It sounds to me like you want to be where you are used to being safe. I bet you've been going through Hell for a very long time and now finally it's over you've got yourself into a routine where you don't want to go out as your used to staying in your sanctuary. Do you have any interest in alternative therapies? I'm thinking of doing something like that when (if) I'm better from my reversal as I feel so drained from all the misery and being stuck at home for so long I need my brain refreshed haha I'm thinking Reiki for me, would anything like that help you do you think? As for your hubby it's so easy to not put on any act with them as you can trust them to be there for you after all he's your other half and you are being way too hard on yourself.
How about small steps? like treating yourself to some new clothes and putting on your make up just for round the house for now. Hopefully as time goes on and you know your ok to be out and about it will become enjoyable again.
How are you feeling after your operation? It hasn't been that long has it.
I wish you the very best for your future, It will get brighter xx
You have been through a lot and are less than 8 weeks post-op, so it's normal to feel sluggish while your body is using a lot of energy to heal. This will pass, and you will perk up again. Just take small outings to build up your strength, and your energy and positive outlook will return.
Oh Amanda, I am so sorry...I can feel your pain ...you have been through sooo much and it's been traumatic for you and your family...it will take time...I just posted to everyone the other day on another thread but I couldn't remember which one so I'll try to help again if possible...even though I post on here that I'm doing great and things are going so well...I know I have told you that I see a kinesiologist...this person uses touch to align the meridians within the body...look it up on the computer for more info...anyway...she also does emotional repatterning...stress release...reflexology...and nutrition...she has a strong spiritual connection but does not force it upon you...she knows if you are accepting of it...she bases her practice on donations only because she truly wants to help people...a very dear colleague of mine tried for a year to get me to go to her and I basically gave her every excuse...I just wasn't ready...this was when I was constantly sick and always going to different doctors...for some reason...I finally made an appt...the same month I had a consult with my surgeon...then due to all my testing I and surgery I couldn't go back for a couple of months...well...this woman is a lifesaver...we have all been through so much with surgeries, sickness, not knowing if we will EVER get better, continuous ER visits, changing drs, missed worked, missed family time,etc...sooooooo...even though I'm feeling so much better...she works on my healing both internal and emotional...we all need to get past what we have been through and some of us need a little help to change things so our bodies won't go through this trauma again...I know I internalize most things and have for years...most people would never know anything was ever wrong with me either physically or emotionally and this definitely took its toll on my body...so I have vowed to heal myself and this might be what would help you too.. if you can find someone like this in your area that you can connect with it might just be what you need...I know the deal with your husband...mine is wonderful too but they worry too much and we need someone else to get us past all this
We/you will get better ...life has never been soo good...I will keep you in my prayers.((((((hugs))))))) to you
Post Edited By Moderator (Shaz032) : 2/8/2009 8:50:35 PM (GMT-7)
Hi Amanda, don't be so hard on yourself. You are still recovering from major surgeries and changes to your body and life. I don't have UC and I haven't had any major surgeries but I know I hit a brick wall after each of my children's births. Two weeks after each of them (all 3) were born I literally just stopped doing anything that wasn't a necessity. That included getting dressed, anything around the house, even getting the mail. My mom was very astute and came over. She made me get dressed and made me walk to the mailbox (which was right outside our front door). Then a few hours later she made me walk to the end of the driveway and back again. Over the next few weeks she would come by (almost daily) and make me do something. She went with me when I first went to the store with a baby and a stroller. My husband is wonderful and very helpful but it was my mom who knew just what I needed and what to say and how to make me get to the next level.
I am sure your husband is great too and is just so happy that you are healthy. But is there someone else in your life who can come over and just focus on you? Be the person who pushes you jsut for your sake. I hope this makes sense.
I also agree that maybe you need to have your AD meds readjusted. And therapy is also great in my book. Take baby steps.
BTW you mentioned why can't you be your normal self? Because you were sick for so long and then went through surgeries (and are still recovering) that who knows what is normal anymore. Reinvent a new, improved "normal" for yourself. And don't forget to paint your toenails red! (Love that comment you have.)
Amanda i agree with all the above - just take time - your husband needs to be patient too - you HAVE been through hell since last september and only just got through it all - you suffered a lot.
tell me, are your bowels working without help now? are you able to hold on to them also if you are not near a loo? if so then great stuff - you are doing well.
I am also worried about after the op - i hope i get my enthusiasm back for life, but dont worry and dont put yourself down - smalll steps. I have my op on thursday i hope as long as they dont cancel me for a third time. you are my inspiration amanda. x
Post Edited By Moderator (Shaz032) : 2/8/2009 8:51:26 PM (GMT-7)
Oh honey.....I agree with what everyone has said!!! do not be so hard on yourself...and give your body/mind time. Always here for you!!!
i know how you feel. i have been thru 2 surgeries and i feel just like you do. I dont have the energy anymore to even get out and have fun. feels like so much effort anymore. i use to do things like yard work and painting the house and changeing things around. i am a photographer also and havent been able to do that much since june (first surgery) and so i feel like you do. like everything is effort. so i do understand. I am not sure where you live. but i live in michigan and there is not much sun or fun in the winter. so i know that makes me more depressed also. I feel bad about my body now also. my scar on my belly is very large and gross to me. I am hopeing when summer rolls around i can feel more like my self again. it has been since october since my last surgery so only 4 months now. and i have heard 6 or more months to feel alot better. so hopefully i can get back into taking pictures, doing things with the kids. if not i might have to see about getting on some sorta of vitamins to see if i need to just get something back in my body to give me some energy and some zest for life again.
just wanted you to know your not alone
Amanda honey, there's a saying I've always said with my friends, "Baby stepes to the elevator." When we are facing new things or difficult challenges or just plain struggling, take it slooooooow and steady, you will get there and things will be okay. Take one step at a time even if it's a 'baby step' (((((((hugs)))))))
Blessings, peace and prayers,