Tommorrrow is prep day, Thursday 5AM Hospital

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schrek-chewbacca hunk
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Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2666
   Posted 4/14/2009 5:53 AM (GMT -6)   
and I am starting to loose control of some of my emotions.  Sleeping is a non starter for me right now.  My mind is racing with thoughts of last years 8 surgeries, and the pain I endured - and I am scared to death of the pain.
 
My poor MIL is on me about being the man of the house, and instead acting like a mouse and how her husband never complains about pain.  She says I am pushing it all on her daughter. 
 
I don't think I am doing that.  And I think it is normal to be scared about a major section of my body being removed - as well as the hospital itself.
 
I also had a horrible MRSA infection that nearly cost me my leg last year by amputation if they could not get it under control - and the doctor and ostomy nurse has said that hospital acquired MRSA is a potential danger in all hospital procedures these days.  That scars me to death again - and I think my MIL isn't "walking a mile in my/our shoes right now - God love her".
 
I also feel guilty as I told my wife I really don't want to see her or any friends at the hospital when I am recovering therer - only her.  Am I being petulant or selfish?  I just want to be on the other side of this and being a day away is making me not myself at all.
 
Again - I am sorry for the vent - I can't talk about this with a lot of other people.
 
With love for all here
bob

Bennie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 4/14/2009 6:51 AM (GMT -6)   

Everything you are feeling is normal for what you are going through right now. It's fine not to want to see anyone at the hospital except your wife. As much as most people mean well, visiting usually means that the patient has to be the host, so to speak. Make sure your wife understands your request (as I suspect she does already).

As for "pushing it all on" your wife as your MIL says, that's part of marriage. To love unconditionally, to support when needed, to lean on when needed. Focus on that wonderful marriage you have. Your MIL's husband probably never complains about pain because she wouldn't support him if he did!

Any chance you can get your MIL out of the picture for awhile? She is definitely adding to the stress.

Just know we are all sending you hugs, strength, and good wishes. And keep venting here. It will help release some of the tension.


--Mom of bratcat (17 years old) and nonamejames (20 years old)--
Daughter bratcat was diagnosed with pancolitis October 2006
Flared Fall 2006, Fall 2007, Spring 2008
Asacol, Rowasa, hydrocortisone enemas, prednisone, 6-mp, Remicade
7/3/08-Step 1 j-pouch surgery and no more meds!
11/10/08-Step 2 reconnect! Living and loving life as a teenager should!
 
Son nonamejames was diagnosed with Crohns in Spring 2008
Asacol, Pentasa, 6-mp


peggy113
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1998
   Posted 4/14/2009 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello Bob,

I don't know exactly what to say to make you feel more at ease over your upcoming surgery.  Yes, it will hurt.  Surgeries just do.  But in this case, no pain - no gain.  Once you get thru post-op and recovery at home, you should be rid of that awful, debilitating pain that you have with your disease.  Just keep in mind that once you heal, you are healed!!  You should just start looking forward to doing the things that you haven't been able to do with active disease.

I too think it is a good idea NOT to have a bunch of visitors at the hospital.  You will need your rest, and believe me, it is hard enough getting rest as it is with the nurses checking vitals at all hours, and doctors coming in at the crack of dawn.

One bad experience with MRSA would scare the bejesus out of me as well.  But we will be right here on this forum to get you thru all of your pre and post operation emotions.  Just keep talking with us....


Peggy
      
Diagnosed with CD in 1979, many resections and meds
Perm Ileostomy July 1984 at Cleveland Clinic
Disease free since surgery 
 


chelebel
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 4/14/2009 12:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bob

All the best for you. I have just got home yesterday from hospital and I would say although I did have a few visitors, my husband was my absolute rock and I just wanted him to be there with me all the time. I think it has made us more appreciative of each other. Try not too worry too much and basically go with the flow, it'll soon be a distant memory. I am already finding the memories of post op to be rather vague although I was completely convinced at the time that I was completely with it! Its a journey, thats for sure, but one that will be worth it in the end. You take care and I know its easy to say don't worry, but I know exactly were you are right now! Hope it all goes to plan for you. x
Panproctocolectomy scheduled for 3rd April.  Diagnosed Ulcerative Colitis 18 years ago.


Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 4/14/2009 1:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Bob - I sometimes wander over on this forum, although I had a temporary ostomy long ago. I still find useful suggestions over here for my on going situation (diet, etc.). You'll all such a wonderful group over here!

That said my first surgery was extremely painful to recover from and I was in the hospital for 7 days. This is when I learned how people behave when they are not the person in the hospital bed. And when I realized we must become our own advocates.

