relationship killer

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needshelp
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/2/2010 12:31 PM (GMT -6)   
On top of my medical problems and financial ruin it seems my 5 year relationship is all but finished (and I think much of it has to do with my illness).  Guess it just wasn't meant to be.   It's sad how much this illness can take.  I guess I should look on the bright side (no kids).  Another fun day. ; )  Oh well. 

achievinggrace
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3266
   Posted 2/2/2010 6:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi needshelp,
This is terrible, the financial loss, emotional cost, loss of potential. But this isn't the end of the story. Your next someone is going to be very understanding and wonderful. So much to look forward to.

Jeminij
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1336
   Posted 2/2/2010 6:17 PM (GMT -6)   
This illness can def. take a toll on relationships. It's hard to deal with for most people and it takes a very special person to stay with someone through all the good and the bad. I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. I went through a breakup of a 6 year relationship when I first got diagnosed and was basically house bound for almost 3 years. I was 26 and I thought I would be alone forever because of lyme disease. It turns out, that relationship was not meant to be and I went on to get well and 2 years later I met my future husband and we have been together now for 7 years and have a beautiful 23 month old daughter.
 
So, just when you think it can't get any worse, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you never know what is waiting out there for you, sick or not. You will find it.
 
Stay strong and stay focused on your health.

CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 2/2/2010 6:45 PM (GMT -6)   
needshelp,

I'm so sorry. I know how hard it can get. I've been married for 15 years and it is very hard on my husband. Sometimes I feel bad because he married me. He tells me "for better or for worse" and that he isn't going anywhere but I still wonder how much of this he can take. It is so hard for the other person and for the kids too. That other person has to be real strong to stick through this. It's sad to say, but if I was the "other person", I don't think I could put up with it all. I would never want to be married to someone like me.....the me that this disease has made me to be.

Things will get better and like someone else said above, you will find someone that understands.
**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

lymediseasethroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


needshelp
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/2/2010 6:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the kind word Jeminij. In many ways it got to be too much work to maintain the relationship. In the long run I think it is probably the best thing. Everything seems so messed up right now. I just came off IVs (and felt great while I was on them) and now everything is getting out of control again. Its hard to stay up-beat and optimistic with constant ups and downs. I keep trying though. ;)

Thanks again.

JELAINEP
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 2017
   Posted 2/2/2010 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I got sick after being married for only 18 months.  Like, CanjunGrl, I honostly don't think I would still be with my husband... if he had been the one who had gotten sick.  But my husband doesn't believe me when I say that.
 
After about 4-5 years, we separated for 10 months - at my insistance.  I really wanted him to just let me go and for him to get a real life with a real person that he could do real things with.  And I just wanted to sleep.
 
Instead, he bought me a house with no stairs.... he studied Fibromyalgia, massage, Lyme disease, etc.  He made me a "massage table".  He called me everday.  He made sure I had groceries.... he did everything for me and begged me to come back.... and so I did.  THAT was THE BEST decision I ever made.
 
Everyday he does the best he can.... and most days I fall very short of what he truly deserves.  I am very lucky and am very much in love with my husband.
A small group of committed citizens can change the world-it's the only thing that ever has.-M. Meade


needshelp
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/2/2010 7:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Achievinggrace and Cajun,

I don't necessarily blame my ex-gf. I think she tried and probably has issues she needs to deal with as well. I don't know that I would have done a better job of being supportive if the roles were reversed. It's a difficult role to fill (no doubt). I give a lot of credit to our loved ones that stick by us through this......

needshelp
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/2/2010 7:03 PM (GMT -6)   
jelainep,

That is a great story. Good for him. I'm quite impressed.

CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 2/2/2010 7:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Jelaine,

Awesome story!
**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

lymediseasethroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


bucci
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 1477
   Posted 2/2/2010 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, JELAINEP !!!!

who is this guy??? can we clone him???

I am all alone right now because I either feel like people are feeling sorry for me or they think I am just a drag or a
mental case. Also, I used to be able to almost fake being functional and now I can't even fake it any more.

