Welcome to Healing Well. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with your boyfriend's migraines. I suspect he is struggling as much if not more than you.
Living with someone with migraines can be very difficult, especially if they are chronic, which from your description it sounds like your boyfriends are. This means he has them a lot.
I have had migraines for most of my life. There was only 10 years while I was a teenager that I didn't have them. When I met my husband they weren't that bad. Now they can occur everyday.
Have you had a migraine? If not, the pain from a migraine is unlike any pain you can imagine. It can sometimes be so bad you want to hit your head against a wall. When you have one you can be sensitive to light and sound, meaning that any lights and sounds can make it worse. For me, my husband sitting on the bed is enough to make me throw up. Oh yes, that's one more symptom, nausea.
When one is experiencing this kind of pain regularly, it can cause depression. It takes all one has to deal with our own lives, much less the lives and problems of others. Unfortunately we become selfish because we just want the pain to stop. It has nothing to do with the special people in our lives.
We usually feel really guilty for letting the people in our lives down, which leads to more headaches. Stress can be a trigger of migraines. I have got to the point I don't make plans just so I don't let people down.
It can be hard dealing with medical professionals as well. Sometimes we are treated like, we just have a headache, what's our problem. Unfortunately, we don't have a headache. We have a disabling condition that can bring our lives to a standstill if not treated. Each person is treated and so is each treatment so it can be a long tedious process finding the right medications. If your boyfriend has been running into walls when he has sought treatment, it's understandable that he won't see any more doctors.
So if it's all so helpless what can you do? First, decide if it's worth standing by your boyfriend. Do you love him? Do you see yourself being with him forever? If he is the one for you then I would recommend talking to him - when he doesn't have a migraine. Tell him how you feel and ask him how you can help. Tell him you want to work with him to fix the migraines. Perhaps you can find times when you can discuss your problems and his. It might be as simple as you asking if he's okay, or if he has a headache.
My husband and I nearly divorced because of my migraines. Finally a psychologist asked him if he was here for the long run. He said he was. That meant the world to me and was a turning point. Instead of us fighting each other we started fighting the disease together. He goes to the doctor with me. He talks through things when I'm feeling frustrated and he does his best to never make me feel guilty for cancelling. In return I attend as many things as I can with him.
Sorry this is so long. I hope it helps and gives you the picture. It is so kind that you have started by asking about his disease. If you decide to stick by him, it might seem very one sided sometimes, but he will love you for it. I'm sure of it.
Good luck. Feel free to ask more questions. Let us know how it goes.
Co-moderator Migraine Forum
"In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load. When you go through your day expressing kindness and courtesy to all you meet, you leave behind a feeling of warmth and good cheer, and you help alleviate the burdens everyone is struggling with." -- Brian Tracy