I am sorry you are having a rough time. Allow yourself that. You need to feel these feelings. There is a huge period of adjustment that happens to anyone who is dealing with being diagnosed with a chronic disease. You grieve the loss of your health and you are learning how to deal with a complicated and painful medical therapy. I used to get really down (and sometimes still do) and there was no way to cheer myself up. I decided to go the other way. I called it "wallowing." I just allowed myself to feel whatever it was I felt - I wallowed in it until I felt done.
I also got a really good book. I found it here in the resource sidebar. It is called Ms and Your Feelings and it is by Allison Shadday. It was written by a therapist who happens to have MS. I found this book extremely helpful. Don't just read it. There are journaling exercises that really helped me work through my feelings on this. I also had a very good friend who shared in this process. I would share all my journal entries with this friend and she would help me delve deeper and she kept me honest. There was no being shallow or not dealing with feelings. It was a lot of hard work but I am so much better for it.
I know this is really hard Lindsay, but let me assure you that things will get better. It is hard to imagine right now but hang in there. You are in a bad place right now but let me assure you, it will get better. I know that there is little comfort in that now, but hang in there and one day you will find that you thought about MS a bit less. That is the start of your adjusting to this. It can take a few months or it can take a year or more. Make sure you always tell your doctor how you are feeling about all this. Many people with MS need help with this adjustment period and being treated for depression is very common. Take really good care of yourself, you deserve it.
Let us know how you are feeling. Love and prayers,
I just wanted to say I hope you’re feeling better today, and are able to get those smaller needles soon. As you can see from the responses above, there are a lot of people here who understand where you are coming from, and are here to support you. Keep on posting, and let us know how you are. Sending you a .