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james from missouri
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Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/7/2009 6:44 AM (GMT -6)   
hey everyone! i don't know who to really turn to, but i'm feeling depressed.. Its not really over the lyme deal, even though i still have symptoms. I had a thread about a month ago how my g/f broke up with me over this illness. I was sad, but i wanted her to be happy still. Well, yesterday i found out that she is dating someone else.. I know this sounds stupid. But it really hurt me more. I'm not about to go jump off a cliff or anything.. It just hurts knowing that she could jump into another relationship so quick. I'm doing my best here. But last night it really seemed that the lyme has made a little comeback since i was stressed/depressed over this. I know i have to get up and move on, but i see her everyday, since she works n the same place as me. And i haven't spoken with her since everything happened.. What do i do? how do i really truly move on knowing that i'm alone and she isn't now.. I guess these are normal feelings.. I just thought i would share how i am feeling with you guys.. take care everyone.. We All have problems heh?

1bitten2xshy
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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 849
   Posted 8/7/2009 6:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I am very sorry you are having to deal with this along with Lyme.

It is even worse since you have to see her each day at work. Ugghh

Please try to keep in mind that there will be the right person out there for you. May not happen this week, this month or even this year..but I truly believe there is someone out there for each one of us.

You know, if she was able to steadily see someone so quick after you all broke up, maybe her feelings for you were not as deep as yours for her.  If I ever had any doubt how much my husband loves me, he has more than showed me by standing by me thru out this illness.  That person is out there for you as well.

All things happen for a reason, alot of times that reason is not immediately clear to us.

Please try to keep your spirits up and know you have alot to offer that right person out there, and then your life will be happy and complete!


Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain


CajunGrl
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 8/7/2009 11:46 AM (GMT -6)   
James,

I'm so sorry hun. It's even harder for you since you have to see her everyday. These are normal feelings but I'm sure Lyme makes it much worse. I've been there, done this before with a significant other. It's hard and time is what you need to mend your wounds. There are so many different women out there. You will find one that loves you inside and out, no matter what you are going through at the time. My husband is like that. On my worst days, even when I'm my ugliest, he still tells me he loves me. You WILL find that James because you have a loving and caring heart. Women love that and they look for men like you. Trust me, I know!
**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


RottenDog
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1013
   Posted 8/7/2009 1:04 PM (GMT -6)   
James, so sorry your going thru this. i agree with 1bitten, if she can jump into anothers arm so fast, not to mention dumping you so fast b/c your sick. she didnt have the same feeling for you as you did for her.

and in some sad way your getting sick was a blessing in disguise. to show you she wasnt the girl for you. maybe this can give you piece of mind to think of this way.

i know when i left my ex. i didnt even think of dating even for over 4 yrs. yet he was with as many girls as he could from day 1. hmm how loved who huh. well its sad and yes it hurts our hearts. but we do get over it and afterwards we are able to see the true colors of there behavior. and know they never loved us as we loved them.

odds are the day you stop looking for true love it will walk into you. this is how it worked for me, and a few of my friends too. never settle and know there is someone who will be with you sick or not, thats true love.

¤°´¯BIG.¤*¨*¤(¯`´¯)¤*¨*¤.Hugs¯`°¤.
   RD
 
still looking for answers.
 
Remember that advice is free, its your choice what you do with it.  :)


Stunned123
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 8/7/2009 6:44 PM (GMT -6)   
James,
So sorry to hear you are feeling down about this.  I don't know if it helps to know that I am sure her "new relationship" will not work out.  Rebound relationships rarely do.  And that is what she is in.  I know it must be hard to see her everyday, but try and rise above it.  You need someone who understands what you are going through and will stand beside you.  She obviously is not the one.  Frankly, you are better off without her!  The right girl will come along, just wait and see.  All the best.
 
Heather

nefferdun
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Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/7/2009 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
When I look back at the people I thought I was in love with I am so grateful that those relationships did not work out for me as it opened the door for the man I married. That is hard to believe when you feel so depressed about being alone but it is true. Anyone that would leave you because you are sick is way too self serving to spend the rest of your life with.

james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/7/2009 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks guys!! i agree with all of your statements also..

alot of the hurt is that i'm thinking she might have been cheating on me before she dumped me. and its hard knowing she is with him at night. Just the unknown of what they are doing is a downer.
I agree with RD, getting sick might have been a blessing knowing that she was not the one for me. And that helps, i never really looked at it that way. Thank you!!

i believe also, that everything happens for a reason, and it usually doesn't happen overnight either. I have to see her everyday which is hard, she won't even say hi, or nothing to me, its almost like she hates me or something.. I sent her a Voicemail yesterday after finding out, and i wished her happiness and told her that she deserves nothing but the best. It was hard to do, but i did it anyways.. Even though i'm hurting, it feels better telling her, basically- good luck and i hope everything works out.

