Dating after surgey

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Mitzi in GA
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 6/24/2008 11:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Mitzi and have had discussions about dating.  I asked my daughter that when she is completely healed, if she would consider going out on a date.  She is unsure and scared.  So, my question and her question is:  at what point do you tell the date that you have had the first step of the surgery and that you have a colostomy bag?  Before you meet...on the phone.  On the date, or after the date?

SubColectomyHereICome
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 6/24/2008 12:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Your daughter shouldn't be worried about dating because of her colostomy bag. I can completely understand her concerns, because it can be a bit embarrassing. But she will find someone who won't care about the bag. If it were me, I wouldn't tell the person until after I really start dating him. I definitely wouldn't tell the person before- there is no point. If it seems like there is a relationship brewing, then perhaps after SEVERAL dates, if she feels comfortable. That is one way of knowing if the guy is worth keeping around. If he really likes her for her and has good intentions, it won't be a issue. I've been married for a year and just had a subtotal colectomy (and I don't have a colostomy bag), but we had a discussion about it, and it wouldn't matter to him. I would just encourage your daughter to be strong, have confidence, and know that if a guy gets "grossed out", then he's most likely not worth her time. :)

flchurchlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2765
   Posted 6/24/2008 1:05 PM (GMT -6)   

I agree that it would be best for her to go out on a couple of dates and make sure that she is really interested in the guy before telling him her story. And that's how I would approach it, by telling him the whole story.

Everyone who hears how sick I was before surgery is very compassionate and understanding when I tell them that I had to have my colon removed to save my life. :-)


Dx'd Crohn's in '99 at 28. Proctocolectomy and ileostomy in '06.
Disease-free, medicine-free, and very thankful to be healthy again :)


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 6/24/2008 7:55 PM (GMT -6)   
i think the best thing to do would be to sort of tell it gradually, however there is really no need to tell it at all unless he would be seeing it, know what i mean? I have never told any of my friends, however being married i dont think i am gonna be showing it, lol. But if i were gonna tell them i think i would start out by telling how sick i was, then another timetelling i had surgery, sort of letting the person come to grips with it, if the person loves you, or cares about you they won't care one way or the other, but it is alot ot take in at once. I mean, it would be hard for me to take it in if someone just sat down and said (if i didnt have an ostomy) I have an ostomy, that means i poo in a bag. I would be like WHAT??? I also think she needs to be prepared to explain it to him, cause it may be hard for him to understand. I hope that made sense

awesomeame
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 625
   Posted 6/28/2008 4:47 PM (GMT -6)   
i tell after a few dates. if things aren't going well then there's no point telling them anyways, right! i got my ileo when i was 25 (now 27) and i'm not gonna say it's easy in that dept, i'm sure she'll figure it out though, like all of us have/are doing

--matt
Dec 2006: Proctocolectomy/permanent ileostomy
Since 1991: Indeterminate crohn's/ulserative colitis


Glad Bag
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 7/2/2008 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
yes, for sure, i agree with what Matt wrote, she will figure it out herself, and you need her to do that on her own...

have her read up on this site, some of our previous posts about dating and sex, so she knows that lot's of people could really care less about the whole thing.

it will make it a lot easier when she decides to tell that person she thinks may be right.
"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together!" - The Beatles

doesn't that just sound cool when you sing it?


awesomeame
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 625
   Posted 7/11/2008 9:04 PM (GMT -6)   
i met a hunnie last week, i'm gonna wait and see until after 3-4 dates how it goes. most gorgeous girl i ever asked out, i can't believe she said yes, but anyways. can't say i'm not nervous/losing sleep about this coming conversation :-\

--matt
Dec 2006: Proctocolectomy/permanent ileostomy
Since 1991: Indeterminate crohn's/ulserative colitis


badbaggirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 7/12/2008 6:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Personally, I would tell him or her as soon as possible. I'm the kind of person where I could go for months without a leak and BOOM, at the most inopportune time .... say, a first date. Not that I've had one in ages ... but you get he idea. I'd rather not get starry eyed over someone and then find out they couldn't accept it after I told them. Sure, those kind of people aren't worth it but tell that to a broken heart. Been there....
BadBagGirl
Crohn's Disease, Colostomy due to cancer and I make darned good dill pickles.

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