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CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 6/28/2009 11:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey hun. I understand how scared you are because we have all been there. What I don't understand is why you are convincing yourself that you have HIV before your test has come back? Those white bumps you have in back of your throat could be a number of things. It could be thrush, like you said but you are on antibiotics right? Antibiotics can cause yeast all over the body. And I'm sure yeast can cause a cough if it's in the mouth/throat.

Do you still have your tonsils? I've heard of white bumps forming on the tonsils too. You keep saying you have the symptoms of Aids but you also have symptoms of Lyme Disease. It makes since to me that since you have symptoms since you started antibiotics that you could have Lyme.

Again, I am not a doctor and you still should get tested for Aids but I don't think Aids causes twitching. There's an Aids board here. Have you asked questions there yet?

Please don't give up so soon before you know what's going on. Your family needs you.
2003 symptoms started;panic attacks,anxiety,heightened senses.
2007 Diagnosed with Lyme. Didn't start treatment.
2008 symptoms came back with a vengence.
2009 Diagnosed with Lyme plus co-infections....Babesia and Bartonella.
Illnesses:-Chronic Lyme Disease,Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Ulcers, Hypoglycemia
Medications:-Biaxin 250mg to start,Mepron,Ultram,Thyro Complex 60mg,Probiotics and supplements

Post Edited (CajunGrl) : 6/28/2009 11:12:46 AM (GMT-6)


james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 6/28/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -6)   
thank you

i do have tonsils still.. i've had thrush before in the past when i had strep. i actually started coughing a day before i was put on ABX. so this has been ongoing before that.

my symptoms are very real and very scary.. i need help.. i hate asking for help because i'm usually the strongest person in the family, but now i'm the weakest.

my back hurts so bad right now due to all the coughing i've been doing.. i think i have lyme for sure even though the results where neg, but i think lyme stirred up hiv that laid dormiant in my body these last 4 years.. i got lyme while i was running alot, which lowered my immune system prolly, and everything else combined has worsened. i'm living with lyme/hiv at the same time, my gut is telling me this.. there is no way out...

i feel like the walking dead.

i don't want to burden anybody, i made mistakes and now i must pay for them, and my life is what i have to give up for my past mistakes, some people get chances some don't, i'm not giving any more chances my time is up, god has made is desicion.

CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 6/28/2009 11:22 AM (GMT -6)   
James,

Do you seriously believe your time is up? Come on now. It's time to be strong. If anything was stirred up, it was probably a virus. I'm not talking about a stomach virus. I'm talking about Cytomegalovirus, Epstein Barr, HHV6. These viruses can make you feel bad. Do me a favor. Look these viruses up. One of them can make you feel like you have mono. I've had all of these and it felt like I was dying. It was worse than the flu.
2003 symptoms started;panic attacks,anxiety,heightened senses.
2007 Diagnosed with Lyme. Didn't start treatment.
2008 symptoms came back with a vengence.
2009 Diagnosed with Lyme plus co-infections....Babesia and Bartonella.
Illnesses:-Chronic Lyme Disease,Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Ulcers, Hypoglycemia
Medications:-Biaxin 250mg to start,Mepron,Ultram,Thyro Complex 60mg,Probiotics and supplements


scorpio1960
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 6/28/2009 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   
James, I agree with CajunGrl. You are not thinking clearly right now, as many of us often don't. I very often have the same thoughts you do but fortunately it comes and goes so I have momements of hope and clarity mixed it.

I'm sorry if it seems as if I'm bombarding you with posts but I want you to realize that there's a very good chance that you're wrong.

My hair stylist who happens to be at a very high risk of getting AIDS was hospitalized last year. He lost a tremendous amount of weight, was extremely sick with too many symptoms to list and had a very low WBC. The idiot doctors treating him kept mentioning AIDS even before the blood test results came back. He was sick enough to be hospitalized and obviously scared to death. Well, the test results came back negative and he eventually responded to antibiotics. When he was well enough to get out of the hospital he went for a second and third opinion and found a doctor who continued to treat him appropriately.

He never had AIDS and has since fully recovered and is back to living a full, busy life.

Don't give up and don't think the wost!

+Lyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 6/28/2009 12:21 PM (GMT -6)   
James, I am so sorry. I thought I had responded to your other post last nite, and this morning now that I cannot find it, I recall having problems getting it posted and so I gave it up for the nite.
 
I'm thankful so many people are reaching out to you right now.  That is the Sign of all Signs.
 
As for suicidal thoughts w/ Lyme, I do feel like it is the disease itself causing this.  When I first heard about Lyme and suicide, I believed it was from the depression that Lyme causes these thoughts/urges -- btw, the very throws in which you may very well be --  the Lyme induced depression, which was, at least for me, horrendous.
 
I have been on meds for depression for many years.  And whenever I would enter treatment, I would get better and maintain very well on a fairly low dose of meds.  Not so since a little over 2 yrs ago.  The depression that hit me was the worst in my life and I could TELL that it was physically caused.  I could NOT change my thinking, I could NOT find hope in anything. The worst of that has now improved (increased meds), but I am socked w/ a depression at least daily that comes out of nowhere, unless it's caused by something small someone has said.
 
