MS and Relationships

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Donatella27
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 10/24/2009 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi all
 
I'm a newly diagnosed 27 year old female who's boyfriend left her after the first neuro appointment because he said "he couldnt help but think i could be a cripple one day and he had to factor that into the relationship".  that really hurt and tore me apart and now i'm too scared to mention it to new men that I meet for fear of them also running away, but i cant live my life a lie or scared or ashamed that I have a disease i did not ask for.
 
Apart from one bout of optic neuritis last year and a dead leg when i was 18, i'm perfectly healthy and noone would know i have MS unless i told them.  Has anyone else had relationship troubles?
 

Motown John
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 475
   Posted 10/25/2009 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Sunday a.m.
 
Hello and good morning Donatella:
 
What a pretty, pretty name.
 
Well...here are some stories from my end....
 
My wife married me after I was DX'ed.  And I know of at least 4 more cases just like that...they really take to heart the..."...in sickness and in health..." from the wedding vows...
 
There ARE quality people out there....
 
While you might be really hurting now.....it is better that he showed his colors now rather than afer you had been married for 3 years....
 
I live in Michigan....and our MS Society chapter has singles get togethers...
 
Great, Great luck....John
DX'ed June 21st, 1987
 


Lost and Lost
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/25/2009 4:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes I have had relationship troubles. Mine was my husband. He decided 3 years in to my illness and 5 years in to marriage to have an affair and said it was because he could no long deal with my MS. WOW is all I could think. Now he wants to make it work and not sure I trust him but I stick it out for my kids. The reason I am telling you all this is so you can understand why I feel how I feel. I was scared to tell anyone also. I was 25 when I got diagnosed and scared. Then I realized hey wait this is me and tomorrow I could get hit by a drunk driver and die but I still go out side. I think the people who can't see past the "what ifs" are just making excusses they are insecure with themselves not you or your illness. There is always what ifs and you will meet someone someday that will love you for you and be with you good and bad. When you finally get married if you ever decide to get married its for better and for worse and some where there are still people that are true to that. I hope I helped you in some way. Don't be afraid and don't pass up a great man because of one who is insecure with him self. Be strong and remember you we all have struggles ours just has a name. I really hope I helped you please keep in contact.

God Bless
Lost and Lost ( I need to change my name to Lost and Found LOL)

Lost and Lost
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/25/2009 4:35 PM (GMT -6)   
P.S. consider the chat room here I get on sometimes its nice to have a live chat.

Hope to chat sometime.

God Bless

Lost and Lost

Donatella27
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 10/26/2009 4:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi guys
 
thanks for your replies. i'm writing from Australia as i find the MS forum here is pretty rubbish and heavily moderated and posts moved etc.
 
i like the idea of the MS singles event, sometimes i feel like i should be with someone who understands but i'm not going to give up hope just yet as i'm still young and fun with many years left in me.
 
lost thanks for your reply, its nice to hear others situations, and i cant imagine what its like to have to endure a cheating husband and how dare he blame your MS, that would have infuriated me, you seem so strong!!

dianna30
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 10/28/2009 10:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Donatella,
 
Unfortunately MS brings with it a lot of trials, including relationship issues.  You may have a harder time finding a serious boyfriend because of your MS, but when you do find someone who can deal with your illness you will have found quite a prize.  In the short run, you may have more trouble, but in the long run I hope you will find someone who will actually stick by you in sickness and in health...etc.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12).

http://diannaschnabel.blogspot.com/


mnsweetie
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/8/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -6)   
I was diagnosed at 28. I was lucky I was already with my bf for 5 years at that point and continued to be with him for 5 more. It was a huge choice for me when I broke that relationship off because I thought maybe no one else would want to go out with me but I couldn't be that selfish. I took the chance and I have dated a few guys since each for several months. If you have confidence and explain your illness they will have the same confidence in you. Some guys will pass you up and then you know they aren't right for you. The ones who date you are willing to take you on with your faults and accept your ms with it's ups and downs. I have just learned to be very upfront and tell of my ms right away. I hope this helps. I have actually dated more men with my MS then without so I do feel a lot is about confidence and just being honest. Good Luck! :)

Lost and Lost
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/1/2009 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello I just wanted to say hello and see how you are doing. Hope everything is doing better.

Lost and Lost
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