Work place bullying....

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Willow73
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/7/2007 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I have worked, as casual, for the past 5 years at my present job. I never really liked it, but I am good at it. In the five years I have worked, I have only called in sick twice, and have never said no to any shifts or "emergancies" that have come up and they needed someone to help them out.
 
After all that, it comes down to meaning nothing. I realized it today. At 34, I have decided to go back to unvierstiy and study for my MD. People at work are not happy about that. The thought of me leaving, means they can't call in sick every time there is a sunny day out because I am not there to work over time to cover for them. And trust me, that happens A LOT in my department. In fact, there are two people who, every summer, get a note from their doctor so they can go camping.
 
Today was the breaking point. A local college called for me because I need to upgrade some courses before I go to universtiy next September. One of those co-workers who likes to call in sick completely lost it today in front of the whole office. She called me down, told me I was stupid and how what I am going is affecting her life. My work is hard enough on me ( I am on my feet all night long) and going to school is going to be really tough too. (while I am upgrading, I am still going to work full time). Add lupus to that, and I am sure it isn't going to be easy....but I really want this.
 
I felt so bad today I was so close to quitting my job. Really close. I had to sit there, and take that, and the worst part is... this woman has total control over my schedule. She is the one who is in charge of that. So, I can't say anything to her. I am sorry for the venting... I am just so sick and tired of being a door mat. I need to get out of there so bad....

Barbara Lee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 2889
   Posted 9/7/2007 5:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Willow:

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. This woman is TOTALLY out of line. I know you're afraid of repercussions but I'd report her behavior to her supervisor. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of behavior from your supervisor.

I think it's great that you want to better yourself and become a Doctor. It's going to be a tough long haul with the lupus, but I'm positive you can do it. We can do almost anything if we put our minds to it. Remember though that you'll need to rest as much as you possibly can while working and going to school.

I'm truly sorry you had to deal with this kind of treatment. You come here anytime and vent all you need to. I'm here for you and I'm proud of you. You're going to great in school.

Take care,
Barbara
dx fibro, SLE, glaucoma, cateracts, bells palsy, depression, migraine headaches, gastreopaersis, chronic anemia, RA,MDS (Blood Cancer). Tons of meds.


Willow73
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/7/2007 6:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Barbara! You know, I just sat there this afternoon and worked. It took everything in me not to cry or let her see that she really had upset me. I can't tell if I am sad, angry, or just really really frustrated with the types of behavor by staff and this dead end job. Everything I am doing (including my personal life it seems since school is something personal, and has nothing to do with my work), seems to be all about how it is affecting "them" or what this all means in reference to "them". I live alone. I need this job to live...but it is not enough for me. The job is ok if you have another person with you that is also brining in some money. As it is now, I can't afford anything. I already have a univesity degree... and I am working in a job where I am not even using it! I need to get out of this rut I am in and better my life! How does all of this affect "them"? Who cares???

I finally let it all out in my car on the way home - I started to cry.  I was so angry by then. When I got home, I just sat there in my living room going over the events of the day. I still can't believe it. How someone can be so arrogent that they think they can put me down in front of the whole office because of something that doesn't even pertain to them! It boggles the mind! I am trying to go to bed...but I can't stop fuming over this. If I don't watch it, I am going to have another flare.

The whole mess was over what took place in the last two days. I had to go to register for my courses for next semester, which begins after Christmas. I took my lunch break at 10 am instead of 11:30 am (one half hour) and went, registered, and was back with no time lost. My co-worker took some time off today to go to a scheduled hair appointment. She over heard a phone conversation I had, that there was a mix up in my courses that I paid for today, and that the head of the science department at the local college wanted to meet with me next Monday at 9 am. My co-worker then lost it! She said she had made another appointment for herself at that time and that I couldn't go anymore to anything because it was taking time away from her. I am replacing her at her job, so she can do another job that she is not qualified for. (so, why is it ok for her to leave work during her shift to do what ever she needs to do?It doesn't make sense!). I was on my lunch break!!! I didn't take any time away from anyone!

I think you are right. I am going to meet with our supervisor Monday and we will have a meeting - just the three of us. No way am I going to do like I always do... let her get away with this. When she saw that I was not my usual self after her outburst, she was totally changed... acting like she was my best friend. Cracking jokes, she even walked me to my car after our shift! I think she knows I am going to the boss...

