I am so ashamed.....

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+Lyme
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 3/14/2010 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
I really hate bringing this up, but have come to the point I feel like I have to, just in case anyone relates or can explain it w/o me having suddenly become an alcoholic.
 
For years, for over 25 years, I have drunk no alcohol besides beer. I loved my beer -- tho I never drank alcoholically and I never drank or wanted anything else.
 
Around the time I first got sick w/ Lyme (tho I didn't know it was Lyme at the time), beer started making me sick, it didn't taste any good and made me feel so horrible, that I couldn't stand it anymore.  For over a year I never drank anything. Not because I was trying to quit or thought I should quit -- but because I hated the thought of it.  If I went to a social thing (RARE, maybe twice in 3 years) I'd have my beer, but could hardly choke it down. At one party, I tried to get 2 down to get a buzz and I couldn't do it.
 
Anyway, sometime during my Amox treatment, I felt like having a couple beers, despite the fact I shouldn't  while on abx.  Seeing My old Miller Lite just didn't do it, so I tried something new: Mike's Hard Pomegranite Punch.  Because it looked good and fruity and refreshing. I loved it and would have just a couple, a couple of times per week.  I started increasing the number of days, and now, I think I am addicted. I crave it, even tho I know I really don't want to feel that way.
 
It is so strange, because before 1/2 way thru my Amox, I couldn't stand the very thought of drinking ANYTHING alcoholic.
 
it's expensive, so I tried to drink a beer yesterday and again, couldn't choke it down and ran out for my Mike's.  I know it is bad for me, but the craving is pretty bad and I having a hard time giving it up.  It is very sweet and delicious.
 
I wondered if this meant my lyme was cured because I felt like I could drink again. But now, I am upset because I'm out of money, declaring BK, have no Dr money, but dying for my Mike's. (I make it last as long as I can cause of the cost)
 
It is possible AT ALL that something is causing this craving besides alcoholism??  Does anybody out there relate??  I don't feel like it's alcoholism because I don't want any other alcohol. If Mike's is not available, I don't want anything else.  Could it be the sugar? Or certain hopps?
 
I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL LOSER IDIOT, WHICH I AM.
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
 
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.


Razzle
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4396
   Posted 3/14/2010 4:00 PM (GMT -6)   
You are not a loser. I strongly suspect a sugar craving may be part of the issue for your craving. I crave a certain brand of Jamaican ginger ale (non-alcoholic), but it messes up my gut to no end...but I still long for the taste of it. We all crave certain things at certain times.

Are you deficient in B-Vitamins? That can cause sugar cravings. Also, alcoholic beverages, even in moderation, can deplete Vitamin B1, which I think is one reason alcoholics get liver disease.

Do you have yeast issues? That can also cause sugar cravings. The garlic is good for killing yeast, but may not be enough...you may need to get other stuff to kill the yeast (probiotics, capryllic acid, etc.).

Do you have hypoglycemia? I think it is possible for Lyme to cause damage to blood sugar regulation (which is done primarily by the pancreas)...if so, there are treatments available, but a low-sugar diet is very important. Chromium, alpha lipoic acid, some herbs, etc., are helpful for maintaining healthy blood sugar levels.

If your Lyme is really gone, I don't think an occasional alcoholic beverage is a bad thing...

Good luck in your search for answers...take care,
-Razzle
Chronic Lyme Disease, Chronic Bartonella (clinical dx only), Gluten & Sulfite Sensitivity, Many Food/Inhalant/Medication/Chemical Allergies & Intolerances, Asthma, Gut issues (dysmotility, non-specific inflammation), UCTD ("Secondary Lupus-Like Syndrome"), Osteoporosis, chronic Lymphopenia, etc.; G-Tube; Currently weaning off TPN.
Meds:  Pulmicort, IV Doxycycline, Heparin (to flush PICC line), Claritin, Singulair, Domperidone, Colloidal Silver (topically & nasally), probiotics, Liver support herbs, Ailanthus, digestive enzymes, homeopathy.


+Lyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 3/14/2010 4:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much, Razzle, as always. You are always so much help.  But I'm not talking about an occasional beverage -- I'm up to wanting 3 per day and I can't afford it and it's not like me to have any desire to drink everyday.
 
Yes, I am hypoglycemic -- have been for over 30 yrs.  I take a 'super' B complex daily.  One of my B12 test showed levels high off the chart, and I had one later that was a little low. What could be the reason for this? could it have any thing to do w/ the time of day and when I took the supplement?
 
YOu know, I have been wondering about yeast. 
 
And, if this means anything, I get hungry and weak, but don't want to eat.  My hypoglycemia has always kept me eating, and usually healthily.
 
And yes, I feel like such a loser. Because I promise myself no more Mike's, and then there I go running out to get some. I am not used to feeling like this about alcohol. And I admit,  I also crave the buzz it gives.
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
 
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.


mikazmat
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 3/14/2010 4:54 PM (GMT -6)   
High there +lyme, I've suffered LD for around 3 years now and before getting treatment I was a total mess mentally (and physically). I found that alcohol was a saviour to my life's problems (I only thought I had them). I suffered depression (from the lyme) anxiety (from the lyme) paranoia (from the lyme)..............oh and many more strange thoughts you don't want to know about. As the problems mounted in my head I drank more which gave me even stranger thoughts, but like you I craved it. Whether it's the sugar in the alcohol that this bacteria craves or it was the false feeling of being free from the bizarre thoughts I was having; I don't know.

My thoughts were compounded by the beer and eventually I became a pain in the a**, which is not like me (promise) but I really didn't know there was anything wrong in my head, as far as I was concerned everything "upstairs" was functioning normally. But I was sadly mistaken, I now realise that my thoughts were very destructive, to the point of near self destruction. My empathy for others with mental disfunction is now huge...........when your head is not functioning as it should (in my case) you do not realise there is anything wrong with the way your brain process' things. My powers of reasoning had vanished.

I hope you can master this craving and quit the beer (for the time being) as the sugars can not help you with your recovery, I wouldn't have thought.

I feel that Bb wanted me to have lots of beers as it found it benefitial to screw up my life; for some reason. Please be prepared to listen to anbody that is close to you that might say you have a changed personality......I wish I had!!

Good luck.

Mik

+Lyme
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 3/14/2010 5:07 PM (GMT -6)   
OH, thank you so much, Mikazmat! No, nobody has told me my personality has changed -- except that my daughter (the only one left I feel I can confide in) is buckling under seeing me in so much mental misery. 
 
I know my personality has changed, because I can see it in my dogs (hence more guilt), and all my old friends are sick of the fact that I never call them or try to see them or accept any invitations.  And it was that way for over a year, even when I didn't drink anything.
 
I understand that my thoughts are destructive -- again, my daughter pounds me with this.
 
M, I understand what you're saying, but for me, I don't know how it is/was the Lyme asking for alcohol, because I turned away from it when I was sickest.  Something has happened and I don't know what.
 
ooohhhhhh, 'paranoia'....   I haven't had the guts to even bring that up yet..... 
 
So, I'm behind here, where are you at in the scheme of this disease, M?
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
 
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.


rosesinjanuary
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 748
   Posted 3/14/2010 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
AHA i love yu. I too used to be quite a fun social drinker myself ( happy hour made dinner that much more enjoyable) but when I got sick my body reacted as ifit were poison. I cant tolerate alcohol of any kind and neither can a lotof people with a lyme or lyme co-infection so I have read in my resarch. It should have been a red flag just like the rashes but whooshhhhhhhh right over mi head thanks u are the only one I have heard say this,thank u lisa

rosesinjanuary
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 748
   Posted 3/14/2010 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
too bad I don't read whole articles.
Well good for u ,maybe u are kicking it, I hope so
I do crave sugar A LOT i think bugs like sugar
hope things  get better, maybe they are because that was one very prominent symptom

Razzle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4396
   Posted 3/14/2010 9:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the compliment...I try to help when I can.

