BAD DEPRESSION!

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springsjean
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Date Joined Mar 2009
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   Posted 7/30/2010 5:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Ok so I give up.  What I thought was just feeling horrible and sorry for myself I now think is truly depression.  I have been avoiding everyone so as not to get in trouble with the rage and anger.  Tried to go out again with girlfriends last night and totally did not and cannot enjoy myself.  Feel like do not fit in and cried all morning.  I'm going to call dr. today and ask what to do.  I have been battling this for 5 freaking years so got my spirits up when started with this new dr. 3 months ago and she diagnosed bartonella.  Felt like finally had a reason for feeling this way.  But I continue to struggle with day to day stuff and can't do it anymore.  there's got to be an easier way.  i hate to add another drug to the mix but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.  No sense living if  you can't enjoy it.  Anyone have any hints, tried antidepressants, a natural supplement?  thanks. 

ktp812
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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 715
   Posted 7/30/2010 5:57 AM (GMT -6)   
springsjean- the only a/d I could tolerate was Wellbutrin. It works on the dopamine in your brain rather than the serotonin.
For some reason I have a terrible time with the ones that target that.
 
I have tried Celexa and had a horrible reaction..was on for 10 days and then had to wean for another 10. I have also tried Lexapro which I had the same problem with.
 
I am just really sensative to all meds...the wellbutrin gave me a little bit more energy as well. I had to split it into 2 doses of 150mg and then 150mg 7am and 3pm. I couldn't take it any later than that or it would affect my sleeping. I couldn't even take the extended release...
 
My husband tried St. Johns Wort and it helped him alot. He was very depressed about me being sick. I think he was taking 6 a day but he said it worked...
 
Hope this helps...

achievinggrace
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Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 3266
   Posted 7/30/2010 6:00 AM (GMT -6)   
I had great results from Sam-E. I liked that it worked quickly and I could stop it when I felt I didn't need it anymore. Every once in a while I use it again when things are getting too much. Just telling you what worked for me -- I'm not a doctor and don't know what else you are taking.

You are already on the mend in that you can see that you need some help and want to get out of this. Well done!

Good luck!

3whiteroses
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 184
   Posted 7/30/2010 10:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't take anything for depression, and likewise I have been told I have Bartonella. I'm hoping to address this when I go to see my new doctor in September.

I hope you feel better soon:)

Willowrose
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Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 7/30/2010 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Sam-E works for me too. I use the liquid drops in cell food.

Rose
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.

Traveler
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35695
   Posted 7/30/2010 5:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there, Springsjean!!
I am sooo sorry to hear of your struggles.
You are right - ya gotta do what you gotta do!! Taking anti-depressants is not the worst thing to have to take & it never means that you will have to stay on them for the rest of your life, or even for an extended period of time.

I take 300 mg of Trazodone each night, mainly for sleep, but when I forget to take it, not only do I have tremendous difficulty with my sleep, but I can sure tell the difference in how things affect me the next day!! It took me awhile to be okay with taking anti-depressants, but I'm glad I managed to take that step.

This disease takes so very much from so many of us!! It really only makes sense to me that we slip into a little depression once in awhile.
It's a lot easier to fight this disease if I'm not having to fight off depression.

I feel the same way with pain meds. I'll take them when I truly need them, but don't relish the thought of staying on them any longer than I have to.
Even the mightiest oak tree was once a little nut who held it's ground!!!
May we all find peace along the journey to find healing.
"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP
Trav

Deejavu
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Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 4282
   Posted 7/30/2010 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Springsjean,
 
If you need to talk privately, please e-mail me and I would be more than happy to talk with you.  Depression stinks, I know, I have walked that road...
 
Hugs and more hugs!
Denise
It's all about Detoxing Daily, strengthening the Immune System mixed with a dose of Positive Thinking!
 
This song is about my years with chronic lyme since 1995 and being symptom free for over 4 years:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ds81S61UvPA
 
Currently taking Estrovera, ProgX (progesterone), Adrenotone Plus, CoQ10, Vitamin B Total, C, Green Vibrance, CALM (Magnesium/Calcium)

Willowrose
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Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 7/30/2010 9:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Traveler, did the trazodone bother your stomach?

Rose
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.

Willowrose
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 7/30/2010 10:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Springsjean - How are you doing? I've been so down lately I didn't feel like I could help anybody, but I wanted you to know I care and can empathize.