Sometime the alone time for me strengthens me because I don't have to worry about not paying enough attention or being in a nice enough mood.
Really, all I want is someone to make me tea and food and drive.

bucci
hep c , lyme
Dad has lyme


needshelp
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/2/2010 7:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Bucci,

Funny. I just want someone to make coffee, food, and drive ;)

Nicky D
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 361
   Posted 2/2/2010 7:33 PM (GMT -6)   
aww Jelaine! That's an awesome story! I'm so happy for you.

Needshelp- hopefully some day you'll have someone that wonderful. But as corny as it sounds- maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe you had to break up with her so you could find your true soulmate.

pepphell
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 134
   Posted 2/2/2010 11:47 PM (GMT -6)   
looks like guys are sticking it out in health and sickness for their loved ones. and girls are not, what went wrong?

needshelp
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/3/2010 12:03 AM (GMT -6)   
pepphell,

I noticed that too. I think some of it (in my case) has to do with the lack of stability (emotional, financial, etc) that women expect from a man. I know its a bit sexist but I think there is some truth to it......in some cases.

CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 2/3/2010 2:19 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't think I explained my post well. If my husband was sick, I'd stick by his side no matter what. I was trying to put myself in his shoes and I don't think I'd like staying with someone like me. Most of the time, I'm grumpy, depressed, hard to deal with, angry and complaining. Who in their right mind would love being around someone like that? LOL.
**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

lymediseasethroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


CajunGrl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 2/3/2010 2:20 AM (GMT -6)   
needshelp,

I really hate that you're going through this while you are sick. I do hope things get better soon.
**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

lymediseasethroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum


needshelp
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/3/2010 2:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Cajun. I appreciate your comments and well wishes (as well as those from others on the board).

pepphell
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 134
   Posted 2/3/2010 7:05 AM (GMT -6)   
yeah it really sucks.

some of us dont even have significant others or even family around. :((

Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1119
   Posted 2/6/2010 1:03 AM (GMT -6)   
I would stay by anyone who was sick and always have. But that it just me. God fearing...lol
I had some great men come and go in my life when I was sick. But it became hard for me to focus on what in the world I had to do to get better. And in many ways, for me, it was harder to have to worry about them being effected by my illness. I just had so little to give. And had two little kids that were really needing me, more than them.
My time had to be dedicated to trying to make everything appear to be great to my kids..and making everything appear to be okay...but also having to make a man feel better and not to worry too much. It was too much work for me.
ha...besides. One of my boyfreinds would get scared when I was get chest pains and not be able to breath just during...well you know. Making love. And then the fact that I was soaking the bed every night and had my house temp. set on 67 with the fans on. I was always burning up with a fever.
It just was hard for me to try to entertiain and chear up my boyfriends, who would think a nice stroll on the beach would be good for me. Well...not with vertigo and a fever and a migrain...I would get soaked just stepping outside.
I still keep in touch with these great men. And they cannot believe the new me. I just never felt good about being a burden on someone else. I had to spend as much time with my kids and that was all that I could handle.
My little girls were my rock. And that was so hard for them. But others who did not know me, must have thought that I was drunk, bumping into walls..and having trouble putting words together. I just got to where I was tyring to fake being well. Trying my best to cover it up.
Our family all got lyme in 2004. It has been a long battle. But all is well now with my children. Feb 8 TH of 2009 is when I left Envita. And I am celebrating a year of perfect health.


bucci
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 1477
   Posted 2/6/2010 5:04 AM (GMT -6)   
My Mom stayed with my Dad till the day she died of leukemia. 50 yrs together and 35 of it my Dad had lyme.

so are you ready for this one. I think she had lyme and was diagnosed with asthma so bad that theykept putting her on high dose prednisone and steroid pumps. My Mom died of leukemis but knowing all that I know NOW..It was LYME INDUCED LEUKEMIA.
She died on my Father's birthday 2004. she was diagnosed at age 69 and gone by 72.
now my Dad has cancer in his mouth.
has anyone saw about Vincent's disease on the lymebook.com site. it's cancer in the mouth from spirochetes.

We need 20 more movies about this and relationships, families , marriages , KIDS

I think I'm up way too late tonight...

bucci
hep c , lyme
Dad has lyme

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