Post Edited (RainBaby) : 12/25/2009 5:25:35 PM (GMT-7)
But, I have experienced a certain amount of lyme rage, myself, however, fortunately it's usually been when I am alone. I have had extremely explosive episodes w/ my (grown)daughter, but she is often the one who explodes first.
But what has bothered me the most is my negativity. I have found that negativity that is really difficult to correct has been one of the worst symptoms. So, perhaps that, plus frustration, plus the way we perceive the way that we are perceived may all contribute to the cause of the Lyme rage.
I have been learning how very annoying I am to some of my kids. It seems that everything I say or do annoys them. When I can't figure out anything that I've done that would be annoying, I then blame them.
Now, the 3 ladies I work with all hate me. I don't know of anything I have done to deserve it -- I do not speak rudely or snidely or condescendingly to anyone, I don't back stab or gossip, so I don't understand why I get that back.
I also have a much younger sister who has dismissed me from her life. I know of nothing that I did TO her. she emailed an insult about me and intended to send it to my other sister, but instead accidently sent it to me. I did not go off on her, but told her she had no right to insult me when she didn't even know my thoughts and beliefs on the subject of contention. She then accused me of 'flipping out', which I really hadn't done. NOW, she can't find it in her heart to 'forgive' me! Forgive me for what? She was insulting me behind by back and mistakenly sent it to me and I called her on it. I didn't go off, I didn't insult, I didn't name call. But I am the one awaiting forgiveness?
The point in all this? I can't keep blaming everyone else for stuff I perceive has originated w/ them. It must be in me. It can't be everyone else.
Depending on the situation and how badly we see we have been perceived could be a part of the 'lyme rage' because it is so frustrating and we feel that others are placing blame for things on us that are really false or that really should be placed on someone else. Sometimes I just want to walk away from everybody.
Does this make sense?
I am writing this, only hoping others might relate to it and feel somewhat relieved that others of us are experiencing difficult relationships as well.
Post Edited (+Lyme) : 1/1/2010 12:21:15 PM (GMT-7)
I am brand new to this forum, only recently diagnosed but have had this I suspect for a really long time. Reading your posts from March 09 inspired me to become a member. I hope things improved after Christmas for you.
I understand the anger and hostility, I thought that was just me, I didn't realize it could be connected to the Lyme.
May I ask if your bladder symptoms have improved since where you were last March? I have a debilitating case of IC and now I think I have determined where it started.
But I thought all I had to deal with was IC. Now I am trying to wrap my head around the new dx.
Happy New Year