is"
Statistically, the rate of obesity is rarely caused by a medical or physical condition but by overeating and lack of exercise. I'm not pointing that statistic to anyone here. Some overweight people tend to blame their self induced condition on drugs, or hormones or being big boned, when in reality their weight was self inflicted. It's called denial.
I worked in the medical research field with pharmaceutical co's for 8 yrs. There were extensive studies done on obesity. Numbers and research rarely give a false outcome. research says, less than 5% of obesity is caused by physical factors.
Again, not saying this was the case for you or anyone here. But statistically it's impossible that everyone from this site who is overweight is so because of something out of their control.
 
 
(Especially between orthro reconstructions <therefore no exercise premitted> , TPN (when I can tolerate it a very limitted diet), and pred wise. I challenge anyone who has been on 80 mg (no that is not a mistype) of pred for years to not gain weight <no you cannot exercise due to ortho and you have a very limitted diet due to crohns>.) Perhaps what would have been the effective response the person who had harassed me was to show him the 83 inches of surgical reconstruction that I have before the age of 29. But pulling off my pants and taking off my shirt is socially unacceptable. To show him my egd, colonoscopy, blood work for my crohns (or perhaps the 40 blood transfusion that finally motivated me to get the handicap parking permit because I passed out from blood loss due to physical exertion which at the time that happened I could have lifted a huge bottle of water and no one could have seen the bleed because it takes a couple of minutes to reach the outside of the body). The cascade of lupus and MS into that mix…frankly that is too much for me to stuff in my purse.
 
Again, your case is differnt and your reply is defensive as if I was pointing my finger at you. When in fact, I don't think I even addressed you in my comment.
I'm sorry you're very sick.


What did concern me is your lack of compassion for other human beings, because you do not know what is going on with other people. I know you said, “I have lupus and personally I don't think lupus or being overweight is a reason to use a handicap parking.” You do know your experience of lupus, and I am glad that your experience of lupus has been one of resilience, grit, and that it sounds like you are combating you lupus well.  I can certainly empathize (and be thankful that my time in a wheelchair was not permanent) with your niece. However, I would never say that I know what she was going thru, nor would I stand in judgment of her based upon my time in a wheelchair. It is my concern that you are this transferring of your individual experience to everyone else, and this is what I am picking up on... but I could be wrong.
 
There you go, you just judged me right there. See we all do it!
You don't know me, and if you did, there is no way you would say I have no compassion. I work with stray animals, I take and feed them all winter, I work with the elderly, disabled and I'm also working with the 500lb man I work with on trying to get him help.
I've already got him to see my Gastro, he did, he had gastric bypass. I got him into therapy for his food addiction and am now working with him on his diet and to join a gym.
Doesn't sounds like something an uncompassionate person would do?!
You call me uncompassionate because I spoke my mind and spoke some truths
Of course I am transfering my experiences, what else do we all have to go on? You just transfered your experience to me. This is how we teach eachother.
.


I do not mean this in a harsh or judgment way, but what I hope is that you grow in awareness that you really do not know what is going on with other people so you perhaps some consideration and compassion to others might be called for in this matter.
 
I grow in awareness every day on earth. You do not know what and how I have lived.
The trauma I faced in my life has been horrible. The horrible things that have happened to me have added to my compassion.
Because I have no compassion for people whom abuse handicap parking does not make me a louse or an evil witch. 
So sad that you can judge me as being an inconsiderate and uncompassionate person based on that.
 
 
On that note, I am done posting here. It's too bad others are not entitles to thier opinions w/out being called uncompassionate and inconsiderate. I understand illness makes us bitter and angry and sometimes have no/low tolerance of others, but that doesn't make for a very pleasant place to come and express yourself.
I'm done replying....I think I made all the points I needed to.

Post Edited (peacesoul) : 7/18/2007 6:14:30 AM (GMT-6)


okie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 7/18/2007 5:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kari, I understand. You are frightened about being criticized because you don't feel good about yourself. I need to drop about20 lbs but what makes me uncomfortable is that I have oxygen hoses on my face when I go through stores. Older people ignore it or look away but little kids just stare at me. They all have that strange look on their face because I'm not normal. whatever normal means. All I can visualize is these teenage kids that whip into handicapped parking with their parents car and handicap sticker. They blantently jump out and make a dash for the store they don't give it a second thought. Than I see a guy with one leg that parks 15 isles down. Those are the things that erk me. I'm usually with someone else and on bad days they drop me at the door and on good days I say lets park further away so I can get a little exercise. I can't hope to have good days to get out every time but I do what I can on days I can. Like you said use it when you need to. Another thing take it or leave it or perhaps you have tried it. Maybe get some counseling to deal with the issues you are feeling. Depression can cause weight gain as well. Maybe just a little possitive reinforcement might be a benefit. I don't think that would hurt anyone from time to time.

love ya
carol
God Bless
Carol
Lupus, possible Crest, COPD, Cervical Cancer survivor. Osteoporosis
Prednisone 5mg, Plaquanil 800mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg, HCTZ25/Triamterene37.5mg,Xanax.5mg
 
When things are really dark look up. You can see the stars.
 
 
 

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