Rose
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.

springsjean
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 2154
   Posted 7/31/2010 7:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much everyone. Had a rough morning yesterday, cried when I got up, cried at work, came home on a spectacular day and took a nap for 2 hours while my poor son watched TV but felt a little better. Managed to go out to a friends house so my son could be with his friends last night by taking 2 advil (for this stupid headache that won't leave) and a xanax, sat in the same chair all night but managed to enjoy myself and relax. It's always a pleasure to go out and be able to think and talk about things other than LYME. I do have a call into the dr. She has me on neurotin at night for nerve pain but supposed also a mood stablizer but I'm thinking maybe something else may be better. Thanks again.

Traveler
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35695
   Posted 7/31/2010 3:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Willowrose,
I have not had any problems at all with the trazodone, even at 300 mgs each night. If it did, I would probably eat a few crackers or something, I try to be pretty cautious when it comes to protecting my stomach. The ginger that I am taking is helping my stomach out quite a bit, I think.

Springsjean,
I am sure glad you were able to get out & enjoy yourself a bit last night!!!
Even the mightiest oak tree was once a little nut who held it's ground!!!
May we all find peace along the journey to find healing.
"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP
Trav

+Lyme
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 7/31/2010 3:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Does anyone have problems w/ 'waves' of this -- depression? ARe you OK for awhile and then overtaken by it? Are we CERTAIN that Lyme causes depression and not that depression causes Lyme? (meaning our depressed or mentally ill bodies were not able to combat Lyme)
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
 
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.

springsjean
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 2154
   Posted 7/31/2010 6:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I absolutely have waves but drs keep attributing it to cycle of lyme . I keep thinking it is adrenals since depression is worst with anxiety, tight jaw, headaches, etc. I'm forever trying to figure it out.
Lyme, erlichosis, bartonella, herpes, EBV. 4 years undiagnosed despite 10 drs.
Current meds: tetracycline, amanatadine, neurontin, xanax, valtrex
Prior meds: amoxicillin, probenecid, doxy. IV refused by insurance.
THERE ARE ROUGH DAYS, TOUGH DAYS BUT ALSO GOOD DAYS. MY BOYS GET ME THROUGH THE BAD AND I SO ENJOY THE GOOD DAYS WITH THEM!

Traveler
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35695
   Posted 8/1/2010 12:49 PM (GMT -6)   
+Lyme,
I believe that stress is stress, if we are under mental stress it can be as bad, or sometimes worse, than if we are under physical stress alone. At least that's the way my body is!
If you are sure about having low adrenals, may I ask if you are on any tx for it?? For me I had to dx myself, but I did a lot of reading on it & was fairly sure that I was suffering from it. After starting to see my acu doc, she confirmed it for me & put me on a homeo adrenal support. It helped a whole lot!! My horrible salt cravings even let up some!!!

I ran out last Wed. & can feel like I'm slipping back down into a bad place for me, but I will be getting more this Tues.

Just a thought...
Even the mightiest oak tree was once a little nut who held it's ground!!!
May we all find peace along the journey to find healing.
"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP
Trav

+Lyme
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 8/1/2010 2:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Trav, I am positive I have adrenal fatigue -- my last LLMD diagnosed it and I read a book on it.  I have every symptom.  I asked my new LLMD if he would test for it and he said he would, but only tested my thyroid. I understand not many Drs diagnose, until it becomes Addisons. 
 
Chiro gave me a supp, forget the name, but it is bovine adrenals.  Don't think I've noticed any improvement since and they were expensive.
 
Traveler, what is your tx? In the book, I noted that the most important treatments for it are diet, PLENTY of sleep (which I do not get), no caffeine, cigs, or alcohol, etc.
 
I guess I am hoping that if/ as my Lyme treatment progresses, this may improve. What do you think?
 
I asked about the waves of depression, because I had a lot of it last week, and as you know a couple of very rough ones yesterday.  I experienced relief in between.  I did not feel 'all better' or anything, but during those periods, I was at least able to perceive myself as becoming strong and competent within the near future. Then, out of the blue, the wave would come and I felt desperately despondent again.
 
GEnerally, I would be OK at work and sometime between 5 and 6, it would come on. And sadly, a few times it has started before I left work (Friday for sure, obviously was a bad one)
 
 I don't know how to describe the anxiety, but it does not feel like what a normal person would describe as anxiety. Altho I do at times suffer true anxiety, in traffic, during difficult situations, etc.   I used to have to take a xanax when I held court, but haven't had to do that for months.
 
