This is getting really bad.

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Jendays247
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 652
   Posted 7/16/2009 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Youguys...my emotions are almost unbearable. One minute I am ready to scream at anyone who even LOOKS like they're about to speak to me, and I am sobbing in the next. I'm pushing my mom away and I feel like I can't even control it. I'm sobbing as I sit here posting this...she just upstairs to go to sleep because I wanted to be alone...and she just wanted to sit down here with me and watch the news.
 
I feel like such a mess...everything is so bad...I've never felt this way before. My muscles are weak; I'm go from raging ***** to crying baby; that whole 'I need to tell my body to walk because it just doesn't do it on its own' is much worse...and the proprioceptive stuff...and the fog...the FOG...is EXCRUTIATING. My brain itself literally feels exhausted even though my body doesn't.
 
The Biaxin is keeping me up until all hours of the night and I get zero recouperative sleep.
 
I am SUCH a mess and I don't know what to do...everytime I can't get myself off the couch to get on here I wish I had peoples' phone numbers so I could vent via text!
Current treatment (began June 10th 2009):
Biaxin 1000mg/day, Pulsing Flagyl 500mg/day 1 Week Every Month
 
 
 
"...and isn't it a kind of madness to be living by a code of silence when you've really got a lot to say...?"


CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 7/16/2009 8:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Jen,

Its me again:). I hope you don't mind me posting to you YET again.

What you are describing, was me a few months ago. I was doing the same exact thing to my husband. This has got to be neurological. I couldn't control my emotions and I was up and down just like you. I truly think it is the Lyme bacteria or die off that causes all of this.

I will send you an email shortly. Make sure to check for it and hang in there okay!?!
I have Lyme Disease; Lyme Disease DOES NOT have ME!

**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


Jendays247
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 652
   Posted 7/16/2009 9:14 PM (GMT -6)   
I just left her a note in the kitchen by the coffee pot. I feel so bad. And I feel like I can't really control it.
Current treatment (began June 10th 2009):
Biaxin 1000mg/day, Pulsing Flagyl 500mg/day 1 Week Every Month
 
 
 
"...and isn't it a kind of madness to be living by a code of silence when you've really got a lot to say...?"


+Lyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 7/16/2009 9:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Jen, I am very sorry about what is hitting you right now. I'm gonna keep you in my prayers, OK? The emotional/mental stuff IS the worst, isn't it? I wish I could offer you some help, but unfortunately, I have not yet found an answer. Please take care of yourself.

Suspect TBI in 1972.  Attacked tonsils (recurring high fevers, constant low grade fevers, chronic tonsillitis) , pregnancy (miscarraige), appendix, heart (mitral valve prolapse), hypoglycemia, depression, chronic acute neck and back pain.  

Next suspect Mother's Day 2007.  Diagnosed w/ Lyme and Bart June 2009. (awaiting more test results)

In treatment for recurrent depression, anxiety, low thyroid.

Bit again 7/1/2009, began Doxy 200 mg /day


james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 7/16/2009 9:43 PM (GMT -6)   
jen, this part really sucks bad.. i was there for a couple of weeks feeling worthless. and the biaxin is keeping me up also.. i hate it!! i might not be as bad as you, but i have forced myself to think and walk.. i just do it.. i don't even care how it makes me feel anymore, it was sad at first because i wasn't use to feeling so crappy all day. but now i'm just pushing through it.. do your best, I take alot of DEEP BREATHES.. this helps me. supplies oxygen to the brain.. take a few deep breathes and now that everything is going to work out sooner than later.. time will come for you, its just a matter of time.. life is so full of ups and downs, this is downtime, but when downtime is over, you will be rewarded with amazing results and the joy of life..

james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 7/16/2009 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIdg7BbRJck

jen, check out this song.. made me think of your situation.. i think we can all relate to this song..

