Stop the ride! i wanna get off! I will not keep my arms and legs inside the vehichle! totally OT!

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summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 1/3/2009 10:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok guys, sorry this is totally OT but i am just have the most drama going on right now its crazy, and everyone in IRl and on my other site are either directly involved in it, and the people in it read the other site, so i am just like at the end of my rope.  I hope it's ok to post this, I am sorry if it's not mods.  it's long and complicated and you may just wanna skip ahead and say, oh gosh what a mess, hope it gets better.
so let me start at the beginning.  While i was sick i never went anywhere i never did anything, just sat at home, before i got sick i was always doing something.  well after surgery when i got my energy back i started doing things again. Back in March i ran into some old friends, people i have known for 16 years, and we started hangin out again.  So, its Todd and Diane (they are married) and Aaron, he is not be he and Diane are best friends.  They are all really close to my age.  We all used to work together for years.  So anyway, i started doing stuff with them, thats the people i  had the pudding wrestling with!  We go out on friday nights, i dont neglect my child, and my husband doesn't want to go.  I also, after 30 years, decided i would try drinking, i right like it, lol.  So my Mom starts acting all crazy because i have friends and am spending time with them saying how i am a totally different person and blah blah.  basically she is jealous that i am not sitting at home waiting on her to do something with.  It's like she is not glad i am not sick anymore.  It really hurt my feelings and we got in this huge thing about it, after months of her makign these smart little comments.  I love my Mom and she is a great Mom but that just flew all over me! 
Well Todd and Diane have two children and 3 and 4 year old, i have a 3 year old, and they love playing together.  And so the 5 of us spend a good bit of time together during the week also.  My husband usually goes to bed about 8 (yes that's right 8) sometimes earlier.  so it's not like i am takign time away from him, he doesn't want to go, or he wants to sleep.  Anyway, my grandma, mom and sister are mad about this, because they want my little boy to be sitting here if they want him.  That's part of my drama.
This is the really confusing part.
Diane and Aaron are very close (not like that) friends they talk alot.  Well Todd and Iare pretty close also (again, not like that, lol) we are all close of course but we sort of pair up like that friend wise, it's just that diane and aaron were already so close and todd and i talk more due to work circumstances.  So my husband is jealous of relationship with Todd, cause i talk to him more than i talk to my husband.  well it's because my husband doesn't want to talk to me.  He is either in bed or in the computer room.  You may have noticed that me and my husband dont have the best relationship, we have alot of problems and it just doesn't get any better.  he wants me to sit at home also, and gets mad because i don't.  He goes and spends hundreds of dollars at the drop of the hat and doesn't care that we dont have thatkind of money.  And when we try to tlak about it, we just fight.
Ok so on New Years Eve, Todd has to go to the mountains to pick up an engine for his wife, he wants to know do me and my son want to go with him and his kids, and i say ok, why not.  Well it ends up that none of the kids are going to go, so me andhim go.  totally innocent, nothing going on that wouldn't go on in front of my husband or my mom for that matter. 
Well Diane and my husband both say they are ok with it, but theyact kind of funny about it.  Keep in mind that my husband was at work and so was she, and herbest friend, that she does stuff like this with all the time is a guy, and my husband is a nurse and went to another country for fun with three women a few years ago, and i didn't mind, i didnt want to go and they are all friends.
Well then thursday night, diane and todd got in this fight over soemthign that i still have not figured out my son and i were at their house.  And he left the house so the kids wouldnt see them fighing and she turns to me.  And she is my friend also so i try to do the best i can.  Alright they finally work all that out.
Then last night, they got in a fight because she sent him a text and he told me what it said!  She flies off the handle a little easy!  well i was at their house for the night, and had no way to get home, so i had to stay.  Anyway, the next morning Todd goes to take my home, and he is talking to me in the car abotu them fighting while she is texting me about it! 
So i am caught in the middle and feel like it is partially my fault.  I tried to explain to her that i want to be able to talk to both of them about it and that i think it's important that Todd have someone to talk to because they don't have any firends exclusive of each other.  She says she is fine with that. 
But anyway here i am just stuck in the middle, not wanting to take sides, even though she is wrong here, but they areboth my friends!  So there is one mess. they seem to be ok right now, but who knows.
Now here is my second mess. Aaron's sister used to work with my mom, her name is brenda her husband is jimmy.  Well i told my mom i knew them and she informed me that Jimmy got fired from his job because he was sending emails to the students at his high school the girls and flirtying with them, brenda does not know this!  Also that when brenda leaves jimmy has girls over!  Alright while they are not really close friends of mine, it is my close friends sister.  And while i know it is not my business to say anything, but i feel horribly guilty knowing this and not saying anything. 
Then to top it off something is wrong with my jaw and my face is all swollen and my kid will not listen for anything it's driving me crazy!  The past few days i have just wanted to run away!
Ok i am done now, i am sorry that was sooo long.  if you managed to get this far thanks for reading!