So maybe it is an issue of wanting the buzz in addition to the sugar "high" ? Having never been drunk myself (I've been intolerant to alcohol - even the smell of it - my whole life), I don't have firsthand experience with this but I do understand the desire to escape from reality now and then...

For low blood sugar, eating a protein-containing snack every 2 hours between meals can be helpful. Also, any time you eat anything high in sugar, eat it with high fiber food. Such as fruit - eat nuts or seeds with it if you can, for example. The fiber (and fat) from the nuts) helps to slow down digestion so that the sugar doesn't hit your blood all at once to cause a sugar "high" and the low blood sugar "crash" later on.

My craving for the ginger ale is pretty constant also...

Apatite problems can be an indication also of lack of digestive enzymes or low stomach acid...a good enzyme supplement with HCl in it may be helpful to take with meals.

Take care,
-Razzle
Chronic Lyme Disease, Chronic Bartonella (clinical dx only), Gluten & Sulfite Sensitivity, Many Food/Inhalant/Medication/Chemical Allergies & Intolerances, Asthma, Gut issues (dysmotility, non-specific inflammation), UCTD ("Secondary Lupus-Like Syndrome"), Osteoporosis, chronic Lymphopenia, etc.; G-Tube; Currently weaning off TPN.
Meds:  Pulmicort, IV Doxycycline, Heparin (to flush PICC line), Claritin, Singulair, Domperidone, Colloidal Silver (topically & nasally), probiotics, Liver support herbs, Ailanthus, digestive enzymes, homeopathy.


nasalady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1176
   Posted 3/15/2010 12:50 AM (GMT -6)   
+Lyme,

I have to share my recent experience with you....

Until I was in my late 40's I probably drank an alcoholic beverage maybe once a year....if that! Then my husband and I started "getting into" wine; we had gone up to Pismo Beach for a vacation, and visited lots of the local wineries. Of course we tasted and purchased the local wines....we even joined some wine clubs where you get wine delivered 3 or 4 times per year.

Our intake increased until we were drinking wine with dinner every night. I continued to drink wine fairly regularly even when I was sick.....I never developed an aversion to alcohol. My husband has developed several health problems recently and has cut way back on his consumption of wine....and he started telling me I should cut back too.

Then I got scared because I felt like I COULDN'T cut back! I thought, just like you did, that I might be an alcoholic, because I didn't want to go without wine, even for a day.

Then I discovered non-alcoholic wine. I ordered some, had it delivered, tried it out. Well it turns out that what I'm hooked on is the *taste* of wine, not the alcohol! Because if I drink the non-alcoholic wine, I don't miss the alcohol or the "buzz"!!

So is this perhaps a sugar craving too? There's not much sugar left in wine, but my husband and I seem to prefer sweeter wines.

Anyway, I hope that this helps!
(((((hugs)))))
JoAnn
Lyme Disease, Babesiosis, Ehrlichiosis, AIH, Hashimoto's, lupus, fibro, RA, celiac disease, asthma, psoriasis, Raynaud's, hypertension, osteopenia, sleep apnea, RLS, GERD, DDD, L3-4 and L4-5 radiculopathy -> severe lower back pain, cubital tunnel, tarsal tunnel, Doxycycline, Zithromax, Prednisone, Imuran, Plaquenil, Lyrica, Cymbalta, Levothyroxine, Atenolol, Cozaar, Zyrtec, Fosamax, Albuterol, Prilosec, CPAP

autoimmunediseasesgfliving.blogspot.com


CajunGrl
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 3/15/2010 4:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Lyme,

You are NOT a loser idiot! We all have problems that we have to face. I went out recently with my friends and drank some wine that I hadn't drank in two years. I don't drink much either...maybe once or twice a year, but I've been craving that wine since then. I think it's something in our bodies doing this. It looks like a few of us have this craving whether it be yeast(which I have), or Lyme doing it. I'm not sure that three beers a day is considered an alcoholic. I guess it's more the craving and going out to get it when you cannot really afford it that you are worried about and I can tell you that I have been there too....with sodas. I used to be REALLY addicted to sodas and would scrape money up to buy one EVERY SINGLE DAY! It didn't matter to me if I didn't have the money. I was going to find pennies if I had to. Really sad. I don't do that anymore but I think when the mind is set on something, it is hard to distract it especially if it is a craving.