RottenDog
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1013
   Posted 7/16/2009 10:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Jen, i pray this issue passes for you soon. as i to have been there. i love my dog more then i can say and i find myself mad at him for just walking to close to me, this is not me, its the Lyme. i have had to make notes to my self this too will pass and i cant get mad at my baby. he to has Lyme, so i cry with him.

i have more then once sat with him thinking do you hurt as much as i do. i wish he could take to me. and i wish i was as strong as he is.

your in my prayers.

¤°´¯BIG.¤*¨*¤(¯`´¯)¤*¨*¤.Hugs¯`°¤.
   RD
 
still looking for answers.
 
Remember that advice if free, its your choice what you do with it.  :)


Jendays247
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 652
   Posted 7/16/2009 10:40 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks, youguys...

"i should get some sleep cuz tomorrow might be good for somethin"

aww james you're right it IS perfect!
Current treatment (began June 10th 2009):
Biaxin 1000mg/day, Pulsing Flagyl 500mg/day 1 Week Every Month
 
 
 
"...and isn't it a kind of madness to be living by a code of silence when you've really got a lot to say...?"


Spacie Gracie
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 7/17/2009 12:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Heya Jen,
I really am sorry to hear how you're feeling. Geeez dog wizz on a tree them microscopic fun suckers can't cut us a break in any area can they? Greedy little meanies. But i really do hear you, I have a wonderful mom too but even with that i've been where you are, ah heck, i still go back for visitations believe me. I can't even be on treatment so i ain't even herxing and i get pretty bad off, today i had Art. the size of about a new born baby's pinki nail aaand the pain, mental frustrationS were all worse. But if it's middle of the night venting/talking/anything, i'm your man...girl, you know, just feel free to text or call me anytime, i'll give you my number over facebook, or it's on my page if you beat me to it. I'm up allll dagum night and most of the day too so please feel free to text or call me anytime, i don't know about you but texting's easier on the brain...but i'm kinda slow.. just a warning in advance sorry i know my friends have flyin fingers, for me it's either the whole body on a stunt or it's slow lol. But if you can, try to tell your family how you're feeling, they can try to understand, at least they'll know your frustration with it all and that they can't really 'get it' unless they 'got it', maybe you could just say exactly what you said on here to your mom or maybe she could read it on here just to get an idea...?..Maybe you wouldn't have to work the brain as much...? Hang in there Jen, you've been hangin for so long it proves you are one strong cookie and you'll beat alll this crapola, :).

Ohhh Mamma mia i definitely remember singing, even though i was giddier beyond the usual b/c they were letting me out. Yeah about the whole wayy too long stay, i sang that song down the halls...purposefully louder everytime i passed the nurse station w/the docs haha ''i'm not crazy i'm just a little impaired i know right now ya dont care'' ok jk kinda cause i am a weee bit crazy but i think they caught that drift the first hour i was there.. woops haa. Yeah the day they were lettin me out, oh i think i got a picture, no i knoww i got a picture just don't know where it is but i had i think two pairs of sunglasses on, a hat and a scarf wrapped around my head so there was NO chance the lights were gunna cause a seizure. That would be the farthest thing from cool and i'd have to see their Oompa Loompa selves even longer. Sooo by the time they let me out i was doin wheelies in the wheel chair while singin "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Yup i'm purdy sure they didn't like that by the looks they were given me, well one of the nurses looked somewhat amused haha, they brought me on themselves what can i say! I think they were ready for the freaky-spacie-problems they couldn't figure out-girl to exit the building, lol.
Keep up the really hard but amazing work ya'll, i think most would be certifiable by now, but ya'll have some backbones of steel. You're in my prayers. Catch ya on the flip side..
Lymie Love,
Spacie Grrracie
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matter compared to what lies within us" - Emerson

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard"- adopted by TEAL (the acrobat in me)


CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 7/17/2009 12:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey my girl:)

I'm glad I got to chat with you tonight. You are so much stronger than you think! You are so intelligent and your personality shines through! You WILL get through this and I am always here if you need me:)
I have Lyme Disease; Lyme Disease DOES NOT have ME!