CajunGrl
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 8/7/2009 7:44 PM (GMT -6)   
James,

You are a good guy and you are amazing for doing that. I can tell you that I wouldn't have been nice for sure! You will find a great woman. I just know it. Then that "little girl" you were dating will regret leaving you.
**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


not again
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 8/7/2009 9:07 PM (GMT -6)   
sorry you have had to go through this. Just try to stay positive!! there is someone better for you out there!!

james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/7/2009 9:47 PM (GMT -6)   
this is a crazy year.. to say the least.. i had a lot of good years and alot of years that was pretty normal that ran in together. But 2009 will always be remembered for the "change" of my life

not again
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 8/7/2009 9:51 PM (GMT -6)   
I understand!! we have all had thoes years!! Being divorced now, I know about change too!!

+Lyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 8/7/2009 10:26 PM (GMT -6)   
James, I am so sorry! I know this sux! Bad!

In my 'post divorce' life I have been dumped by a couple of guys that I KNEW I was not in love with (well, sorry -- I was in love w/ the 2nd one) -- and even tho I was not in love w/ that person, it hurt really bad. I even ended up feeling I was in love him AFTER the dump, even tho I was not in love w/ him DURING the relationship!

James, that one was 16 years ago. I hung on to my feelings for him for more than several years afterwards, and all for NOTHING. about 9 years ago, all of a sudden I was OVER those feelings and TO THIS DAY I have no clue WHAT I even saw in him! I THANK GOD frequently for NOT giving me what I was begging for because NOW I know I had to have been out of my mind for begging God to make him love me.

I know this stuff does not do you any good right now, because you are hurting now. But I hope you know that time will help heal this pain. As time goes by, you will still hurt, but in time, the pain will not be as sharp and deep.

Here's a little true story:

Some years ago, my daughter was living with 'the right one'. They did not marry, but talked regularly about their marraige. Bought a house together, adopted 2 dogs and a cat together.

Had some issues, but no point in writing about them. One Sunday, while laying down for a nap, he said to her: 'I know this relationship needs some work. But honestly, I just don't care enough to do it.'

At first that seems cold and harsh. But my daughter at that time was 24 yrs old, gorgeous and a manager of a bank. Of course, I ran over there as soon as she told me. But the first thing I thought to say to her was, 'Thank you, Justin'. I was so grateful for his honesty and the fact he did not wait 15 years and 3 kids later!'

James, her heart was broken........ For about an hour. She was then relieved of a struggle to make a partnership w/ a man who did not love her enough to continue. To this day, we are both grateful for his honesty. And we both know that he was not the right one for her.

That you have to work w/ your ex is really crappy, frustrating, and difficult. But know that each day that you do this, it will become just a tiny little bit easier.

I know that you do not want to hear this now, but hopefully one day not too far away, you will realize that she was not right for you. If she was, she would have been very passionate and compassionate about your serious illness. She would not have left you. She would not have cheated on you (if she did) and would not have taken up w/ someone else so soon. It is at least good that you found out before getting in any deeper.

Again, I am very sorry. And I'm very sorry this was too long. I just needed to tell you this stuff, because even if it does not help today, it will help one day. I know because I have (sort of) been there.

Except for the Lyme part, time is on your side. It will pass quicker than you think!
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.
What don't these nasty bugs cause? 
CD57= 60, so we're in pretty good shape.
 


james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/7/2009 10:46 PM (GMT -6)   
+lyme

thank you.. i agree with this..

i actually wasn't really in love with her during our relationship, i can't really explain it correctly. I just never had that special feeling you get when you love someone. I mean she was prolly the best looking person i've been with, and listened to everything i had to say, she did alot for me, she would always rub my back, feet, hands, anything! She told me she would die if she wasn't with me, (this was only a few months ago) so i'm a little confused, i believe some of this was my fault since i was sick and wasn't there for her, and everytime we talked, i was a motor mouth about everything wrong with me. (which wasn't like me before this happened) so from her point of view, i kinda see how this disease has dragged her down some. But, i have been hurt a few times before and the last g/f i had really hurt me and it took me 3 years to get over, and actually i still love her to some degree. so i never really let my guard down with amanda (ex now). But after being dumped and she has moved on already, i have this feeling like i really did love her, and i just couldn't act on it, and now its to late. Don't know if this is normal.. but ii think of all the stuff she did for me and all the stuff she said to me before i was sick that i took for granted. Just really hurts...

+Lyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 8/8/2009 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, I know, James. It hurts really bad. And I'm sorry.