 

 


Post Edited (Willow73) : 9/7/2007 7:08:18 PM (GMT-6)


phndoc
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 495
   Posted 9/7/2007 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
willow, keep you head high...I know this time can be hard, but you are doing what you need to do to make your life better. Don't loose the sight of that. I have been down that road at times and if you are like me. You don't want too and you are must likely to loose sleep of this. Stand tall and be strong. We are here....

Keeping and extra blessings for you
PLAQUENIL, FLEXERIL, CELEBREX - UCTD, BENICAR - HIGH BP, SINGULAIR - ALLERGIES, REQUIP RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME, LEVITRA, AND METROGEL FOR ROSACEA 
Enjoy what you can today and leave the rest for another day.
 
Frank
 


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 9/8/2007 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
OH MY GOSH! Not fare . . . but typical of selfish people. You got some good advice from the others . . . I just wanted to add my "pat on the back" and my "You go girl!!!"

Blessings!
In His Grip!,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
 
Co-Moderator ~ Lupus Forum
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Baybreeze
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 315
   Posted 9/8/2007 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   

Sorry you have to go through all that bs, willow. I dont have the same situation, but I have a co-worker who blatantly does not care about her job and sits there all day surfing the internet and doing personal phone calls, chit chatting with people in other deparments or just relaxing at her desk eating, while me and another co-worker do all the work. Its unbelievable and she does it even in front of our boss. And to boot, she is the first one to complain about other people!! The worst is we've told our supervisors about it time and time again, and it goes in one ear & out the other, they seem to pay no mind to it. So I kind of understand the stress of your situation. Even though this coworker of mine doesnt care, I have learned to speak my mind to her and I dont care anymore. Ive also spoke mind my mind to my boss a couple times when I know I was in the right. It just takes too much of out of you to keep it all bottled in to yourself and causes to much stress, which in turn, can aggravate your lupus, lower your immunity & make you sick easier, etc...You definitely should not have to put up with that, so if nothing else, then let you feelings be known to your rude coworkers. Once they realize you are not a pushover, they may back off.


PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 9/8/2007 11:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Willow,

It's sad that there are people in the world who don't have a life and so they project all the negative feelings they have about themselves on others. Call it jealousy or projection, or whatever you want, but they are to be pitied. You are so brave to think about your future rather than wallowing in the present, which is what she appears to be doing. Even though it's painful for you right now, you're doing the right thing by going to your supervisor in an attempt to shut this woman up, yet at the same time you're trying to better yourself. You know you'll come out on top. There's nothing I admire more than someone who has more obstacles to overcome than the average person, as you do with your lupus, and yet continues to push on to better their lives.

Keep your eye on the ball Willow, and soon that person will be nothing but a bad memory. It's great that you're able to come here and get all this off your chest We're behind you all the way!

Love,

Pat
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision, migraines.
cellcept, neurontin, prednisone, plaquenil, synthroid, triamterene, tramadol, actonel, tri-est, imitrex, cymbalta, multivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


Willow73
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/8/2007 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank so you much for all your replies! It really helped to get it all out. I was so angry yesterday! In fact, I didn't sleep much at all last night. Still, everyone's words really made my day so much better. Thanks for all the support! :-)

cured4real?
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1944
   Posted 9/9/2007 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Willow,
Just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this at work and I think it is terrific that you want to be a doctor and I would definitely want you as a doc because you understand. People get jealous sometimes when they see that someone has the will and the confidence that they don't have and attack. I also read something in a medical magazine that aggessive behavior at work in women as well as men is caused from an excess of testosterone and they've done a recent study on that. So think of that when if she ever tries it again and maybe you'll just laugh. And don't forget to go to school, you can go even on disability, I think and there might be some special funding out there from the various organizations for you. I don't know what your degree is in but technical writing can lead to a good career as well, and you can often work from home during sick periods. Take care and best wishes for peace at work and a new start!
Love, Marji
--Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.--Voltaire (1694-1778)
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus-like AI Disease, Hashis, Vitiligo, spinal stenosis/fusion with plate, salivary/lymphectomies, Diabetes, NAFLD, COPD, RLS, neuropathy, trigonitis, hystero, diffuse brain atrophy
Meds--Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, Estradiol patch, Prosed, Klonopin, Soma, Ultram, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol,steroid injections, Protopic & Triamcinolone Acetonide ointments


mom46
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 8198
   Posted 9/9/2007 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Willow,

   You have gotten some great advice. I just wanted to say, I'm very proud of you for going for your dream! Like Frank said, stand tall and be strong!