This usually starts around 3-4 pm and my body gradually starts stiffening, back muscles start spasming, and then while heading into the depression, my mind will go nuts, and race and be so jumbled up that sometimes I can't figure out what to do.  My whole body is so stiff it hurts. The chiro says it is because of my muscles struggling all day w/ the curves and my dropped and turned pelvis.
 
Sometimes I will get relief if I ignore it and take my dogs straight to the lake without thinking, but often I don't get that relief and it's very unpleasant.
 
So, in asking about waves, I think I'm asking about waves of bad depression.  And I mean generally once each day, altho lately it has been several each day -- and yesterday was one of the worst, obviously.
 
Some people are diagnosed bipolar when they have Lyme. I don't know enough about that, and I don't ever experience any real 'highs', at least I haven't since the tick bite. Appx 10 yrs ago (more than you need to know, but.... ) I was in a very exciting love affair (non sexual, if you can believe that. Well, there were many sexual aspects, enough to be exciting, but.....). During that time, I slept very little, worked very hard and was never tired. I was doing breathing exercises which enabled me to function on 2-3 hrs of sleep.
 
When that suddenly ended, I crashed, but went straight into a new work prospect -- a new business -- and one of the owners, a chiro, treated me w/ Network Spinal Analysis, which worked like a miracle. I worked about 70-80 hrs per week, over 90 in one week, doing very physical work, but suffered no pain. And I was tired, obviously, but was able to keep going. After that biz crashed, so did I, altho I felt 'mended' very soon after. (not mentally tho)
 
What I am getting at -- would anything like this stuff point to bipolar or manic/depressive? I may have felt as high as manic while in the affair, but not at other times, except that I was able to work a lot of hours, work out, and survive on little sleep.
 
btw, Traveler, I believe all this, plus my hypoglycemia, MUST have damaged my adrenals, along w/ cigarettes which helped pump my adrenals.
 
Springsjean, when you say you absolutely have waves, do you mean daily or weekly, or what, exactly?
 
I hope we can figure some of this out here and help each other in some way.
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
 
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.

springsjean
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 2154
   Posted 8/2/2010 6:31 AM (GMT -6)   
My waves can be hourly, weekly or monthly.  One day I wake up my mind is racing adn I spend the day worrying and angry.  The next day I wake up with a calm mind.  Or I can be feeling good for a week mentally and out of nowhere the anger or crying spells return.  I would say I am toxic and start to detox but Ihave been this way since before I started treatment.  Unless your body can be attempting to fight off the lyme and let off toxins without being on antibiotics.  I don't know. I just know I think I need something to calm me down to actually be able to handle the rough days. 
Lyme, erlichosis, bartonella, herpes, EBV. 4 years undiagnosed despite 10 drs.
Current meds: tetracycline, amanatadine, neurontin, xanax, valtrex
Prior meds: amoxicillin, probenecid, doxy. IV refused by insurance.
THERE ARE ROUGH DAYS, TOUGH DAYS BUT ALSO GOOD DAYS. MY BOYS GET ME THROUGH THE BAD AND I SO ENJOY THE GOOD DAYS WITH THEM!

rosesinjanuary
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 748
   Posted 8/2/2010 8:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Springs
I used to do what u are describing in the earlier part of my illness bless your heart its not fun. I would go on crying jags and practically hyperventilate. This did improve over time with treatment. For depression now I do take wellbutrin, it really does help with mood and energy as mentioned. I like it so much i got on the manufacturers free list as I have no ins and its like 150.00 a month but they are great with helping. somebody here said they felt they had nothing to give I never thought about it but this is how I feel a lot esp at night. I do not want to talk on phone and listen to problems so I don't pick up. I have gotten so frustrated I have come close to throwing the phone thru our picture window while talking on the phone. I hate this about myself its not how I want to live.

vicparis
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 8/3/2010 11:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I burst out crying at work yesterday - while I had our wonderful IT guy on the phone. Our system crashed while I was working on an important project that had to go out this morning. By the time I went home I was pretty much suicidal. I just couldn't figure out what my cats would do without me. Thank God for those cats. I know it was Lyme related depression, but it gets so old sometimes. I definitely know where you're coming from. I just don't seem to have any pleasure in my life - just work which I'm still not sure how I make it to each day and pain. Oh yeah - expensive antibiotics. whoopee!! Oh yeah, I had a Morgellons incident which totally freaked me out.
 