If you start thinking it is becoming an addiction, maybe go talk to someone. Maybe they can help you cut back a little.
 
Edited to fix my post because I drink once or twice a "year", NOT once or twice a month, lol.


**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

lymediseasethroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum

Post Edited (CajunGrl) : 3/15/2010 6:44:54 AM (GMT-6)


Deejavu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 4282
   Posted 3/15/2010 5:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi +Lyme,
 
I am so sorry you are going through this..  I am a recovering alcoholic for over 25 years now and I still remember what it was like to have my "bottles" stashed away, I also felt guilt, felt bad about myself since deep down inside I knew I had a problem even though I was a functioning alcoholic.  
 
I don't know if it's an ingredient in this Mike drink or if you simply need an escape or to calm yourself down..  In my case, I needed to calm my anxieties and panic disorders which I had suffered from all my life and still do, just found a different way of dealing with it.
 
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.   Hang in there and please don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
 
Hugs,
Denise
It's all about the Immune System mixed with a large dose of Positive Thinking and Detoxing Daily!
 
This song is about my years with chronic lyme since 1995 and being in remission for over 4 years:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ds81S61UvPA
 


Caldonia Sun
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 3/15/2010 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
It's very good that you are reaching out here. Please know that you are not alone.

It may be the alcohol, but keep in mind that alcohol turns to sugar in the bloodstream. So if it's a yeast problem, this drink would feed it.

I have yeast issues myself and the sugar cravings are overwhelming to me. I do take things for it, but the emotional tie to sugar is strong.

Shame is a huge component of any addiction, be it alcohol, food, drugs, etc. Consider treating the yeast/sugar cravings and if you need to address the alcohol, AA is wonderful. My son is currently attending meetings for his alcohol addiction and it is helping him stay sober.

Good luck.

mikazmat
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 3/15/2010 5:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi +Lyme, mm where am I in the scheme of all this? Firstly I have been on ABX treatment for the best part of 6 months and off (not totally) the alcohol for the same length of time, I still do have the odd glass of red wine every now and again which I enjoy immensely but I put a tight limit on myself.

To begin with I started to do really strange things from wanting to run people down in the car for no apparent reason (rage), to setting out whether walking or driving and suddenly ending up miles away from where I wanted to be or buying the same news paper from two different shops. I was forgetting things, couldn't deal with numbers or words and just couldn't organise my life. One of the hardest things I found was to try and tell the MD's what was going on as I just couldn't think straight. On top of all this my body was physically dropping to pieces and hurting so much............ Not the best period of my life so far!!

With in the first month of starting treatment many of the mental symptoms I suffered had subsided, apart from the weekly bout of crying for nothing or a very confusing trip to "brain fog" land when I least expected it, and so did the drinking. My mental symptoms started to be more intermmitant giving me some opportunity to work out what was going wrong and I suddenly realised I was not doing my self any good, I didn't need to lose myself in the bottom of a glass anymore. I've had a sugar craving from the start of this illness and I don't feel the beer was part of that (I may be wrong) as the drink never satisfied the want for chocolate (which I still have but to a lesser degree), the drink removed the paranoia, anxity and depression for a while.....well no, it didn't, I just cared less!!

Now, for past two months I haven't cried a drop. My mind seems to be functioning well, apart from the fact I have no confidence anymore, and I am the master of the bottle. I do miss going out and seeing friends but I'm sure this will return when my self-belief comes back to comfort me. Physically I'm still having days where fatigue wrecks my day or the arthritis pains in my joints and stabbing pains debilitate me but I can live with these, I just wouldn't like to think how long I could have lived with the "brain mush".

You know that the drink will only drag you down and make you feel worse than you already do and magnify any bad feelings you have. Kick the habit, I'm sure you'll feel loads better when you do. Good luck and be strong, I'm sending you a hug from across the pond.

