I am sorry your husband is , well, i dont really know the word I'm looking for, but my husband is about the same way. We have been having other married problems too but I know it all has to do with he way he feels about me having an ostomy. He doesnt come out and say anything to hurt me but I can tell how he feels, I think if he would see my bag he would fall on the floor too. I cant ever talk to him about my ostomy, he always changes the subject, it has just been a temp. until now and I saw the Surgen a couple of weeks ago and I'm having the surgery to make it permanent. He hasnt even talked to me about the surgery. If it is something he doesnt have to hear about , then everythings ok.
I wear a tube top pulled down over my ostomy, so it will go around my belly, instead of my boobs. It makes a great cover up and it doesnt get in the way. This is when we have sex, which as only been 4 times this past year. I know I had surgery this past year but , there has been plenty of time . Oh well , that is another story, i wont get into.
I hope your husband will get over his dumbness, and start sharing this with you and being supportive. I know mine never will, so this is a marriage that wont last too much longer. I have enough to bring me down, i dont need him to bring me down even more. Have you ask him about going to councling with you? maybe that will help. or maybe you could chase him around the house with it untill it isnt a shock to him anymore? haha,
good luck, i really hope things get better.
email me if you ever want
Have you tried the small bags? Coloplast makes the two piece systems and you can change the pouch without changing the flange, I used these for a while, you could use a small bag and maybe it wont get to much in the way of your pants. Do the pouches you use have a clip or velcro ? I had a hard time with the clips , i could never keep track of it and i would end up dropping it , so i switched to the easy close ones with velcro.
My surgery is scheduled for May 9th, I could've had it sooner but I'm going to school and I wanted to wait untill this smester is over so I wouldnt have to miss classes. I have severe fistulas that wont heal, It is really bad, my butt is almost one big open wound, the fistulas all conect and they go every which way, There seems to be no hope of them healing unless the intestines are taken out and the CD is all the way through my large intestines , so unless I have it all taken out , it will most likely come back , so I figure they should go ahead and take it all now and get it over with, I hate to have this but I just keeping think about much better things should be, I go through about 12 pads a day from drainage and bleeding, The pain is terriable and I feel like crap, so Hopefully this will make all the CD gone and I pray it dont come back in the small int,
The osto-ez-vents, like Pincushion said, are good too.
your words of encouragement were refreshing, I too have an ileostomy, my second one actually and it's about 5 weeks old now. I worry continuously about my husband and how he "views" me now, but he always reminds me it's ME he loves, not the illness, or the "bag" or anything else on my body, but just me. I feel horrible that this individual has lived for 11 years with someone who cannot count his blessings for still having his wife. Most of us that go through this kind of surgery do it because it is life or death. If it were me going through this rejection, I too would point out how much it hurts to feel this pain, and remind him of his vows....sickness and in health, better or worse...death till us part. I hope since the first post was so long ago that things are improving, I'm going to pray for this husband, and for mi4. For me, keeping up my self esteem seems to be the key for living with this bag. Be encouraged mi4, your pain is shared by many of us, and you are loved and appreciated too!
I am a wife of a CD patient who just this month had the Colostomy that is permanent, I pushed him to make the decision so I could see him and US with our life back, he has been in the hospital since Jun with 5 surgeries proir to the Colosomy...SO it was something we knew we had to do but he wanted till he absoluetly had to and guess what it happened. I am 24 and he is 32 and this is RIGHT now harder for me than it is him. I will always be there to support him as I always have and WILL NEVER leave him or treat him poorly about it but I too am having troubles with it. I have changed dressings and scene more of him than can ever imagine, I have done some pretty groos stuf for him but clearly changin his bag for him 2 in the hospital was clearly the worst and I may self wasnt ready to accept it. So it made it a little harder. He WANTED/MADE me change it with the ET nurse so If I have ever had to I knew how. I understand his thinking but then was not the great time for me. Any suggestions on this to help me better wife, let me know please!
Post Edited (LynneW) : 10/30/2005 1:39:50 PM (GMT-7)