Bella_lostmybag
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 1/4/2009 12:20 PM (GMT -6)   

Im only 17 with no child or husband so its a little different with me but I know how you feel! Im not going to school or work right now..I would go to work but moms not letting me until I go back to school and Im not going back until I get my reversal. And since I stay at home all the time bc Im not doing anything, when I DO go somewhere my mom and dad get mad! Which is ridiculous because like you said, they should be happy that im feeling good enough to get out and go somewhere. But just give it time and let your mom know that your feeling a lot better since the surgery. I feel like an amateur because im so young and kinda feel stupid trying to give someone older advice. blush Just talk to your mom and husband. I think every relationship whether its your mom sister brother or husband is based on trust and communication. And pray about it. God will help you through anything! Hes truely amazing and will answer your prayers in ways you cant even imagine :-)

Good Luck with everything!


17, SENIOR in high school
Dx with Ulcerative Colitis on March 18,2008
Tried what seemed like every medicine there is..nothing worked
Step1 Ileostomy on Nov.19,2008..waiting on Step2 =)
The past is history, the future is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 1/4/2009 4:49 PM (GMT -6)   
bella thank you so much for your reply!  you should not feel funny giving someone older than you advice, never feel like just because you are younger that an older person can't benefit from you! Sometimes someone who doesnt have the responsibilties that go with being an adult can look at situtaion more clearly.
My mom and i have talked about it, and she says she is fine, but shemakes smart mouth comments and she always will.
Todd and Diane got in another fight last night, because he went in the other room to text me, just because he was going in the other room.   And she said he was being too secretive, well we were talkign about nothing really just about me feeling like i was causing problems between them.  Well today i decided that i was not doing this anymore i was tired of causing problems so i texted them both and said i cant do this anymore, but that i didnt' want to break up over texts.  So todd had gone to the flea market but i went over to see Diane and the 3 year old was there, and i saw that little boy and i realized i had to work something out cause there was no way i could face not seeing thatbaby again.  So we talked, and she swore she is not jealous of us, she just was upset becasue she felt like he was keeping secrets from her with the texting.  He wasn't keepign a seccret really at all, just talking to me about something that was between he and i.  She does that with Aaron.  Anyway, besdies the point, we sort of got that worked out, but i intend to just lay low for a while, and see what happens. While i was there she got mad at him for something else that really didnt have anything to do with me, that made me feel a little better about the situarion.

Bella, i am sorry your parents are acting like that!  I dont know if it's your parents (and my Mom's) messed up way of protecting us, or what.  Whats funny about this is, when i was 17 i pretty much had free reign, i never had a curfew or anything, but my mom always knew where i was and what i was doing.  But now as a grownup i feel like i have to hide things from her to not get a lecture!
Would your parents let you volunteer somewhere for maybe a few hours a week? Just to get out and away from them?  Everyone needs some down time away from other people.  I dont know if you drive yet, but i find that just going out and driving around helps me ALOT when i am upset about something.  Ibeen doing alot of that the past two days, thank goodness gas is only 1.50 if it was still 4 dollars i would have been riding a bike!

