I can so relate to you as last year was the surgical correction (somewhat) to charkot disease that I was diagnosed with...I had eight surgeries last year, and was in the hospital and nursing home for seven moths of the year. Even in the last month, when things were going well for me physically (relatively) - and they gave me a go home date - I started crying. I was depressed, all the time, except when I did some physical therapy sessions - that is the only time I was able to take my mind off of what happened - and what I perceived I did to my family.
Now here we are in the same boat this year - and I fully expect that the body trauma and drugs, lack of independance, and what I perceive a normal life to be will all fall down on me again.
My doctor in fact warned me about that. I think let yourself grieve for your body for a while, and then if it lasts what seems like a longer than "normal" to you period - maybe 2 more months? Then I would see someone, It could be your spiritual advisor, a confidant, or a shrink (I usually hate that word). But let yourself grieve what you have been through - that is so normal. To repress it, will only make it worse and take longer.
I happen to be a Christian, but I read the Dalai Lama's book "The Art of Happiness", and it helped me a great deal. Also, A friend turned me to a computer guided meditation called Wild Devine with Healing Rythems - I got it as a recovery gift - but it is expensive $350, or so. It is a biofeedback meditation guide that for me made me feel much more alive and vital.
I hope you find your answer soon. But I think you are just grand the way you are.
With love to all,