 
 

springsjean
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 2154
   Posted 8/3/2010 12:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks. I'm headed back to lyme dr. tomorrow to see what she says. I can deal with years of antibiotics, 25 pills a day, aches, pains, fatigue but can't deal with not enjoying life, the anger, paranoia and nastiness in my mind. it is just not me. I know to appreciate and want life. we shall see. I'll keep ya posted.
Lyme, erlichosis, bartonella, herpes, EBV. 4 years undiagnosed despite 10 drs.
Current meds: tetracycline, amanatadine, neurontin, xanax, valtrex
Prior meds: amoxicillin, probenecid, doxy. IV refused by insurance.
THERE ARE ROUGH DAYS, TOUGH DAYS BUT ALSO GOOD DAYS. MY BOYS GET ME THROUGH THE BAD AND I SO ENJOY THE GOOD DAYS WITH THEM!

Traveler
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35695
   Posted 8/3/2010 4:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey +Lyme,
Sorry I took so long to respond - it's been a long week for me.
From the reading I have done, docs don't usually dx issues with the adrenals until a person has Addison's or the adrenals fail completely.
I also gathered that there are really no reliable tests for anything short of adrenal failure or Addison's.

Right now, I am taking "NatraBio's Adrenal Support", 1 pill 3x's a day and have found some relief with it already.

I suppose that once your body got rid of the TBI's, it's possible things could correct themselves, but since there is no way to test them before they shut down, I chose to not wait & see what happened.

Another thing...my acu doc only asked me to cut my caffeine intake in 1/2. I drink 3 mugs of coffee a day- same as before- only now I use the "1/2 Caff" coffee.
Even the mightiest oak tree was once a little nut who held it's ground!!!
May we all find peace along the journey to find healing.
"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP
Trav

Willowrose
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 8/3/2010 4:47 PM (GMT -6)   
So, I've seen this before and it leaves me wondering about the test my endocrinologist did in 2006 to check for adrenal function. He did not tell me at any time that the test was not reliable, in fact, he said the opposite. I had to wait for months to get tested because it was not commonly done and I am sure it was expensive since a nurse stayed with me throughout, and the doctor was frequently there. But the results were borderline adrenal insufficiency and led to a treatment plan. The test measured how quickly and efficiently the body reacts to physical stress and is called an Insulin Tolerance Test. I've never questioned the test or the results, but am now wondering, if credible sources say there is no way to reliably test for anything short of adrenal failure, what was the purpose of the test I had, and was it a good measure of adrenal function after all.

Rose
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.

+Lyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1304
   Posted 8/3/2010 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Willowrose, and, someone please correct me if I am wrong. Regarding low adrenal function and Adrenal fatigue: I'm not so sure that it's a matter of test reliability. From my searches, it seems it's more of an interpretation issue. Meaning, Drs are only trained to catch numbers high enough to suggest Addisons. They are not really looking for numbers signifying adrenal fatigue, because conventional medicine does not really recognize adrenal problems that aren't Addisons.

Sorry, did that make sense??
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia,  chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
 
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.

seekingbalance
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 8/3/2010 8:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi,
I have battled depression since age 18. Lyme has not helped--I was stable (depressionwise) on medications, until recently. I believe it is a 2-way street (or 3-way street?). Lyme can cause depression, depression can weaken immune system and make you susceptible to Lyme, or Lyme can trigger a predisposition (genetic weakness) to depression/bipolar or other disorder.
From my experience medication can make a huge difference. Some are touted to also help pain for fibromyalgia patients (Celexa); also the "older" tricyclics (Elavil, desipramine--my favorite, as it bossts energy a little). I tried all the natural ways to treat depression over the years, for me personally it never worked...but that's me, personally, who has a strong history of depression in the family. Everyone is different.
If you try meds, remember to stick it out--they can take 3-4 weeks to kick in, and as with everything one size does not fit all...if one doesn't help, try another.
And always remember...it DOES get better. It does.
Hope that helps.

Willowrose
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 8/3/2010 10:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, I understood that "adrenal fatigue" is a lay-term, not a medical one, and maybe that's why it seems as if there is in the medical world a hard and fast line between okay and Addison's without an in between. I'm glad some practitioners have written books to help those of us with the in-between condition. I really don't know enough about the medical field to understand on any useful level the numbers generated by the test I took, but +Lyme, thanks for your response; that did clear up my confusion about things on the threads here.

Rose
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.
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