Just take a xanax

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 12/14/2007 12:32 AM (GMT -6)   
There's a new girl at church that has decided I'm suppose to be her new best friend. about two weeks ago she called twice within 5 days and both times I was taking a nap. You guys know how it is, sometimes you just don't have time or just don't feel like talking on the phone. Sunday comes she doesn't show up at church. I called Sunday afternoon to make sure everything was okay, there was no answer. Three more times I called and left messages on her answering machine. Today I get a phone call from her and she says she's very hurt because I haven't called her back and she had called here numerous times. Well, caller ID didn't show numerous times but fine I won't get picky. She proceeding to *itch me out because I haven't called her back. When I could get a word in edgewise I told her that with lupus there are times when I can't even get out of bed. I was honestly speechless when she told me to just take a xanax. ?????????????? I repeated what she said to me ... Just take a xanax??? At that point my husband looks up at me and says uh oh ... I couldn't believe it. I have never been told to just take a xanax! I made excuses and got off the phone with her. The more I thought about it the more upset I got so I ended up calling her back and for the next 30 minutes explained to her what lupus was, how it made us feel, the problems it caused and then read her The Spoon Theory. She was still upset because I hadn't called her back and how she cried over it, etc ... It was at that point my sister-in-law rang my doorbell and gave me an excuse to get off the phone. I tried my best to explain it to her, and I thought well The Spoon Theory will sink in, but nothing did.

I could go on but I just needed to vent a little ... I know you guys understand. sad sad sad
SLE 9/07, FMS '90's, Spinal Stenosis, Osteoarthritis, Sinus Tach, PVC's, Kidney Stones, RLS, Parotid Neurofibroma 8/04, Cervical Cancer 9/06, Enchondroma on my skull 11/07
Plaquenil, Toprol XL, Prozac, Zyrtec-D, Zocor, Vitamins B6 & B12, Pepcid, Folic Acid, Loratab ,Percoset, Toradol
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 5514
   Posted 12/14/2007 12:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh my Gidget.... I think I would have blown a total gasket.  Obviously someone you DON'T need to have in your life!!!!  I'd sever any "friendship" ties right away.  Sounds like she's a very high maintenance person.  A bit creepy actually! LOL!
Good for you for keeping your cool and trying to explain lupus to her.  Whenever I try to explain it, people tend to get all glossy eyed.....
Yep, you owe this girl absolutely nothing.  Church or no church, I would stear clear of her! Maybe pray that she will someday understand and be more compassionate!
I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

33 years old. Diagnosed with lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke),Sjogren's, Raynaud's, seizure disorder-(miraclulously disappeared!), Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, neutropenia, thrombocytopenia. Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, didrocal, monopril, calcium, Cykolokapron, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 193
   Posted 12/14/2007 7:21 AM (GMT -6)   
I would STAY AWAY like the plague! It sounds like she has problems that you definitely don't need in your life and she would never be a true friend. Friends give and take and they understand when you are not well. One thing I have learned since being diagnosed with a chronic illness: life is too darn short to not surround yourself with people who love you!

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 12/14/2007 10:36 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you had to deal with that, I'm with everyone else.. I'd steer clear of her. I totally understand that though. I've lost friends, because of things like that. I was actually with someone who I planned on getting married too.. and he had to take me to the hospital once, when I was having a really bad flare.. and they put me in, and he just left me... and didn't talk to me for a week, when I talked to him and asked him what was going on, he actually told me that he doesn't believe he can see a future with me, that I'm more less too much work, with all the health problems and lupus.. and that he could never marry me either because of the large sum of money I owe in hospital bills for insurance. That, he just needed to focus on his future... that was the worst pain and rejection I've ever felt.. but I believe it happened for a reason. Try not to stress about it though! If you can it all, as you know that can send you into a flare. I hope it all works out for you.
Diagnosis - SLE, FM, high blood pressure, A-fib, SVT, renal stenosis.. Biliary C, seizures, hypoklemia, anemia, ovarian tumor, arthritis. chronic kidney stones.
Medications - Oxycodone, depakote, ativan, lyrica, metrapolol, zantac, prednisone, plaquinil, cellcept, phenagren, potassium, shots of cortisone, shots of lidocaine.
Help spread awareness.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 6942
   Posted 12/14/2007 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
I vote for putting *her* on the Xanax!

Lynnwood, Co-Moderator: Lupus Forum
SLE(’00), Sjogren's Syndrome, SAD, Depression, Herpes Simplex 1
Piroxicam, Plaquenil, Cellcept, Prednisone, Trazodone, Fosamax, Wellbrutrin SR, Valtrex
Links: DIAGNOSING LUPUS(4of11), LUPUS INFORMATION, LUPUS RESOURCES, Donate to HealingWell, Drug Interactions

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2570
   Posted 12/14/2007 11:35 AM (GMT -6)   

The best medicine is a happy and healthy environment filled with supportive and positive friends. You're smart to have recognized this person's neediness before you became more attached. Good for you for knowing the difference between friends who give and people who take.

