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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 12/3/2007 11:35 AM (GMT -6)   
 please help me my mom has lupus and seems like she is suffering every day sad   i dont know how to help her the only time she tells me how she is doing when she breaks down. i dont think she is trying to get any help to help her deal. i dont know what to do or what to say im doing the best that i can but IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO HELP HER?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 12/3/2007 3:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Take a deep breath, have a cup of hot tea (sending one via this message) and know that it is always hard to watch someone you love going thru a hard time.

Welcome to the forum Strange-love!!

You are helping her when you ask how she is doing. You could go to her doctor appointments with her, if she/you feel that it might be helpful. Sometimes having family members with us helps us and the family member who is worried.

If you can encourage her to keep a symptom diary, that would also help the doctor. I'm not sure if you are asking us about a treatment plan?? That would need to come from her doctor for her particular issues. Lupus affects each of us in very different ways. It can affect any part of the body so we each have a different combination of symptoms.

Lots of us enjoy a heated mattress pad or an electric blanket . . . so if your mom doesn't already use one, that might be a nice Christmas gift that will be nice and toasty at night.

Let us know more specifically how you want to help her.


In His Grip

AlwaysRosie           "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"

Psalms 139

Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum

UCTD, Hashimotos, Inflammatory Bowel, Inflammatory Arthritis

Clickable Links:  Lupus Resources    Lupous.Org   Lupus Criteria (4 of 11)   Lupus Chapter Locator

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 12/4/2007 12:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey strange love and welcome. Perhaps mom is having trouble coming to terms with having a chronic disease. It takes some time adjust too but she still needs to get to her doctors. Maybe explaining that you are concerned and her health is important to you. Depression sometimes takes root when we are told that we have a serious and perhaps life-threatening illness. We worry about our futures, we have trouble dealing with whatever denials we have put in place to assure ourselves that it isn't something serious ("just a flu", just stress, just this or that), years of fighting and then left with vague diagnosis, etc. etc. Talk to her about her feelings and if she won't talk just let her know you will be there for her when she is ready. There are so many different ways family and friends can help. I am glad to see you are there for her and are concerned. Best wishes - Kristin
  Dx:  Lupus CNS 11/2005; Current - Mitral valve sclerosis, MVP/regurg, dementia; GERD; vision loss, narcolepsy, RA, IBS, ovarian cysts, raynauds, EBV/CFS, inflam. liver/spleen. Rx:  Atenolol, Aricept, Flexeril, Motrin  Previous-rashes, hemi-pelagic migraine, sensory loss, amnesia, PTSD/Dep., host of neuro problems, pregnancy compl., False pos. syphilis, fine speck & homogen ANA; IgM; staph/strept infections, colonitis, pancreaitis, gastritis, costochondritis, pericarditis, Hashimoto's, dyspnea, hyper/hypotension, lipedemia, ulcers, pneumonia, anemia, Scleroderma symptoms, vein swelling, etc.  

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 12/4/2007 3:15 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you for posting
i try to talk to my mom and she does talk but she only says how she worries about me. she thinks that i stress to much over her and it stresses her out. i feel powerless because i am only 16, she wont let me have a job and also she schedules her doctors appointments while im in school so i would not worry about her.if she doesnt want me to be involved should i just stop trying to be involved?
am i pushing her to much to let me help her?

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 12/5/2007 12:01 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sure your mom is worried not only about you she can take care of you during this active time of her illness. You may want to talk honestly about you feeling out of the loop making you feel so scared for her. I am sure your mom tries to keep the details from you in an attempt to protect you. You might want to tell not only about you concerns for her but how not having any knowledge about her health makes you feel more scared for her. Lupus is a strange disease and effects everybody can be very hard on everone to deal with. Your mom has dealt with this illness in her own way for years, so tell her everthing on your may help her deal and your relationship in the future.

With God all things are Possible.

Dx: Lupus (SLE)2002, Sjogren's Sydrome 2002, GERD 1995, Depression 1995, Sleep Apnea 2006, IBS 2000, Migraines 2001, Anemia 2002, Seizures in 1995 (unknown causes).  Meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs, Plaquinil 200mg once daily, Nexium 40 mgs, Prednisone 5mg

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