Do not apologize for asking for no visitors. I had to ban everyone from my hospital room except my husband and my children (they were in Elem. school then, came to visit once). Well I did want one parent there, my dad, but he passed away 14 years prior to my cancer/surgery. Anyway, I had and still have an overbearing mother, who almost climbed into my bed, continuing to pet and paw my face, treating me as if I were at death's door. It was all TOO MUCH! I couldn't handle her intense attention. The woe is me attitude. A kind nurse turned off my phone, I could call out, couldn't receive calls into my room (this has probably all changed since everyone under the sun has cell phones now). She posted - do not disturb, ask for info at the nurse's desk - sign on my door. It worked. I had peace (after an onslaught of seemingly kind visitors).

I discovered that visitors will hang on and stay for very long periods - if you allow this. I also learned they will bring food and drinks into your room, if you allow this and eat in front of you. Even if you can't eat yet.

So in a wordy way, yes you have the absolute right to request what you will have and what you don't have. If you want visitors or not. Or if just your wife there. This is your right!

Be firm, nice but firm about it Bob.

And if you're in pain, don't feel you have to be brave but tell the nurses. That is what they are there for!

Wishing you my best......
(I should add that for my take down surgery, I told about 3 people, compared to about 30 the first time. One nurse said to me - aha, you snuck into the hospital didn't you, because my phone never rang! I didn't have flowers or anything on display, maybe a few pics my kids drew but for the most part I recovered quietly but I had to also intentionally tell people my takedown surgery was weeks away, when in fact it was only days away, but at that point I didn't care if they got their feelings hurt! The things you do learn when others mean well but become overbearing in the process, telling you how THEY would be recovering in that hospital bed, instead of you.....sigh.).

I can understand all of the anxiety you are experiencing. Vent here, we'll understand!

Again, good luck to you (and nice to officially meet you, but I have read posts from you before...I'm usually posting over on the IBS board).
Mary
Marsky/Mary's story.....
- Diagnosed with rectal cancer, April 1999 - Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, given temporary colostomy)
- Colostomy reversal, June 1999
- Left with IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's every day
- On a low residue diet at least 75% of the time
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening

All in all I do okay, I just use the bathroom A LOT! But I survived and beat cancer!


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 4/14/2009 2:01 PM (GMT -6)   
I want to say good luck first, and keep remembering it will be over soon and you will be healthy!

And its totally ok to say no visitors its hard to have visitors when you just get out of surgery. I had my surgery about an hour and half away from home, and that was actuallly good because not many people came to visit it was too far. My husband came everyday, and my mom and dad came a few times. My son (he was almost 2) never came, although i would ahve liked to see him, i just didnt want him to go through that. Anyway, there were a few times i wished i could have had my mommy with me though, lol.

I agree that you need to get rid of that MIL for a while, maybe send her on a cruise? lol. It amazed me to see that you wrote "God love her" as awful as she has been to you you are still a good enough person to be able to say that about her. You are a better person than i, sir.

sammies
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 493
   Posted 4/14/2009 3:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bob--You're in my prayers. I, too, limited my visitors. In fact, I created a schedule for the first 4 days (and was luck enough to come home on the 5th) and made it clear that only my husband, dad, brother, and uncle were permitted (And I told them who was to come at which time) until the 4th day when I asked for my aunt and allowed my in-laws. My matron of honor, a nurse, came by (she asked) and that was it.

I don't want to impose my views on your situation but your MIL sounds like she is toxic to your condition. Is there a sister or brother in law, aunt-in-law or cousin who can step in and help keep her at bay and away from you for a while? I needed to limit my MIL and my sister. Both would have driven me off the deep end if they were present early on. They mean well but can be very inappropriate.

Your health is number one. As you have reassured me, I will reassure you--your anxiety is totally normal---especially given your history.

thank you again for helping me. I am sending positive and healthy vibes.
24+ years with Crohn's/colitis; fistulizing crohn's; ileostomy and proctocolectomy; propranolol and xanax; been on a ton of crohn's meds; praying to get through each day.


Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 4/14/2009 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with sammies, on the family go between (ideally not your wife). Surely there's another relative who recognizes your MIL means well but her intentions induce stress, not relief it. If so, ask that one person to help you if you need your space in the hospital.

My mother sounds exactly like your MIL Bob. My brother was the one that called our mother and told her to stay home. To this day, she brings this incident up, that I was in the wrong for banning her from my hospital room. LOL

Simply put, your health is your first concern. Not your MIL.

People like this need to be told in no uncertain terms what is expected of them.

I was SO relieved when I knew my mom wasn't about to come walking into my hospital room, wearing a bottle of perfume and wearing perfumed hand cream that she would then pat my face with these "sweet" smelling hands. OMG - I was reaching for my plastic tray to get sick in each time she'd visit! Then the "oh you poor dear" cr** would start......it was enough to send my blood pressure thru the roof.

Relatives who behave like this are best taken in small doses.