   I know it's hard when people act like your co-worker but, she is just jealous. Try not to let her get under your skin. Hang in there and take care. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

                                                                Babs


 
 Lupus,RLS,RA,Asthma,Fibro,Sjogren's,Raynaud's,Divertic, Stroke,Atherosclerosis,Seizures,Sensory Polyneuropathy
Meds:Arava,plavix,aspirin,protonix,gabitril,zanaflex,xanax,
mirapex,advair,foxamax,donnatal,folic acid.
 
JOB 5:18 For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.


omega
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 607
   Posted 9/9/2007 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Willow
Hold your line! Those people are taking advantage of you. I think it is good to pursue for MD so that you can make a better future. I think you can make it even with your lupus. Take priority for yourself and take care of yourself and your stuff first. You have no responsibility to cover for your co-workers. It's their problems, not yours. YOUR DREAMS AND YOUR STUFF COME FIRST!!!!!!! They cannot take everything for granted.

Willow73
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/11/2007 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for all your kind words! I had another "incident" with her again today. She gets so angry at me. I have no clue what I did wrong. This time, she was telling the other staff that I can't do anything right. When I left work, I was so angry... I was shaking.

Something has to be done. I did talk to our boss (someone over my co-worker), but I told them not to do anything. I was just telling them that I was scared, since my co-worker had blamed me for us being behind in our work, she would run over to our boss and embellish the story to suit her. That would be typical of someone immature as she is. But I need to do something. I will have to stand up to her. I am not good at that kind of thing! lol I am in a flare right now, and I know it is all over this stuff at work. I don't want to go in tomorrow....

AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 9/11/2007 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Prayers for you Willow . . . I've worked with some real doozies, but your co-worker takes the cake. I hope you find just the words to say (or not to say) to feel more in control at work.

Blessings!
In His Grip!,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
 
Co-Moderator ~ Lupus Forum
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Irratable Bowel, Inflammatory Arthritis
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sharentrials
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 9/11/2007 8:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Willow. I'm so sorry you're still having this person to deal with. I'll say prayers to give you the strength to do whatever you need to. She sounds really small. You really need to be able to let this go because it will do bad things to your health. I just hope you can come to a resolution quickly. I admire you for working hard to advance yourself! Hang in there.
Always looking for the silver lining, Sharen

SLE '06, Sjogren's '06, Traumatic Head Injury '94
Prednisone 10mg and tapering, Caltrate 1200mg, Multi-vitamin, Prevacid 30 mg, Actonel 35mg


PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 9/12/2007 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Willow, when she starts in on you at work just picture all of us here in the stands cheering you on. Hang in there and keep us informed as to what's going on and how you're doing.

Love,

Pat
Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, ibs, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision, migraines.
cellcept, neurontin, prednisone, plaquenil, synthroid, triamterene, tramadol, actonel, tri-est, imitrex, cymbalta, multivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin


cured4real?
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1944
   Posted 9/12/2007 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Willow,
I'm sure you will be fine tomorrow, just remember you are the sane one and try not to react to anyone. A friend of mine who was very successful professionally was seldom, if ever troubled by people like that because when they treated her like that she would be sure to say, "I'm sorry that you have such a problem with me. I really like you and everyone here." This kind of gets rid of the personal attacks, though if she's going to attack, it only makes her look bad. I've had people do that to me, especially as a consultant and outsider who was threatening to regular employees. I just acted very civil and ignored as much as I could, but if they went to the boss, I tried to nip it in the bud but doing what you are doing. It is probably best to talk to your boss one on one alone and find out what your boss thinks of your performance. If your boss isn't worried about it, then the pain in the neck will just make herself very unpopular. If your boss has concerns, all you can do is find out about them and focus on what you have accomplished and what you can do to make sure the work you do is documented, so that such rumors can't be spread about you. You can also focus on how damaging this harrassment is and if you have employee assistance program, get them involved. Also, it is good to get things in writing from the bad employee and your boss about what they think of you, so you can demand to only converse in writing, at least with the pain in the neck person. If they have a problem with you they can put it in an email to you That way, you can sue them if they cost you your job, which I doubt would happen. After they send you one or two incriminating emails, you can thank them for documenting their slander and show it to your boss and let them know that in no uncertain terms are you going to put up with unsubstantiated rumors and slanderous remarks.