These days, it just seems that most people are about 2 inches deep. They go about their lives, hurting others w/ great abandon and don't even stop to think about what they are doing and who they are hurting. I do not understand it.
 
And I'm sure it doesn't help your health any, either.


Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.
What don't these nasty bugs cause? 
CD57= 60, so we're in pretty good shape.
 


cleo springs
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 8/11/2009 1:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey, James, how are you? I'm so sorry that you're going through that pain in addition to Lyme. Unfortunately, I agree with everyone who has said that she probably didn't have the right kind of feelings for you if she was able to 'move on' so quickly. Please know that you deserve a lot better than you have received from her. I am feeling angry towards her, and I don't know you or her!

It's easy to be nice to someone, and be fun and friendly, etc., when things are going good. What really counts, though, is how someone comes through when times are tough. I guess you know more about her now, that isn't particularly flattering on her part.

I'll bet that you're plenty wiped out from working every day, and my suggestion my seem unreasonable right now, but sometimes it helps YOU to do something for someone else who needs help. Even visiting this site and giving advice and support is helpful to someone; you may not ever be aware of how you've helped someone. And you're not as alone as you may feel. Please stay in touch via this site, and I hope that if you read this, it's 'old news' and you aren't feeling as down as you were a few days ago. Good luck to you!!!

hopingToFindCure
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 759
   Posted 8/11/2009 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
time heals all wounds. time wounds all heals.

sounds corny, but it is SO true!
Bit June 08.


james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/11/2009 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
its pretty painful still.. i was doing ok, until i saw her today, and she can't even acknowledge me when faced me. its really painful when she looks at me with no emotion or sympathy. i have so many emotions running through me, and it feels like deja vu all over again. It just seems like i get hurt all the time. If its not lyme, its something else.. Its very difficult to be strong with no one by your side that used to love you and would do so much for you. Just seems like overnight her feelings changed. all due to me being sick!! i couldn't do anything for her, i could barely do anything for myself. I mean, i really do care about her still, and i do love her still. It would really help me if should would just talk to me as a friend and nothing else..I don't like when people that i had something with can turn you off just like that.

she even has some of my furniture that she borrowed when i sold my house.. Now i can't even get her to give me my stuff back..I guess i just learned a hard lesson..

I have nothing but time on my side. And it will help.. it usually just takes a while for me, i'm not the type of person that can just get up and move on.. I tend to hold on to things for a while..

I just need to stay at my parents for a while and save money again and pay off my CC debt and move on to a better life hopefully, its just going to take time..

I thought 2007 was the year i was going to start my future.. I got over my last G/F completely, had no DEBT, just bought a new house, Got a promotion at work. Everything was great.. (sold my house with no house in the future) Now i'm back where i started but with worse conditions this time around.. what can i say, i'm pretty lonely, i have my dog with me, but something is just missing from my life.. maybe its me, maybe its amanda. i dunno..I'm just as confused as i was when i got sick in may.....

cleo springs
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 8/13/2009 1:03 AM (GMT -6)   
James, congratulations on selling your house in a down market. You must have kept it up and were in touch with what people are looking for in a house. That's something that you can be proud of! But, it's also a lot of stress, even though it was something that you sought out to do on purpose. How were you able to go through that??!!! Being sick and all.....wow!
I hope that you're able to rest some at your folks' home now, and get caught up and look toward the future. You are very fortunate that you've been in a position where you were debt-free, even if you aren't right now. It's an impressive goal. I'll bet it felt great! Wish I could say I was there, but, hmmm....
I am so sorry about Amanda and her apparent lack of feeling. It's hard to understand how some people can do that....turn it off and on...
You have acted nobly on her behalf in admitting to her that you were not able to be what you believe she deserves due to your current illness. And you continue to show your true character in not wishing her ill, even though she has certainly not repaid your friendship and understanding by taking advantage of you (the furniture) and acts like she doesn't know who you are at work. Maybe the current BF is a jealous type, and would go nuts if she were to talk to you now. Think about it. Maybe he's got a major insecurity thing going. And the sight of her, talking to YOU, would be too much.
Please get some rest and take your meds and do other things that your dr. tells you to do right now, so that you can feel better soon. If you think that you can't get past this, perhaps your dr. would prescribe an antidepressant right now. I believe that depression is linked somehow with Lyme, and your brain might need some chemical re-adjustment after this blow.
Good luck, and let us know how you're doing.

cleo springs
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 8/13/2009 1:10 AM (GMT -6)   
James, I want to apologize. After reading what I posted, it looks like I typed "blah. blah, blah, go take some Rx meds, blah blah". I didn't mean to end so abruptly and harshly.
I do hope that you feel better soon, and I also truly believe that Lyme can get you in your brain and result in you feeling worse about something than you might have without the Lyme. Maybe not in this case. But I hope that you're having some good medical support as well as family support as well right now particularly. It's late, and I'm going to sleep. No more blah blah blah.