Lupus, Sjogren's, osteoarthritis, fibro, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision, migraines.
cellcept, neurontin, prednisone, plaquenil, synthroid, triamterene, tramadol, actonel, tri-est, imitrex, cymbalta, multivitamin, calcium w vit D, fish oil, aspirin

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 12/14/2007 12:16 PM (GMT -6)   
wow, that is not someone i would call a friend. all the friends that i have and its not a lot because that is how i choose it to be, but they know that sometimes it will take me some time to call or hang out when i dont feel well, and all they tell me is that if i need anything that all i have to do is let them know. and a lot of times i do decide on whether to be friends with someone by how they react to me telling them that i have lupus because it's a major part of my life and if they cant be understanding when i dont feel good then i dont need their "friendship". sorry you had such a bad experience and as for taking a xanax i would ( and i am sure most of us would) love to just pop a pill and make this awful disease go away, unforunately that is not how it works and only our true friends know that.
Hugs and prayers,                      If it was easy being a lupie, 
   ~Suzanne~                                      the whole world would be one     
diagnosed in May '95 with lupus nephritis, hypertension, hypothyroidism, avascular necrosis (knee) '98, kidney transplant April '06, pseudo-cerebral tumor '07, AVN ankles and hips '07
prednisone, cellcept, prograf, lopressor, allopurinol, synthroid, diamox, OsCal +D, lunesta, celexa, percocet for pain

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 12/14/2007 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   
I wish it was just that easy to take a pill ... we'd all be popping those pills, instead of all the ones we are forced into taking.

I found out from my mother-in-law (who lives off of our house in an in-law type arrangement) that this girl was calling her practically everyday. Now I feel like this girl is stalking me and it's giving me the creeps.

I hate to be this way but this girl is just going to have to move on and find herself another friend. I don't have the time nor energy to waste on someone like that!
SLE 9/07, FMS '90's, Spinal Stenosis, Osteoarthritis, Sinus Tach, PVC's, Kidney Stones, RLS, Parotid Neurofibroma 8/04, Cervical Cancer 9/06, Enchondroma on my skull 11/07
Plaquenil, Toprol XL, Prozac, Zyrtec-D, Zocor, Vitamins B6 & B12, Pepcid, Folic Acid, Loratab ,Percoset, Toradol
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2818
   Posted 12/15/2007 5:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Gidget, your right she needs to go. She sounds like she has issues. Speak to your astor tell him to counsel her. You don't need this. I'm with Lynnwood I think you should send her a couple a xanax.
God Bless
Lupus like symptoms, with pbc symptoms, stage 4 COPD w/CHF,  Cancer survivor.  Osteoporosis,osteoarthritis
Prednisone,Plaquanil800mg,vicodin 4x5mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg, HCTZ25/Triamterene37.5mg,Xanax x3 
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you: 1. Jesus Christ 2. The American G. I

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 8198
   Posted 12/15/2007 7:54 PM (GMT -6)   
  Bless your heart...I agree you don't need that kind of friend. Hopefully, she will move on to someone like herself.... :-) . Please take care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dx: Lupus,RLS,RA,Asthma,Fibro,Sjogren's,Raynaud's,Divertic, Stroke,Atherosclerosis,Seizures,Neuropathy,CAD
JOB 5:18 For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.

Audrey Ann
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 815
   Posted 12/16/2007 12:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Gidget, you have received great advice! I hope you can successfully avoid this person. She actually sounds dangerous. Is she still calling your mother-in-law?
Audrey Ann
Lupus and RA and LOTS of Medications!


Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 12/17/2007 8:57 PM (GMT -6)   
She hasn't been calling my mother-in-law and she didn't show up at church on Sunday. One of the other members at church said that she had tried numerous times to call her but she wouldn't pick up the phone. I don't know what is going on with her but I doubt we'll see her anymore at church.
SLE 9/07, FMS '90's, Spinal Stenosis, Osteoarthritis, Sinus Tach, PVC's, Kidney Stones, RLS, Parotid Neurofibroma 8/04, Cervical Cancer 9/06, Enchondroma on my skull 11/07
Plaquenil, Toprol XL, Prozac, Zyrtec-D, Zocor, Vitamins B6 & B12, Pepcid, Folic Acid, Loratab ,Percoset, Toradol
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

Jenny S.
Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 12/19/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   


The story you described in the initial post is similar to a situation I had with my sister.  I can relate 100% & sympathize with what you are feeling.  Unfortunately, I had to cut off all ties with my sister ... it's tough for us Lupies to deal with emotional folks that are also selfish & inconsiderate.  This is when you need to be selfish to your health & do what is best for you --- leave the so called 'friend' behind. 

Hope this helps!



I have Lupus ... Lupus doesn't have me. 

Dx: Raynaud's(2000)·Lupus(2001)

Rx: Pletal 100mg·Norvasc 10mg·Prednisone 5mg·Plaquenil 400mg


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