Hopefully, your boss is not concerned and knows how hard you work. If so, just tell your pain in the neck coworker that if she has a problem with you to please put it in an email to you, that you will not tolerate those types of conversations at work. I made everyone send me emails, even people who liked me. It keeps the workplace quiet for other people trying to work and keeps people from acting like idiots and being abusive, most of the time unless they are really really stupid. You can sue someone personally for such behavior.

Well, I hope this helps some and I get a horrible feeling about confrontations of this type. Thats another reason for emails. Be cold, be quiet, and get it in writing, i say. I wish the best for you and I know when the chips are down you will be strong and handle things well. I do think it is so important to get her negative comments in an email or two and to keep her comments and opinions limited to emails until you can get her reprimanded.

Take care and I will be rooting for you. Just don't react or complain like her, just focus on you and what your boss thinks. I wish you the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. And don't dread going in. This is just part of the crap that is why they call it work, you are not in the wrong. She is totally out of line. You are the victim here and feel good about working to put an end to it. You don't have to confront her or even get into a conversation with her, just tell her to put it in an email and then walk away, end it. If she goes on, ignore her, if she won't leave, then you really need to get some help from your boss or employee assistance, because that's kind of crazy and frightening. Take care. I wish you the best.
Love, Marji
--Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.--Voltaire (1694-1778)
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus-like AI Disease, Hashis, Vitiligo, spinal stenosis/fusion with plate, salivary/lymphectomies, Diabetes, NAFLD, COPD, RLS, neuropathy, trigonitis, hystero, diffuse brain atrophy
Meds--Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, Estradiol patch, Prosed, Klonopin, Soma, Ultram, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol,steroid injections, Protopic & Triamcinolone Acetonide ointments


Willow73
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/13/2007 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi! Well, this week was ok. Had another confrontation with that co-worker, but I think she is getting the hint she is not impressing anyone and not bothering me... so yesterday, she put down another co-worker! I feel bad about that. I think we need to sit down, with our boss, and talk about this "problem", because the work environment is not really good these days.

Thanks for everyone's kind words! I am taking everyone's good advice and putting it to work. I don't deserve this,and shouldn't put up with it either. It is just so childish.... you would think people would out grow that type of behavior!

dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 9/13/2007 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   
She is definitely making herself look bad... not very smart of her. I'm glad that she is getting the hint, just hate that she would be like that to anyone. It sounds like she is definitely bringing the morale down there which is the words I would bring up to your supervisor if you do decide to meet all of you. As a manager, that is a big fear of mine. Without office morale, you have no productivity and the job is on the line for the manager when that happens.

Unfortunately, not everyone does (grow out of that behavior).
"Des"
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Willow73
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/13/2007 3:19 PM (GMT -7)   
What is really difficult in this situation is that our boss is not always... well, how do I put it? Our boss has been our boss for five years now, and has been off work three years of that with breakdowns. When you go to our boss with a problem, it is usually made worse. Our boss is just not "boss" material.

My co-worker who is causing me so much trouble, is in charge of my schedule. I have been working there for a while, and do get full time hours. But, I am only casual. She can cut my hours anytime she wants to... and there is nothing anyone can say about it. They have others who can take my place. I have been very lucky so far. Also, every winter, I take a week off (with out pay) to go visit my family in Florida. She can easily be mean and not allow me any time that I ask off. My boyfriend lives in the USA. In short, she can make my life very difficult. I work over time most weeks, and I really look forward to having one week off, to myself, a year. Where I work, casuals don't have that right. I am very lucky, so far, that I was able to do that.

On one hand, I need to stand up for myself and tell her what she is doing is wrong. On the other hand, I know how my boss is (no support there at all), and how my co-worker is - very childish. It is like stuck between a rock and a hard place!
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