Wishing you my best Bob....
Marsky/Mary's story.....
- Diagnosed with rectal cancer, April 1999 - Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, given temporary colostomy)
- Colostomy reversal, June 1999
- Left with IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's every day
- On a low residue diet at least 75% of the time
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening

All in all I do okay, I just use the bathroom A LOT! But I survived and beat cancer!


flchurchlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2765
   Posted 4/14/2009 6:10 PM (GMT -6)   

Bob,

You need to avoid your MIL for a little while. The things she says to you are so insensitive, and you don't need to listen to her mindless babble now or after surgery. Please make sure your wife tells her that there are NO VISITORS ALLOWED in the hospital.

Everything is going to be fine with your surgery. You have to believe that and go into it with a positive mindset. Good luck with your prep tomorrow. Just think, it's the last time you're ever going to have to do that!  

We're all thinking about you, I'm praying for you, and we'll be here for you when you get home from the hospital and can post on here again. The good news is, you will soon be disease-free!! Woo Hoo!  smilewinkgrin


Cecilia
Dx'd Crohn's in '99 at 28. Proctocolectomy and ileostomy in '06.
Disease-free, medicine-free, and very thankful to be healthy again.


Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 4/14/2009 6:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Bob,

Just wanted to add that I'll be thinking of you and sending 'good vibes' your way!

Don't worry about visitors...I am a FIRM believer that they don't help anyone while you are in the first few days post op...let them (everyone but the MIL) visit AFTER you get home but not until you're ready!

schrek-chewbacca hunk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2666
   Posted 4/16/2009 12:48 AM (GMT -6)   

up and taking a shower for the ride to the hospital...I am freaked but  the docs emails say I will sail through this...thank you all and see you on the other side.

 

bob


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 4/16/2009 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Good luck! you are probaby in surgery right now hope all is going well

Roddiesgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 4/16/2009 10:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Bob!  I imagine u are all through your surgery now and doing just fine!  I just want to add my good wishes to everyone else's.  Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.....Cheryl
Hysterectomy 1998
Diagnosed IBS 2000
Vaginal Prolapse Surgery 2001
3 Hernia Repairs, 2004
Repeat Vaginal Prolapse Surgery 2006 (the mesh from previous prolapse surgery had let go and fallen into my bowels)...
Removal of mesh from bowels (it was piercing holes all through my bowels and appendix and cecum, causing 2 fistulas and heavy bleeding vaginally and rectally)...mesh was removed, two pieces of large bowel removed and resectioned with a loop ileostomy. 2008
 
I have underlying connective tissue disorder (Ehlers Danloss Syndrome) which is the reason for the two failed surgeries)
 
Ileostomy Reversal March 9/09


Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 4/16/2009 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
You must be settled into your room by now...just know we're thinking of you!!

peggy113
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1998
   Posted 4/16/2009 8:20 PM (GMT -6)   
And hopefully, you have a handle on your pain and are using your pain pump!  Take a deep breath...I always held my breath when I was in pain.  You can turn pretty blue if you don't breathe!  Looking forward to seeing your update...

Peggy
      
Diagnosed with CD in 1979, many resections and meds
Perm Ileostomy July 1984 at Cleveland Clinic
Disease free since surgery 
 


PSA
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 498
   Posted 4/17/2009 5:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bob

I am sure by this time you must be feeling much better. Hope the surgery went off well and you are on way to recovery now. Wish you good luck and speedy recovery. Keep us posted as and when you are on computer.


45 years Male Attorney
Diagnosed UC October 1989
Had two stage J Pouch Surgery Nov 2005 Take Down March 2006
Complications after surgery - Incisional Hernia and Ano Fistulas
"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark."
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracl: Albert Einstein
"What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you."
 

Post Edited (PSA.Delhi) : 4/17/2009 5:30:21 AM (GMT-6)


flchurchlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2765
   Posted 4/17/2009 5:28 AM (GMT -6)   

Hey Bob,

I'm thinking about you and praying that everything has gone well so far!


Cecilia
Dx'd Crohn's in '99 at 28. Proctocolectomy and ileostomy in '06.
Disease-free, medicine-free, and very thankful to be healthy again.


Roddiesgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 4/21/2009 6:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Just wanted to bump up Bob.....I hope he is doing ok!

Hysterectomy 1998
Diagnosed IBS 2000
Vaginal Prolapse Surgery 2001
3 Hernia Repairs, 2004
Repeat Vaginal Prolapse Surgery 2006 (the mesh from previous prolapse surgery had let go and fallen into my bowels)...
Removal of mesh from bowels (it was piercing holes all through my bowels and appendix and cecum, causing 2 fistulas and heavy bleeding vaginally and rectally)...mesh was removed, two pieces of large bowel removed and resectioned with a loop ileostomy. 2008
 
I have underlying connective tissue disorder (Ehlers Danloss Syndrome) which is the reason for the two failed surgeries)
 
Ileostomy Reversal March 9/09


Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 4/21/2009 6:21 PM (GMT -6)   
bob...send good thoughts your way!
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