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Tiphanie
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/16/2006 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to let you know that I am back out of the hospital and what I have found out.  Between my husband, myself, other close family and my older children some decisions have been made.  First I went back to the hospital and I was soooo sick and in so much pain they thought maybe I had developed an infection but that was only part of it.  The cancer has spread into my bones as well as pancreas.  They have explained that chemo and radiation are options but quite honestly it has spread so fast and into so many organs that it is only a 40% chance of ever getting it into remission and life expectency would likely only be 6 months to a year.  On the other hand if I chose to not do treatment most definately I would die and life expectency would be maybe three to four months but would not have the effects of the chemo making me so sick.  So with this info in mind my husband and I had a long talk and then included the rest of our family and children.
Now after much thought and many tears my family, kids and myself have decided to enjoy what ever time is left without the effects of treatment.  I will not be going back to the Mayo and will spend the time I have doing what I can tolerate on a day to day basis.  My husband will still take time off work and my children will be home schooled with a lovely family member who has teaching experience.  This was very hard to decide on but it feels right.  i want to be able to enjoy my kids and make as many memories for them as possible.
I will have a visiting nurse every day and caregivers to help.  My children will be doing some talking with my pastor and pray that he and us will be able help them through this.  I am thankful that it sounds like I will have at least a little time to help them prepare although I do understand that there little hearts will break.  They have me on pain meds and patches and when needed will put me on a morphine drip to help along with the pain.  Instead of pills for nausea and vmiting the nurse will inject meds right into my port.  Mt plans are to not go back to the hospital at all and the POLST says DNR and everyone has promised that they will abide by it no matter how scared they are when thet times come.  Hopice is also involved to help out as well. 
It is with great sadness that I tell you this and with many tears.  I will thank you all now for all the prayers and love and so much encouragement that you have given me.  Please remember to continue to pray for my family and especially my kids.  I will come and visit when I can but will be spending as much time as I can with theses beautiful little faces that are looking at me now who want to visit with mom.  For now I will be going and and thank you again.  PLEASE PRAY!!!!!
 
Love always, 
Tiphanie((((((HUGS))))))

uppitycats
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 8/16/2006 3:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh Tiphanie, I am so sorry. I will hold you and your family in the light.
...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....


Kimber
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1852
   Posted 8/16/2006 3:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tiphanie,

I'm deeply sorry sad I'm sure that the decision made was not an easy one but one that was best for you and the family. Thanks so much for taking the time to let us know, you and your family are in the thoughts and prayers of many here.

Kimber
 
Allow Healing Well to continue to help others, clink link for details

shellypoo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 896
   Posted 8/16/2006 4:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Tiphanie,
  I pray you can enjoy every minute and that you will be in very little pain.  You are in my prayers as well as your whole family.  I know you are greatful to know what is going on and what to expect.  Take good care. (((HUGS)))
Michelle ><>
 
"Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather, to skid in
broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly
shouting...."Wow! What a ride! Thank You Lord!!!"
 
 
 
 


photogirl1358
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 299
   Posted 8/16/2006 4:54 PM (GMT -6)   

Tiphanie.  sad   

I am so glad you are home again with your family and I know you will enjoy every minute of this time with them.  I have faith that your family will be okay as everyone will be watching out for them and they have learned so much from you.

If you need us, we are here for you.

Shar 


Motown John
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 475
   Posted 8/16/2006 4:58 PM (GMT -6)   
tongue  Dear Tiphanie:
 
My gosh...you said how you and your husband had a long talk, and shed a few tears....heck, I'm crying here...
 
May I suggest a book for you..."Love, Medicine and Miracles", by Dr. Bernie Seiglel....he is an ocologist, who preaches your approach to dealing with cancer...I'm sure your library would have the book...
 
God speed....John

rhondab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2146
   Posted 8/16/2006 5:12 PM (GMT -6)   

Tiphanie

I'm so sorry. I know u'r children will want every minute with u and i'm so glad u'r there with them. U enjoy each and every minute and know there are many, many prayers going up for u. Thank u for sharing u'r time to let us know what's going on and allowing us to be part of this with u. U are in the greatest of hands...God's...and He will never leave u or u'r family. I'm here if u need me friend.

rhonda

 

 


DFC
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 8/16/2006 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
 
 Hi Tiphanie,
 
  I am so sorry to hear of your prognosis. Hold those children and that husband tight. We will all be thinking about you.  Dale

LadyEMT
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 8/19/2006 7:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Tiphanie,

No words can express my thoughts. Extreme sorrow has hit my heart, and the only thing I can say is I am sorry. I can not put myself in your shoes. Tears flow from my eyes now thinking of your children.

