Yes, Please say a prayer for me about the MIL issue - I am more worried about that the surgery.

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schrek-chewbacca hunk
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Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2666
   Posted 6/28/2009 5:28 AM (GMT -6)   
She means well, but doesn't have a lot of experience with illness I think...so she freaks out.  Sadly my wife wants her here, so I will go with the flow.
 
MIL-pecked Bob 

Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 6/28/2009 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Bob - as soon as I saw a new thread go up that you started and you typed MIL in the same sentence, I began praying!

Sigh......I think most of us want to sincerely help you. But we don't live near you and you are caught in a very tough position - your MIL is over the top, your wife wants her there, you need your wife. So it looks as though you're stuck with the MIL again.

Maybe there's a good movie script in this story, somewhere.

Wishing you well as always.

Mary/Marsky
- Rectal Cancer 4/29/99, Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, temporary colostomy, reversed 8 weeks later)
- Chronic IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's, on low residue diet
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening


finallyfree
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 6/28/2009 9:31 PM (GMT -6)   

Bob,

I kind of had the same problem but it was with my own Mom; she means well but ...well...you know...so when I went in the hospital for my colectomy I bought an ipod and downloaded a bunch of music, books and even movies.  I became addicted to it while I was there and when I came home; or at least that's what people thought because I always had it on but it was my excuse to keep out the sounds in the hospital and I said it helped me to rest.  But it really helped me so that I didn't have to listen to you know who!!!!!

Just an idea if you don't have one.  I will definitely keepyou in my prayers.

Judy


 
 
Judy
 
spleen/appendix/gall bladder-removed/endometriosis/complete hysterectomy at 29/sinus surgery/numerous allergies & asthma/chronic kidney stones/ pancreatitis 3x's/2 knee surgeries-now need replacement/bunion & 2 neuroma surgeries/shoulder surgery w/ pins-which also froze following surgery/severe adhesions & scar tissue-stomach to chest-liver to ribs-colon to pelvis/severe IBS w/ constipation/subtotal colectomy 7/08/ c difficile
 
Am now down from 17 meds a day to 8 and VERY healthy:)
 
There's always hope and things will get better :)


Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 6/30/2009 6:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Ron, like Judy my interfering relative is my mom also. I know what this situation is like - OMG, do I ever. Short version? I had to ban my mom from my hospital room. Since she doesn't drive and has never learned to drive, this was easy, I instructed relatives who would have driven her not to. I called her on the phone and told her not to come to my hospital room, that I was in terrible shape and I needed quiet. And to recover in peace. I probably said she was making things much worse. This was all 10 years ago. Whatever I did, worked. My mom stayed away. Prior to this she practically lying prone in my hospital pet, pawing and petting my face, behaving as if I was at death's door. It was torture. And I mean torture!

Once I had her removed from my presence and hospital room, the problem went away.

It began again when I was discharged. Because her friends always helped their daughters or daughter-in-law recover from surgeries and/or delivering babies she wanted to move in with us for a week. I said NO over the phone, as emphatically as I could and lied thru my teeth that I had lots of help. This is probably why I managed so well back then - I knew what was 30 minutes away - a long-term visit from my mother! LOL Somehow I made it thru each day and managed an ostomy all at the same time. Of course my husband was a ton of help, I have to point that out. In a very quiet way. My husband could give lessons on how to be an excellent caregiver, let me just say that, he was superb. Never saying a word, but there if you needed help. I used to get irritated he couldn't read my mind but after a few days I loved him for his style - waiting to be asked to do something and then just quietly doing it (laundry, meals, errands, etc.).

Telling someone like this they need to change, won't do it. You just have to keep that person away during stressful times like this. I discovered that lesson the hard way.

And get this - my mom still, 10 years later, throws it up into my face how I "banned" her from my hospital room. I just smile and say - you made me ban you! It was the only way I could recover. She then points out that initially, 1 to 2 days post-op I wanted her in my room. I just stare when she says this - and of course chalk it up to being drugged out of my mind on Morphine! She hates when I say this but it must have been true. Once I came out of my drug induced stuper, I knew what had to be done - ban the mom!

I will never, ever, ever in a million years be like this with my husband, daughters, their families someday, other relatives. I simply ask these simple words - what can I do to help? Such simple words but they are golden words to the patient.

Help can be as easy as cutting someone's lawn while in the hospital or stocking the freezer before they are discharged.

Hang in there Bob.........your MIL and my mom must be long-lost sisters.....

Mary
- Rectal Cancer 4/29/99, Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, temporary colostomy, reversed 8 weeks later)
- Chronic IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's, on low residue diet
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening


schrek-chewbacca hunk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2666
   Posted 6/30/2009 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   

Thanks to everyone here, I appreciate it...She is here now, and today I am going to rest and prep, pack and meditate.  Luckily I will be out of it for the first few days...then the difficulty will start.  I decided to have my minister friend over as much as possible - she is like a vampire with that cross staring her in the face and backs away! hehehe (just kidding).

Wish  me luck, I am going to need it as it is a very complex surgery.

love to all

bob

 


Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 6/30/2009 10:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Good luck Bob - any tool you can find to use, use it (your Minister friend!)...
- Rectal Cancer 4/29/99, Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, temporary colostomy, reversed 8 weeks later)
- Chronic IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's, on low residue diet
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening


peggy113
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1998
   Posted 7/9/2009 3:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Bob,
What's the update on your surgery and recovery? And, I have to aske, MIL too? Hope you had a successful surgery and are recovering quickly. Waiting to hear from you,
Peggy
      
Diagnosed with CD in 1979, many resections and meds
Perm Ileostomy July 1984 at Cleveland Clinic
Disease free since surgery 
 

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