How do we change?

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Trigirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 10/9/2009 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Just a little refection. It seems to me since having this disease (for me crohn's and cancer) that after surgery there are various things that have to change in my life. I want to be happy and feel self-worth so things will have to be rearranged in my life....

My sleep routine is one that is very hard. I need more sleep than I used to get and it is an issue to change for me.

My eating is a huge issue to work out. What I eat has changed, when I eat, and how much I eat all have to change and change is hard. Old habits die hard. Friends influence, and my reactions to stress eating, die hard. I want to change them, but I haven't got any of it figured out yet.

Exercise is a big one for me too. I taught my first exercise class in 4 months and I was very nervous. I have been doing this for 30 yrs. don't know why I couldn't handle the stress. I almost backed out yesterday afternoon. I stress ate so much I made myself incredibly ill and output went crazy. Right at the end of class I was doing an abdominal exercise and the coloplast extra clicked appliance snapped off. I had it tightly taped and spandex on, under other pants and I didn't even realize it until I got home and it was quite the mess. I feel very thankful every time I have had something go wrong lately it could have been soooo much worse and wasn't. (how's that for trying to be positive?) Being able to walk everyday is my salvation right now. I'm relaxed and not around food and my body likes the activity. I know my intestines will work things thru and I will be empty bagged at least for a while after the walk.

Eating out has been a huge issue I can't deal with very well yet. I tried to eat kind of normal(?) last weekend when I went out with husband and friends. Oh I payed for the rest of the night and half the next day. I need to just say no to certain things and stick to water and light foods still.

There are lots of other issues too. Put don't want this too long.

It takes a lot of energy to change. It takes knowledge of what to do and determination to do it.

So why did I write all this, I wondered how you all changed since your surgeries and/or disease diagnosis. How do you keep going and feeling worthwhile?
This heights by great men reached and kept, were not obtained by sudden flight, but they while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.
H.W. Longfellow
Thyroid cancer removed 1988
Stomach problems finally figured out 2001 Crohn's/Colitus
Tried every drug without much success
Colon/rectal cancer removed Aug 2009
Trying


Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 10/9/2009 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Trigirl hang in there...I know I said that before, but you did only have surgery in August!!! You're mind is grieving for your lost colon (it doesn't know how bad it was!!) and you'll work through it. I was a veteran to Crohn's surgeries and I had a hard time getting back to life after my proctocolectomy...but the truth is, you DO get through it!

As far a readjusting my life...I've done a lot...BUT it isn't because I have an ileo, it's because I FEEL GREAT and I can now do all the things I couldn't before. You may have had a more active life pre-surgery which is why it isn't as easy. I no longer have draining fistulas that rule my life or painful setons sticking themselves where they shouldn't be!!!! I need two more hours in the day to keep up with everything!!

I do sleep on my stomach and eat anything I want...and I do eat corn/popcorn/nuts but always eat everything in moderation and in small quantities just to be safe. For me it is about enjoying the things that made me very sick before:) I used to be a stress eater but have gotten my mind away from that. It takes time.

Don't be hard on yourself...you'll get through this. Have you talked face to face with anyone about your difficulties? Sometimes people respond better to talking about it vs writing it down.

Trigirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 10/9/2009 2:45 PM (GMT -6)   
NASCARon- funny you say that, I don't even like to look at my body any more. I'd dress in the dark if I could! I made one of your devices and it works but doesn't stay on well enough to teach fitness classes with it on. I feel it too much still. Does that make sense?

OHIO76-I'm not a good face to face talker. Can't explain a thing to my family. I don't think fast and forget what I think. SO I write when I think it and have time to express it. HOpe I get over the weird food feelings. I love popcorn!

Thanks you guys. Change takes time I know and I haven't given it enough yet. The thing is, all those around me want me back to my old self (I was a helpful and happy person). I get what they want but I can't be that yet, or never in some ways. I did too much, too hard and too often for people. Hopefully my friends and family except me this way, and with a bag hanging out.
This heights by great men reached and kept, were not obtained by sudden flight, but they while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.
H.W. Longfellow
Thyroid cancer removed 1988
Stomach problems finally figured out 2001 Crohn's/Colitus
Tried every drug without much success
Colon/rectal cancer removed Aug 2009
Trying


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 10/9/2009 5:43 PM (GMT -6)   
I changed too, but like Ohio, i changed by having more energy, and i added things to my life.
I can go out now, i can eat more than two things, lol. I can do whatever,whenever.
And i sleep on my stomach, lol.
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007! 
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-


Amey
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 942
   Posted 10/9/2009 5:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Trigirl -

Change is hard. I used to run a lot and ride competitive bike races (you can see me on my FB account ameyduran@hotmail.com). I no longer could run with a bag. It's not that I cannot run; I just couldn't stand the feeling of something flopping in my pants. If I wanted to know what it felt like to have a 'male private part', God would have made me a man...hee, hee, hee. I also teach spin classes at Lifestyles. There have been many times when I am teaching and my bag would fill. Then I am sitting there with this huge buldge in my pants wondering if my class this that I just got 'excited'. Again, change is hard...but the bag saved my life. If it wasn't for the bag, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the wonderful things in life..family, friends, love, fitness. It's all about perspective. A huge help for me is taking an anti-anxiety medication, Lexapro. It has helped me to deal with these changes and understand that Life isn't always fair.

I am so sorry that these changes are so hard. You seem like a very strong person. I understand feeling insecure while teaching and wanted to get a sub for your class...just remember, the only person who really cares that you have a bag is you. I am sure everyone else that knows you thinks you are amazing.

I hope this helps.
Amey
 
 
Ileostomy 8/2007
Revised Coletomy/ Reset Anastimosis 2006
Revised Colectomy/ Obstructions 2005
Sub-total Colectomy 2001
 
Prov. 16: 20 Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.
 
Zelnorm, Colace, Motilium, Citrate of Magnesium, Nexium, Amitiza, Potassium, Magnesium, Miralax, Milk of Magnesium, Corgard, Glycerin Suppositories, Sorbitol, Bentyl, Senokot

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