** What I have experienced most recently is the point I really want to make. When the depression hits, thoughts of suicide start going thru my head.  I already know down in my heart that at this time I am NOT suicidal.  Even when these thoughts come into my mind, I have NO intention of doing this.  I don't know how or why, but I believe this disease has this capability -- to bring these thoughts into your mind.  Maybe it is because of the brain centers it has infected, I don't know.
 
I actually actively think I would like to commit suicide, when I actually know that I do not want to and that I won't.  Maybe some believe it is the Devil trying to take hold of my mind, but I FEEL like it is something that something in my body is causing, and it is not my SELF or my SOUL or my SPIRIT.  It is a thought that did not come from me!
 
PLEASE take heart that there are many many people here who have felt and are feeling what you feel. That is important.  Please understand that you must not act on thoughts and feelings that are created by an illness/infection/bacteria, whatever it is.  These thoughts are not you -- they are a disease talking!!
 
James, PLEASE understand that taking your life may very well feel like the easiest way out for you right now.  Please follow thru w/ those thoughts and realize that it really isn't.  You still have too much left undone here now.  You have a family.  You have family and friends who would be devastated the rest of their lives if you were to leave this way now.
 
James, Please start following up w/ whatever tests are necessary to reach a diagnosis that you know in your gut is correct.  I do not mean the 'gut feeling' that you have about HIV. (unless perhaps you know that your partner actually has this disease)  Find a way to get the igenex lyme tests and get as much HIV testing as you need (I do not know about these tests).  Please at least find out if there is a medical reason to believe, or a real possibility that you have HIV before you settle on this in your mind.
 
The others are right -- there are so many diseases that can make you feel this bad. 
 
 Also, please read the first part of my signature -- what happend in 1971.  (and interestingly, I had mono in 1969)  I have no idea if this was a TBI, but I also never considered myself to be chronically ill.    James,  my tonsils were swollen for almost 2 yrs (til I got them out) and they had pockmarks full of pus ALWAYS.  I spit out hard pieces of pus regularly.  I ran a constant fever.  I did not have thrush or a deadly disease -- I had chronically infected tonsils.  I never feared I was going to die.  I believe it's entirely possible that a tick born infection has caused your white throat and your cough. Maybe it is not even Lyme, but another tick born infection.
 
AT least I've seen signs of faith in your God in your writings. He will stay with you if you ask Him.  I do not intend to offend anyone here who is not a believer, but I want to tell you that you must pray, and you must pray to be guided to the truth and the answers.  You can at least do this before you decide to give up.  Please at least give God, your Drs, yourself and your family this chance before making a decision that is irreversible.
 
Lyme in NC in 1971? Suspect TBI: Fully engorged tick followed by high fever and tonsillitis. Follwed by , lumps on neck,  chronic tonsillits w/ constant low grade to recurring high (104) fevers, severe unexplained neck stiffness and acute neck pain.   Followed by tonsillectomy, urinary tract infections, miscarriage, appendicitis while pregant, chronic severe back pain. Followed by depression, mild anxiety, mitral valve prolapse, and hypglycemia.  Was this a TBI??
 
Bit again couple of times, lyme suspect bite Mother's Day 2007. Bite, symptoms, lyme specific antibodies on the most lyme specific band of all = 39 IgG.  Still awaiting appt w/ LLMD.


RottenDog
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1013
   Posted 6/28/2009 12:26 PM (GMT -6)   
james i have this rule of my own. that i'm about to break. its that you never talk about GOD and polatics in mix compy.

God doesnt leave you, only you can leave Him. if this is what your feeling. maybe you need to bring him back into your life. call you minaster let him/her help you. remeber the only thing you can not be foregiven for is the taking of your own life. this is just how i feel. i mean no afince to anyone. its sunday today give it a try for your safty. and peace of mind.
   RD
 
still looking for answers.
 
Remember that advice if free, its your choice what you do with it.  :)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/28/2009 4:46 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear Friends,

Due to our rules I am going to request this thread be locked.

I have responded to James in his other post.

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
 

Due to the anonymity of the site and the fact that this is a peer support group and not responsible for calling any authority on any member that threatens suicide, we strongly encourage members to call the hotline , 911, a family member or a friend, or to check themselves in to the local hospital emergency room.

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Thank you in advance for you understanding.

If any member has problems with depression we have a great forum that addresses depression and you will find wonderful support and advice in the Depression Forum.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis & GERD/Heartburn
Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


RottenDog
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1013
   Posted 6/28/2009 10:01 PM (GMT -6)   
thank for your help kitt
   RD
 
still looking for answers.
 
Remember that advice if free, its your choice what you do with it.  :)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/29/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -6)   

I am always available to help out as I know how tough any of the chronic disorders can be to live with day in and day out.

Gentle Hugs to All,

Kitt

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