OMG!!! Tough Love????? How insensitive!!
Please, Please, may I suggest that you get as much information about MS that you possibly can before you start judging your daughter in law?
I can only imagine what could be going on in her mind right now. What she needs is support from her family. I understand that she is not ready to seek support but why not consider some for yourself so that you can understand the depths of this illness.
Maybe you could read more posts on this forum from those that suffer from this disease and there is also a resource information post at the top of the forum that you can click on for more information.
Keep us posted on your daughter in laws progress and if we can be of any further help for you.
I'm sorry if you feel you were being attacked. We are here to offer support. I'm sorry that you are not accepting to our advise. IMO Gretchen and I have given you some good ideas to consider and I wish you will think a little longer about them.
We do not think you are cold and heartless as you said. You keep saying that she does not need other's sympathy. I don't believe that is what she wants from anyone.
You had said, "She can write, she can walk, she can talk on the phone. She isn't helpless"
This sounds very much like depression and telling her to get up and start moving and doing things and talking with people isn't the way to help someone with depression, especially at the beginning. Is she currently on any medications?
We are not trying to be mean. We just believe that no one truly understands what it feels like to be stricken with a disease in it's depths until it happens to them...they can only see it's effects on the person.
Illness does affect the whole family. But in order to be as supportive as you can, you need to get as much knowledge about the disease as you possibly can to understand all the aspects of the disease so that you can be supportive in each and every step in the progression of the disease.
Right now your daughter-in-law's world has been "Rocked" in a totally new direction. You might consider starting to learn more about the affects of depression on a person in it's beginning stages.
Wishing you much peace.
A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones.
"This too shall pass."