Bella_lostmybag
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 1/4/2009 6:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Summerstorm, I can see Diane's point of view. Put yourself in her shoes for a sec..what if your hubby was going into another room just to txt another girl? Id be sort of upset but as long as he explained to me that it was just between him and her Id be okay with it. Sure, it'd bug me a little but not as much to cause a fight so maybe he didnt explain to her that it was just between you two..Jealousy is in all of us. It's like UC and Chrons..those diseases dont discriminate. Black, white, purple, yellow, fat, skinny, blue eyes, green eyes..it doesn't matter. Jealousy is like that. And if nothing makes you jealous, then you arent living lol To me, it sounds like Diane and Todd have some problems they need to work out. Maybe Diane is stressed about other things and this just happened to be the thing that made her blow. Just a thought.. And it kinda sounds like she's acting sorta..childish. Not to sound mean or hurt anyones feeling..I could see someone who just started dating getting jealous about that. But not a married couple with a three year old. I think God puts you with who you were meant to be with. And there will be bumps here and there. Some you might think you can never get over or around, but that will pass. And what doesn't kill you, or in this situation, doesn't break you or them apart, most deffinetly makes you stronger. Hopefully a few days/weeks from now youll be looking back at this with Diane and Todd and laughing and saying how silly they were acting! Keep praying and keep your head up girl! Sometimes even the best of us need some help eh? Your always making me and im sure a lot of other people on here laugh and smile with your positive attitude and hilarious stories! I hope I can do the same for you =) Good Luck with everything and Im here if you need me! Oh and if you have AIM my sn is xloveeexstruck IM me anytime!
XOXO


17, SENIOR in high school
Dx with Ulcerative Colitis on March 18,2008
Tried what seemed like every medicine there is..nothing worked
Step1 Ileostomy on Nov.19,2008..waiting on Step2 =)
The past is history, the future is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 1/4/2009 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks bella thats really sweet of you!

Allison77
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 421
   Posted 1/7/2009 1:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Bella, I can't help but think perhaps the reason your parents are getting upset when you go out is because you refuse to go to school because of your Ileo. but you are willing to go out?
Summerstorm, maybe you should try to fix things between you and your husband (marital couns. et al.) before you try fixing things between you and your friends?
-Allison
RX Crohn's 1999, over 30 surgeries, 3 strokes, still kickin!!
 
"The most unfortunate thing that happens to a person who fears failure is that he limits himself by becoming afraid to try anything new."


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 1/7/2009 1:33 PM (GMT -6)   
my husband has no desire to fix things, he doesnt care one way or the other. I have been trying to be nicer and get along better with him, i tried to hold his hand monday and he said that i must be cheating on him cause i wanted to hold hands! That's crazy! Last night, me and my son went out to eat and then to a friends house. I called my husband three times to talk tohim, he never answered or called back then when i talked to him this morning he said, you never called me so i figured you were somewhere. WHAT??? ok i dont care if he doesnt care, or know, where i am, buthe should want to know where his kid is!
But my friends and i fixed stuff up, i just talked to Diane and told her how i felt like she was very jealous of myfriendship with Todd and she said she had no idea either of us felt that way and that she was very happy we were good friends. And she has acted alot different since then. So i hope it's all good. And they have gotten along (knock on wood) since then, lol.

Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 1/7/2009 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Allison - my first reaction to summerstorm's topic was yours. More time with hubby might be a good idea. Sometimes people behave the opposite way they want to. Even though he didn't respond the way you thought he would when you held hands, that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be close. It was the first thing he said.

All I guess I'm trying to say is this - when you get to be my age, a fair amount of wisdom comes with being older. People are a mystery. Spouses are a mystery!

Instead of doing things you think he would want to do, try this, be very very calm and quiet, after asking this one simple question - what you like the two of us to do together (besides the obvious, LOL). He might suggest going out to dinner, seeing a movie, taking in a play, or nothing but a walk.

