Post Edited (LymeUnknown) : 5/9/2009 9:32:36 AM (GMT-6)
OH MY GOD, Martha'sVineyard. You have just stated as fact a question I have been pondering since I started looking at Lyme more closely! I was wondering if it could have been produced for germ warfare, but was afraid to ask a 'conspiracy' question!
And Lymekiller and others. Please do not misunderstand -- there is NO way I was making light of this disease w/ my questions above. I've been reading all I can and asking you all a lot of questions --- struggling to figure this all out -- mainly in trying to figure out my own little band 39.
If there was a chance one of my kids had strep -- I knew they had to take antibiotics. Same w/ ear infections. Lots of stuff just gets worse without treatment.
In the past, I have understood the feelings in my body when I was 'trying to fight something off'. I would feel as if I was getting sick, but not quite -- just an 'off' kind of feeling -- not sick/ and not well. I'd call it 'trying to get sick'. But then I'd megadose the vites and the sleep and be fine.
I have become absolutely flabbergasted about this new illness -- I NEVER knew how serious it could be! (otherwise, I'd have gone to a Dr after my last known tick bite) Had no idea how difficult to diagnose and no idea how difficult to treat!
I'm just trying to figure out my one little reactive band. It's not enough for most Drs to diagnose Lyme. But it's enough for Dr. Jones and a few others. And it's IgG, not IgM. Could that mean that I HAD Lyme at one time and no longer do? Could that mean I feel like crap because I'm fighting it? (well..... I guess that's why we feel like crap when we're sick!)
I'm also wondering because of a tick bite 37 yrs ago. I posted this, but it I'm sure it was too long for many to read. The tick was very engorged. It was immediately followed by swollen nodes, recurrent high (104) fevers, constant low grade fever in between, constant swollen, puss filled tonsils. Then followed by serious urinary tract infection, miscarraige and appendicitis. Then followed by severe neck and back pain, fatigue, depression and hypoglycemia.
But I could not have been sick ever since -- I've had too many years of health, if you discount the neck and back pain, hypoglycemia and depression, ha ha. There was no brain fog or cognitive problems.
Now, I am convinced I had a TBI that was never diagnosed. But I don't think it could have been Lyme, or if it WAS Lyme, my body eventually fought it off and/or it could have eventually been kicked by the antibiotics I took on and off during my illnesses?
I'm sorry for ALL of you! I'm not near as sick as most of you and I feel very deeply for you. Because I do experience an inkling of your feelings of an illness that is out of your control, possibly out of the Dr's control. Some of you are disabled from it and some of you may even die from it, and many of you wish you would die.
Mostly, now I'm understanding what brings you here. You can be validated here. You aren't a vague mystery here. You can talk about your symptoms and your feelings here w/o someone calling you negative or a whiner. All along, you had felt that something was wrong, but you were not able to figure out what it was -- Was it real or in your head? Was it just depression talking? Were you going insane? Were you imagining it until your imagination made it happen? Why couldn't you do, accomplish or produce what others were capable of? Why were you constantly making excuses about not wanting to do stuff and why didn't you ever feel like doing things that others wanted to do? You probably never wanted to be such a cranky, irritable, negative person, but how could you keep from it, lousy as you feel???
And why couldn't everyone in your life understand that there IS something very real wrong w/ you, that you cannot help it, and that you are in constant pain, in fear for your life, and just cannot push yourself to get the stuff you need done?
You've probably felt that others in your life think you just want attention or for them to feel sorry for you. But when you think about it hard enough -- OF COURSE NOT! WHY would someone want pity instead of closeness and admiration? Why would you want attention about your negative stuff as opposed to your talents or how great you look, how smart you are? Yet, others DO believe you are just feeling sorry for yourself.
Everything in me wants to shout out loud: 'I am sick! I have a real disease! A NASTY disease caused by NASTY bacteria carried by NASTY, CREEPY TICKS! THEY put this CRAP in my body! It hurts! I am so tired I can't stand it. My house is a pig sty, NOT because I am a pig, but because I hurt, and I'm too tired and depressed and overwhelmed. The NASTY bacteria in me are making me feel insane! I don't WANT to be negative and irritable -- the bacteria is making me this way!'
But I'm realizing, that I'm going to have to shut up about it so everyone doesn't get sick(er) of me. My depression's already been enough for them.
Back on track: I will not be able to afford thousands of dollars worth of treatments. I can possibly pay for a Dr's diagnosis and will then have to expect and demand the abx from my insurance.
I guess I wanted to know if it was in the realm of possibility that I could have had Lyme in the past and fought it off, causing a reactive 39 today. But if that's possible, what's wrong now, I don't know. I wanted to know if Lyme meant certain lifelong misery or if some peoples' bodies are able to fight it off, just as most of our bodies fight off hundreds of other bacteria, even cancers, every minute of every day.
Thanks for all the help on here!