james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/13/2009 7:24 AM (GMT -6)   
cleo, i didn't think your post was blah blah blah.. it was very detailed. and yes, i do think this will pass.. It is just something about seeing her everyday at work that is keeping me from totally moving on. And i got to hear from other employees about what amanda and her new b/f did last night or what they plan on doing sometimes.. I get asked if i'm hurt from it.. I just tell them, not to bring her name up in conversation anymore, i'm trying to move on.. But some of the employees are friends with me and her, so they know everything about whats going on with her.. Its pretty terrible actually..

As far as selling the house, i kept it pretty clean and had it staged nice to sell.. It was hard to move and to sell at the same time being sick.. I actually got real sick (at my worst) 2 weeks before the closing date.. I pushed through it though.. I think the stress and the moving made everything worse prolly.. but who knows.. that chapter of my life is over.. The house did put me in some debt, that i'm repaying now since i'm able to. I just want to move on with my life now, but i know i need to pay off my debt which will prolly take a good year to do so i can breath again. But then i know that full year will be a lonely one and my life is pretty much on stand still since i won't really be able to have any relationships since i'm living at home again. UGHHH!! but i know getting healthy and paying of my debt is most important since i have that opportunity now, And i want to have a brighter future. Its just hard, alot of negatives still in my life, but i'm trying to focus on what i can control and do that...

vicparis
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 8/13/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Right after my mom died someone I know suggested I go to grief counseling. I was in a bad relationship at the time and decided I'd also use the therapy to help me split up with my boyfriend. Therapy has really helped me deal with my lyme, and also move on with my life - or maybe I should rephrase that - it has helped me deal with my life. Now when I start to freak out about something I tell myself "don't go there" and it helps. I stop that thought pattern before it goes too far. Try and do something nice for yourself at least once a day - it doesn't have to be anything major - just something you would enjoy.
 
I wish you all the best,
 
Victoria

cleo springs
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 8/14/2009 8:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Victoria is right! Don't entertain thoughts that bring you down. And, when your co-workers bring up the subject (which they do because, let's face it, people love to gossip and some people like to try to get reactions so they have more gossip), good for you to ask them not to talk about her/them with you. You might go one step further, and pretend you weren't listening, say "huh? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, I didn't get much sleep last night, hard to focus. Met some girl on the internet, and time just flew by". Something along that line. Or "Why do you keep talking about her? Are YOU interested in her now?" and snicker.

Rough having to see her. And hear about her. The best revenge is to be happy and enjoy life. Which you can, because you've got plans and aspirations and a game plan. Good luck and good health. Get plenty of rest and drink lots of water to flush out those toxins. Take a day off if you can if it gets too bad. Wear your ipod so people don't gossip to you. Pick up the phone when you see one of the bearers of gossip heading your way and call your own answering machine or something. Keep checking your watch when someone comes up to you with that gossip, and excuse yourself because you're expecting a call/need to place a call/have a meeting, etc. Make a list of excuses and have them ready.

Get some rest and take care!

james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/14/2009 10:49 AM (GMT -6)   
its really simple actually.. I just have so many things going against the grain right now.. sick, no house.. basically you could call me homeless and sick to a certain degree.. If this broke up happened with me not being sick and me having my house still or at least a place of my own, i wuold be able to move on faster.. dang it!

mcjane
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/16/2009 2:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi James, I feel your pain. I'm in the middle of a broken romance, well sort of. We still talk on the phone send emails, but it's not the way it used to be.

There is no one else involved with either one, so maybe someday.

The days seem long and empty I know and I'm thinking the only cures are time or better still maybe someone new will come into your life.

When it rains it pours, but eventually the sun will come out.

james from missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 8/16/2009 5:56 PM (GMT -6)   
i hate it!!! this is why i never truly open up to anybody, because i always get hurt.. yes i could've married her and i could've married my last g/f also.. but i didn't, and i think they just give up on me after so long.. I understand it, if i'm not the one to marry, why be with me... i do this to myself.. i know.. people have to look after themselves really.. no excuses.. i don't deserve it, but i understand everyone has their own life to live..

i miss her alot.. i just miss not hearing her voice.. i could really care less about the sex and other stuff.. just being able to look into her eyes and listen to her voice, is what i miss the most.. jeez!! how life can be great and crappy at the same time.. i'm not a bad guy, i just want someone to actually love me for me, not for what i had or have.. this world is backwards, material stuff isn't what makes me.. and some people are just drawn towards that stuff..
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