**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 7/17/2009 12:06 AM (GMT -6)   
James,

I LOVE that song. It's perfect! Thanks for posting that.
I have Lyme Disease; Lyme Disease DOES NOT have ME!

**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


Jendays247
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 652
   Posted 7/17/2009 12:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Grace!

I miss you! I'll get your # on FB and txt you mine because I'm too weird to put mine out there on my page, lol...

Seems to be the night for texting, eh CG?


:) You definitely cheered me up...but didn't we say goodnight? Go figure we're still awake!
Current treatment (began June 10th 2009):
Biaxin 1000mg/day, Pulsing Flagyl 500mg/day 1 Week Every Month
 
 
 
"...and isn't it a kind of madness to be living by a code of silence when you've really got a lot to say...?"


CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 7/17/2009 12:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Jen,

I'm glad I could help. You remind me of my own kids.

Yeah, we said goodnight but I'm still awake! Having hot flashes here. It never ends.
I have Lyme Disease; Lyme Disease DOES NOT have ME!

**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


veromia333
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 674
   Posted 7/17/2009 1:03 AM (GMT -6)   
We all do this to the people we love. My grandmother who I take care of we say i'm sorry to eachother every night when i put her to bed. the day can be hard when people are sick. It is the ability to accept apology and to apologise that saves us and makes us special. I have read it is a typical type of lyme rage to be mean or what ever u call it the situation that went down and then to almost immediatly feel sorry and apologetic.

Gracie you are so cute. Your mother is so proud and the lymie love thing is brilliant!!! Just brilliant!!! And as I read what you typed above I saw a vibrant dynamic mind that doesnt come along to often you. You are the type who inspires the people around you into action into a change in thinking, out of a sleeping robotic type of thinking, your a special person. now that i'm done worshiping you hahaaa,, it was cool to hear from the person your mom has described so lovingly.

Everyone here needs to forgive themselves also.
I am the most hard on myself that is what makes me almost panic at times.
I feel like im a bad person or mom. And i just have strong anxiety.



Well forgive ourselves i have to say!! And lymie love -veronica
The line is faded not showing where Lyme came in. I became a new Mommy n my Lyme decided to show itself. Swollen elephant like knee and finger and limiting back pain. Bell's palsey, weight loss as if I had no muscle on my bones anymore. And much more text book lyme symptoms. To a Lyme doc, after alot of there is nothing wrong with you and a recommend to counceling,he said V this is Lyme. What kept me pressing on I had Lyme while I was pregnant. I know I was not infected while pregnant. I am watching her with an eagle eye. God Bless everyone. Love Veronica. Were the ones who know about Lyme not the doctors. Isnt that just mad? Backwards. Alice in wonderland.


CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 7/17/2009 1:30 AM (GMT -6)   
I love reading spacie gracies posts. She has a good spirit and makes me laugh. It's nice to see that in a younger person.
I have Lyme Disease; Lyme Disease DOES NOT have ME!

**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


ttlittlestar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 296
   Posted 7/17/2009 6:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Are you being treated for Bartonella? Bart can cause the outbursts and rage. My daughter had it and just saying good morning to her at times could set her off. Get a portable infrared sauna to help detox. They are less than $200 on ebay. Very very worth it. Make sure is has a timer and heat control. Mine can be set from one to thirty minutes and 6 different levels of heat. The one thing I have noticed is that the people with chronic Lyme who have gotten better or actually well are not the ones who just relied on antibiotics. They all seemed to do something else as well.

Nicky D
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 361
   Posted 7/17/2009 9:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Aww! Hang in their Jen!

And that was an awesome song James! And Spacie- Gracie- you had me laughing out loud with that story! Wish I could have seen the looks on the doctor's faces in person!

Jen- is this a herx? Because if Biaxin is keeping you up all night on a regular basis, you should bring it up with your doc. Sleep is really important! Not getting enough sleep will just add to all the emotional stuff you've got going on.
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