Little advice please..........

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Xianghua17
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 3/8/2009 3:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I have a question..... When do you tell someone new about your condition? I don't mean a friend or anything, I mean a new interest. I haven't went out with someone new in a long time and was not sure how to approach the subject. The only person I go out with at all is someone I've known for almost 4 years and knows about my condition but we don't date seriously. Just get together every once in a while. When I meet someone new I always blow them off because I'm so afraid to tell them about it. I really need some help with this....

RobinByrd
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 511
   Posted 3/8/2009 3:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not in this situation, as I am married...however, I would try it this way...
I would begin by one day telling the possible interest that you've been very sick in the past.  After seeing the reaction you can decide whether you want to continue that discussion or possibly approach it another time. 
 
You can read how the conversation goes and this may tell you a lot about the prospectives of your future with this person.  Hopefully you'll receive genuine concern and they'll ask for more information.  I know the word "disease" is not the friendliest, so maybe call it an "illness". 
 
Dating with an ostomy really would be something different.  I commend you for getting out there and having a good time!  I'm new to this world and looking forward to a social life all together!  UC really put a cramp in all my styles.   shakehead   But no more!!!  I'm claiming my life back!!!  yeah   
 
Anyway, I really hope you find someone considerate, accepting and the ying to your yang. 
 
smurf  


: )  Robin
 
28 year old Mommy of an amazing 1 year old and Wife for 2 years!
Dx-May 2007 Moderate/Severe Pancolitis - failed all medications
 
Proctocolectomy w/ permanent ileostomy on 02/06/09!!!
 
"Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open."  -Unknown


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 3/8/2009 5:18 PM (GMT -6)   
there are so many different answers to this!
I think that for sure you would have to tell the person before you had sex with them, cause i would think you would not want that to be a big suprise there, if you know what i mean. And it depends on each person and couple as to how far into the relationship it is before that happens.
But before that, i guess if you are starting to feel deep feelings for a person, or if you think you want a future with them, then you should tell them.
Im married so im not dating, lol, but it was almost a year before i told my closest friends, and they had NO idea! it was a hard thing to do too.
But if the person really likes you and is worth your time they wont care.
When i told my friend, she was actually jealous, lol.
 
I do agree that you should start out by telling the person that you were sick, beign very vague about it.  For a long time i just said, i had surgery and had some of my intestines taken out and some repaired, which is true, just not the whole truth. 
And see how the person reacts to that. 
Also see how open they are about their heatlh and stuff like that can be a good indicator too.
 
good luck!

psygirl6
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 3/8/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Xiangua,
I would probably download and print out information about your new illness and share it with your friends. Sharing factual information about your new illness will help them not only understand how the illness affects you, but they will learn about the actuall illness and maybe they will find and do more research into it themselves. The most important thing is that you tell them that you need their support,understanding and their friendship. I hope this helps alot. This is how I explained my illness and my surgery(a total colectomy, with my small intestine connected to my rectum). I even shared alot of information on how it affects my health and everything else, but you do not have to go into detail if you do not feel comfortable. Pretty much, printing out articles and information about your new illness is more than enough information, and also ahve them ask you questions if they have any, because that would get them more interested, and the friendship may be even closer, now that you were able to share that part of your life with them. I hope this helps out. Good luck and welcome to the board.
Rectal Prolapse Surgery: December 2006
diagnosed with slow transit constipation: June 2008
total colectomy with ileo-rectal anamastosis: Aug 7, 2008
Numerous food intolerances (gluten,lactose,msg,etc)


pepperann27
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 3/8/2009 8:54 PM (GMT -6)   
if it were me, I tell them right off because in my mind, if that person really likes you for you, then they wont care, you know?? I hope that made sense
thanks, Dusti

Diagnosed with colonic inertia at 13 years old, had my colon removed.
Diagnosed with rectal inertia at 16 years old, had my rectum removed and had a jpouch made.
Diagnosed with small bowel inertia at 18 years old, and got an ileostomy wich I still have. I am 27 now.
If you want to know more, just ask me!
"Don't worry about failure, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try"
 


RobinByrd
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 511
   Posted 3/8/2009 11:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I too am very open regarding my ostomy. Those who know me, know what I've gone through...I'm a very open person. Partly because I live in a smaller town word travels fast, and I run into people at Wal-Mart and they already know. : )

Anyway, it's also however comfortable you feel. I'm sure you can go with the flow and pay attention to the timing.
: )  Robin
 
28 year old Mommy of an amazing 1 year old and Wife for 2 years!
Dx-May 2007 Moderate/Severe Pancolitis - failed all medications
 
Proctocolectomy w/ permanent ileostomy on 02/06/09!!!
 
"Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open."  -Unknown


Xianghua17
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 3/9/2009 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks guys. I hope I'll meet someone one day. It's getting a little lonely with just the kids and me. Maybe I should build my confidence up and stop blowing people off. My friends tell me it's no big deal and to learn to accept myself for who I am because they do. :-)
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