Prayers are being sent.
Bonnie
Life Can Be A Challenge.... 
 Expect The Un-expected....
Live Everyday As If It Were Your Last.


Shashi
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/19/2006 9:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Tiphanie,
 
I read your post a few days ago, and have been thinking of you every day since then.  I didn't reply then because I was at a loss for words.  I know I don't know you, since I'm new to this forum, but what you are going through has touched me deeply. I can only imagine how you are feeling now.  Please know that my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.
 
Big hugs,
 
Lisa

Tiphanie
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/20/2006 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I spend most of my days now sleeping so when I am awake I try to spend as much time with the kids as possible. They are out with my husband right now and I was to ill and tireds to go today so I am home by myself. I want to thank you all for being here and your prayers and encouragement. My family really thinks that i am ok with this decision but I am sooo scared. I know I shouldn't be because God is in control but I am still scared. I don't want to leave them and am so afraid how much it will hurt, if I will even be aware and I am so afraid of suffocating. Sorry I just needed to get my fears out I am trying not to let my kids and family see how scared I really am. Somedays are harder than others. i really like my nurses and caregivers.. I have two who are so in tune to what I am needing and the one spends alot of here time here reading the bible to me. That is a big blessing to me.
Thanks for listening again. you are all such a blessing. I hope you are all doing okay.

Tiphanie

Shashi
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/20/2006 9:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Tiphanie, I don't know if this will help you, but my mom was always afraid that when the time came for her to go home to heaven that she would suffocate and not be able to breathe.  She said the Lord spoke to her and told her that she should not be afraid, that she would simply take her last breath here on earth, and her next breath in heaven. 
 
I was there with her when she left us August 13 last year.  It was very calm and very peaceful, not what I had expected at all.  And a few minutes after she had gone, I feel that she let my brother and I both know that she was okay, that she was no longer in pain, and that she was able to walk again (she'd been crippled for a number of years, but now she is dancing with the angels.)
 
After she graduated to her new life in heaven, I read several books about people who had near-death experiences.  What I learned brought me great comfort and took all the fear away that I had of growing old and dying.  That life there is so much more real and wonderful than this one.  Though it is difficult for those of us left behind, the time will come when we all will be together again. 
 
Many hugs and prayers,
 
Lisa
 
 

photogirl1358
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 299
   Posted 8/21/2006 1:54 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Tiphanie,

Reading your post and how you frightened you are (who wouldn't be) I was thinking it might be helpful to ask your nurses or doctor about what happens at the end of life.  I'm sure they would be able to answer your questions and put your mind at ease.  Hopefully then you'll be able to more fully enjoy this precious time.

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

Shar   


Tiphanie
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/22/2006 9:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Lisa, Thank you for sharing that with me it has helped to calm some of my fears. I have spent some time with my pastor the last couple of days and he has helped calm me some as well. I am trying not to think about the scary stuff but more on my kids. I know when I leave here and join God in heaven how much more beatiful it will be and no more of this suffering but just the leaving my kids and wondering what I will feel during the process is bothering me. Again I ask for prayer and thank you.
Shar, Thank you as well. I thought about asking those questuins but part of me thinks they would give me to much info that would frieghten me even more. I'm just really scared and confused.
Part of me thinks that I am giving up to easy but then the other part knows that Tx is not guaranteed to work and could possibly be a waste of time and take away from these precious days with my kids. I wish I could quit second guessing myself and just enjoy every minute I have been given with my little angels.
Again here I went on, sorry.
Tiphanie

Counting My Blessings
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 8/24/2006 5:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Tiphanie - you've truly brought perspective to my life tonight. My minor "woes" certainly seem of much less magnitude to me now. You've made me remember why I chose "counting my blessings" as my sign on and I thank you for that. You are such a strong, courageous person - I've never met you and I really admire you. You've got every right to be scared and certainly no shame in having fear of the unknown. I can tell from your posts that you believe in a life with God and I hope that can bring peace to you and your family. Since you mentioned Mayo, I gather that you are in Minnesota??? The reason I ask is because I too live in Minnesota and if there is anything at all that I can do for you, I'm here for you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Don't second guess yourself and your decision - you have made a brave decision and are to be admired for that.
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