Mik

+Lyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 3/15/2010 9:22 PM (GMT -6)   
A huge THANK YOU to every one of you who responded to this! That you took the time to do this, PLUS use your mind and endless sympathies to respond is almost overwhelming.

I guess I was kind of hoping that someone would say something like, 'Oh -- that would be due to yeast', or 'Oh yeah, I felt that way too"

Still, I am taking every bit of advice to heart, I swear.

btw, my ex was an alcoholic. Because of this, I went to many open meetings as well as Al Anon, as well as family and marriage counseling. So, I'm pretty well educated on that disease. I had to live w/ it and did all that I could to understand it. Turns out, the ex's mental/emotional problems were more than I could take.

And, no, I did not abandon him because of an illness. I had to leave because the mental/emotional abuse was killing me. ..... just an intresting tidbit.

Thank you again, everybody. I mean that sincerely.
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
 
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.


BridgeWork
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/19/2010 11:27 AM (GMT -6)   
I have been a lover of beer for a long time. Lyme for me took beer off the table. When it hits the stomach it causes problems, and just a couple beers makes tomorrow harder. But I can see where you are coming from. YOu have Mike's and I have chocolate.

I have been a chocolate eater forever. But in recent months it is not just for the love of it. It is different. It is almost impossible to avoid it. I am ashamed as you. A little different mind you because I can't get arrested for driving while chocloxicated. buI understand th shame becasue you know you ought not but do.

The doc told me it is not uncommon for Lyme to cause insulin/glucose management problems. I am working on it at the moment. You might look into it.

ttlittlestar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 296
   Posted 3/20/2010 7:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Google candida overgrowth alcohol cravings . There is a connection with antibiotic use and cravings for sugar carbs and alcohol.

great expectations
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 3/21/2010 10:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi +Lyme,
 
As we all know, dealing with a chronic disease can be very difficult. I'm glad you are reaching out here.  I want to be straight forward on this...hope that's okay.  Since you have been in AA groups for family I am sure much of what I have to say will sound familiar.
 
You have said several things that are "red flags" that this may be more of a problem than just sugar cravings.  You have indicated that you Want to quit, but keep going back to it...this is an indication of addiction.  You said that you spent all your money on buying Mike's.  This is an example of how you Want to quit but are unable to quit by yourself.
 
You said "Because I promise myself no more Mike's, and then there I go running out to get some."  Again this indicates that you are unable to stop drinking on your own.
 
You said "I am not used to feeling like this about alcohol."  This statement indicates that your attitude towards alcohol has changed.  Maybe you used to be a "social" drinker but now you are getting something different from the alcohol.
 
"And yes, I feel like such a loser."  As you may know feeling guilty about your drinking behavior is another sign of addiction.  I am not saying that you are a loser...You are not.  I am simply pointing out that when we feel guilty about doing something it is often because a part of us knows that it is not good for us...but we find ourselves doing it anyway.
 
"And I admit,  I also crave the buzz it gives."  Okay you crave the buzz...what else is the drink "doing" for you?  We drink becuase we think it "helps" us in some way.  Maybe forget how hard it is to have lyme, maybe deal with the loss because of being sick, maybe cope with inner tumoil or relationships issues...these are just some general ideas.  For you the alcohol is likely filling a void and it is doing something for you...and you probably will need help to figure out what that is.
 
So this is what I see, you need to reach out for help.  You need to go to AA or an addictions program in your community and talk to someone.  You need to tell a close friend or family member about your cravings and ask for their support.  You need help quitting...now before it gets any worse.  
 
If I am completely off base and you don't have a problem, when you go to an addictions counselor and talk to them They will tell you that you do not have a problem.  Since you have reached out here it tells me that you have some doubt as to whether you have a "real" problem or not...so don't allow there to be any doubt - Go talk to a professional.
 
Addiction cannot be overcome alone, we need help.  Help from a professional or someone who has been clean and sober for quite a while.  I hope & pray that you can find someone to talk to about this :-)  There are many caring people who would love to support you.
 
Struggling with addiction does not make you weak or a loser...Only human.
Don't let this control you, reach out!
 
Blessings,
Great Expectations 
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