Just ask him. There's a reason he says he doesn't want to make things better. Ask him what it is. It's the only way you become closer with him. You owe it to your little boy to try to make things better. While friends are important in life, they sometimes need to fade into the background. Perhaps he has the crazy impression they are more important to you and your son, which is not the truth at all. But you do have your life and freedom back and have been enjoying going out. Your husband might feel as though he's been left in the dust, so to speak.

I do wish you well and please know my comments are meant to be taken in a nice way. Hopefully you'll receive them that way - with kindness.

Take care....
Mary
Marsky/Mary's story.....
- Diagnosed with rectal cancer, April 1999 - Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, given temporary colostomy)
- Colostomy reversal, June 1999
- Left with IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's every day
- On a low residue diet at least 75% of the time
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening

All in all I do okay, I just use the bathroom A LOT! But I survived and beat cancer!


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 1/7/2009 3:01 PM (GMT -6)   
i do thank you both for takign time to even read that long story!
I have tried that, but he just doesn't care one way or the other. He has always been selfish,but it wasn't until a few years ago that i realized how bad he is. he took a job a while back that he knew was gonna make things hard on us finanically, just cause he thought it would be more fun.
If he wants to spend time with us, he wants to do it when he wants to do it, and expects us to both be sitting here just waiting. And i dont think thats fair to my son, because he has other people who WANT to spend time with him and such. But my husband doesnt seem to understand if i try to tell him that.
the only thing he ever actualy says he wants us to do to with him, is go when he goes on conferences. that may sound nice, but in reality, it's him trying to not feel bad about leaving all the time. These conferences are not work related they are for something else he does. We would go but, they are usually for like 4 days, out of that time he has one evening free. So there i would be, with a 3 year old in a strange city, no way to get around, stuck in a hotel room waiting on his one evening. And he gets mad at me about that.
Anyway, i am off topic and just ranting now, lol.

suebear
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 5690
   Posted 1/7/2009 3:06 PM (GMT -6)   
And here is some tough advice from someone who is probably twice your age. Your first priority is to your child. If your marriage is not working out and there is no agreeement to work on it then it would be best to cut your losses and move on. Your child doesn't need to grow up in a home that lacks love, commtment, and to see his parents working together to solve problems whether it's marital, financial, or otherwise.

I think you are treading in dangerous waters by trying to be best friends to both a male and a female who are involved in a relationship whether or not they are married or not. You need to seriously think about how to manage this friendship so you aren't taking sides and being the one they run to when they have problems. You have problems of your own that need attention and should focus on those.

I speak from experience and hope you don't make some of the mistakes I made when I was your age. You owe it to your child to be the best parent and role model that he or she can have. I hope not to offend you but save you from more hurt down the road.

Sue
dx proctitis in 1987
dx UC in 1991, was stable until 1998

1998 started prednisone, asacol, pentasa, nortriptylene, ativan, 6MP, rowasa enemas and suppositories, hydrocortisone enemas, tried the SCD diet, being a vegetarian, omega 3s, flax, pranic healing, yoga, acupuncture, probiotics

2000 lost all my B-12 stores and became anemic

2001 opted for j-pouch surgery- now living life med-free


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 1/7/2009 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   
you didnt offend me
And i KNOW all that stuff, it's just thinking of actually doing it, lol.
My husband is far from a bad person, he is just i dont know what to say about it. he did really good today, i fussed at him for not even caring where we were yesterday, and so he actualy spent some time with our son and me! GASP!
As for being friends with them, we have been friends for 16 years, and i guess, i have been doing this for a long time, lol. Just never really thought about it. After i talked to Diane about it, she and Todd got into a fight the other day, and he sent me a text telling me about it, then she did also, and i just made it clear that i had already talked to him about it, and she was fine with that, just went and talked to aaron about it so that i didnt have to get put in the middle.
I just can't NOT be friends with them, mostly because of my little boy, he loves their kids and he is really fond of Todd and it would break his little heart not to get to see his little friends anymore.
Thanks for reading everyone! I feel better now about it, i just get all drama queen sometimes, lol.
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